IT Policies

Jeff's top ten favorite help desk calls

Jeff's been reminiscing this week. He got to thinking about all those lovely, silly calls he has taken over the years and how they made him feel. Do you keep your own list of favorite calls?

Over the years there have been a great number of calls to help desks. Sometimes it feels as though I took most of them myself. They fall broadly into several categories, which I have listed as hardware failure, network problems, forgotten passwords, unfamiliarity with equipment and software, and the downright bizarre. Here’s a summary of some of my all time favorites.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Number 10

“The system won’t recognize my password. It was OK on Friday, but now it's Monday morning, and it doesn’t work anymore. Is it a virus or is the network down?”

No, you’ve forgotten that you changed your password last thing Friday afternoon.

Number 9

“My mouse isn’t working.”

This turned out to be a weird one, but one that became clear as soon as I visited the desk. The caller was left-handed and had naturally picked up the mouse nearest to his left hand. The user next to him was getting highly frustrated by all the random submenus that kept appearing on his screen.

On the same call we found another nonworking mouse. This time it was because someone had stolen the ball.

Number 8

“Whatever I write on my computer, the screen shows something totally different.”

This was the result of a simple prank involving swapping two monitors so that each person was looking at the screen of the person opposite.

Number 7

Again in the prank stakes, the caller reported that the wrong letters came out on his screen.

A cursory investigation revealed that his key caps had been rearranged to display an abusive message. The caller failed to notice the message but was not touch typing. The problem was that after all the thousands of hours spent bashing away at a keyboard I assumed that I would be able to replace the caps onto the correct keys, but it took longer than I thought. I eventually had to obtain another keyboard to refer to.

Number 6

“Are you updating the Internet? I can’t get into my e-mail.”

Number 5

I’ve got the < >virus; I can’t get my printer to work.

This one turned out to be related to number 4. The user was hitting CTRL+P, but his printer remained resolutely silent. I promised to investigate just as soon as I had dealt with number 4.

Number 4

The person in the next office over reported that the same 50-page report had been coming out of his laser printer continuously for the last hour.

That was one of those situations when I felt like putting the two telephone receivers together and getting them to sort it out themselves.

Number 3

“What am I doing wrong?”

“I don’t know, what are you trying to do?”

“Oh, just the usual stuff.”

I’ve always been touched by the user’s enduring faith in my clairvoyant skills.

Number 2

“Sometimes I get an error code on the screen. What is causing it?”

“What does it say?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Then I don’t know what is causing it.”

--and sliding in at the top spot:

Number 1

“My screen has exploded! Can you fix it without losing my work?”

I insisted that the user unplug the monitor. When I arrived with a replacement screen I was able to plug it in. The work was still showing, and the caller was amazed. I advised against watering plants that had been placed on top of the CRT screen.

109 comments
brewilmb
brewilmb

My favorite is still the user that called and told me she hit something and now the number pad doesn't work on the keyboard. When I explained that she hi the numlock she argued that would be stupid, then she ask where the numlock was. I had to explain to her how to find it and point out it is actually printed num lock on the key unlike the anykey

jim2350
jim2350

I had just started training on the Help Desk for a large retailer a few years back. Typically the trainer would plug-in to listen in and make sure that things were being done properly. I get one of our typical calls - password reset request from an in-house employee because they forgot their old password. No big deal - standard procedure is to reset it to something easy for the user and then have the system force them to change it when they log on again. No one but the user should know the password. Me: I'm going to set your password to your last name, with the first letter capitalized. User: Wait a minute, let me get a pen and paper to write that down. To this day, my trainer believes that his convulsive laughter protected him from serious injury when he fell off of his chair!!

