Avast, ye scalawags, for Talk Like a Pirate Day draws nigh!

Image courtesy of WikipediaLook sharp, ye mangy BitTorrentin', Limewirin', BSA-confoundin' scum, for Talk Like a Pirate Day is fast upon us. Today, all who sail the (literal or virtual) seas with a lust for treasure and a care not for the shacklin' laws o' property are henceforth obliged on the 19th of ol' September to speak as I do here, in the fashion of ye ol' (fictional and stereotypical) pirates! Such is tradition stretchin' back to nights o' yore (1995), afore the dark days of ye Dot-Com Bubble.

Moreabouts, ye scurvy wretches, ye shan't dare be honorin' ye buccaneerin' forebears with mere speech. A true pirate is judged by his loot, so I proffer for ye unworthy benefit this bill of fare, according a grand list o' proper pirate swag:

  • Pirattitude!: So you Wanna Be a Pirate? Here's How! The official handbook o' piratin', from the founders of our fair holiday.
  • π-rate T-shirt This here garment be equatin' grand piracy with a certain infamous irrational number.
  • The Government Manual for New Pirates Even Jolly Ol' Gov'ment has use for privateers and pillagers now and again, so they've provided ye a guidebook fer such hallowed pursuits.
  • Pirates for Hire Baseball Cap Tis no grand badge o' rank, but tis a fare bonnet, an may yet land ye payin' work fer ye "honest" trade.
  • Arrgh T-shirt Speaks ye pirate call, even when ye yerself 'r silent. And it sports ye skull 'n cross-swords fer good measure.
  • Pirate Mug A nip o' rum goes down easier when ye tankard is affixed with the pirate yell and the emblem o' ye trade.

Also, for ye insatiable wretches...


Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger — amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can a...

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