Software

Here's my ridiculous looking ahead to 2012 list

Not yet tired of all the pundits looking back at 2011 or ahead to 2012? Well, here's another one.

On January 2, I was going to post my list of top ten things to expect on January 3, or a list of the ways lunch will forever change in 2012.

But that actually might take some work that I am not inclined to do. So I've decided to post my list of top changes to expect in 2012 based on -- what else? -- my own pet peeves.

One of the reasons Twitter has become so popular is that it is tailor-made for a world that wants to send "email" but never have to respond. Expect common email systems to take out the Reply button altogether. In fact, any mechanism that currently serves back-and-forth communication will be outlawed.

This, in turn, will cause a marked increase in "Long-distance Rage," a condition that I just made up and that will cause spontaneous head combustion all across the world from people trying to get their jobs done. An interesting side note, however: Microsoft will make a fortune marketing armed carrier pigeons.

On the topic of health, 2012 will see a sharp uptick in people filing disability claims for "Texting thumbs Fatigue." This happens when thumbs, made hugely musclebound by excessive texting, simply fall off. However, within minutes, Apple will corner the prosthetic thumb market.

Smartphone manufacturers will run out of names for their devices (see: the HP Veer) and be forced to resort to names like the Galaxy Shmalaxy and the Motorola Talk Thingee.

Someone, somewhere will develop a smartphone app that will be so addictive that 87 percent of the world's population will be squinting into a small screen on December 21 when the Mayan calendar runs out and will miss the end of the world entirely.

About

Toni Bowers is Managing Editor of TechRepublic and is the award-winning blogger of the Career Management blog. She has edited newsletters, books, and web sites pertaining to software, IT career, and IT management issues.

39 comments
Paul A Thomas
Paul A Thomas

At least the dude that decided Dec 21 is when the world would end waited til after the Olympics and chose the day after my birthday. I guess no one will ever say happy birthday to me ever again, since it always takes two days before anyone remembers I just had a birthday. And if you're not sure how to spell Armaggedon, don't worry, it's not the end of the world... Now... back to my schmart thingamajig.

Hueight
Hueight

Do birds get armed or do they get winged?

andrew232006
andrew232006

I'm making an app that will save you from the coming apocolypse.

ManoaHI
ManoaHI

No, this years model is sure to be "Universe" since it is an upgrade of "Galaxy." The smaller version will be called "Solar System." To keep things simple, remember a number of these devices use the "Atom" processor. Intel needs to come out with the "Isotope" processor, unless Apple already has that copyrighted.

ManoaHI
ManoaHI

Twitter should be shortened. Remove the "ter" from the end.

ManoaHI
ManoaHI

Toni, you have a typo: "However, within minutes, Apple will corner the prosthetic thumb market." It should be iThumb.

Robert Eugene Miller
Robert Eugene Miller

Prediction: When Justin Bieber turns 18 in March his popularity plummets as 98.8% of his fans are revealed to be pedophiles.

gvtchelp
gvtchelp

wouldn't it be better to have them wear bullet proof vests? (although this would help some aspects concerning "ping", data loss may improve....

gvtchelp
gvtchelp

do we need to arm carrier pigeons?

GSG
GSG

I predict that the world will not end on December 21, 2012, and everyone will suddenly realize that the guy that chiseled that calendar, probably said, "Screw this, I'm tired of chiseling, I'll just call this the end of the world, and so I'll be able to retire from this crappy job." Edited to add: I had an acquaintance that totally believe the 12/21/12 end of the world prediction. I asked if he believed that a fortuneteller could tell his future, and he said that absolutely not, no one can tell the future. He was not amused when I asked him if he saw the problem with his believing some long dead random Mayan guy could tell the future.

wizard57m-cnet
wizard57m-cnet

I rarely make predictions, other than when people ask me "What's it supposed to be tonight?", at which I go out on a limb and answer "I predict it will be dark"! ;)

dcolbert
dcolbert

My prediction for 2012? Fallout 4 - Angry Birds H5N1Airborne - Coming Late December, 2012... so big, even the Mayans were looking forward to it! ;) (really though, The Galaxy Schmalaxy made me laugh out loud).

JamesRL
JamesRL

I predict that as we move away from verbal to more text based communications, our ability to spot sarcasm and humor will decrease. I predict that we will get a few posts about this Blog where readers will fail to find the humor in it.

gvtchelp
gvtchelp

Every year the last day is December 31 st.... optimists and printers are birds of a feather, just change the year and print another... huh...

gvtchelp
gvtchelp

either way, Kevlar vests solves the problem...

andrew232006
andrew232006

It's bound to be more successful than my deep woods shark repellent.

Paul A Thomas
Paul A Thomas

However, I feel that unless Google builds up it's android army Siri will become a learning computer and rally her army of iRobots complete with neuroNet processors. If that happens we get to keep our thumbs ... Yay!

toni.bowers_b
toni.bowers_b

You're so right! Now you just watch and see if Microsoft doesn't come out with the iThumb now that you've coined the term.

richsmith
richsmith

And the remaining 1.2% are his family? I predict that on his 18th birthday he will reveal he is actually a her and this will revolt his pedophile following to protest that will then easily identify them for shooting the sick b@st@rds on sight!

ManoaHI
ManoaHI

Aren't they already armed? I dunno, my car gets bombed by them every once in a while.

2bczar4u
2bczar4u

.... a bright ending to a miserable week. :)

carlson1
carlson1

I think it is even easier to imagine that the rock chiselers finished the end of that cycle thought they were done and went for lunch. After all for people who live about 40 years or so a thousand years into the future is pretty much forever.

dcolbert
dcolbert

A member of the Ultraman family?

AnsuGisalas
AnsuGisalas

A fully grammaticalized verbal mood "sarcastive" x(

HAL 9000
HAL 9000

So it's not much of a prediction. Though a [b]Very Good Observation. [/b] Look at my post here titled [i]Sorry Don't Recognize you[/i] I'm really not sure what else could be done to make it obvious that it's sarcastic or a joke. :^0 Col

toni.bowers
toni.bowers

And those people will immediately start worrying about the health of their thumbs.

toni.bowers_b
toni.bowers_b

But I was thinking of them carrying little bitty uzis.

AnsuGisalas
AnsuGisalas

I figure they expected people of the future to be advanced enough to be able to extrapolate from a thousand measuring points to see the pattern... Shows what they knew... :p

magic8ball
magic8ball

He is Candlejack from the Freakazoid cartoon series.

dcolbert
dcolbert

I've stumbled into by accident in quite awhile. Thanks for adding my name to a couple more watch-lists, magic8ball... :) What a really weird charac-

magic8ball
magic8ball

his name, I typed it. Unless he appears when his name is typed. What a great underrated series Freakazoid was...

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