FRiC
FRiC

This just happened recently. A friend called me up to ask how to delete videos from his computer. After about half an hour of trying different things I realized that he was trying to delete videos on YouTube. He can't tell the difference between video files located on his computer and on the website... http://www.ivoidwarranties.com/2009/07/delete-internet.html

Cerebral*Origami
Cerebral*Origami

My favorite was when we got a new machine in from Gateway, I plugged it in and as soon as I turned it on smoke started pouring from the power supply. I turned it off, unplugged it and called for an RMA. The tech refused to issue an RMA unless we tried to trouble-shoot it first! I said:"There - is - SMOKE - coming - out - of - the - power - supply!" Nope she insisted I turn it back on at which point it started to crackle and finally she agreed to send a replacement. This was about 12-13 years ago and they've only gotten worse since!

cholt2064
cholt2064

I have a dumb helpdesk call in reverse... I am an application administrator for a web based financial system so I've had my fair share of hilarious calls from end-users. However, recently I had to call the helpdesk of the software manufacturer to resolve an issue. Basically, I could retrieve data on my machine, but many other users could not retrieve data on their machines. So I borrowed one of the user's laptops and set it up on my desk beside my own. This setup included plugging the network cable into the wall receptacle located, literally, 1 inch away from the receptacle where my PC was plugged in. I called the helpdesk and spent hours on the phone with them until this guy told me it was his lunch time and decided to take a break for 30 minutes (at 12:00 am local time). As he was gone I continued working, and I started zeroing in on the cause. When he returned to the call I was in the middle of testing a solution. While my test was running he says "If this doesn't work - let's try plugging the network cable into the receptacle that your machine is using." I let the phone stay silent for a while so I could decide whether this guy was an idiot or if he thought I was an idiot. I finally decided it was the former and I said "ok, I'll try that in just a moment." (even though I had no intention of trying it). Fortunately my solution worked so I didn't have to switch receptacles... or dust my monitor... or shuffle the papers on my desk... or any other ridiculous idea this guy could have suggested...

izzy_again
izzy_again

1. Got a call from client computer is not working. Asked that client if the monitor was on. Client says I will have to put you on speaker because the phone does not reach. The next thing I hear are foot steps. I had to walk the client through checking the computer while listen to people walk back and forth because the phone was placed on the floor. 2. Client calls my computer is not working please come pick it up. I ask the client if I could work with him over the phone to resolve the problem. Client says no just come pick it up. When I get to the client site the computer box has a dent on the side as if someone punched or kicked it. 3. A client calls in says the new server keeps shutting off. I immediately go to the client site to find they had made a nice plexiglass cover for the server that did not allow any air flow. 4. on one call I finally figured out the user was pressing the monitor power instead of the pc. to proceed I ask her to look for the computer. me: is there metal box around the monitor. user: no me: look under the desk is there a metal box there. user: monitor is on a table and there is a metal box underneath. me: press the power on the metal box. user: nothing happens me: are there any lights on the metal box user: no me: press the button again user: ok there is a light on know just as we are talking someone else walks in and says they can't get on the server. (oops) me: anything on the monitor user: no me: are there any other metal boxes under the table. user: yes on the other side. me: ok are there any lights (better make sure its off this time) user: no me: press the power button user: ok now the screen has something. me: ok you are al set bye (sssshesh who set that up) 5. Several calls to repair a printer someone kept throwing coffee stir sticks into. The manager finally looked into that one and found the culprit. 6. Called to repair a printer that some mistaken the white sensor cable for paper. 7. I installed a proxy server for a client to find several minutes after the installation everyone including the president and vp were viewing porn. I explained to the vp that viewing porn on a business computer was a bad idea because of viruses. After numerous calls to remove viruses including one day when I got there to find the same virus happily chewing up disk space on all system they got the point. 8. Called hp helpline a women answers with a heavy india accent says her name is dorothy. After laughing for several minutes I apologized and had the most productive call every with hp. Problem was resolved. I did ask her several time what her name really was. 9. I was installing a new workstation at a large company. Manager walks in and asked why everyone is standing around. Person answers IT guy is here. It seems my presence meant the system is down. After a couple times of that I made sure to announce that the system was operational when I got there to work. 10. I was called to fix a dialing problem. I knew it was going to take longer to explain that the modem was connected to a system that required the 9 to be dialed first to get an outside dial tone. I proceeded to quickly go through the configuration screens of to locate where the telephone number is entered. Mean while this women was frantically screaming What are doing? Your going to break. Stop that. Whats that? Do you know what your doing? I found the place configured it and dialed out. She then replies OH you fixed it.

