IT Employment

Real-life resume blunders


How bad of a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real

life examples from Dribbleglass.com:

  • I am very detail-oreinted.
  • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
  • Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
  • Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
  • It's best for employers that I not work with people.
  • Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
  • I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
  • If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
  • My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.
  • I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
  • Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
  • Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
  • Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
  • Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
  • Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
  • Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
  • Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
  • I am a rabid typist.
  • I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
  • Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
  • Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
  • I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
  • Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job.
  • Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
  • Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis. Special skills: Thyping.
  • My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
  • I can play well with others.
  • Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
  • Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
  • Experience: Provided correct answers to customers' questions.
  • Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
  • Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
  • I have happily been a "kept man" for the past 10 years.
  • Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
  • I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
  • Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
  • While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
  • My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
  • Hire me and you won't regret it-I am funny, cute, smart and creative... really.
  • Referees available upon request.
  • Previous rank: Senior instigator.
  • I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
  • Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
  • Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
  • Personal achievements: Successfully played "Chop Sticks" on a toy piano with my big toes.
  • Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
  • Strengths: Impersonal skills.
  • Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
  • Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
  • Vocational plans: Sea World.

About

Toni Bowers is Managing Editor of TechRepublic and is the award-winning blogger of the Career Management blog. She has edited newsletters, books, and web sites pertaining to software, IT career, and IT management issues.

55 comments
LeonBA
LeonBA

I once saw an application--for a clerical job, no less--which included a cover letter that began "Please except my application for..." I was tempted to write back, saying I was happy to except her from the process, but was confused why she had submitted an application.

Phil Haney
Phil Haney

I'm seeing this with increasing frequency on cover letters and e-mail submissions. I realize the English language is constantly evolving, but, "Huh?"

buddyzgrl
buddyzgrl

I've seen this one before: Pubic Relations Specialist

Ironspider
Ironspider

Typos on resumes arent nearly as bad as bad interviewing. I had someone look like a god on paper, phone interview was aced, went in to the face to face interview and proceeded to lay on the floor in front of the district manager, HR, and VP to fill out the paperwork. I wasnt happy.

rclark
rclark

That happened to me once. Now I only work for steady companies that can easily meet payroll. On the other hand, I don't put that as the reason I left either.

dean.owen
dean.owen

In my career as a manager I've seen thousands of resumes. None of them as funny as these. Typos used to drive me crazy and I thought that there was no excuse for them...until it happened to me. I sent out my resume at one o'clock in the morning applying for the position of "IT Manger". I caught it the next day after a good nights sleep - to late by then. I never did hear back from them. Dean

temp
temp

We make misatkes. Plaese forigve us and focus on the improtnat area.

wolfshades
wolfshades

Not all of them were typos. Coming to a "screeching halt" on the information highway is pretty damned funny - at least to me. Oh and asking the potential employer to send your resum? back if he isn't interested? Come on - you've got to love that type of thinking. It gets you thinking: perhaps there's a company I would never want to work for. And maybe there's an opportunity to send in the worst. possible. resume. to them. It's a thought, anyway.

dovber
dovber

An inane list of typos, not exactly smirk inducing.

dhobert
dhobert

From my time on that other side of the Atlantic, 'referees' is their word for references.

LouCed
LouCed

Worked with folks from India and KL, and we started using their phrase: "Please do the needfull." Still use it, years later.

bwilkes8
bwilkes8

So was this someone you knew and had recommeded for the position?

brians
brians

So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch...

khannum
khannum

I also had that educational experience. The Clincher was when they DID pay me, the employer said as he handed me the check, "If there is a problem with this, call my mother." My reply: "If there is a problem with that I will call my lawyer." The check did not bounce.

GSG
GSG

I worked part time for a personnel placement service while in college. We placed high level management and engineers in the food production industry. Some of these folks were making $80k in 1988. We received several resumes written in crayon. Yes, in crayon. The best was the guy that wrote in crayon, on construction paper, and then let his child draw a picture on the back. I had to re-type all of that cr@p into our format. Do you realize how hard it is to read pink crayon on tan construction paper when the crayon is dull and the "adult" is trying to write small? I swear that's why I now have to wear reading glasses.

RFink
RFink

Funny, a typo while explaining typos. Subtle humor is the best.

Why Me Worry??
Why Me Worry??

It would upset the directator of IT. Also, what in the hell is "administrating" a network? Is that even a word? I've seen that used many times, even in technical books I have read, and simply shake my head when I see it being used. The word is "administering", not "administrating".

Locrian_Lyric
Locrian_Lyric

My spell cheque program makes sure all of my words are write, as you can plane lee sea.

Greybeard770
Greybeard770

Never trust the computer. Just because all the words are spelled correctly doesn't mean they are grammatically correct. That's why I make my wife read everything.

shirtbird
shirtbird

The initial posters seem like they had their panties in a bunch... I like the one about "screeching to a halt" too...immediately made me think of cheezy pickup lines, like "Your father must be a thief; he stole the stars out the sky and put them in your eyes."

Shellbot
Shellbot

my co workers laughed.. you've got an idea there Doug.. now i know what my pet project will be.... hey, it might even give some uptight HR manager a bit of a laugh!!

rkendsley
rkendsley

Only..... what happens if I already work there?

