Hardware

Video: MS-DOS 5.0 ... the rap!?!


Take one faux-scientist in a lab coat and bow tie, pair him with a trio of low-rent Supremes wannabes, add a Casio keyboard drumbeat, and then get everyone involved to rap--yes, rap--about why you should upgrade your PC to MS-DOS 5.0. It's five minutes of your life you'll never get back, and just one more crime against humanity we can lay at the feet of Microsoft. Honestly, there is never justification for musically bragging about freeing 45K of memory, graphical shells, or Undelete. Never. Found via my buddy Lizard's blog.

About

Jay Garmon has a vast and terrifying knowledge of all things obscure, obtuse, and irrelevant. One day, he hopes to write science fiction, but for now he'll settle for something stranger -- amusing and abusing IT pros. Read his full profile. You can a...

71 comments
rick
rick

Figure this out...Napoleon Dynamite was intended to be funny and this was intended to be sold B2B, yet they are strikingly similar :0

24ggirl
24ggirl

Very very well done!!!

DrDave_40
DrDave_40

The Rap "bytes", literally.... If you think back though, Rap wasn't out or being done in the MS-DOS 5 era! If that was an original it would have had some form of Type-Cast characters to validate the time period! BTW, Microsoft often used it's own employees in it's commercials, way back in the early days! I too have an unopened MS-DOS 5.0 along with the two previous versions and the last 6.22 with it's updates! Those were the simpler days when using a BootLoader and loading everything into HIGH-MEM, was the thing to do.....ah memory lane! **All 8-16MB worth(?)..lol** If some even had that, though many in the DOS 5 days had about 16 Megs of RAM, but back then a decent PC cost you some serious $$$ back then! (lol) Compared to the current Nightmares of [gasp] Vista, and it's seriously deranged Hard Drive eating ability, wasteful practices, and its need for "Out of the Box" Patching and updating, plus 2Gigs of RAM, needed to run, DOS looks great!! I did buy the last version of IBM's DOS which did address the year 2000 issue and was so very neatly packaged and "Sold on New Computers" as the base OS rather then any version of "Windows"! The "Windows ME Era" [Gasp] ...lol So as dumb as Rapping about DOS may be, it had it's Era of being the "Mainstay" of computer systems for a great many years! Dosshell, High-Mem, etc., It was in general an Un-crash-able system of it's day and in computing in general! Sadly I never thought "Windows" would be a hit! My loss and his gain! Oh well, such is the Silicon Valley Blues! (lol) [This is a Very Old Login name] And yes more then 60,000,000 users worldwide, and still a few way down south in the Third-World arena! As well as Windows 3.11 Internet Version! Amazing! (Actually more then a Few - Thousand to be accurate!) But..... Alas, yet another crazy work-week ahead ...(sigh)... I have to run... Have a Good One JAY! [ _\|,, ]

alexbagg
alexbagg

What's going on with the great MS? Used to be leading the world now making a joke of itself? Don't know who's running the company anymore but it seems from that pile of tripe video that whoever is, considers their target audience to be of extremely low intelligence. I mean really, who do they think would even put up with that for 5mins? Let alone, be motivated by it? All those BILLions and they get their staff to produce sales videos! Whatever the case I do however wonder about the comments at 4:03 'DOS has 60 million users waiting'...and 4:38 ...'like selling fries with every burger'...These parts of the video make a joke of MS and the fact the computer equipment and screen are really old has to make you consider it's all a sham put out by a competitor?

sergiovf
sergiovf

The video is ALL Microsoft, VIVA THE RAPPIST MARKETING MACHINE

RknRlKid
RknRlKid

Now we know where the 60 million copies of Vista came from! The 60 million DOS users!

nina.bohn
nina.bohn

The dancing elephants should have been PINK.

eward
eward

Jay, you're a good man, thank you. I want to be just like that scientist when I grow up. You should find "Don't copy that floppy"

DWigman
DWigman

The hardy chuckle was over after a minute...then it QUICKLY BECAME OBNOXIOUSLY PAINFUL to watch!

