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Friday Yuk

By RFink ·
Political jokes:

1. The trouble with political jokes is sometime they get elected.

2. Of course, Kwami (Mayor of Detroit) and Christine Beatty had an affair. She was the chief of his staff.

3. A congressman and his wife are in bed when they hear the sound of silverware crashing to the floor.

Wife: "Honey, there's a thief in the house."

Congressman: "In the Senate maybe, in the house, NEVER!"


4. Hilary gets elected President and it's her first night in the White House. While she's sleeping she has a vision of George Washington standing at the base of her bed. "Mr, Washington, I'm new at this and you were a great president. Do you have any advise?"

"Never tell a lie".

"Impossible", and she does back to sleep.

An hour later Thomas Jefferson appears at her bed. "Mr. Jefferson, do you have any advise?"

"Listen the to people and give them what they want."

"Impossible" and she goes back to sleep.

Abe Lincoln appears at the base of her bed. "Mr. Lincoln, do you have any advise?"

"Yes, Hilary, buy two tickets for the theatre".

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I would pay

by jdclyde In reply to Friday Yuk

for those tickets.....

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Humour

by neilb@uk In reply to Friday Yuk

A man meets a friend who has only one arm.
Where are you going?' he asks.
'I'm going to change a lightbulb.'
'Won't that be difficult with just one arm?'
'I don't think so. I've got the receipt.'

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Humor

by jdclyde In reply to Humour

How do you get a one armed man to fall out of a tree?

Wave to him.

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What do you call...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Humour

a man with no arms and no legs?
Art.

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What do you call...

by Iam_Mordac In reply to What do you call...

a man with no arms and no legs on the doorstoop? Matt

a man with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art

a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob

a man with no arms and no legs in a ditch?
Phil

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What do you call...

by jck In reply to What do you call...

a man with no arms and no legs at a baseball game? first base

a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell

that same man with no arms and no legs in the pile of leaves 3 months later? Pete

a man with no arms and no legs in a cage of lions? Rip

a man with no arms and no legs trying to make coffee? Joe

a man with no arms and no legs trying to water ski? Skip

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True Love, the Southern Way

by lowlands In reply to Friday Yuk

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

" Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?"

" Sarah Jane give it to me" Bubba replied.

"She give it to ya?

I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truc k?"

"Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
S arah Jane pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,

'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck! "


"Bubba, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

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The Farmer and the Cow

by HoagieBP In reply to True Love, the Southern W ...

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.
A man comes in and asks the farmer,
"Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

Farmer: Some things... you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that was so horrible?

Farmer: Well, if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow, milking her.
Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.

Man: That's not so bad, what's the big deal?

Farmer: Some things... you just can't explain.

Man: So then what happened.


Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope.
Then I sat down and continued to milk her.
Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things... ya just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right.

Man: So then what did you do?

Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her,
and just as I got the bucket just about full,
the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.

Man: Wow, you must have been pretty upset!

Farmer: Some things... you just can't explain.

Man: So then what did you do?

Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope,
so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.
In that very moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.

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More Bad Jokes

by HoagieBP In reply to Friday Yuk

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Cuz he had no guts.

Why did the manager kick the one arm man out of the resort?
Cuz it was for tourists only.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still no eye-deer.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
There were no chickens back then.

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Toilet "Humor"

by HoagieBP In reply to More Bad Jokes

Did you hear about the toilets all being stolen out of the Police Station?

Police officials say they have nothing to go on.

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