When Leo Laporte won my mock election for President of the Internet, my first thought was, "If Leo were the President of the Internet, who would be in his cabinet?" Thus, I gave the iPres a call and within 30 minutes we had fleshed out the full mythical cabinet. Now it's time to announce his selections.
Remember that in my original post about this mock election I said Leo would "be the best at setting up an Abraham Lincoln-like 'team of rivals' because that's what he does every week on TWiT, and he has shown a remarkable ability to bring together a lot of strong personalities and engage them in a constructive dialog about the direction of the technology world."
His cabinet selections reinforce that opinion, as Leo has rounded out his cabinet with not only his friends but also his three rivals in the election and even his most notorious "enemy."
Cabinet of the iPresVice President - Molly Wood
In the first several U.S. Presidential elections, the runner-up in the polls was automatically installed as the vice president. That led to some bitter working arrangements between rivals. However, in this case, Laporte thinks Wood both earned the position and is the perfect choice. That makes her the iVeep.Secretary of Justice - John C Dvorak
This post demands an independent-thinking curmudgeon who won't be swayed by the fleeting whims of the populace.Secretary of Conspiracies - Adam Curry
All good governments (and most bad ones) are embroiled in wild conspiracy theories. Laporte thinks it wise to get ahead of the game and set up a whole department of conspiracies to respond to allegations, and with Curry in charge this government can even start a few of its own.Secretary of the Treasury (and Poker) - Jason Calacanis
Calacanis deeply understands the economics of the Internet and has a track record of anticipating future trends. He is also a card shark who would organize all cabinet poker games.Secretary of Defense - Steve Gibson
The Internet version of this post requires an IT security guru with a healthy dose of paranoia.Secretary of War - Michael Arrington
The U.S. Department of Defense was called the "Department of War" until 1947. Laporte wants to have both departments simultaneously, and who on the Internet is more combative than Michael Arrington. In fact, Laporte and Arrington have even had a famously combative relationship at times.Attorney General - Larry Lessig
The Stanford law professor is an outspoken commentator on transforming law to meet the needs of the Information Age.Secretary of Commerce - Jeff Bezos
The king of e-commerce deserves this post.
Undersecretary of Commerce (and Shoes) - Tony HsiehSecretary of Energy - Chris Pirillo
Since Amazon just bought Zappos, this makes perfect sense.Undersecretaries of Commerce, Churro Committee - Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld
If you don't know the connection here, Google it.
Laporte says no one has more energy than Chris.Secretary of Education - Steve Wozniak
Since leaving Apple, Woz has dedicated much of his career to using computers to help educate children.Secretary of Labor - Patrick Norton
At TechTV, the executives used to say that Patrick was "for the lunchbox set."Secretary of Infrastructure - Tim Berners-Lee
Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Wide. He is well-qualified to help solve the growth challenges of Internet in the years ahead.Privacy Czar - Scott McNealy
McNealy famously once said, "Privacy is dead. Get over it." So who better to help the people of the Internet get their privacy back?Ambassador to the United Nations - Amber MacArthur
She knows her way around the Internet. Plus, she's from Canada, the Switzerland of North AmericaDigital Copyright Czar - Cory Doctorow
Doctorow is an advocate of Creative Commons and an opponent of DRM. He wants to inject simplicity and common sense into international copyright laws. Good luck with that.Gadget Czar - Veronica Belmont
The Goddess of Gadgets will advocate for Internet devices that are both uber-geeky and highly-usable.Cloud Computing Czar - Marc Andreessen
The father of the Web browser will now be a catalyst for shepherding the world's software applications into the browser.Commissioner of Fantasy Sports - Tom Merritt
Sports, like everything else, will soon be moving online. Real world athletes will be replaced by gamers. Stadiums will be replaced by Internet-enabled TVs and premium online networks such as Xbox Live. Someone has to help make sense of it all during the transition. Merritt has been involved with electronic sports since Microleague Baseball in the 1980s.Social Media Czar - Robert Scoble
The media is one many institutions being transformed by the Information Revolution. It is becoming much more democratic and much more social and Robert Scoble is a flag-bearer of the movement.Chief Vacuity Officer - Ashton Kutcher
The Internet isn't just about work and someone needs to represent the people who goof-off online.Aesthetics Czar - Steve Jobs
Every organization needs a forceful critic with impeccable taste to call people "bozos" when they do imperfect work.For more insights on technology and business, follow my Twitter stream: @JasonHiner
Jason Hiner has nothing to disclose. He doesn't hold investments in the technology companies he covers.
Jason Hiner is Global Editor in Chief of TechRepublic and Global Long Form Editor of ZDNet. He's co-author of the book, Follow the Geeks.