Sean Mullin
Sean Mullin

Almost as bad as Microsoft Mambo No. 5

ds4211a
ds4211a

Gag me with a spoon.

Jaytmoon
Jaytmoon

It's really a shame this wasn't the promo for the origional release of MsDos-5. They would has sold a LOT more copies. BTW, MS Dos 5 did kick ass at the time, I loved using it!

mholtman
mholtman

Hahahaha. Classic Microsoft marketing to resellers...gotta love it.

waynegreen6
waynegreen6

This is absolutely horrible. At least it couldve been well done.

brendan
brendan

That movie was sooo good i'm ditching XP right now to upgrade!!!! You never know...might be better than vista.

teamdave
teamdave

My shrink-wrapped box of MS-DOS 5 says "copyright 1990". Doesn't this pre-date rap? Does this mean that Microsoft invented rap? My Lord, FAT and RAP.....

olh
olh

Well, kids, actually MSDOS 5 was great. And theres is much justification for freeing up memory, It hasnt been seen since.

tony.sturgess
tony.sturgess

I agree with everybody!, Dos rules, I have ALL the old releases of DOS, Windows etc... on floppies, early CD's or whatever ; OS2 Warp was superb. Bring back mainframe dumb terminals they did the job with no problems!!! LOL.

mikemajor3
mikemajor3

dos 5 DID totally rock...but I have to agree with a previous poster.... cringeworthy LOL apparently megabucks companies have really schlocky production values

sergiovf
sergiovf

The dancing bear shouting like a madman and dancing like a bear with his gorilla.bas cry " I LOVE THIS COMPANYYYYYYYYYY" Weismuller of Tarzan's fame wouldn't have even come close to this.

sml
sml

You need help. Professional help. ;-) Thanks for the laugh!

moraleselvin
moraleselvin

No it does not.The first aspects of hip hop were witnessed in 1979 South Bronx, NY. Djaying, break dancing, graffiti, and creating clever rhymes over looped break beats (rapping). However, rap has been mainstream for quite a while. A trip out the farm would reveal that.

brit0n
brit0n

MS-DOS was great? Any DOS IS, I repeat IS, great. Wouldn't allow any other operating system on our boxes without at least one DOS partition. And oh boy, do we have some operating systems on our boxes - some of them are doozies and OH SO MODERN MA'AM lmao But when it comes down to it, nearly ALL our recoveries from sad OS mangles, especially on NTFS partitions and some of the weirder Linux versions, we put right from DOS. (Yes, there hasn't been a file system invented that you can use on a machine that can run on DOS that you can't unmangle from just about any DOS.) Rap? I thought that was what you did with your knuckles on CD and DVD ROM drives to get the disk out when the mechanics get stuck - aint it good that soon we won't have any moving parts in any of our drives! (And then I'll STILL install a DOS bootable partition on every box lol)

SBD
SBD

I still have a copy of MSDOS 5 upgrade 3.5in discs and manual still in the box. SAD

cquirke
cquirke

5 was to DOS what 95 was to Windows, i.e. something of a breakthrough version. There are still some things it can do that Vista can't: - boot equally well without HD - edit up to 9 files at once (Notepad?) - write your own UI context help (DOSShell) That's one loooong cringeworthy vid, tho ;-)

teamdave
teamdave

I've been offered nice sums of money for the various OS's I have in their original packaging. So, yes, I may need professional INVESTMENT help.

bpsull
bpsull

I have shrink-wrapped copies of MS-DOS 5 and 6 along with the original disks for most of the programs I ran at that time.

teamdave
teamdave

My trips out of the farm landed me some great gigs at Dell, Compaq and Apple over the years. Apparently being stuck in Billy Joel country has made you a "rap expert". More power to you.