johnb
johnb

My favorite......... User: "The Net is down." Me: "Tell me what is happening." User: "I can't print because the Net is down." Me: Goes to printer. It is out of paper. John B.

kgunnIT
kgunnIT

Got to work Monday and was told by a user that after I left Friday she got this message while on the internet saying she had a virus or something, so she clicked the window and then this new window opened and said she needed to scan her computer. So, the clicked on the button...then she got confused and just closed it all. Turns out, while browsing a site, she got one of those pop-ups about a virus on her system (an ad for antimalware or something). I told this user that any time she gets a message like this, ignore it and leave it there. Next time I am in the office I will deal with it. Same user couldn't figure out how to send an email. Turns out the past x years all she has ever done is reply to emails, she never created a new email message. Solution: click on the New Message button. Users....they drive us crazy, they make us laugh, they are our job security.

Deadly Ernest
Deadly Ernest

One user support incident I witnessed was real good. I don't know what the original problem was, but I called in at another company to see someone and had to go see another person. We get there as the IT tech is having them check everything is working after having done some work on the system. As we approached I saw some cards and tools being put back in his bag; I think it was a graphics card and a NIC, but didn't get a real good look. Anyway, their final conversation goes: User: "Thanks Phil. Now I can get some work done, I hope. Damn these systems are rubbish, why did we buy them?" Tech: "Don't ask me, I got told what we're getting by the CFO. This ain't my fault." I later checked into what they bought and found out the local rep of a four letter major US dealer had recommended this model - one best described as for 'a very low end user who doesn't do much' a great item for a business - and the CFO bought it because it was so much cheaper than the one the IT people wanted, and a computer is a computer isn't it.

bryanw
bryanw

True story - we received a helpdesk call asking for assistance on Excel... 'oh, and the kettle's broke!'

John Gordon
John Gordon

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things I have heard in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator:'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller:'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' Operator:'What sort of trouble??' Caller:'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator:'Went away?' Caller:'They disappeared.' Operator:'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?' Caller:'Nothing.' Operator:'Nothing??' Caller:'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator:'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??' Caller:'How do I tell?' Operator:'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??' Caller:'What's a sea-prompt?' Operator:'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller:'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.' Operator:'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' Caller:'What's a monitor?' Operator:'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??' Caller:'I don't know.' Operator:'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.. Can you see that??' Caller:'Yes, I think so.' Operator:'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller:'Yes, it is.' Operator:'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??' Caller:'No.' Operator:'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable..' Caller:'Okay, here it is.' Operator:'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' Caller:'I can't reach.' Operator:'Uh huh.. Well, can you see if it is??' Caller:'No.' Operator:'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??' Caller:'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.' Operator:'Dark??' Caller:'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. ' Operator:'Well, turn on the office light then.' Caller:'I can't.' Operator:'No? Why not??' Caller:'Because there's a power failure.' Operator:'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??' Caller:'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.' Operator:'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' Caller:'Really? Is it that bad?' Operator:'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller:'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??' Operator:'Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

benzbadr
benzbadr

Our helpdesk sends us (IT), on non regular basis, when she notices that IT are stressed; a set of helpdesk calls which makes us laughing; if I send them to you, you will not understand them as they are specific to our country culture.

computerprowjk4
computerprowjk4

Not asupport call but this could have turned out very badly for me thank goodness I checked the cd rom drive before the laptop was shippped out,at a pharmaceutical co. that I provided desktop support for ,the previous rep left a porno cd in the laptop If I had not checked it would have been shipped out to a female new hire That could have been a job ender for me. I had another experience where arep called and said that her laptop stopped working I attempted to probe further asking what exactly wasn't working ,she said it just isn't working,so I had her send it in to the helpdesk,I get the box no problem with the outside package ,I open it up and there is moisture on the laptop shell ,I mention it to one of my colleagues ,he gets a whiff of chlorine the rep dropped the laptop in the pool no wonder she didn't want to discuss what is wrong !!! :) :)

miller.carl
miller.carl

I was once working at a client site where there was a thinstation that was somehow setup for a french keyboard layout. Rather than the users calling the Help Desk and us readjusting the setting they decided to re-arrange the keyboard as to correct the keys to that of the french keyboard layout. I adjusted the setting in the thinstation to a US keyboard, replaced the keyboard and placed the keyboard on the IT department wall.

