I'm currently having a conflict with a coworker that sits in the next cubicle over. I read this article because I was interested in forwarding it on to my manager as he doesn't seem to know how to handle the situation.
In my case my friend seems to want to sabitage every move that I make. He wont look me in the eye when we pass in the hallway. He deals with everyone through email and has managed to tear down relationships with other departments as well.
Telling us that we should only communicate through email would only reinforce his anti social behavior. I think that he archives everything that I send to him in case he can 'catch' me on something. I've given up sending him anything for his archive mail. I'd be pissed if myboss told me that this was how to properly handle this.
I also think that 'going public' would be offensive as well. I think that this guy has some personal issues and I wouldn't want to be grouped with this guy publicly as having personal issues. I have strong relationships with everyone else.
I think the best advice would be to have a meeting set up with an unbiased third party to mediate. This way you would have face-to-face communication and whatever issues where brought up wouldhave to be worked through. This would require that once talked about you could no longer 'hang that over the other persons head'. It may take multiple meetings on a continual basis to work through deep rooted issues.
I also find myself wishing for physical separation. The cubical era has brought with it a loss of privacy in every manner and this only aggrivates my situation.
Thanks,
Chadd
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I know that many people don't take HR seriously unless it involved layoffs, but does HR have someone that could mediate the issue. He would also serve a as a barrier from you being dragged into any of his personal issues. just my $.02
This situation needs to be addressed fast, otherwise, both sides will begin raising their levels of paranoid control (he aves everything from me) and suspicion. There is no trust, so they can't work together, not even by email, and this mistrust will spread around to other co-workers. A manager, acting as a third party, should talk with each one individually, hear the reciprocal complaints and discover what are the needs of both sides. After this step, some solution concerning solving both sides' needs has to be offered, in a way that is not controlling or abusive, but respectful. If both express that they can not work together, ask what could help them overcome this obstacle and be able to deal with each other. Insist that the work environment demands team building from all. If there is some major grievance, insult, etc, the offending party should offer some apology to the other.
The manager as mediator rol only requires a little effort, and respect for what both sides have to say. A careful listening attitude is the main aspect, so both sides feel that they are treated well and then are motivated to give up personal antagonisms as to keep working in harmony.
If this intervention does not helps the isolated party to build bridges, there is the posibility that individual personality needs prevent him from team working, and it will be necessary to find if the person can stay employed, working in isolation, or if he has to go.
The manager as mediator rol only requires a little effort, and respect for what both sides have to say. A careful listening attitude is the main aspect, so both sides feel that they are treated well and then are motivated to give up personal antagonisms as to keep working in harmony.
If this intervention does not helps the isolated party to build bridges, there is the posibility that individual personality needs prevent him from team working, and it will be necessary to find if the person can stay employed, working in isolation, or if he has to go.
Chadd,
My advice to you would be for you to sit down and list the specific issues you have with your co-worker and then prioritize them based on irritation level. Until you identify the problems, no one can help you solve them.
From your message, the only issue I seem able to identify is that your co-worker prefers to do all communication through e-mail. If that is the case, adapt to his style and send e-mail even though he is just a few steps away. If there are other issues, identify them and decide how you will address them.
Technical people are problem solvers by nature. List the problems and identify what you can do to resolve them. Remember, it is unlikely you will be able to change your co-worker, but you can change theway you choose to react to him.
My advice to you would be for you to sit down and list the specific issues you have with your co-worker and then prioritize them based on irritation level. Until you identify the problems, no one can help you solve them.
From your message, the only issue I seem able to identify is that your co-worker prefers to do all communication through e-mail. If that is the case, adapt to his style and send e-mail even though he is just a few steps away. If there are other issues, identify them and decide how you will address them.
Technical people are problem solvers by nature. List the problems and identify what you can do to resolve them. Remember, it is unlikely you will be able to change your co-worker, but you can change theway you choose to react to him.
Public resolution of an inter-team discussion is a recipe for diasaster. In my brief stint as a project lead a couple of years ago, I saw this happen to two peers when the out of state (an out out of touch) director came to town from the West Coast.It backfired in a major way because were their issues not resolved, but they were completely humiliated. Both members soon left the company and their best developers soon followed all because some dotcom whiz kid thought he Tony Robbins.
