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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
Come on guys..its friday..give a little won't ya??
Post a funny to keep those less humourous as yourselves from flinging themselves out thier office window..(thats if they are lucky enough to have a window!)

I'm starting to suspect that a lot of you actaully WORK more than you let on.. *shakes head*..tis sad..

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Vista Errors (for all the Vista moaners) :)

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

- Vista_Error: 001 Vista loaded - Warning your computer is now in danger

- Vista_Error: 002 No Error - Check again in 10 seconds

- Vista_Error: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file

- Vista_Error: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong (just testing)

- Vista_Error: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused

- Vista_Error: 006 Kelvin error: Type Mismatch - phone Kevlar

-Vista_Error: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware

-Vista_Error: 008 Broken window. Path not found - phone Glazier

-Vista_Error: 009 Horrible bug encountered - Press F13 for more help

-Vista_Error: 00A Invalid property assignment. Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full

-Vista_Error: 00B Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50GB

-Vista_Error: 00C Memory hog error - More RAM needed. More! More! More!

-Vista_Error: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside

-Vista_Error: 00E Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened

-Vista_Error: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers

-Vista_Error: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?

-Vista_Error: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.

-Vista_Error: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.

-Vista_Error: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!

-Vista_Error: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.

-Vista_Error: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.

-Vista_Error: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.

-Vista_Error: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.

-Vista_Error: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

-Vista_Error: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.

-Vista_Error: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.

-Vista_Error: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will be closed automatically and the virus will be reactivated.

-Vista_Error: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

-Vista_Error: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Next error will not be displayed or recorded.

-Vista_Error: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

-Vista_Error: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.

-Vista_Error: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 5,000 Gigawatts available

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2 very bad jokes...

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

1. What do you call Batman and Robbin run over?Flatman and Ribbon

2. What do you call a rabbit with a bent ****? F*cks funny!

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Your right Shell

by jdclyde In reply to 2 very bad jokes...

they were.....



NSNF

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Aw c'mon!

by Oz_Media In reply to Your right Shell

Number two was funny!

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Um... this one gave me a giggle...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

SMILE!

<img src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd185/juphol1/bdaycrdfrmgeneresize.jpg">

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corporate lingo

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you?ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you?ll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You?ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office.

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.

I'M PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:
I've changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:
I'm never at my desk.

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I'm responsible

by TonytheTiger In reply to corporate lingo

In fact, everything that broke at my previous job, I was responsible for.

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Leadership material

by jdclyde In reply to I'm responsible

I know how to delegate blame...

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Management material

by TonytheTiger In reply to Leadership material

I managed to be elsewhere when there was work to be done.

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And how about this...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the brunette tells her sister, 'Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds,'It's just 99 cents a word.'

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left, meaning she'll only be able to send her sister a one-word message. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, 'I want you to send her the word...'comfortable'.'

The telegraph operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,'comfortable'?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's a blonde The word's big. She'll read it slowly...out loud... ('com-for-da-bul').'

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