iPad

Six unintended iPad careers

In this guest post from Retrevo.com, the author describes six new careers made possible by the Apple iPad.

This is a guest post by Jennifer L. Jacobson of Retrevo.com.

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You've just bought an iPad. Maybe you're holding it now, reading this article on it. Maybe it's still on order. Either way, now that the iPad is an actual, hold-able, own-able device, and no longer a unicorn concept, we thought we'd get you up-to-speed on some of the possible upcoming "unintended" job opportunities sure to come about from the adoption of this magical new device.

1. The iPad au pair or "iPair"

Are you tired of "baby sitting" your iPad? After all, it does require a significant amount of attention. You can't just set it down on the counter at Starbucks while you put creamer in your coffee, and you certainly can't throw it into a handbag or "man-bag" as the case may be. You need a 24/7 iPad attendee, so why not consider an iPad Au Pair? Similar to traditional au pairs who serve as domestic child-care assistants living with host families, the iPad au pair or "iPair" is a technologically skilled Mac enthusiast who is invited to live with an iPad owning family, so long as they have their own room, a reasonable allowance in iTunes credits, and at least two full days a week off. The iPair's duties include holding your iPad while you eat greasy foods like french fries or pizza, holding your iPad while you talk on your iPhone, holding your iPad while you're driving, and holding your iPad while you take your kids to the park.

2. iPad Smudge Station Attendant

If you've used your iPad for more than two minutes, you've quickly realized the importance of clean hands. But inevitably, you're bound to build up natural oils, apply moisturizer, or perhaps eat something with your hands, and when you do, your iPad will go from sparkling to smudged. Not to worry. Simply drive your iPad to your local "iPad smudge station," usually found at gas stations and car washes. Once there, simply hand your iPad to a trained smudge station attendant, and watch them make your iPad look like new. Remember, it is customary to tip them, which can either be done in cash or the purchase of an app for their own mobile device.

3. iPad Fashion Designer

Sure, the iPad is a great mobile device, but it can also be a wearable fashion statement. If you're a budding designer inspired by the visually shocking and unusual accessories worn by Flava Flav, Bjork, and Lady Gaga, consider a career in wearable iPads. Not only is it a bold fashion statement, it's a flexible one that can be modified to match the color, style, and mood of its wearer.

4. The iPad Custody Lawyer

Unless you are the only member in your household, chances are, everyone in your family will want to use your iPad, and who can blame them? However, if your home only has one magical device, there are bound to be quarrels and turf wars over who gets to surf the web, send emails, and play Scrabble. Who you gonna call? An iPad Custody Lawyer of course. This trained specialist will help bring peace to your family by mediating who gets to use the device, when, and where. Just don't be surprised if they don't accept Apple Store gift cards as payment.

5. The iPad App Matchmaker or "AppMaker"

Like so many people, your life is packed with important activities, and finding the latest iPad apps to stay ahead of the crowd can be time consuming, and if you're caught not knowing what' in-now, even embarrassing. That's why you can hire an iPad matchmaker; a personal consultant , to pair you with apps that will actually help you in your own daily life, or at least apps that you can brag about to your friends in the book club. Need to know where to find vegan restaurants in New York? Get the app. Need to know what you missed in your favorite TV series? Get the app. Need to find out what apps you need? Get an AppMaker.

6. The iPad Addiction Counselor

As with the introduction of all new technologies, there are bound to be people who "overdo it," and the iPad is no exception. Whether you're playing AirCoaster, telling your Facebook friends that you're updating your Facebook status, tweeting what you ate for breakfast, or making a poster for your yard sale in Pages, if you're spending "too much" time with your new and shiny iPad or spending your rent money on iPad apps, it may be time for an intervention. You'll need the services of an iPad Addiction Counselor. These people are trained to recognize the signs of iPad addiction, like expecting non-electronic objects like doors to open, with the flick of a finger, or talking to your kids with your thumbs. A good iPad Addiction Councilor can help you regain your connection to the people, not the things, that matter in your life. Once you've come to terms with your iPad addiction and completed iPad addiction program, then you're free to tweet to everyone how far you've come.

Retrevo is one of the largest consumer electronics review and shopping sites in the world, helping people decide what to buy, when to buy, and where to buy.

14 comments
AdqgeeK
AdqgeeK

Loved it. I am a PC and we are getting 250 new iPads in the district. The only ones who are excited are the teachers. #2 may be my next career.

Willie11
Willie11

I'll take one of those iPair's if she is a cute as that one in the green dress in the picture. I don't even feel the need to run out and buy an iPad first!

Roger_Harmon
Roger_Harmon

These new jobs could end the unemployment problem around the world. I am starting the Institute of iPad Training (IIT). Classes will start as soon as we accredit our professors.

Amvignesh
Amvignesh

Oh my god is it all true....I am unable to believe it

ScarF
ScarF

looks closest to reality. There are so many guys wearing the iPad because it's trendy, so that a fashion designer for this bling may be quite successful.

The 'G-Man.'
The 'G-Man.'

I would have laughed. But it wasn't, so I didn't

MrRich
MrRich

The IPad Training Institute? You mean the INstitute for Extra Pad Training (INEPT)?

rogerval
rogerval

... like Billy Connolly's (to name but one well known example), I thought it was worth a smile. (I want to find an episode of Scotch and Wry so I can see "Dickie Dandruff's Delicatmessen"!)

Realvdude
Realvdude

The iPad service center. How many of us have these little store front shops that do iPod, iTouch, iPhone repairs? Thanks for the laugh at the end of a long week. I'm sure G-Man will keep his day job, since this gig doesn't pay anything.

ghirte
ghirte

This is hilarious and points out how addicted we are to our devices. Whether cell phone, iPad, computer or game console. We need to put down the devices and go far a walk, interact with our children/spouse, i.e. start living a LIFE.

TheProfessorDan
TheProfessorDan

That was closer to painful than funny. It reminded me of someone trying comedy first time that should make it the last time.

MsGeeky
MsGeeky

If you didn't get a small chuckle out of this - then you might be an owner of the iPad and see yourself in one or two of the categories. Fess up!

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