An upgrade to your hardware would also empower enable the standard touchscreen software, making this software feature pointless.
And you are right, not upgrading means that no gesture would be percieved by Windows 7 running on your current hardware. This Feature is again pointless, except that it also disables the keyboard & mouse. OOPS!

Similar arguments apply to the other "features". Not even Microsoft would really activate such features and leave them activated. The commercial implications of Zune squirting are fun though, RIAA suing MS? Who has got the bigger budget for lawyers? Would RIAA sue lots of end-users (for copying) to raise the cash to fight Microsoft??

I don't rate these featuers with any stars, just a wink for a nice joke.