Discussions

Friday's Very Early Yuk!

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Locked

Friday's Very Early Yuk!

Steffi28
It's almost 4.30am here in the UK, I've just come home from the pub after a chinese and lots and lots of nasty cheap booze, and It's the first time I've been out since the smoking ban and I hate it, its too cold to smoke outdoors!

Anyway I got home and thought the only way I'll be able to beat anyone to the Yuk is to do it now, sorry im rambling a bit anyway heres some jokes....

First a lovely song, sang to the tune of golden brown

Gordon Brown, tax me, go on!
Take my money - almost all gone!
With New Labour in,
We'll just never win.
Ever a frown, with Gordon Brown.

Every new budget hurts like the last.
Mortgage relief ends very fast.
Fate? That's one in The Eye,
Flush? I'm sunk...high and dry.
Interest rates never down, with Gordon Brown.

Gordon Brown found a temptress,
Wed at last, she in a naff dress.
Shhhhhh! The damned tight-fisted git,
Even spent nowt on it.
Why, he'll never go down, with Sarah Brown.

...............................................


An executive at a prominent software development company learns that the quality of software solutions provided by the company is in question. The executive takes immediate action and calls a meeting of the managers.

executive - "Quality is the differentiator for our company. Poor quality is simply not acceptable. So...right now...each of you imagine that you are sitting on an airplace at the terminal awaiting take-off...and you learn that the software controlling the avionics of the plane were written by your team. By show of hands, which of you would exit the airplane?"

Slowly but surely hands start lifting until all but one of the managers has their hands in the air. Intrigued, the executive queries the lone manager about that team's techniques that make the software so reliable. "What is it your team is doing to produce quality software so much that you will stay on the plane?"

manager - "Improve quality?!?! Heck...if my team wrote it, the plane wouldn't even taxi down the runway!"

..................................................

I liked this pic, so true!!

http://xkcd.com/290/

...............................................

And apparently Microsoft has a sense of humour
http://blogs.msdn.com/stevecla01/archive/2007/06/29/microsoft-has-a-sense-of-humour.aspx


Edited cos the link had swearing in it and to warn that the xkcd site is probable nsfw as its heading contains a naughty word
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deepsand

Is this local or national?

Are there exceptions?

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Jaqui

on January 1, for the city.
no smoking within 6 meters [ 22 feet ] of a door or window. no smoking in a shelter at a transit stop.

the workers compensation board made it illegal to smoke in public places years ago here.. the health of employees by forcing them to be in a smoke filled environment.

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Genera-nation

6 meters from a door or window would be impossible in my apartment!

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deepsand

Don't suppose you recall who that was?

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Genera-nation

as was pointed out by many people (and in the questions I asked at the time) if the tag says off-topic you can generally post what you like.

I know things may go too fast for you, but do try to learn to keep up with the current affairs!

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HAL 9000 Moderator

Stop boasting and claiming that you are getting it off with others unrelated to you be marriage.

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Genera-nation

Were you jesting?

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deepsand

You've a lot of nerve, acting as if you don't know that your decrying the subject of another Discussion as being inappropriate, and then participating here, is nothing but hypocrisy.

You don't get to pick & chose what is and is not acceptable here; that's for the community to decide.

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Tig2

I do think he gets it. And to his credit, has been good.

He clearly said that he had not run into a forum like this one before so was a bit surprised by us. A number of people told him that this is how we are. Including me.

He's trying. Let's give him a break.

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Genera-nation

you don't speak for the community. Who really cares what you think, please show me!

Following what I was told by many others over the last few days, nothing is incorrect about the above!

Think I will ignore your posts from now on. Not in the mood for the small minded today (or any day)!

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deepsand

Looks to me like he's just trying to be a smart-***.

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OnTheRopes

Nice try. Don't think I can let it go.

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Stangg

Seems to me like just another excuse to vent on a generic disliked forum troll. If its anything like other forums then I bet even if he were to drop to his knees and beg forgiveness nothing would change.

After all it is the internet.

(p.s I'm not popping at GN, just my observation)

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Oz_Media

Actually most uf us care. As noted this is a peer community, not a closely moderated forum. It is up to us a members here to monitor and align the forums in everyone's best interests.

While DeppSand obviously has a bone to pick, beig a forum member does actually offer you the ability to speak, in the case of deepsand, a longtim member, I think that speaking for teh community is acceptable. If you don't feel that way, I'll have to remember to say so myself next time.

I think you had the easy end this time.

EIther way, you f****d up and apologized, I can accept that. We do have endless reams of idiots here who start to slam threads for not being technical, while stating that THIER favorite forum wouldn't allow as much.

It gets pretty tiring when it takes 30 people to tell someone to F-off. Thus we allow people to speak out on the behalf of other regular peers here, knowing very well we all feel the same way.

