After Hours

Top 10 geek New Year's resolutions

Lose weight, save money, stop smoking, exercise? These are the resolutions of mere mortals. Geeks have a higher calling, as documented in this top 10.

Here are the top 10 New Year's resolutions for the modern geek:

10. Adjust my physical form to more resemble Red Five (Luke Skywalker) than Red Six (Jek Porkins).

9. Read a book that isn't science fiction, fantasy, or a technical manual.

8. Make sure my roster of offline friends is within at least an order of magnitude of my Facebook/MySpace/Twitter/TechRepublic friends.

7. Watch a movie that can pass the Bechdel Test.

6. Commit to one processor, one motherboard, and one graphics card for the entire year. (RAM upgrades are allowed.)

5. Accept the fact that some people are always going to be wrong on the Internet, and plan my forum posting volume accordingly.

4. Limit my use of LOL, WTF, FTW, and teh to written conversation.

3. Develop at least one snappy comeback that isn't directly lifted from a movie or TV show.

2. Try a different operating system, if only to learn exactly why it isn't as awesome as the one I normally use.

1. Resist the urge to stab anyone claiming the new Captain Kirk is better than the original Captain Kirk. (Unspoken disdain, of course, can't be helped.)

Those are my resolutions for 2009. What are yours?

About Jay Garmon

Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger — amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can a...

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