Collaboration

Leo Laporte, President of the Internet, names his cabinet

Leo Laporte won the mock election for "President of the Internet." Now it's time for him to name his cabinet. Here are his selections.

When Leo Laporte won my mock election for President of the Internet, my first thought was, "If Leo were the President of the Internet, who would be in his cabinet?" Thus, I gave the iPres a call and within 30 minutes we had fleshed out the full mythical cabinet. Now it's time to announce his selections.

Remember that in my original post about this mock election I said Leo would "be the best at setting up an Abraham Lincoln-like 'team of rivals' because that's what he does every week on TWiT, and he has shown a remarkable ability to bring together a lot of strong personalities and engage them in a constructive dialog about the direction of the technology world."

His cabinet selections reinforce that opinion, as Leo has rounded out his cabinet with not only his friends but also his three rivals in the election and even his most notorious "enemy."

Cabinet of the iPres

Vice President - Molly Wood

In the first several U.S. Presidential elections, the runner-up in the polls was automatically installed as the vice president. That led to some bitter working arrangements between rivals. However, in this case, Laporte thinks Wood both earned the position and is the perfect choice. That makes her the iVeep.

Secretary of Justice - John C Dvorak

This post demands an independent-thinking curmudgeon who won't be swayed by the fleeting whims of the populace.

Secretary of Conspiracies - Adam Curry

All good governments (and most bad ones) are embroiled in wild conspiracy theories. Laporte thinks it wise to get ahead of the game and set up a whole department of conspiracies to respond to allegations, and with Curry in charge this government can even start a few of its own.

Secretary of the Treasury (and Poker) - Jason Calacanis

Calacanis deeply understands the economics of the Internet and has a track record of anticipating future trends. He is also a card shark who would organize all cabinet poker games.

Secretary of Defense - Steve Gibson

The Internet version of this post requires an IT security guru with a healthy dose of paranoia.

Secretary of War - Michael Arrington

The U.S. Department of Defense was called the "Department of War" until 1947. Laporte wants to have both departments simultaneously, and who on the Internet is more combative than Michael Arrington. In fact, Laporte and Arrington have even had a famously combative relationship at times.

Attorney General - Larry Lessig

The Stanford law professor is an outspoken commentator on transforming law to meet the needs of the Information Age.

Secretary of Commerce - Jeff Bezos

The king of e-commerce deserves this post.

Undersecretary of Commerce (and Shoes) - Tony Hsieh

Since Amazon just bought Zappos, this makes perfect sense.

Undersecretaries of Commerce, Churro Committee - Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld

If you don't know the connection here, Google it.

Secretary of Energy - Chris Pirillo

Laporte says no one has more energy than Chris.

Secretary of Education - Steve Wozniak

Since leaving Apple, Woz has dedicated much of his career to using computers to help educate children.

Secretary of Labor - Patrick Norton

At TechTV, the executives used to say that Patrick was "for the lunchbox set."

Secretary of Infrastructure - Tim Berners-Lee

Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Wide. He is well-qualified to help solve the growth challenges of Internet in the years ahead.

Privacy Czar - Scott McNealy

McNealy famously once said, "Privacy is dead. Get over it." So who better to help the people of the Internet get their privacy back?

Ambassador to the United Nations - Amber MacArthur

She knows her way around the Internet. Plus, she's from Canada, the Switzerland of North America

Digital Copyright Czar - Cory Doctorow

Doctorow is an advocate of Creative Commons and an opponent of DRM. He wants to inject simplicity and common sense into international copyright laws. Good luck with that.

Gadget Czar - Veronica Belmont

The Goddess of Gadgets will advocate for Internet devices that are both uber-geeky and highly-usable.

Cloud Computing Czar - Marc Andreessen

The father of the Web browser will now be a catalyst for shepherding the world's software applications into the browser.

Commissioner of Fantasy Sports - Tom Merritt

Sports, like everything else, will soon be moving online. Real world athletes will be replaced by gamers. Stadiums will be replaced by Internet-enabled TVs and premium online networks such as Xbox Live. Someone has to help make sense of it all during the transition. Merritt has been involved with electronic sports since Microleague Baseball in the 1980s.

Social Media Czar - Robert Scoble

The media is one many institutions being transformed by the Information Revolution. It is becoming much more democratic and much more social and Robert Scoble is a flag-bearer of the movement.

Chief Vacuity Officer - Ashton Kutcher

The Internet isn't just about work and someone needs to represent the people who goof-off online.

Aesthetics Czar - Steve Jobs

Every organization needs a forceful critic with impeccable taste to call people "bozos" when they do imperfect work.

