Subject This darn bottomless shaft in my room From Emperor Palpatine <email@example.com> Date A Long Time Ago 1:42 AM To Nardo Pace <firstname.lastname@example.org>
You are responsible for designing my Throne Room, yes? Do not doubt it. I can see the truth inside you. It burns with a twisted blackness that cannot be denied.
I ask you this: Why is there a chasm in my room? Was it really necessary? What purpose does it serve? Nothing useful has ever come of it. In fact, sometimes when I awake in the middle of the night and stumble in the darkness while making my way to the Imperial Restroom, I mistakenly wobble along the shaft's edge. I also bump my knee on the Imperial Coffee Table, but that is another matter.
I'm expecting very important company today, but I fully expect that you will draw up plans for a grate to cover this errant hole and have someone build it tomorrow. It is your destiny.
That's just one of a half-dozen e-mails idling in Nardo's inbox (the one from Vader gets a little profane, so be forewarned). Scan them all, as they hilariously expose the various ill conceived contraptions that riddle a galaxy far far away.
Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger — amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can also follow him on his personal blog.