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Genera-nation

still go on about it after the incident?

Looking at the posts this sand person has put here, I have no reason to want to reply or take notice. Somthing that was again pointed out to me. If you don't like somthing just ignore it and move on!

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w2ktechman

Sandy is generally a bit on the touchy side of things. Especially if one has already gotten on his bad side. If you dont like it, dont reply or read his posts.

But commenting about it is just trying to egg him on just for a longer, drawn out battle that you are trying to look 'innocent' about. But in reality, you dont look so innocent at this point, as it appears to be a subtle provocation.

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Genera-nation

Thanks 2k

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maecuff

That it wasn't just a difference of opinion that started this. Gen threatened to 'tell'..

And if you ask around the school yard, this type of behavior isn't easily forgiven.

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w2ktechman

but the continuance can be avoided and forgiven if appropriate action is taken.

I do enjoy many of Deeps posts, but sometimes I think he goes a bit far. But then again, I have been known to as well.

I remember a few times ripping into someone for a post, to find out later that that person was being humerous, and I failed to catch it, or that I took it out of context.

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Oz_Media

They have talked about smoking being banned in apartment buildings, where people standing on thier porch would 'offend' others as smoke wafts by thier windows (pshaw!). I believe that ban is already in effect in a city/state in the US as they refer to it when the subject comes up.

Here the ban is smoking near someone else's door or window, as they have already done in Montreal. It is designed to stop people hanging out in front of restaurants, pubs etc. while smoking. You need to walk away from teh public building in order to smoke, yeah like that's gonna every happen!

As Jaqui said, you haven't been able to smoke in a bar for over a year now, I remember when you could smoke at work. Almost every desk in a sales office had an overflowing ashtray. I had one boss, high stress guy, who smoked at least three packs a day, just while at work!

In buildings is one thing. Outdoors? good luck with that.

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w2ktechman

it is something like 50 feet from an entrance for a building, business, etc..
Cannot smoke inside of a public place (such as restraunt, parks, etc.). But outside and away is OK. or in your own home/apt..

However dumbasses keep trying to do more, like no smoking outside (was recently proposed)and no smoking indoors if you have anyone living with you.
basically, some people are just sooooo very bored, and think that they are doing the world a favor by blessing us with their presence, seem to just be f**king with us for no apparent reason.

personally, I smoke outside, even though I live alone.

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GSG

Here in Missouri there is no smoking, even outside, or in your car, on any property owned, leased, or rented by a hospital, clinic or other health care facility. If the facility does not enforce this, they could lose their licensure. I'll just say that I'm a rabid non-smoker as I am highly sensitive to even the smell lingering on other's clothes, and don't go anyplace where I might be exposed to smoke, but this is ridiculous. I don't want to have to walk through a cloud of it to get into the hospital, but if you are in the old smoking sections, it wasn't hurting anyone other than the person who chose to smoke, and they were all adults with the ability to chose.

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w2ktechman

Ok, the hospital I can agree with. But, I still think that having a location outside should be fine. Keep the section away from non smokers and away from the doors.

Smoking outside, even if I am chain smoking, is doing less that an automobile. So whats next, forcing everyone off the road and fining them?
Ok that was extreme. But, it has gotten out of hand a bit, just like taxing tobacco and alcohol. I wonder how many politicians got elected because they were 'for' a tax increase on these items?

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Oz_Media

And I assume that if you see a group of people smoking in public, outdoors, that you would not go and stand beside them and scowl at them for polluting your air. YOu would simply find a more suitable place to stand, away from eth smokers.

And that is to be respected equally.

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W2K

Oz_Media

That's not far fetched at all. In fact cars do cough up FAR more toxic smoke than a cigarrette does. The problem is, CO, the toxic gas that lingers at street level and doesn't dissipate, is colourless and odourless. Out of sight, out of mind, unfortunately.

You are 100% right and not exagerating at all, smoking outside is nothing compared to vehicle emissions, even new, well tuned cars.
Why not ban them too?

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Oz_Media

I smoke them where I want and when I want, end of story...sue me ***hole.

In my defense, I also have common courtesy in public or anywhere else.

I know cigars stink, though any girls seem to like the smell, maybe it is a reminder of daddy or something.

I wouldn't go and stand beside someone in publc and light up. In the same sense, don't stand beside me when I'm smoking and then scowl about it. F-off if you don't like it! I'd cut your throat rather than put it out at that point.

I show courtesy whenI should, I simply expect people not to overplay the "eeeeeew, smoking" BS when near me. Especially if I'm tucked under an awning trying to stay dry while freezing my balls off because some whiner complained about smoke in the strip bars. I agree that it is a hazard to nonsmokers in an office, I accept that it is not right to force people to inhale second hand smoke while they work. In Vancouver, the big noise was made by waitresses at bars compleining to workers compensation board about thier health risks at work.

