Looking to end your career in a spectacular fashion? We can help. We’ve taken the liberty of compiling some really effective social networking guidelines for instant unemployment (and, as an added bonus, divorce!).
Tip # 1: Develop a delusional arrogance
This is a must. You have to believe that every privacy risk you take online is beyond all the danger that is unceasingly talked about on every TV and radio program from 60 Minutes to The View.
Tip # 2: Pixilating your private parts is just good courtship
If you see that person that you want to woo, what better way to do it than by tweeting a photo of your crotch? Thankfully, modern technology has paved the way for more direct, dignity-free romance. Who needs a dinner and a movie?
Tip # 3: Over-estimate the character of the recipients of your sexual tweets
Really, if you can’t trust in the absolute discretion of someone who actually welcomes your sexts and repulsive photos, then who can you trust?
Tip # 4: It’s not enough that you have no character, but you have to share this with the world.
I believe it was Abraham Lincoln who said, “If you want to test a man’s character, give him a Twitter account.” Well, something like that. The grueling days of harboring deep, dark secrets and hiding behind a façade of dignity are over. And, really, as long as John Edwards is walking around, you have a pretty high immorality threshold to work with.