For more insights on technology and business, follow my Twitter stream: @JasonHiner

About

Jason Hiner is the Global Editor in Chief of TechRepublic and Global Long Form Editor of ZDNet. He is an award-winning journalist who writes about the people, products, and ideas that are revolutionizing the ways we live and work in the 21st century.

56 comments
MytonLopez
MytonLopez

This is the lamest post I have ever read. It would be nice if it had a description of each person's experience and work history.

marty
marty

so what happened to Dick DeBartolo?? Dick has a podcast with leo, the " Daily Giz Wiz " he always has gadgets. Veronica Belmont should be his Press Secretary.

douglasjohnledet
douglasjohnledet

HEY!!! I turn my back for five minutes and you try to take over my seat. REPENT of your sin

Oz_Media
Oz_Media

[b]President[/b] - Graham Chapman (posthumously until he starts to smell a bit, then Terry can Take over) [b]Vice President[/b] - Terry Gilliam [b]Secretary of Consipracies[/b]jdclyde, likes to make things up and would create enough conspiracy himself to take focus away from actual events. [b]secretay of treasury[/b] Roin Hood [b]Secretary of Defense[/b] Sinead O'Connor [b]secretary of War[/b] Richard Simmons [b]Attorney General [/b] John Cleese [b]Secretary of Commerce[/b]Raymond Babbit (rainman) [b]Secretary of Energy[/b] Al Gore (c'mon it's all in fun) [b]Secretary of Education[/b]Tammy Cavadias [b]Secretary of Labour[/b]Zakk Wylde The Muppets can fill remaining slots, they need more work and exposure these days and having a bunch of puppets in a cabinet will be nothing new to anyone.

OldER Mycroft
OldER Mycroft

[b]...Leo Laporte, weaves his web of nepotism further into the fabric of the American people![/b] [i]Mmm - it's got a certain ring of truth about it, somehow.[/i] ;)

spektyr
spektyr

Hey, Jason! Did you get Bob Dole's permission to hold this election? ;-)

ScarF
ScarF

For those who consider the Night Garden's characters smarter than many of the individuals on the presented list, I have the following cabinet proposal: Vicepresident and Social Media Czar - Igglepiggle Secretary of Energy - Upsy Daisy Secretary of Treasury and Labor - Makka Pakka Secretary of Justice - the Pinky Ponk Secretary of Education - Mrs. Pontipine Secretary of Labor - the Ninky Nonk Privacy Czar - Mr. Wottinger Secretary of Infrastructure - Tombliboo Eee Undersecretaries of Infrastructure - the Titifers Secretary of Defense - Tombliboo Unn Gadget Czar - Tombliboo Ooo Cloud Computing Czars - the Haahoos Commissioner of Fantasy Sports - the Ball Aesthetics Czar - the Olly Bolly Dob Dob flower Ambassadors - the Pontipine and Wottinger children

looker
looker

so are vint cerf and robert metcalfe part of the kitchen cabinet eg the guys really pulling the strings

erniem1970
erniem1970

Leo Laporte supports Steve Jobs and Apple, so I cannot go for him. Microsoft and Windows is king and always will be, and there is NO point to Apple ANYTHING. Pixar is good but he should get rid of Apple.

f.diaferio
f.diaferio

who is Leo the door?? I still don't know. As for his cabinet--- does it need him as "the door" !

MrRich
MrRich

Interesting idea. Disappointing to see tech journalists and CEOs in this role. They were all late to the game. I would say we should pick someone like Richard Stallman - someone who has had incredible technical success, but whose movement has been limited by the cacaphony of stakeholders who are the free software movement (aka the internet). The internet = productivity and disfunction in one package. Make his VP Steve Ballmer. Base the new organization in Brussels, and set a uniform policy involving leiderhosen. That's about right...

parnote
parnote

And still Linus Torvalds gets no respect!

greg.hruby
greg.hruby

Secretary = Rob Pardo Undersceretary for Virtual Worlds = Phillip Rosedale

sdrentje
sdrentje

Is the internet American Only? there are now more Chinese internet users than !mericans!

rusty.tyson
rusty.tyson

I was disappointed that The iPresident did not pay any obeisance at all to Al Gore.

vanhoy
vanhoy

Leo, How about Ozzy for chief of Homeland Security. He was quite ferocious when I stopped by the Twit Cottage (sorry, Western White House)! HongKongDan

drewjensen.inbox
drewjensen.inbox

Well, what to say: Apparently Leo and yourself have way to much free time on your hands. So get to work - after all, now that there is an executive branch in place a "State of 'Net" address needs to be prepared doesn't it!

