Software optimize

How to annoy people in e-mail


I came across this the other day and it made me laugh. I thought I'd share it for a Friday break:

1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for ("You don't know that? RTFM").

2. WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!

3. When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your "creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.

4. Software and files offered online are often "compressed" so that they won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send including one-word e-mail responses like "Thanks.

For the rest of the "tips," click here.

About

Toni Bowers is Managing Editor of TechRepublic and is the award-winning blogger of the Career Management blog. She has edited newsletters, books, and web sites pertaining to software, IT career, and IT management issues.

22 comments
ken
ken

Write me a 3 or more page email with ZERO carriage returns. Everyone knows that paragraphs are passe! They are supposed to help separate parts of your communication that belong together, logically speaking. Buy hey! since you didn't bother to write anything that flows coherently from start to finish then breaking up the monotony with paragraphs is kind of pointless anyway!

ken
ken

Here's another. Set your default email format to HTML and make sure the font you use is at least 30 point, brightly colored and in a font family that was designed for headlines! To ensure even more joy for the reader make sure you've set some lovely background with a lively pattern. Too bad the background couldn't be set to blink!

ken
ken

I could do this all day... Make sure your replies to my emails don't include my original email to you! Because of course I can remember every detail of every conversation I'm having by email. And to make it even more convenient only check your email about every week. That way, 7 days later when I get a reply whose entire content is, "Yes, I agree" I'm sure to know just what you're talking about! So don't be surprised when I reply with, "WTF are you talking about? I have no idea what you're replying to!" And NO, the subject line most likely isn't enough to recall the details of the conversation. Who does this the most?? People with aol.com and juno.com email addresses!

ken
ken

How about this one? Send your stupid "unsubscribe me" email to the entire mailing list instead of following the very clear instructions at the bottom of the list posting you're replying to!

ken
ken

OH, won't you please forward me the latest joke or 10-year old internet scam - but don't take any time to clean it up. Please just be the 20th to 50th person to hit Forward! But I can get REVENGE when you forward those scam emails to me! I'll hit "reply all" and tell you why it was *obviously* a scam and I'll include a link to the snopes.com article that proves it. All your friends will then know how stupid you are!

ken
ken

Here's an almost *sure fire* way for a user to annoy others via email. All it takes is for the writer's email address to end in "@aol.com"

ken
ken

Here's a good one. I was on the board of education for my regional school district. I had one "constituent" that used to email me occasionally - nice but often annoying. He would Capitalize Every few random Words and I Could Never figure out Any rhyme or Reason to Why he Would capitalize Any given Word. It wasn't Certain Parts of speech But seemed Completely Random. I Often Wondered How much longer It took Him to type his Long Emails when he Had To Hit the Shift Key so Much.

texangirl85
texangirl85

Hi, you gave me some great ideas, thanks for posting Toni

BALTHOR
BALTHOR

I tried a new approach to stop the spam mail that I was getting.I reply to the e-mail and at the top of the page I typed "Don't spam me".The amount of spam mail that I receive has increased times ten.Swear words didn't work either.So how do you stop spam?

MGP2
MGP2

My idea is just the opposite of not using the return key . I really like that song by the Byrds "To everything return return return ... " Happy Friday ! :-)

cmz
cmz

AND THEN RESUBMIT THE SAME (&)#a$)%#) MESSAGE A BUNCH OF TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!! =8-0

cmz
cmz

IMHO, ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)

Wayne M.
Wayne M.

TONI, BiDDL! PLS SEE ATTACHED WYFLI!!!!!!!!!!

Locrian_Lyric
Locrian_Lyric

1 twit gets a mass email, then does a REPLY ALL asking to be removed. This is of course followed by a chorus of people, ALSO doing the reply all bit, telling him not to do the 'reply all'. This went on until someone did it and commentted that it was worse than the melissa virus.

Locrian_Lyric
Locrian_Lyric

I just got 20 emails from an AOLhole who didn't like my comments on a political board. All of my hate-mail always seems to come from AOL.

Shellbot
Shellbot

wow..you really asked for it didn't ya :) once you let them know its an active email your scr3wed!!!! didn't you hear the drums beating across the world when you replied to it?? It translated to: We've a live one!! Get em boys!!

w2ktechman
w2ktechman

or ask to be removed from the list unless it is a trusted business. Replying to be taken off the list will often generate more spam than before.

Locrian_Lyric
Locrian_Lyric

y .o.a could ...w ...a ...y ...start ........y .........p ..........i..b .........annoying ............g..z ................z ................ways ..................r ...................e

daneke
daneke

AND THEN RESUBMIT THE SAME (&)#a$)%#) MESSAGE A BUNCH OF TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!! =8-0 However, you must insist on correct math. 8 = 2*4.

toni.bowers_b
toni.bowers_b

OK, yeah, I just spent five minutes trying to figure out what BiDDL means. I'm such a doofus.

Big Ole Jack
Big Ole Jack

Be a clueless technical recruiter offering me a job for a pathetic salary at 3000 miles away from my home.

cmz
cmz

LOL!