Hi, I agree with what Chad is suggesting. I too am having ongoing conflict and poor communication issues with a fellow co-worker. Since I'm a contractor there may be some additional disregard from this employee - i am not sure. I really like her and I think she's talented, however it's my role to get her up to speed on the project and she constantly nit picks and questions everything i do - it is really draining, as the article says. I have tried talking to her about these issues and she was cool, acted like she watned to work this out with me, only to slip into "aggressive and disagreeable" mode a few days later. She like to puff out her sholders, hold out her hand and do a karatee chop on it, smirk at me if I answer a question wrong, and question me in front of others. I feel like i'm constantly having to please her and answer her questions until we beat each topic to a bloody pulp. Some of this IS on me and i realize i can push to hard at time and other times, i'm probably anoying or don't listen other times. I am really trying. I see to get along with everyone else okay, it's a stressful, highly visible project and sometimes we (our team) can get frustrated with each other, but we always come back to ground zero and smile at the end of the day. With this gal, it's not happening. So far, to mitigate this situation, i've scheduled daily meetings, with the 2 team members to avoid any confusion on what the tasks are for the day. I have also stopped going over there to chat with her at a personal level, i basically only talk to her about work. I have also tried talking to her a couuple of times about this - and since this didn't work, I keep communications very minimal between us. I have not told my boss about it, as I was hoping we could work through it. I did communicate the there is a high level of anxiety on our team and I'm hoping he can help ease some of the stress by helping manage expectations and deadlines for our team. This particular team member tends to go from 0 to 50 degress of anxiety when she has to do certain tasks or when there is any "gray" area, so i think this is all helping a little bit. She still questions, and pokes and prods, but now ONLY when we are in a meeting.
Any other suggestions for a "well meaning" project lead are appreciated
All the best.
Any other suggestions for a "well meaning" project lead are appreciated
All the best.
Although I cannot claim a great deal of success for the one time I had to deal with this situation, I think a more proactive approach than suggested in the article is necessary.
First, ignore the "performance" evaluation; it is merely an excuse not to do anything. As a manager, part of one's responsibility is to provide a pleasant working environment. I believe there is a correlation between the work environment and performance, but I would not know how to measure it. Therefore, keep the work environment positive and don't wait for performance problems to crop up.
Second, do not tolerate criticism of people. If one person starts to criticize another, cut it off immediately. Do not even allow "joking" criticism or insults. It isfar too easy for this to back fire and create hard feelings.
Third, make explicit assignments of authority, and back the people up if necessary. Prevent battles for the boss's approval and do not allow people to battle to sell the boss on their individual approaches. "Joe is responsible for task A. It will be done the way he says."
Fourth, separate advice from the task. If someone feels he has a better way of doing something, ask him to prepare a short lunch time presentation, including a written presentation or PowerPoint slides. It is far easier for people to accept general advice on how to tackle a problem then to be told "You should have done it this way, instead." It also lets your innovative thinkers express their ideas without having to criticize others.
Team discord is a problem and it needs to be addressed. There are usually underlying issues that can be resolved and it is rarely (if ever) due to personality A cannot get along with personality B. Identify andsolve the underlying problems.
First, ignore the "performance" evaluation; it is merely an excuse not to do anything. As a manager, part of one's responsibility is to provide a pleasant working environment. I believe there is a correlation between the work environment and performance, but I would not know how to measure it. Therefore, keep the work environment positive and don't wait for performance problems to crop up.
Second, do not tolerate criticism of people. If one person starts to criticize another, cut it off immediately. Do not even allow "joking" criticism or insults. It isfar too easy for this to back fire and create hard feelings.
Third, make explicit assignments of authority, and back the people up if necessary. Prevent battles for the boss's approval and do not allow people to battle to sell the boss on their individual approaches. "Joe is responsible for task A. It will be done the way he says."
Fourth, separate advice from the task. If someone feels he has a better way of doing something, ask him to prepare a short lunch time presentation, including a written presentation or PowerPoint slides. It is far easier for people to accept general advice on how to tackle a problem then to be told "You should have done it this way, instead." It also lets your innovative thinkers express their ideas without having to criticize others.
Team discord is a problem and it needs to be addressed. There are usually underlying issues that can be resolved and it is rarely (if ever) due to personality A cannot get along with personality B. Identify andsolve the underlying problems.
I agree with the advice but one also needs to assess isues such as Religous Beliefs, Upbringing and Training. This is very apparent where I am working in Indonesia. Christian, Hindi, Muslim and other sects think and behave differently when challenged by Interpersonal issues, even if they see the whole ball game, they respond differently, least of all to telling them who is boss!
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