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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Suggestive, Adult humour, not for the very easily offended, read at your own risk.

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Kids - What can we do with them

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."


Principal: " What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps in to?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions
wrong......


HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND Y'ALL !!!

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Funny Tech Video

by lindamarie In reply to Friday Yuk
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A boy and his dog

by DMambo In reply to Friday Yuk

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog's privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly. A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, "You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog's neck."

The boy nodded in agreement and said, "But then there wouldn't be a siren."

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Nice one Oz, some politics ok?

by rob mekel In reply to Friday Yuk

A Hillary Joke!!

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in Iowa to do some last-minute campaigning.

After her talk she offers a question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is: "Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
I have three questions:

First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop
during your husband's eight years in the office as President?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.

When they resume, Hillary says, Okay, where were we?

Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?

A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is. "Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"
I have five questions:

First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop
during your husband's eight years in the office as President?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?


AND


Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?
-----------------------------

Have agreat weekend all :)

Rob

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Just a question about politics

by rob mekel In reply to Nice one Oz, some politi ...

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ?What is politics??

Dad says, ?Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I?m the breadwinner of the family, so let?s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she?s the administrator of the money, so we?ll call her the Government. We?re here to take care of your needs, so we?ll call you the people. The nanny, we?ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we?ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,?

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents? room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny?s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, ?Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.?

The father says, ?Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.?

The little boy replies, ?Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo.?
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Any recognition :^0 :)

Rob

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some more politics

by rob mekel In reply to Just a question about pol ...

Donald Rumsfeld died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St.Peter at the Peraly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,"Waht are all those clocks?"

St.Peter answerred, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move"

"Oh," said Rumsfeld, "Who's clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have nerver moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredable," Rumsfeld said. "And who's clock is that one?" St.Peter answerred,"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life"

"Where is Bush's clock?" asked Rumsfeld

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan"
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Not much differences between democrats and republicans, is there ?:|

Rob

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Same joke, different president.

by Jessie In reply to some more politics

There seems to be a common thread there...

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I love to fish

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Friday Yuk

About 5 minutes after an Okie & his new bride checked into the
honeymoon suite of a fishing resort, the new groom passes thru
the lobby with all his fishing gear, headed for the river.

The desk clerk waves him over. "Hey buddy" he says, "shouldn't
you be upstairs making love to your new bride?"

To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got gonorrhea the doc says
no sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to fish"

The next morning, the Okie is on his way thru the lobby with his
fishing gear. Trying to be helpful, the clerk waves him over and
says. "Since you can't have vaginal sex, maybe you could try ****
sex."

To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got diarrhea the doc says
no **** sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to
fish"

The following morning, again trying to be helpful, the clerk
waves the Okie over on his way thru the lobby. "Since you can't
have vaginal sex or **** sex, maybe you could coax her into
performing oral sex for you" he says.

To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got pyorrhea her dentist
says no oral sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to
fish"

The clerk asks the Okie incredulously, Let me get this straight,
your new bride has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea why the ****
would you marry a girl like that?

"Well" says the Okie, "she's got worms too, and I love to fish!"

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Dawg

by Oz_Media In reply to I love to fish

Always nice to get a taste of your sick and two[isted humour on a Friday. I think I've missed a few Yuks, needed that, cheers!

Have a good weekend.

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Liked this one Dawg

by DadsPad In reply to I love to fish

Sent it to the wife, today is our anniversary and she has a good sense of humor.

I would post the wmv file she sent me, but do not have a site to post to.

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see if this site works

by DadsPad In reply to Liked this one Dawg
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