That's like complaining that the food at MacDonald's is unhealthy and they should serve veggies only because you are a vegitarian.

If you CHOOSE to work at a bar, strip club, then you would also be choosing the environment. What's next, waitresses at strip bars saying they shouldn't have to look at strippers all day and that it is sexual descrimination? Don't like it? MacDonalds is always hiring....carnivores that is.

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w2ktechman

When smoking outside, I try various techniques to keep away from non smokers. If I am near a walkway, I will try to get out of the way a bit. I understand that they may not smoke, or even like it.
I may **** the smoke straight up to try to avoid them, or even try to find a better location. But sometimes, that A-hole comes right near me, this is not my fault, and if they do, they should have the mind to shut the F**k up!

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JamesRL

No one forces the people at Macdonalds to eat there.

Similarly your strip club waitress analogy, scond hand smoke is like asking the waitress to occasionally strip.

Second hand smoke is exposing others to noxious chemicals that are cancer causing. Its one thing in the open air, its another in an enclosed environment.

There is a recent movement to ban smoking in cars where there is a child in a car. Makes sense to me - studies show because its an enclosed environment kids will get a much higher dose than if they were in a house (and yes even if you keep your window open and **** the smoke out, a fair amount stays in the car).

I'm not suggesting you don't have a right to smoke, but you don't have a right to force me to inhale either.

James

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Oz_Media

Strip bars have always been known as smokey, dark places with loud music and rowdy behaviour. Even people who don't frequent a strip bar, know exactly what they are in for, atmosphere wise anyway.

Waitreses for decades have worked in these known smokey environments, now all of a suddent they lobby WCB about it bothering thier throat or making them sick.

When they applied for the job, they knew it was going to be like that.

I have a freind inthe carpenters union, a while back a new hire was brought on and he stared to complain that the 2X4's carried mould spores and it was effecting his health.

It's ridiculous, if you are allergic to WOOD then don't become a f-in carpenter! Not exactl;y a headwrecker.

If you are allergic to smoke, then don't apply for a job in a smoky bar.

If you don't think MacDonalds is healthy, then don't go flip burgers.

When will people start taking responsibility for their own actions, instead of blaming the actions of others?

As for you not liking smikers, fine, then if i am smoking don't walk up and complain. If you are doing something, I wouldn't walk up and smoke in your face.

Your cars exhaust is toxic, if I don't want to breath it, it stinks and the CO gives me a headache. Therefore I would not even thonk of applying for a job as a traffic cop, roadworker or streetside vendor. I don't stand around whining that pollution is killing me and it is unfair that I can't work near the street. Should I lobby against cars on the street next so I can safely go outside?


P.S. Most strip bar waitresses in Vancouver do dance, they take the stage between regular scheduled dancers to keep the place lively and boost tips.

It's kinda cool actually, one minutes she's yanking off her drawers and then she's bringing you a beer while the regular act takes the stage. They should have classes to teach women this ultimate skill.

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deepsand

Those who work in places where patrons smoke are not forced to work there; that they do is of their own free will.

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AV .

I know smoking is bad, but if they try to ban smoking in my own home I'm gonna have to get out the guns. I'm a considerate smoker, and YES, I know smoking is bad for you, but I don't need to hear it from the righteous passerbys that obviously have a chocolate cake fetish.

In New Jersey, you can't smoke in any restaurant or bar and they actually have smoker's areas on the beach! Is that the most ridiculousness that you have ever heard? I mean, you're OUTDOORS!

Its ok for that stinky-*** garbage truck and diesel fume spewing tractor trailor truck to spew more chemicals into the air than I'll ever do in my lifetime, but I can't smoke my one little stinking cigarette outside away from people without looks and lectures.

If I'm a considerate person, leave me alone. I chose to smoke. Just like they chose to eat that extra cookie. I don't call them fatty. We all have vices of some kind and no one is freaking perfect.

AV

AV

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half

Here in NZ we have a smoking ban in pubs restaurants and most buildings, the way the pubs get around it is to have a covered smoking area outside. sort of partition off part of the garden bar ect. And cover it either with a wooden roof or kite type roof and a wood or concrete deck type floor some even have a real bar in this area, and a brazier fire in winter or lpg heaters, the tall ones. Its all about drinks in glasses and profits, so cater to the custom

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Oz_Media

I was at a racetrack in Seattle, standing OUTDOORS, smokng downwind of the general admisison bleachers. My smoke was heading stright over the fence and out into teh parkign lot. A security guard comes up and tells me I can't smoke, he was grinning so I just laughed and read my program. "can't smoke" wonder what he meant by that, it's not funnny or anything?!