wmclaxton
wmclaxton

Great picks. I want to be Foreign Secretary (or Asian Development Minister in State Department).

mlambert890
mlambert890

Nice light hearted post. Love Laporte and have been a fan since the ZDTV days. Good picks too!

blotto5
blotto5

i personally wanted molly as president but i suppose shed be a good vice president. i love this article because its so funny and true at the same time. i think this would be the greatest government in history(if it werent fake) and the comment about the digital copyright czar was hilarious there has to be more silly stuff like this on techrepublic kudos jason hiner for this wacky article.

buzzbros2002
buzzbros2002

I'm surprised you didn't add Emmanuel Goldstein of 2600 as a security chief. Also, wasn't it steve rambam who said privacy is dead, get over it?

boxfiddler
boxfiddler

I admit to some disappointment with this appointment. I'd be far happier with Britney or Paris in this position. :0

john
john

Great post. This really made me smile. I really enjoy tech Republic and TWIT, so this is a great one for me.

TxTom
TxTom

Are you taking this fictitious presidency so seriously that you need resum?s to be able to take a fictitious presidency a little more seriously? Really?????

spektyr
spektyr

First off, you used the singular 'is' when you should have used the plural 'are'. Secondly, do you actually think that a company that rips off its customers by intentionally selling them unreliable operating systems and defective equipment (remember the thousands of faulty X-Box 360s Microsoft, knowing they were defective, deliberately shipped to retail outlets to cover Bill Gates' sales projection and then refused to give a refund to the customers who unknowingly bought those defective units? Not to mention Vista's miserable failure.) Since the Windows 95 fiasco to the present day Microsoft has never released an operating system that's been even remotely close to as stable as Macintosh, or Linux for that matter, and all of them were grosely overpriced considering the crappy products the consumer was actually getting. I'm waiting for Linux to become as user friendly as Windows has struggled to be and then it will be "Bye Bye Billy!" ;-)

DHOLYER
DHOLYER

Did you not see the 2008 election, The DEMs wanted Hillary as VP and the REPUBs selected that Alaskin babe. So Leo had to have a Lady, it's no longer functionality it's symbolism. Not saying Leo's choice can not do a great job. But the public is in the Hollyweed Media mentality.

j_r_r_55
j_r_r_55

dije yo AAAAAa.! QUE ES DE QUE SE TRATA !.. ACORDANDOME DE TODO EL TIEMPO QUE TENGO INSCRITO EN TECHREPUBLIC,, QUERIENDO TAMBIEN TENER CONOCIMIENTO DE NO SE QUE COSAS EN INTERNET,, ME HIZO CONTESTAR E-MAIL, AUNQUE POR MIS DATOS MI DIRECCION DONDE VIVO ETC. ,MAS OMENOS SABRIAN MIS RESPUESTAS Y ALGUNA QUE OTRA ASPIRACION .. AUNQUE EN SERIO YO ELEGIRIA A ALGUIEN DE LA REGION DE AQUI Y AQUI DONDE VIVO NO CREEN?,, SERA EL GOOD GUY PERO ESTAMOS LEJOS DE MEXICOU Y BOALA A QUIEN ELIJIRIAN USTEDES ,,

Ishron
Ishron

Hiner lives in a very Silicon Valley centric world. He did give credit to Bernards-Lee though..

acad2kman
acad2kman

He is fully occupied in trying to make global warming a reality by going for the highest record in monthly energy bills for a residence. Last we checked, he had exceeded $35,000 for a month and was adding carbon footprint at an alarming rate . . . If he is able to sustain growth, and there is a good chance he will, since growth to him is powered by him talking (his hot air supply is greater than the sun!) . . . global warming will spread out from wherever he may be at the time . . . We need a global policy to corral him or we are doomed . . . .

MrRich
MrRich

Yawn. Poor Al Gore don't get no respect for inventin this internet thingie. Probably has his secretary printing out emails for him. What would his newsgroup be? alt.bizarre.iinventedtheinternet alt.binary.theskyisfalling.picturesat11 rec.verbiage.wonk.secondonlytojohnkerry His smartphone - the Palm Post. (Actually mean the man no disrepect you understand, but puh-lease!)

greg.hruby
greg.hruby

... and as such he could not deign to be a member of a mortal, albeit virtual ( not virtuous) cabinet !!!!

wbranch
wbranch

We could always compromise and name one (or both) as undersecretaries to the department. I mean, this is the internet, the Department of Vacuousness is going to be a massive organization.

