After Hours

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Ok, I realize that this is starting to look like I spend all my time looking at tech in the toilet, but really, it wasn't intentional. I just got started on a theme, and I haven't used it up yet. That's all. Ok, I suppose technically it's toilet humor, but not really; it's more toilet technology humor.

That said, I am starting to think that some of the restroom tech is out to get me. I am one of those people who actually use those goofy tissue-paper toilet seat covers. Apparently the buyers at work got a cheap price on a lot of them, because they were the kind where the center flap part was attached at 3 points and you had to tear it loose before you set it on the seat. A bit bothersome, but it beats tearing off pieces of toilet paper and trying to get them to stay on the seat while you try to sit down on them.

Anyway, I'm visiting a different building, one where they actually have the budget to buy things like real single-lever faucets instead of the stupid kindergarten-push-it-down-for-5-seconds-of-water kind like we have in my building. (Man, I hate those!) These guys can even afford the automatic flushers on the toilets, the ones that flush when you leave.

So, I walk in, prepare the tissue paper seat cover, set it in place carefully, and prepare to sit down. WHOOSH! The toilet flushes, whisking away the seat cover before I even have a chance to turn around. So, I get another one, tear the little tabs, set it down, and WHOOSH! again! About this time I'm starting to look for hidden cameras and a wire controlling the flusher, but I don't find any, so I fix up a third one and try to hold it in place so as not to lose it before I get to use it, but the flusher manages to yank it and tear it apart anyway. Finally on the fourth try I manage to cover the flusher's sensor with my hand so it won't trip before I'm able to complete my task. 

In the end, I suppose it's just a case of a misadjusted control, but it sure seems like it's maladjusted. Who ever heard of a toilet with bad intentions? It has a (micro-)chip on its shoulder, so to speak.

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