Nasa / Space

The worst California road trip in geek history

"My parents went to a movie-inspired version of California and all I got were these lousy t-shirts." See if you can spot the geek-favorite media properties behind these designs.
"My parents went to a movie-inspired version of California and all I got were these lousy t-shirts." See if you can spot the geek-favorite media properties behind these designs. Bonus points for locating candidates for future expanded versions of this list.
Cuesta Verde via Last Exit to NowhereFirst stop, lovely Cuesta Verde, California, where the subprime real-estate collapse led to some suburban homes actually imploding into an alternate dimension. Of course, the warning signs were all there: decidedly untamed landscaping (the kind that attempts to eat children), perpetually unfinished swimming pools (that bubble forth with hordes of the unliving), and erratically placed doorways and closets (that detour through paranormal realms). Oh, and the TV reception is horrific. Give it a miss.

Santa Carla via Last Exit to NowhereNext up, Santa Carla, a charming beach community that doesn't seem the least bit bothered by its highest-in-the-nation per-capita murder rate. Also, the locals have a strange set of traditional pastimes, like motorcycle races near cliffs, hanging from railroad trestle bridges, and sleeping in caves beneath the beach. The boardwalk amusement park gets a bit rowdy at night, but the Frog Brothers comic shop is worth a visit -- just don't ask the staff about their classic horror collection.

Hill Valley via Last Exit to NowhereSeemingly the most innocuous stop on our tour of the Golden Bear state, Hill Valley is the worst excesses of California amped to 11. Urban renewal seems to rebuild and re-imagine the town's iconic courthouse square in the blink of an eye, and not always for the better. For a moment it seemed that legalized gambling and high-rise casinos were Hill Valley's leading industry, only for the gambling houses to disappear almost overnight, as if they never existed. Garage-workshop entrepreneurs churn out seemingly world-changing inventions that promise to reshape life as we know it, only to abandon those pursuits for Old West re-enactments and the Rockwell-esque charms of family life. By the same token, homegrown sci-fi authors and rock stars flare into prominence then disappear without further notice or fame. Perhaps worst of all, there were rumored Libyan terrorist cells active in the mid-1980s, culminating in a rocket attack and radiation spike at the Twin Pines Lone Pine Mall that has yet to be explained. And don't get us started on how (ahem) enmeshed all the mothers seem to be with their youngest sons. Get through here as fast as possible -- preferably without dropping below 88 miles per hour.

Sunnydale via ThinkgeekWhen someone says that your town is a hole, they usually aren't being literal, but in the case of Sunnydale, the whole (pun intended) city collapsed in an absurdly localized earthquake in 2003. Prior to that, Sunnydale was home to the eccentric UC Sunnydale campus, which was distinguished only by having the most competitive Army ROTC outfit in the country. Sunnydale High was nationally renowned for its high dropout and student violence rates, culminating in the assassination of the town's mayor and the school's principal during the graduation ceremony for the class of 1999. Oh, and the only fast food joint in town was the wretched Doublemeat Palace, which makes In-&-Out Burger look like a health food joint. Not surprisingly, there's a souvenir stand next to the still-smoldering crater of the former Sunnydale. Suitable for restroom purposes only.

Have a favorite fictional California locale not listed here, or simply want to suggest other state's cities for a similar list? Sound off in the comments section.

About

Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger -- amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can a...

7 comments
meberhard@ewing1.com
meberhard@ewing1.com

#1 is "Poltergeist", #2 is "Lost Boys", #3 is "Back to the Future", and #4 is "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"?

hthyne
hthyne

Hazzard County Georgia. For the deepseated redneck in us all!

Jay Garmon
Jay Garmon

One of these locales must eventually transform into a Valley Burbclave, right?

JamesRL
JamesRL

I resisted the urge to use IMDB, but I know all of those films, and I think you are 100% dead on.

hthyne
hthyne

I would love to see your creative vision with the one I suggested. I bet my daughter could help out she was a big fan...even though she was in diapers when it first came on...