Discussion on:

Monday Yuk: a Liberal, a Moderate and a Conservative step into a bar...

Says the bartender: Hi Mitt!


C'mon, I thought it was funny, regardless of politics

Apparently its a recording from a Fargo radio show

http://trevorsarchives.homenet.org/temp/Y94PlayhouseDeerCrossingSigns122.mp3

It's clean, but really funny,

...people who sacrifice their sleep, family, food, laughter and other joys of life were called SAINTS


But now, they are called IT Professionals.

Come on people, post something!

The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown

grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in

apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door.

With your elbow , push button 301. I will buzz you in.

Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and

with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left.

With your elbow , hit my doorbell.""Grandma, that sounds

easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What ... You coming empty handed?"

or

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?

I got a E Mail asking me to claim my $80.00 Virgin Voucher, though I'm not sure just how much a Virgin costs nowadays but I'm willing to believe that it's a lot more than $80.00.

Col

That's funnier than the jokes

a South Carolina girl who can outrun her cousins.

As a bagpiper I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a

funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless

man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a

pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar

with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man,

I didn't stop for directions.


I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently

gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the

diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.


I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the

side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in

place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.


The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.

I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.

I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.


And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept,

I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes

and started for my car.

Though my head hung low, my heart was full.


As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,

"I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in

septic tanks for twenty years."


Apparently, I'm still lost... It's a man thing.

Why do they put women on the space shuttle?

So if they get lost, somebody will be on board to ask for directions.

That didn't work in Lost In Space. The Women didn't offer any directions and the few that they did made them More Lost.

Col

If not, they didn't do their job.

she gave her opinion of any other sort of information.

Ignoring the space ships and stuff.

by your merely acknowledging the existence of 'The Program That Shall Not Be Named', I have lost the minimal respect I had for you, respect I begrudgingly granted only in accordance with your Moderator title.

Danger, Will Robinson!