Nasa / Space

Star Trek pick-up lines that never landed me a date

Edmond Woychowsky shares the one-liners about tribbles, Harry Mudd, and Pon farr that he considered using in his younger days to woo the elusive female geek.

I've been a geek and a Star Trek fan since before it was popular. In those dark days, the jocks got all the girls, but it didn't really bother me too much because I knew something that the jocks didn't -- they were redshirts. I just needed to wait for the right moment, for example, when the jock showed how the monster worked, swoop in, defeat the monster with my superior brain power, and my adolescent fantasies kind of petered out at that point. I ended up going with a different approach.

I heard about pick-up lines from some mature magazines (which, of course, I only read for the articles), and I decided to develop some of my own to try on the elusive geek girl. Looking back, there were a number of rejects, including, "Would you like to pet my tribble?" The best that I could have hoped for with that line would have been outright laughter -- the worst would have been a slap. Perhaps "I've lost my tribble, and I need help finding it" would have worked better.

I suppose that my favorite would be asking a female, "How long have you known Harry Mudd?" When she replied that she didn't know Harry, then I would say, "I didn't know it was possible for anyone to be that beautiful without the Venus Drug."

Another line that I like involves cosplay, specifically dressing as a Vulcan. I'd then walk up to a young lady and proceed to tell her, with my emotions suppressed, "I am in the beginning stages of Pon farr, and I need your assistance." Fortunately, the spirit gum I used to attach my Vulcan ears wasn't so strong that my real ears would get ripped off too when she yanked off my pointy ears.

After healing from the previous attempt, I could have tried to show my cultured side and ask the girl if she was interested in attending an opera as my guest. Then being suave and sophisticated, I could always ask, "Would you like to see my bat'leth collection?"

Now let's assume (and this is a big assumption) that the relationship proceeded to the next step: actual physical contact. I had a line for this eventuality, "Did the earth move for you, or are we sitting on a Horta?" By now, the female would have realized that I was a hopeless Star Trek fan or at least the village idiot and not kill me, though she might when I quote the Horta, "NO KILL I."

The Pon Farr line is the only one that I actually tried, and I stopped when she gave a blank stare.

Perhaps if I could have read Captain Kirk's Guide to Women (though it was released in 2008) and dabbed on some Tiberius Cologne, my luck would have been different in high school.

Although being a Trekkie eventually worked out because my first date with my wife was to see a Star Trek movie. I asked her to go with me three months before the film came out, which she found odd for some reason.

What are the geekiest lines you have tried on a potential love interest, and how did they go over? Have you ever suggested a game of Klingon Boggle, invited a date to a science-fiction convention, or said I love you in binary or Klingon? Please share -- you're among friends.

Photo credit for both images: The Official Star Trek Store.

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23 comments
Dr_Zinj
Dr_Zinj

Not a classic Trek line, but it worked. Much better than the Shrek argument, "ogres are like onions". And she actually married me.

rkoenn
rkoenn

My wife actually is a bit enamored of my Scifi geekiness. And our fist date may have been the original Star Trek film. If not it was our first, second, or third but I didn't ask her 3 months in advance. We also go to scifi conventions in Florida twice a year and sometimes out of state, like Dragoncon. She enjoys the panels the most, the serious ones on science and serious scifi, but also the costume contests. The one thing I haven't gotten her to do is read a book or even a short story. There are some short stories I think she would really enjoy but no can do. We are also going through many scifi shows on DVD, she particularly likes DS9 and liked Babylon 5 as well, and that is a nice way to spend an hour most evenings. I have a stack of scifi DVD shows so that should keep us occupied for a long while. I love her and love that she does enjoy some of my scifi geekiness if not all.

bhercer
bhercer

Where is that place?

BonesRodriguez
BonesRodriguez

From Captain Kirk's Guide To Women, TOP PICK-UP LINES OF THE 23rd CENTURY: 1.I must touch you; It is my existence 2.When I see you, I feel like I?m hungry? all over. 3.I?ve never seen perfection, but no woman could come closer to it 4.Why do you build such mystique around a simple, biological function? 5.This ship has all this power? surging and throbbing- yet under control- are YOU like that captain?? The rest are on page 81, I used to give these out at conventions to get the book noticed!

programmer
programmer

Of course, for this to work, you have to be extremely good looking and have a deep penetrating stare....which would mean you wouldn't need the pickup line anyway.

sboverie
sboverie

The part where Zeeblebrox tells the girl "Is this man bothering your? I'm from another planet".

Mabrick
Mabrick

"In every way, of course. I am programmed in . . . multiple techniques; a wide variety of pleasuring."

frwagne
frwagne

Wasn't into the series to begin with, but once I married one, I can identify most episodes of TOS and TNG within seconds. We have ST uniforms, wear them to conventions. At a recent local Symphony concert, featuring Holst's The Planets, and suites from Star Trek and Star Wars, we wore TNG uniform tunics with black slacks. One of our musician friends mentioned it to the conductor, and before he started the ST suite, he had the house lights brought up and asked for those in uniform to stand. a Very Cool moment! The music was excellent too. There is no substitute for being in the room with a full symphony orchestra playing the music you've identified with over many years.

Ed Woychowsky
Ed Woychowsky

Have these actually worked, for anyone other than Kirk?

bboyd
bboyd

I'm a Doctor not a cultural anthropologist.

jck
jck

"No, sweetheart...this is a Star Trek convention...and, that's not a light saber in my pocket..."

seanferd
seanferd

Frequently, however, I've heard this applied to a rather different sort of bathroom usage.

erruve
erruve

This would work outside of a convention because then I'd recognize a fellow trekker. We'd at least talk. Seriously, I wouldn't date someone who wasn't a geek. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt, never again. Just don't do it at a con. That would be really dumb.

seanferd
seanferd

Why don't you talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet. :D

Dr_Zinj
Dr_Zinj

I sincerely hope it wasn't red.

Dr_Zinj
Dr_Zinj

are the jeers of the great un-washed to the young and impressionable? I'm a Trekkie from a long way back, although I confess to liking the term Trekker much better. Of course I'm old enough now not to care which term is used. I have my own basement, not my mother's, don't spend any time in it to speak of. And so what if I'm a nutcase? While most of my friends subscribe to a non-standard reality; at least none of them are trying to stab me in the back; unlike an ever growing collection of politicians and business CEOs.

techrepublic
techrepublic

I think most Trek fans prefer "Trekker" these days because of the "nutcase who lives in mother's basement" stereotype associated with the word "Trekkie". It's a bit like the bikie/biker thing. Personally I don't care what some people call me and I don't have a basement.

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