Project Management

Superman vs. Cyclops, and other Ruminations


Let's get started.  Last night, I had a conversation with my son and it went something like this:

"Who do you think has the more powerful optical weapon, Superman with his Heat-Ray/X-Ray vision, or Cyclops, with his optical blast?"

"Well, Superman's stuff can see through walls, or heat up a sandwich.  Maybe he could use that to cook a meal in another room or something.  Cyclops can blast through a mountain.  That's useful; I can think of a lot of folks who need to be blasted through a mountain.  I think Cyclops' blast is way more powerful."

"But Cyclops' blast wouldn't faze Superman, but Superman's Heat-Ray would burn Cyclops."

"Nope, the back blast from Cyclops would send Superman hurtling through a mountain before Superman got Cyclops even warm.  Case closed!"

"Superman would see Cyclops through a wall, and come around the back way.  Cyclops would never get a shot off."

"Oh, so now you're using Superman's superspeed?  That's a different subject.  You didn't ask who would win the fight, just who had the more powerful optical weapon."

"I suppose you're right.  But Superman also doesn't get tired.  Where's the energy coming to power Cyclops' blast?"

"Out of his body, duh.  E=mc2?  Sound familiar.  He only has to use a little body weight for a powerful blast."

"Oh?  Then let's change for a second... where does Peter Parker get his webs from?  You can't say he's making them up out of his body, because he puts out a LOT of webs.  He must string Manhattan with a couple pounds of webbing every time he goes out!"

"Thirst... massive thirst.  He must drink a lot of water to make the webs.  After all, that's one of the major components of spider webs coming out of a spinneret, which then dries."

"Hmmm.  But that much water would cause an electrolyte imbalance.  He would drop dead in days."

"Sports drinks.  They're made to prevent that."

"Then riddle me this: why doesn't Gatorade or Powerade have Spiderman as their spokesman?"

"The world will never know."

"That's a Tootsie pop.  We're talking superheros and sportsdrinks."

Well... when two Geeky guys get together, you have bizarre conversations.

7 comments
jdclyde
jdclyde

In the comics (the REAL story) he MADE the webs and fired it out of his web shooter that he MADE. Don't you remember when the crazy cop was trying to get the formula so he could use it to make bullet proof vests that would be light-weight for cops? The movies get it wrong, everytime! ----------------------- As for Juggernaut, don't forget that part of his "power" was psychic/magic. The rules of physics are thrown out the window when they make a mix like that. ----------------------- Hawkeye vs green arrow. While Hawkeye would be the best all around fighter, green arrow still has my all time favorite quote. "Any three year old could do it, with thirty years practice."

Justin James
Justin James

What happens when the "unstoppable" Juggernaut hits the "immovable" Blob? Super hero/villain paradoxes are a ripe vein waiting to be mined. I suspect that either the Juggernaut passes through the Blob (maintaining consistency, but violating the Heisenberg Uncertainly Theorem, as well as a dozen other basic laws of physics) or a massive explosion results, like atomic sized. J.Ja

Bill Ward
Bill Ward

Yes, Cyclops is Solar Powered... but even Geeks get it wrong, sometimes. And yes, I knew before this got posted... it's just slightly funnier as it's posted. And yes, this is CLOSE to the real conversation... the only parts edited were a short discourse on Mountain Dew and Vault, and whether there would be a product placement for an Energy Drink in Spiderman 3.

Jay Garmon
Jay Garmon

Now I've got it in my ehad to parcel out a faux tournament between Superman and all the Superman analogue/imitators out there. I mean, who amongst this group of knock-offs would stand the best chance against the man of Steel, and each other... Supreme Apollo (from The Authority) Mr. Majestic Hyperion (from Squadron Supreme) Captain Marvel/Shazam Samaritan (from Astro City) The arguments alone are worth the blog post.

BFilmFan
BFilmFan

I have several answers, depending on which version of the characters we are dsicussing. All of the comic characters have been envisioned differently, over the years as the authors tinkered with the storylines and origins. Rob Liefield Supreme versus Superman: Supreme kills Superman. 'Nuff Said. Alan Moore Supreme versus Superman: Dead tie. In fact, they become good friends and have dinner often with long conversations. Lois Lane versus Superman: Lois wins. Superman takes out the trash. (I had to speak up for the ladies, since it appears they were missed in the conversation.) Apollo: Superman wins easily. Although Superman's power is derived from living beneath a yellow sun, he is not directly solar-powered; thus, he sticks Apollo in a dark place, like a black hole, and leaves. A more interesting battle would be Superman versus The High from the same universe. I foresee this battle being won by Superman, as The High simple wasn't in Superman's power range. Superman versus Mister Majestic: Majestic wins this battle. Majectic has both the strength to move planets and is a genius. Superman versus Hyperion: Hyperion wins as he is an Eternal and even if "killed," regenerates back to life. Superman versus Captain Marvel: This one was brilliantly answered in Kingdom Come. They were evenly matched. Superman versus Samaritan: After a couple of punches, I can see these two having dinner with Marvel and Moore's Supreme. Maybe even hosting bridge parties!

Jay Garmon
Jay Garmon

Put some meat on this and we have an uber-geeky blog post. Also, remind me, John Cumberland was The High, right (been a while since I read StormWatch)? And I was actually talking about the new Hyperion from JMS' Supreme Power, though I suppose both versions are worth discussing (since we're discussing both Supremes). Might even throw Thor and The Sentry in, just for giggles. I don't know enough about Omniman from Kirkman's Invincible to speak authoritatively on the subject.

jdclyde
jdclyde

Black lightning, but superman won easily. Shazam DID win because he is magical, a big weakness to the man of steel. Karate Kid held him to a stand-still as SuperBoy. (legion of superheros)