I don't know how to use a timing light, either. If the problem with the timing isn't simply that it's 180 degrees out of place, I'm not the guy to have trying to adjust the timing on your car.

I'm talking more about things on the level of knowing where to find a spark plug so you can unscrew the damned thing and put in a new one. I'm talking about knowing just enough about computers so that you can do some broad view diagnosis beyond the level of "It's broke. Restart the computer. Sometimes that works."

. . . which, by the way, doesn't actually fix anything.