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*I* am the difficult co-worker
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Just joking, but I think someone else said that most men tend to go home and let these things go. It just about kills me at night when I continually re-hash the incident over and over....No, I can't let go and closure is good. I will remember that men tend not to look for closure and I will try harder to "just let go". I have been doing that a bit, and it really does help.
"Play like a Man, Win like a Woman" by Gail Evans- SR VP at CNN. Excellent read and a good way to see yourself through another person's eyes and perspective.
You've got a lot of good advice here..
As for being a woman..well I don't think that it matters because your a woman..but maybe some of your reaction is enhanced because your a woman?
I don't mean that in a negative way..being a girlie myself, I feel sometimes I have to work just that tiny bit harder, or make sure everything is perfect, because I want to "prove myself". But its really my own hang up. I need things to be done right the first time..so often I do them myself which then increases my stress and my workload..
In regards to the post about "SEP" (Someone elses problem)..that book had a huge impact on me. When I read it I was stressed to the max, miserable in my job and suffered constand headaches... after the book i just thought to heck with it..if no one else cares about the projects, then why do i?
Its still hard to let go when I see things been done differently than I would (AKA wrong
)..but to keep sane and be a team player its something you have to do.
At least you realise you act this way, therefore you can change it..
As for being a woman..well I don't think that it matters because your a woman..but maybe some of your reaction is enhanced because your a woman?
I don't mean that in a negative way..being a girlie myself, I feel sometimes I have to work just that tiny bit harder, or make sure everything is perfect, because I want to "prove myself". But its really my own hang up. I need things to be done right the first time..so often I do them myself which then increases my stress and my workload..
In regards to the post about "SEP" (Someone elses problem)..that book had a huge impact on me. When I read it I was stressed to the max, miserable in my job and suffered constand headaches... after the book i just thought to heck with it..if no one else cares about the projects, then why do i?
Its still hard to let go when I see things been done differently than I would (AKA wrong
)..but to keep sane and be a team player its something you have to do.At least you realise you act this way, therefore you can change it..
The truth is that there are professionals that they think are professionals in every aspect and professionals that behave professionally. That said, you need to decide in which end are you. Being a professional, requires some ethics, written or unwritten, you know that some attitudes or behaviors are destructive on some kind of way, so you step up, work with it and take them out of the equation. That's a kind of ethic. Unfortunately, not every one thinks that way, or perhaps the company culture isn't aligned that way. In a perfect world they might.
I'm identified with your story, because somehow, I recently being exposed as the bad guy, when a little task weren't done as the customer expectations, even though, there was some meetings and email to get to a middle ground with clear expectations of everyone's responsability. I did my part as requested, but they thought it was my responsibility to do it all. Is not the first time, I perform such a task and I persistently look for collaboration within the parts involved and people usually collaborate in major or minor way, but that isn't matter because they thought it was my duty expecifically, therefore a was given a well-intended destructive feedback, and the manager who did it, copied to the major staff of the company. Obviously, when that happens, my boss is going to slap me in the face, for two obvious reasons, he's job is on the line and now he got the pressure on his back, because of the awareness of the major staff. Today, no matter how good I performed in general (my last performance evaluation was of 104% on Jan 2008), this feedback marked me badly within the organization. This issue didn't affected production nor quality of the product, it was just an upgrade to their quality procedures. In other words, I placed something they didn't have for their use. The manager even gave the credit to other people for the job. That isn't a professional behavior, because it isn't constructive. I explained my discomfort to my manager, he still thinks it was my fault only, but you already know why.
The morale of all this story is one, no matter what issues you may have with people not living as your expectations or you not performing as their expectations, you are compelled to behave professionally at all times. That is to be constructive in both ways, if they think you are bad guy, play by their rules and demonstrate a good attitude toward a customer satisfaction and if the case is they are not living to your expectations, then construct and guide them toward a better performance. Lead by example. I will do and I will finish stronger than ever, that's what professionals do.
I'm identified with your story, because somehow, I recently being exposed as the bad guy, when a little task weren't done as the customer expectations, even though, there was some meetings and email to get to a middle ground with clear expectations of everyone's responsability. I did my part as requested, but they thought it was my responsibility to do it all. Is not the first time, I perform such a task and I persistently look for collaboration within the parts involved and people usually collaborate in major or minor way, but that isn't matter because they thought it was my duty expecifically, therefore a was given a well-intended destructive feedback, and the manager who did it, copied to the major staff of the company. Obviously, when that happens, my boss is going to slap me in the face, for two obvious reasons, he's job is on the line and now he got the pressure on his back, because of the awareness of the major staff. Today, no matter how good I performed in general (my last performance evaluation was of 104% on Jan 2008), this feedback marked me badly within the organization. This issue didn't affected production nor quality of the product, it was just an upgrade to their quality procedures. In other words, I placed something they didn't have for their use. The manager even gave the credit to other people for the job. That isn't a professional behavior, because it isn't constructive. I explained my discomfort to my manager, he still thinks it was my fault only, but you already know why.
The morale of all this story is one, no matter what issues you may have with people not living as your expectations or you not performing as their expectations, you are compelled to behave professionally at all times. That is to be constructive in both ways, if they think you are bad guy, play by their rules and demonstrate a good attitude toward a customer satisfaction and if the case is they are not living to your expectations, then construct and guide them toward a better performance. Lead by example. I will do and I will finish stronger than ever, that's what professionals do.
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