iPhone

An imaginary conversation about the Apple iPad

TechRepublic member dcolbert stretches his imagination with this script of a fictitious conversation about the Apple iPad. If you have a tech-related post, photo, video clip, cartoon, or script that you'd like to share with your TR peers. please send them to trol [at] techrepublic.com.

Before I go any further, I want to make it transparently clear that this post is fictional. At no time did this conversation actually take place (or at least we're fairly certain of that).

I know that the title itself makes this point pretty clear, but there are some people who gloss over the obvious, read selective bits and pieces, and then have a cow -- after all, how could we post something that wasn't the absolute truth, right? (Case in point, Jason Hiner is still getting daily e-mails from people who want to know how to turn normal displays into touchscreens.)

And that brings me to my second disclaimer. This post is supposed to be fun. I've opened up the TR Out Loud to include submissions from the TechRepublic community, and TR member dcolbert is definitely thinking outside the box with his recent editorial cartoon and this creative script.

Yes, they both focus on a hot topic in the tech world -- the Apple iPad. But no, they aren't serious tech journalism. We've got plenty of that in other areas of TechRepublic, so if that's what you're looking for, please stop reading here and move along.

Now, for those of you who appreciate the lighter side, here's dcolbert's latest entry:

Al pulled his ringing iPhone from the breast pocket of his jacket, looked at the image of Steve floating above the caller ID on the screen, and hit the answer button.

"Hey, this is Al..."

"Al, Steve here. Can you talk for a minute?"

"What's up, Steve-o? It’s kinda early out there on our favorite coast for you to be up. Something worrying you?"

"It is this new device, Al. We're going to market with it, and I'm afraid it’s going to be a disaster, because it’s really just a huge iPhone, for Pete’s sake!"

Al sat for a moment, rubbing his bare chin between his forefinger and thumb. He wasn't convinced he was going to stay with this clean shaven thing. Maybe he should grow the beard back. "We'll, Steve, it’s what it is at this point. You don't have time to change it before the release event. So, if it’s a turd, it’s a turd. The only thing we can do now is put a spin on it. I've got some great people - they'll come up with something."

"You're sure Al, you think these guys can come up with something to save this?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course they can. Let me get a hold of them, and I'll call you back as soon as they've got an idea..."

Twenty minutes later, in a suburb near Livermore, California, a gaunt and haggard Steve paced nervously back and forth in his kitchen, his iPhone in his hand, wearing slippers, PJ bottoms, and a black mock turtleneck. The phone rang, but Steve hit the Talk button before the first ring had even finished.

"Whatta ya got for me, Al?" Steve blurted out as a greeting.

"You're going to love this," Al responded in his slow, easy drawl with just a hint of a southern accent.

"Ok... let me have it."

"You just keep calling it 'magical' and 'revolutionary', over and over again," Al began. "You do it at the event, you do it for the press, and you do it in advertisements. Those two words, over and over again, 'magical' and 'revolutionary' - until they believe it."

Steve paused for a long moment. "’Magical’ and ‘revolutionary’? Repeat ‘magical’ and ‘revolutionary’ until the consumers buy it? That’s all you've got for me? Who the heck came up with this, Al?"

As Al boarded his private jet to fly from D.C. to California, he chuckled on the phone. "The same guy who came up with 'Change' for Obama, Steve. Trust me on this."

"’Magical’ and ‘revolutionary.’ Huh." said Steve, with consideration in his voice.

"’Magical’ and ‘revolutionary’," Al repeated, motioning for the Stewardess to make him a drink. She knew which one, his usual.

"This just might work..."

If you'd like to submit something to post in the TR Out Loud blog, please send it to trol at techrepublic.com.

About

Sonja Thompson has worked for TechRepublic since October of 1999. She is currently a Senior Editor and the host of the Smartphones and Tablets blogs.

16 comments
The 'G-Man.'
The 'G-Man.'

not enough memory for his list! Sorry Billy Boy, Santa's iPad could not fit you on this year.

dcolbert
dcolbert

Right there in the top corner, iPad Our most advanced technology in a magical and revolutionary device at an unbelievable price... Every article I read about the keynote... "magical and revolutionary"... It'll open doors in wardrobes to far away lands full of enchanted beasts? It'll overthrow oppressive regimes and redistribute wealth and power equitably to the common man? This is one heckuva device they've come up with, for only twice the price (at half the power and less than half the storage capacity) of your typical Netbook. Does it grant wishes, too?

seanferd
seanferd

Those who practice this may just be the marketing target.

dcolbert
dcolbert

That maybe the iPad can deliver universal healthcare with a public option. :)

da philster
da philster

I'll buy it....if it makes chicken soup; then it qualifies for healthcare.

SupaWales
SupaWales

LOL :-) Yep.. and pigs WILL fly.... oh looky!

dcolbert
dcolbert

Maybe I should have done a couple examples... The iPad is such a holy grail of a device... It can bring peace to Israel... Make McDonald's food healthy... Get IT Administrators dates with supermodels... Get SQL DBAs *dates*... (period...) :)

Neon Samurai
Neon Samurai

.. will still rant and rail against healthcare. It's like the french revolution in reverse with the poor shouting "power to the rich, power to the rich" (but this is rather off topic and political for what should be a light hearted discussion about the latest fruity wounder-gadget)

CharlieSpencer
CharlieSpencer

"Al repeated, motioning for the Stewardess to make him a drink. She knew which one, his usual." Some flavor of Kool-Aid, I assume :D

Jellimonsta
Jellimonsta

you mean Steve? :p

dcolbert
dcolbert

Well, Al is the one having a drink and sure he can spin the impossible into the positive, in the story. :) I appreciated the implicit message either way, Palmie.

Sonja Thompson
Sonja Thompson

TR member dcolbert is at it again - giving the rest of the TR community something to chatter about in the forums. This is fun, light post - so if you're feeling all serious today, do everyone else a favor and pass this one up. :D

dinap_b
dinap_b

Hi Sonja, Fun to read and out and out hilarious especially the part when Steve is standing in the kitchen and talking to Al. To read such brilliantly written articles makes reading at Tech Republic worthwhile. The integration of Obama's change campaign was also unexpected and very funny. Keep up the good work Sonja. I shall look forward to more of your posts. Cheers !!

santeewelding
santeewelding

For adding to it, extending it, and taking it to where none have gone before?

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