miller.carl
miller.carl

I was once working as a help desk associate who received a call from a user about 45 miles away. I instructed her to restart the computer, by turning it off and back on. She would take a couple of seconds and say, "ok, done". Not long after that I decided that I would have to drive to the client to fix the issue. Turns out the user was pressing the power button on her monitor and turning it back on. Once the PC was restarted everything worked out fine.

coldbrew
coldbrew

I can vouch for the "watering the plant on the CRT" Yeah for flat screens huh! The other funny one I have is that one of our users cleaned his keyboard with window cleaner. He was cleaning the monitor so why not just douse down the keyboard for a good cleaning. he finally admitted it after we got the keyboard and I started prying keys off b/c it had that "blue windows cleaner" smell ooozing from it. That was about 10 yrs ago and I still tease him about it.

bangitsmom
bangitsmom

Just had a call last week where they needed me to come find out why the system isn't working. Claimed they tried everything. While I was on my way I get a call to cancel, they got it working. I ask what it was and was told they just forgot to turn it on when they came in that morning.

Deadly Ernest
Deadly Ernest

want to remember. I was visiting family in outback Queensland, over a thousand kilometres from anywhere - for the US people think of a town out in the middle of the midwest and nothing in sight in any direction. We went to visit friends about an hour's drive out of town. The kids are playing on their computer and it starts acting weird - so I get asked to look at it, naturally. Now the place is a big old rambling farm house that's over a hundred years old, but still solid. Piped water, gas, and electricity have all been added post construction. I go to fix the computer Outcomes the kit from the back of the car, and I open the case. Then I set the land speed record for backing up in a strange environment. I started to pull the side cover off, dropped it and ran, fast. Sheiit, that computer was jam packed full of red back spiders (US people, think of black widow spiders - their closest cousin) some of them HUGE. I've a severe arachnophobia, so I left the clean out to the other adults - four of them used six full cans of spider and insect killer and twenty minutes to spray them all as they swarmed all over the desk. I told them I'd fix the computer the next day back in town - if they brought it in with the side off AFTER they cleared all the spiders out. Needed a few new fans and some fine mesh over all remaining entry points, but otherwise OK. man was I scared that day.

MartyL
MartyL

I was working t/s for a provider who was rolling out DSL and shipped internal modems for a self-install. My caller only needed me to tell him the card had to go in PCI slot 1 and he pulled and reinstalled the video card and controller for his CD drive, then reinstalled the modem - all on his own while I stood by on the phone. He was 9 and in a hurry so his grandmother would have it working before he went to vacation bible school.

MartyL
MartyL

My oldest customer so far - 84 - needed help with a rebuild. He couldn't get the "turbo" light to light up. After I explained that there was no "turbo" on newer motherboards, he was good to go. I checked his setup anyway, just to see what he was up to, and he was absolutely on track, just had an old case. "I retured a few years ago and then computers came along and I got interested in how they work." His "few years ago" was sometime around 1979 - he used to be a mine engineer.

