Discussion on:

Stupid alternatives to hackneyed buzzwords

I only hear crickets so far!

.......

The Fred and Gingerness of our Scottish Deerhouse has thrown a calamari in the works and we now need to lapbanding the workforce so we can cauterize the wound for future unrelenting torment.



It sort of works....

The other meaning is I bent over, farted, and left behind a scorched "Truffle"

Just heard that one

I can just see everyone at the conf table looking at me like WTF?

Whenever companies organize events for the sole purpose of forcing their employees to network, I like to call it 'corporate-sponsored fun' events. I'd like to think we all know how to network on our own and don't need to be cattle-prodded into doing it, but maybe I'm wrong.

"I'd like to think we all know how to network on our own and don't need to be cattle-prodded into doing it, but maybe I'm wrong."

I have no idea how to network on my own. However, you're right in that company picnics and Christmas parties (Gods, is its that time again?) in and of themselves will make me any better at it. I just hang out with the same people I see during lunch or in the hallways. These events aren't going to aid me with comfortably approaching relative strangers or those outside my normal work interactions.

If I hear any of these at our next employee meeting, I'll beat you with an assortment of style guides and thesauri.

These are hilarious. Replacing buzz words with these will be more fun than buzz word bingo.

If we don't use the traditional words, then I have to reengineer my buzzword bingo cards. I guess that I'll have to shift my paradigm and think outside the box as I optimize the team synergy and collaborate on an innovative solution.

Or, we could go back to skittle hockey, or paper footballs.

Yes - I exaggerate. But I prefer Brittany Spaniels to Scottish Deerhounds. And why do Elevators go up? The pitch may be the swaying of the lift (British English - obsure to many, but not Canadians) as the car plunges to the Ground Floor (Yes - Past 1)

The Buzzword is supposed to communicate a complex idea more quickly and effectively to a time-poor audience . But this only works if we are all tuned into the same lingo/jargon. And this is a rather big IF. After all, we are time poor. The metaphors (apologies for not using an analogy - or buzzword) used to create buzzwords are by their very nature SIMPLE. Meaning MAY be in the word or phrase - but does it have linguistic value? (GASP - apologies for trying to convey a complex idea WITHOUT BUZZWORDS) Since buzzwords attempt to be analogies (one meaning in langauge ) but are really metaphors (Like a dog - Deerhound, Pomeranian, or German Shepard) Your rather simple minded boss may look far more clever than he really is because his abilty to learn is based solely on his ability to mimic the phrases of higher mamagement.

More often Buzzwords are Newspeak that is used to limit employee's ability to effectively analyse management decisions. All to often during my career I have asked for clarification of a requirement for a business process or software feature only to be met with a combination of buzzwords that pass as a Q & A session for my supervisor, who feels good he has managed the project well. Employee feedback is well received, and the output (sic, but more with a k) is improved.

Of course if you are more interested in a mutual display of buzzword mastery, even if it is completely out of context to the point of being absurd, than this work discussion may be is a very satisfying encounter. But be warned. Deliver a buzzword endorsed process or application and your customers will be critical of you because the product many not be up to the expected standard.. Try plain English (not that this exists in business or IT but try) and you may be better at at doing your job.

I've always like responding to obviously bad scenarios with "Another Opportunity to Exceed Expectations".