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before you can patiently explain to your new employer:

1) hiring me is the one and only good decision you ever made

2) My dog has more common sense and wisdom than you and your entire senior staff...combined.

3) There are five year olds whose lemonade stand has a more coherent marketing strategy as the one you developed with great effort and expense.

4) Your IT security measures are only effective because hackers assumed your site was either a sting operation or a honey pot, or both.