deboss37
deboss37

I would like very much to see this new administration activated and replace the Obama administration. We would also need new congressmen and senators. Nothing against Leo Laporte or the cabinet members he has chosen, but Sarah Palin just became available, at least until she becomes president of the United States in 2012. How can I/we help to get this administration installed?

brian
brian

Since a huge portion of Internet traffic is spam, we need some regulation, or a Board of Governors (ISPs and Carriers) to slap them down. An equivalent of the DEA perhaps, or USDA at a minimum. I would like to see a world where we could be shut down for unsolicited messaging - the Cell phone companies certainly do it. Like WHO, they'd vaccinate the world's systems, and be able to cut them quarantine those who represent a major risk. But who to lead this? I don't have an answer.

tom.lee
tom.lee

Our respected iPresident has best be careful with a his title or he may be hearing from Apple legal...

TX Old Sarge
TX Old Sarge

Since the Internet is a vast forum for such debate and I am eminently qualified having been on the debate team for some time as well as a facilitator/moderater and oft the voice of reason in said debates I 'umbly offer my services to the Net Nation.

ScouterDude
ScouterDude

Scott Adams is the obvious choice. If Dilbert doesn't represent all the inanity that happens in the industry, don't know who does.

jck
jck

Internet Ambassador of Pint Comsumption to Ireland :^0

The 'G-Man.'
The 'G-Man.'

Rotten to the core. iphone - can't change the battery, battery can overheat and melt case (so I have read on the web), locked apps store, cant tether the phone, security holes, not a smartphone, copy and paste classed as a major feature, no choice of phone networks...need I go on?

john3347
john3347

"I'm waiting for Linux to become as user friendly as Windows has struggled to be..." I'm waiting for that, too..........and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. I don't think any Linux developers are listening even as well as Microsoft listens.

Ishron
Ishron

For once can we have a thread without this religous zelotry?? The first rule of all software is it has bugs. This includes your precious Apple and Linix OS's. None are without their blemishes and quirks that we all must learn to either code around or live with. And no OS can be declaired a true bastion without serious help. This religious ferver around good and evil is misplaced. All software is what it is. Let it go. Oh and just for the record.. Linux is just as friendly now, the only thing is that it is up to you to make it that way. If you want some other company to replace MSFT and give it to you, you will be a slave to them.

keeperocrumbs
keeperocrumbs

Typical American arrogance! Nothing exists outside of America

MrRich
MrRich

Perhaps we should nominate the idiot who coined the term "Add Value" (which has done nothing but remove it).

TX Old Sarge
TX Old Sarge

What a world we have come to when you can copyright a lower case i. I remmber before the Apple lads starting using the i people on the Internet abbreviated it as the Net or Inet so using I as an abbrevation for Internet before anything be it iPres, iPoop or iDoughnut should not be a copyright issue. besides, while I am not an Apple fan, I can't imagine them having such a lack of humor to sue over something that is obviously meant in fun and not to detract from their business. Indeed, the more it is used the more people may start thinking iPod and even buy them from some sort of subliminal suggestion. ;-)

RipVan
RipVan

But if you have been bowing to MS, you probably can't use it. I think the original post regarding this wasn't a "my dog is bigger than your dog," but a slam at MS for their revenue stream mentality. Nothing more.

spektyr
spektyr

And the second angel poured forth his bowl into the sea; and it became carbonated; and every living thing in the sea swam in a drunken dance. And a voice cried out from the temple saying, "Ok. Which one of you clowns filled this thing with Zima?"

ScarF
ScarF

I can see the future! Y'all, listen to what I have to say! Before LINUX is a finished product, the Butlerian Jihad will destroy the IT community in its entirety, and the Orange Catholic Bible will state: "Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind". :P

spektyr
spektyr

Linux's developement is scattered among too many distributions instread of being focused on one. It's made for slow progress but a few distribs are getting easier to use for those who aren't so software savvy. It's not just the Linux OS itself. Applications for it lack the consolidated installers so common to Windows apps. Having to compile source code makes it impossible for your average computer user to work with. Still, for a free operating system being developed and modifide by Nix programmers all over the world it's come a long way. And, like I said, it's always been more stable and reliable than any Windows version ever peoduced. ;-)

spektyr
spektyr

I never said Macintosh and Linux were perfect, did I? I merely said Windows has never been even remotely as stable as those two products. And where are you getting this 'religious' crap. Get real. Linux isn't all that user fiendly yet but is getting there and I think it's about time software companies start writing apps for it, instead of kissing Gates' butt by writing exclusively for Windows. Linux is here and it's not going away so get with it guys. Don't allow that pirate to monopolize the software industry any longer.