JustaCoder
JustaCoder

"John, do I have my backup diskettes?" How DO you answer that one? "Are they in the usual place you put them?" I replied, trying anything. "Yes, they are." Case Solved == Sherlock Holmes

vdggfreak
vdggfreak

One of our managers called me to drop by at his office because he had a "small" problem. Seemed that he hadn't been able to shut down his laptop for the past 2 days. I asked him "why". Well, he sayd, I can't reach my start button. Just went over there to restore the taskbar that he inadvertely had minimized. Explaining that on the phone would have been too time consuming and of course I wanted to see that with my own eyes.

rkjobe
rkjobe

I work for a large company that has plants throughout the US and I got a call from a woman who said her screen (crt) just went black and she changed it out with a spare and she wanted to let me know she was shipping it back to me so I could change the Light Bulb in it! I'm glad she left me a voicemail because I (and others around me) laughed our butts off.

mousejn
mousejn

I had Hard dive fail two hours away from my office 3PM on a Friday. I had to go back to the office to get a replacement. The operator said I had to talk to the office manager. He was upset that their system went down. I explained the problem and told him that I could come back tonight, Saturday or Monday morning. I told him that I would do anything he wanted. He told me that was totally unacceptable.

elangomatt
elangomatt

If you want to read a whole ton of these type of stories, you should go read Clientcopia.com The only thing I don't like about that site is that you can't comment on people's postings, so some people feel the need to make a new comment to comment on a previous post.

Larry3500
Larry3500

One of my favorites was a call in which the tables were turned and I had to call the help desk of the manufacturer of a friend's router for which I had no manual and no clue. Tech Support for the router manufacturer had been outsourced to India. The help desk technician wanted me to get to a command prompt so that I could type in an IPCONFIG command and read him the result. His prepared script demanded that he tell me to click Start, Run, and then type C M D - that's 'C' as in Charles, 'M', as in Michael, and 'D' as in David; he recited the script in his thick Indian accent. I asked him if he actually knew anyone named Charles, Michael, or David. His response: No, but I do have a friend named Davinder. The rest of the call proceeded without incident; however, he continued to treat me as a typical uninformed user, spelling out each step in laborious detail.

Ronald.odom
Ronald.odom

I used to work on a help desk for a retailer. The E-mail admin desired to update the e-mail client in the stores. He sends them a email with an embedded script that will install the patch. They were given a notice and instructions to press the button that read "Press here to install updates." in set of emails. 150 stores called in not able install the update. They were printing the e-mail and pressing on the paper. not joking.

RealSundanceKid
RealSundanceKid

. . . "Something's wrong with this computer" seems to always preface whatever the problem is, ya'll noticed that too right? OK, here's one of my many many tales. Woman calls me from the Medical Records department in the hospital I work, gives me the standard "Something's wrong with this computer" whine, and in a snotty tone of voice at that. I asked her what was wrong, and she replied even snottier "I don't know what's wrong!" I asked her what was happening to make her say something was wrong with the computer. She said (exasperated now) "Everything is big - it's all BIG" I asked her what was 'big', and she told me that EVERYTHING was all 'big' everything she typed came out all 'big'. I paused for a second and then asked her "You mean it's all in CAPITAL LETTERS Bernice?" Her answer was dripping with contempt when she replied "YES!" I took a deep breath, started laughing, and said to her "You wanna turn that CAPS LOCK off on your keyboard there Bernice?"

Slayer_
Slayer_

I usually respond "Nothing....yet"

LockOutGirl
LockOutGirl

I had a call once from a user in a remote location. User: "My stuff isn't printing, can you see what's wrong?" I looked at the network share and saw the printer was showing a paper jam. Me: It looks like it has a paper jam. User: *pause* Is that on your end or ours? I sat in silence for a minute. The only thing I could think to say was "there isn't any paper on our end."

tintoman
tintoman

My client had a hard drive fail on a Windows home server I managed to recover the data after 10 labourious hours of careful nuturing and advised the client to make regular backups as he is running a business and data changes daily. Went to site, installed an external hard drive, did a backup, left site. A Week later...call comes in "Hello, my server won't back up, it hasn't worked since you were here" Me "Oh I'm sorry to hear that I'll take a look" I logged in remotely and checked the back up log and saw the message "A device attached to this computer has malfunctioned - the backup was not successful" every day for a week. Went to site. "Errr...where's the external hard drive I supplied to you last week?" "Oh it's at Barry's house"

support
support

A Danish professor in the English Dept. I provide support for (see earlier post) sent me this video a few years ago. Some other professors were having a conversation outside my office when I was viewing it (laughing out loud). I invited them in to watch the video. They too, were rolling with laughter, when one stopped and said - entirely serious - "Wait a minute, this is about us, isn't it?"

izzy_again
izzy_again

That describes a lot of users I have worked with.

