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'Joe User' doesn't want to understand documentation. He wants to plug it in and have it work NOW."
In that case, he's in for a rude awakening -- because even if he gets a system with MS Windows pre-loaded he's going to run into some things that simply don't work "NOW", and require some fiddling. Meanwhile, you can get systems with Linux distributions pre-loaded that work at least as well, so the gap in usability in which you seem to have absolute faith, and believe with all your heart, is looking pretty scant.
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he can't be troubled with something as cryptic and archaic as a 'command prompt'."
Who said anything about a "command prompt"? Use xman for those manual pages and whatever editor you like for the config file you need. Here are a couple images of what xman looks like in my window manager:
http://sob.apotheon.org/img/demo/xman_browse.pnghttp://sob.apotheon.org/img/demo/xman_help.pngWhat could be simpler? It'd be nice if MS Windows' help system was anywhere near as easy to use and well-organized as the online Unix manual.