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Friday Yuk

By rob mekel ·
As I didn't start a yuk for some time and sofar no-one else did today ... or my memory isn't that good any more
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Sometimes memory lapses are a good thing

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I think you're the father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. "Holy ****," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my butt?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher.
---------------

Rob

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happy friggin rain day

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

it rained so hard on my way to work that even my underwear is wet..if it don't stop soon, going to have to move.

Olympic Condoms
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

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you think you have bad weather

by rob mekel In reply to happy friggin rain day

Wat to think of this:

We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single.

This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience. There is absolutely no question why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.

Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so leaned her butt to rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about what is taking so long with a reply that indeed, she was freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance.

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands down... or perhaps that should be pants down.

And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment - - - -This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.

----

Rob

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Now that

by maecuff In reply to happy friggin rain day
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I wish

by rob mekel In reply to Now that

there was more space on the topshelf

Rob

oh friggin ...

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i'm off early today

by Shellbot In reply to happy friggin rain day

so have a good Yuk guys..and a good weekend

going to drown my sorrows in alcohol ..i recken if yer gonna drink..might as well have a reason to do so..

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Just look at things this way Shelly

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to i'm off early today

I'll keep the conditions like this for a while till you stop complaining and then give you some great days, working conditions and just when you think that all is well I'll serve up several months of the Days From ****.

I should be able to keep you suitably depressed for a very long time to come and to make matters even worse I can hold out a bit of False Hope to make you think that things are actually improving. :^0

Col ]:)

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ooh! my turn! my turn!

by gadgetgirl In reply to Friday Yuk

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off
his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by
him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his
erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"

Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"

She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down,
and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a
firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says:
"Sir, did you call for me?"

Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"

The Huge Man: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?"

Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."

Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities....."

Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

- - - - - - - - - - - -


A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.

Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be great." I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not.

A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her: "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over
the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane." She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again to put up the tray.

She then calmly turned to him and said: "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one." The flight attendant replied, "Oh yeah? Well in MY country, I'm called a queen and I outrank you, *****, so put the tray up!"

- - - - - - - - -

You didn't really expect anything PURE from me, did you?

BTW Stef - what DID you do with Dave0??

Have a good weekend, all!

GG

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It truly is

by rob mekel In reply to ooh! my turn! my turn!

your turn :^0
who is gonna give me some shelter, pls


Rob

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got it wrong GG

by w2ktechman In reply to ooh! my turn! my turn!

Steffi did nothing to Daveo
I think DMambo did! :0

notice that DMambo is back now, and Daveo is gone. Either DMambo did something to Daveo, or, dare I add drama....
Ok, DMambo IS Daveo :0 :0 :0
There we go, I said it! You heard it here first. Since this recent spurt of finding out who is also who started, it got me thinking a bit....

Sure, DMambo will find this and decide to try to dismiss it, but i is true, 1 of the 2 at least!

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It Must Be True as it's on the Internet here! :^0

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to got it wrong GG

You know what they say reading is proof of the event.

As Dave isn't answering e-mails any more I tend to think that you may have something here.

Col ]:)

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