ShaneHo
ShaneHo

I had the real-life equivalent of the infamous Wordperfect call when I worked in Johnson & Johnson Ireland. Pat, one of the older ladies in the accounts dept called me to tell me that her computer had gone down. After a few diagnostic questions, we worked out it had lost power. So I asked the magic question... "Eh Pat, are the other computers around you working?" "Oh no, they've all gone down too" "I see, pity you didn't mention that at the start. Are the lights on?" "Oh no, all the lights went out a few minutes ago, when the computers went down." "I see. Pat, do you think that maybe you should be calling our facilities manager?" "OK then, I'll try that."

JustinF
JustinF

Those redbacks love living around metal for some reason although I've never seen one in a PC before, dead huntsmen yes. I found a huge one in a web just under my water heater when I went to check a leak, it was the middle of winter but it had been living where it was nice & warm. It survived the winter weather but not the winter boots! I once sent an email with instructions on how to make a system change including a screenshot of the application. I got a call from a remote user who couldn't get it to work, it turns out he was trying to click on the screenshot in the email I had sent.

MartyL
MartyL

1 - Caller has our $650 programmable, networkable fax and wants to complain that the manual doesn't mention that it has to be turned on in order to receive to memory. 2 - Cube-dweller down the hall actually thought it would be funny to tell a clueless user they were too stupid to have a computer and should send it back. Our division manager sent him back - to the unemployment office. 3 - I know SOME techs take comfort in the anguish of users but I was surprised one day when I muted my headset mic to tell a cube-mate, "I think I made her cry." I then heard a growing round of applause coming from the cubes around me. I guess they thought I was wreaking revenge on my user for all the injuries they'd suffered from their own callers. 4 - Language adventures. I once had to three-way a call betwee Indian tech support - I can't even TRY to convey that accent in print, but I know you know what I mean - and a user in Eastern Tennessee. India: Thankyouverymuch I am so pleased to be able to assist you with your difficulty. Please to be cleanbooting of the system now sir. TN: Yawl want me tuh cut 'er off and shove in the wahr now, or do yawl want me to just cut 'er off and back on agin? And so it went. 5 - Self-affirmation exercise. I once was able to argue an attorney into following my t/s steps and giving up his credit card number for security so I could cross-ship a replacement unit. He put up a good fight, though. 6 - I figured out how to copy settings from our high-end fax from one unit to another so my caller - a furniture wholesaler - could get the same phone numbers in three different fax machines at three different locations without having to enter them by hand. They were thrilled. I took the procedure to our manufacturer liaison and was told, "Yeah. Neat. We don't support that." And so it goes.

jlester1
jlester1

Well i have been doing this for quite some time and have MANY stories to tell but 4 really stick out in my mind... 1) user stops me in the hallway to ask me about getting a scanner for home so she could scan old photos. I gave her a whole bunch of models to choose from... her reply was "How will this affect my phone bill" 2)working in a hospital I had a call about the mouse jumping all over the screen. Paid a visit to the user and noticed something very strange. She had a PS2 mouse"ball style" sitting on a mouse pad that was upside down with the rough rubber ridges facing up.... 3)also at the hospital someone called with a mouse problem. I told them I would come down with a replacement and they told me no, but to please come down. I went down there to meet up with an Exterminator. Apparently there was a dead mouse in the area and he felt that it was in the machine.... 4) A client of mine had me install a wireless printer in his house. Everything was working fine before I left. A few days later I received a call that the printer wouldn't print. As this was the middle of the night, I did not want to take a 25 mile drive, so I went through the basic trouble shooting. When asked if he saw a green light on the printer he replied "Oh, the printer has to be turned on?"