LizaLeeza
LizaLeeza

..."turkey manufactures" was pretty dang funny! Since when are turkeys manufactured?? I thought it was rather thought-provoking too...how many of us ran to your latest r?sum? to look for bonehead remarks? As a matter of fact, just to get a chuckle out of someone, I think I'll go apply for a job I don't need, and let them know about a newly-discovered talent of mine: I can write (legibly!) with my toes! Yes, on a drunken challenge, a group of us tried to write our name in cursive, using our toes, and only I was successful. It looks better than my writing with my left hand, even! (I'm right handed)

Your Mom 2.0
Your Mom 2.0

Dribbleglass has always been kind of lame. This is actually better than most of the stuff on their site.

GSG
GSG

I liked the one with the great memory

Wayne M.
Wayne M.

You always got to take pleasure in the little things. I wouldn't pay to hear these at a comedy club, but they certainly served as a little light-hearted break during the day.

Dr. Tarr
Dr. Tarr

These are neither particularly funny nor original. Now if you will excuse me, I want to go proofread my own resume one more time.

Bizzo
Bizzo

Our colleagues in India often use "Please revert" at the end of emails. Took a while before I realised they mean please reply.

LizaLeeza
LizaLeeza

...my skills there might get me the job over my technical experience! Just kidding....don't start, people!!

Phil Haney
Phil Haney

But you can sit in the basement and mumble for as long as you want.

bwilkes8
bwilkes8

Richard, now that's funie.

dspeacock
dspeacock

Luks lik yoo went too the sam "hukt on fonix" clas as mi.

LouCed
LouCed

Wow, is she done with War & Peace yet? :)

dspeacock
dspeacock

HR people (using the term people VERY loosly) have their sense of humor surgically removed before they can work in HR.

dstreifling
dstreifling

They may not all be funny but some have me laughing out loud.

christineeve
christineeve

Well I must be in a good mood, because some of these "typos" really cracked me up.

n4aof
n4aof

From the looks of it many of the typos were made by Microsoft Word and its onniscient spell checker - ably abetted by users who automatically hit the CHANGE button every time Spell Check flags any word.

dspeacock
dspeacock

......................fingers.............from.............................typing...........impure..........................................thoughts.....MUST...................................NOT..................................GO......................................THERE :-) :-)

dspeacock
dspeacock

......................fingers.............from.............................typing...........impure..........................................thoughts......................MUST...................................NOT..................................GO......................................THERE :-) :-)

Absolutely
Absolutely

Unfortunately, we hired somebody else.

LouCed
LouCed

"It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word." - President Andrew Jackson

Why Me Worry??
Why Me Worry??

But then again, I think they both take the same "Intro to being an a-hole 101" course in college.

Your Mom 2.0
Your Mom 2.0

RoT: If you have to go back and explain a 'joke' it was never that funny to begin with. Yeah, I 'got' the effect you were going for, but it was such a weak execution I couldn't tell if that was your goal or if you just couldn't spell. I understand you're trying to be subtle and clever, but it was a mediocre result at best. Wow, it looks like you did quite well in school. Your mother must be really proud of you. As for my need for a sense of humor, I've checked and it seems to be operating within specified parameters. For example, I find it hilarious that you got so worked-up to my reply. Relax, you're getting too worked up about this.

bwilkes8
bwilkes8

Read the following to answer you own question of comprehension and synthesizing of the English language to determine if it is grammatically inerrant. I think you are alluding to the grammatical errors in the post. If you were able to amalgamate the subject matter of this blog, you would realize the wittiness in my post is associated with the 1) addiction of most to MS Word spell check and 2) a lack of concern, to proofing materials before sending them. Also, to address my aptitude to grasp the English language as you put it, I graduated with Honors in the top 10% of my high school and recently completed my BS in Computer Science with an overall 3.4 GPA. I mentioned that to say this, my skill to converse in print is not hampered nor mired such, that I am not able to effectively convey a message jokingly if I so desire. Now your need of a sense of humor is another issue as well as the narrow-minded question as to whether or not I am a foreigner. This will help you determine if I am a foreigner or not; I was on a little island called the North American continent, in a little known country named the United States in the State of Georgia and City of Atlanta. Now can you determine if it is an International post by a foreigner?

Your Mom 2.0
Your Mom 2.0

I'm assuming the multitude of spelling errors in your post was intentional? Or is English not your "mother-tongue"?

bwilkes8
bwilkes8

Spell chek just dozen't do it job sometimes and its a killr. but I thought most of them were funny, sad to say I've made some pretty nice snafus when I first left the Army. I can only look back, laugh at myself and move on. Oh just blam stupd spel check. I edited this post because althought in my mind I put the word "were" in my title, once posted I realized it wasn't there. Hmmmm, we all mess up but can we recover and laugh at it later.

career champ
career champ

I was amused -- and scared -- at the same time. Surely none of my clients submitted these... !!!???

unhappyuser
unhappyuser

I found several of these quite funny and a few just downright scary. To think that people actually put these in their resume's! EMD

midniteone
midniteone

...although what REALLY worries me is the idea I might offer some of them an interview just to see if they were for real. And to see if I could keep a straight face... Between the one squeezed out by someone's partner, the one with the RV and the one heading for Florida, (not to mention the one who hasn't been fired...yet!)there's GOT to be a talk show in there somewhere (?!)

lbain
lbain

"Onniscient"? I guess you decided to turn that spell check feature off, eh? ;-)