Jonathan.G.Shilling
Jonathan.G.Shilling

Rap first came out in the 1930's. It was used by artists such as Red Sovine, and C.W. McCall.

francisvandenplas
francisvandenplas

I do qtill have, I believe, the whole lot from 2.1 up to 6.22 and a few related manuals (among them a nice Taiwanise one in undestructible binder format) as well as 'Dan Gookin's Guide to Underground DOS 6.0', a gem (still sitting on a shelf above my desk, just in case). All on 5 1/4" or 3.5" disks respectively. But, alas, no PC DOS 4.0 (from the days MS loved Big Blue that much that it let it be responsible for the 4.0 'DOS' version; yes, no MS version here!). Probably discarded it out of pure misery. I believe this one beats even the worst Vista experience. And what about a genuine Digital Research's GEM, complete with manuals. Speaking of a GUI running off a plain 640 KB XT machine! And blistering fast, everything considered...

steve_ward15
steve_ward15

I've still got the manual for 5.0 as it is still useful when using the command prompt. But I also have a machine that runs CPM. Now that is sad.

MetalFR0
MetalFR0

DOSShell was awesome, I just wish it had come a couple versions earlier. My family had an overclocked X86 at home for some time that we use w/ DOS 5.0 & I used to love working w/ files in DOSShell rather than just w/ commands.

francisvandenplas
francisvandenplas

I should have made myself clearer : I meant I still have the disks & the printed manuals. I have always abided by the rule : if the software is both good and affordable, go and pay for it! And I paid for the upgrades as well. In fact, the first time Bill got my good money was last year when I purchased an official copy of Works Suite 7.0, complete with Word XP. A tremendous bundle for... $10. And, no, I still don't see any reason for an horribly costly upgrade... Only Encarta 2003 could use a refresh, but, what the heck, we have Wikipedia now! And no, my old beauties are not shrink-wrapped: I used this software a lot, especially PC-Write, overall one of the best Word-Processors available in those (rather) early days at any price. Remember, this was long before anyone would ever have heard of WP!

RknRlKid
RknRlKid

I actually have it. Came in boxes when I got my dad's estate.

bpsull
bpsull

But that just means that I never used those specific copies. I did in fact use other copies of those pieces of software although at that point I was mainly running Windows 3.0. Somewhere I still have my original Tetris the Russian Challenge 5" disks.

francisvandenplas
francisvandenplas

Mean you never used them? ;-) What about the original disks for the pearls from the early days of Sareware. The likes of PC-Write, PC-Calc, Pc-File a.s.o.

RknRlKid
RknRlKid

Much to my wife's disgust, I have cases of old software, just for the reasons mentioned. I keep telling myself I need to transfer it all to CDs before the media gets ruined. The metal oxide only lasts so long.

jasondlnd
jasondlnd

I am looking at some MS-Dos 6.22 w/enhanced tools disks I was considering throwing out...now, I might keep them. It hearkens me back to the days of learning new command line functions, writing batch files, and using WordPerfect 5.1...

ByteBin-20472379147970077837000261110898
ByteBin-20472379147970077837000261110898

If I had those things (wish I still did), I'd hang on to them. Might not be worth much but they are historic. And hard to find. Way back then there was also the DemoScene and computers these days can't run (or run accurately or very well) those Demo programs. Having an older machine with an old copy of DOS often is the best way to see some of the cool stuff that was made back then. Also alows us to see how far we have progressed. :)

bpsull
bpsull

It was great. Or maybe my memories of it are colored by nostalgia for my first ATTIS machine.

francisvandenplas
francisvandenplas

I think you are referring to good ol' Norton Commander ;-) PC Tools from Central Point Software offered a bunch of utilities that could best be compared to Norton... Utilities. Agreed, Symantec eventually acquired both companies, but then Symantec is not Peter Norton Group alone, even if Central Point seems to have since disappeared from sight.

Realvdude
Realvdude

It was probably the best Norton software. Or LapLink Pro from Travelling Software; can't remember how many migrations I did with this, including windows.

ByteBin-20472379147970077837000261110898
ByteBin-20472379147970077837000261110898

I never was crazy about DOSShell though. Instead, back then I bought QuikMenu which you could configure. It was like a nice Windows for DOS type thing. :) NeoSoft still has it (google "NeoSoft" and "QuikMenu").

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