kgunnIT
kgunnIT

I hate those scripts. Our LAN was working and all devices could see our router, but the router was not connecting to our ISP. Our WAN IP was 172.0.0.1, not a normal WAN IP, and the WAN gateway was blank as well as DNS servers. Right away, I new something wasn't working right between our router and our ISP. Despite telling the ISP tech support this information, he insisted it was a hardware issue or computer issue. I also said that 172.0.0.1 is our local IP, which is normal(!). After more work, ie resetting the router, configuring it for static WAN, then resetting again with DHCP WAN, the router finally registered with the ISP and we had internet access again. The ISP support guy kept telling me to try ipconfig /release and /renew and all these other steps, that I had already done. Did he not understand when I said all computers had their appropriate IP and could see the router, that the router was not connecting to their servers.

marioveguez
marioveguez

User calls me after signing up with my internet service - "My internet doesn't work, I want a refund!" I look up his records and sure enough, he's never even logged in once. I asked him if he would let me try to walk him through the setup and he agrees. he keeps telling me that he did everything my setup instructions say to do, but when he goes to connect, the phone just screams at him. At this point, I couldn't believe what he's telling me - but then he confirms it when I ask, "What do you mean, your phone just screams at you?" "We pick up the phone, dial the number and it screams at us - We even tried it at the neighbor's house & it does the same thing there!" - I laughed forever - then, come to find out, he doesn't even have a modem. Later, after getting a modem, he calls again to ask how much extra it would cost to send e-mails long-distance!

rwtodd2007
rwtodd2007

While working retail many years ago, woman brought back a computer and was accompanied by her pastor. Seems it was for the church office, and it was possessed. The store manager called me over, since he didn't know what to do. I unpacked the computer, and turned it on. Yep, it made strange noises all right. Both the customer and the pastor backed away. The pastor informed me he tried to exorcise the computer to no avail. We told him we would take it back and gave them a new one, making sure it was quiet before it left the store. Seems a bad fan makes noise just like the devil does!

Deadly Ernest
Deadly Ernest

in the US you'd get swearing and a lot of argument, in Ireland you get a quiet 'OK, I'll do that.'

Slayer_
Slayer_

It auto turns on, auto turns off, auto ejects ink if its empty, when you press the ink eject, it actually pops up on computer screen instructions on how to do so. If the paper got jammed, it auto either spit the papor out and tried again, or sucked it back in, placed paper back in try, then tried again. BJC 4300, theys till sell ink for it too, dirt cheap. The one I got is an old serial cable version, so useless to modern computers. But the auto on/off solved a lot of issues with dumb users (like my parents).

Deadly Ernest
Deadly Ernest

are people working part time while doing an IT tech course and all their work is based on the troubleshooting database script they're told to look up and follow or walk out the door. I had a similar issue some about two years back, and half the people in our region had the same problem. In the end I got hold of one of the sales staff and got them to have the senior tech troubleshooting the problem talk to me. We chatted for a few minutes and I told him what I'd observed as I was on-line when the system went down. using my comments and suggestions, he did some checking and called me back to thank me for pointing him towards the specific server that was a problem, it had picked up a virus and messed up the DNS settings and file. Reimage, and all was well. But the phone tech had not a clue and no leeway to step outside the script.

marioveguez
marioveguez

Had a new customer, been with us about a month, call me up and started screaming bloody murder - cursing me up one side and down the other - "I'm going to sue you! This is false advertising! - I signed up for unlimited Internet with you guys and my phone bill is for over a thousand dollars! !@#^%$#@$$%^..." you get the idea. He had just moved to our town from Las Vegas, signed up for internet access from us, then starting logging massive hours online, without bothering to read any of our setup instructions - and therefore, calling long-distance to Las Vegas for internet access - after a month, he got his bill from the phone company & the only way I knew it was when I looked at my records, it showed he had never even called our service. He called me back and apologised and the phone company was pretty understanding and cut his bill to one-third what it was supposed to be.

TechRepublic
TechRepublic

...10 Then Jesus said to him, "Get thee to the Recycle Bin, Satan! for it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you compute.'" 11 Then the devil was sent to near-line storage, and behold, the helpdesk came and ministered to him. The word of the Lord...