Not threatening but justifying
You never want your request to come across as a threat or blackmail. So your task should be to take the emotion out of hte equation entirely.
You need to have a reason to ask for more money. This is usually: a) you have taken on more important responsibilities in your role and haven't been compensated, or b) your role is well under market rates - not been graded properly.
Don't assume your boss has given this alot of thought. He/she may be aware of the generalities, but you need to lay out a business case for the raise.
The latter situation is the hardest, especially if your peers are in the same situation.
I was successfuly at my current job at getting many people on my team regraded - instant promotions. It took alot of effort and paperwork and pushing to make it happen.
And I agree with the never threaten or take a counter offer. Too often I see people who take the counter become unhappy, unproductive or worse. Many end up leaving later.
James