He came back a few minutes later and said it again, he was SERIOUS! I couldn't smoke OUTSIDE!

I had never heard of such a retarded rule, they actually have an outdoor section at the end of the homestretch where you can smoke. Funny enough, it's about 3' from the adjoining outdoor benches and childrens play area, where you CAN'T smoke.

The wind was blowing that way, so when you smoke, you are upwind of all the nonsmoking areas and children.

What a brain cell these guys must have! I wonder if they share it?

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NaughtyMonkey

with smoking on the beach, and this may be the reason their is a smoking section, is all of the inconsiderate smokers who look at the beach as one big ashtray. I would like to set my baby on the beach and have her not pick up a cigarette butt.

What should be done for that? Provide smoking sections at the top of the beach every 100 ft. with an ashtray? Charge to go on the beach so they can hire security to enforce the no littering or to pick up the butts?

Most of the time t is the inconsiderate smokers that cause the problems making these laws necessary. Smoke all you want, but be considerate. That is how I was the 15 years I smoked. I was a considerate smoker and I felt the same way about smoking. I realized some laws and ordinances were necessary to keep those inconsiderate people from being inconsiderate.

Maybe we should just shoot them since they are most likely the stupid people or just plain ***holes who care about no one but themselves.

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AV .

The other part is that NJ loves to legislate your fun. Here's some of the don'ts that you'll find at the Jersey shore. Some seem ridiculous, but they're true. http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/280-05252007-1352704.html

Now we have to take all of our trash with us when we leave the beach. I'm ok with that.

The problem is that inconsiderate stupid people don't care about the rules. Shooting them would work, but it would make a mess.

AV :^0

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NaughtyMonkey

telling them we have established a colony on the sun. Load them up in a rocket and send 'em off.

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NaughtyMonkey

Funny thing is that it was part of a revitalization of downtown. Since the ban, 2 restaurants and 4 bars have closed because they lost too much business. Others are looking at moving outside the city limits.

It is against city ordinance to smoke on the sidewalks as well but none of the police enforce it. They have better things to do.

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gadgetgirl

http://www.smokefreeengland.co.uk/

and

http://www.nosmokinglaw.co.uk/

The only LEGAL exception is where the area is classed as someones' place of residence, but even that isn't working properly.

There are *some* hotels who will actually have designated smoking rooms to book in advance. (Voluntary basis to have smoking rooms though......)

Even the Old Peoples' Homes here have voluntarily gone smoke free despite it being classed as a persons' residence.

We're having great fun. In a Mental Health Trust, the last thing you want is to demand that a patient doesn't smoke when he's being retained under Section 19 of the Mental Health Act..... <gulp>

GG

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gadgetgirl

GG

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Genera-nation

St Georges Hospital
Newcastle General Hospital
North Tyneside General Hospital

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Ha!

gadgetgirl

all wrong.

GG

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Oh!

Genera-nation

perhaps, perhaps not.

G-n

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Jaqui

since I have gg's work email ]:)
I know where she works.

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OnTheRopes

Did you lose your way again?

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deepsand

Pleasures of the flesh, however, are to be avoided at all cost.

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Jaqui

me not smoking is hazardous to everyone else's health ]:)

and pleasures of the flesh are the third most important thing in life, right after coffee and smoking.

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deepsand

Why so many can't see & understand the obvious is one of life's small (great?) mysteries.

In any case, all we can do is try to enlighten the masses.

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No

Genera-nation

but thanks for asking!

Have a nice day now.

Ding, Doing

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further TR absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!

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OnTheRopes

<img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa12/sharewhat2/FP0004630.jpg" border="0" >

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deepsand

:0

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NaughtyMonkey

you make it very apparent you have no shame.

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w2ktechman

but just an overlooked observation.

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Oz_Media

At least now we know what happened to the offspring of those that did the brown acid at Woodstock.

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GN

Oz_Media

Don't bother posting titles with the <NT>, if you have nothing to say, don't say anything. A title without content is as mindless and absurd as your calling this a technical forum.

Take ur halfwitted, moronic attempts at humour or clever retort here instead.
http://tinyurl.com/ytb2z

Remember to choose links on the right side of the signpost. When you're done colouring and joining dots, visit here for a personality test: http://tinyurl.com/6wbv

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w2ktechman

I was expecting the second, but the first was a great addition.

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LOL

Oz_Media

Max didn't laugh when I posted it for him one day. Then again, I got the 'idiot' flash from him and thought it was rather funny, one of those touche' moments.

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Genera-nation

Neuwwl, Buww, Buwwwww!

Ch-ch-ch-chikkka chi ka!

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NaughtyMonkey

get drunk and watch the greatest non-sci-fi movie ever.

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deepsand

My sister wears too much. People think she's

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NaughtyMonkey

Some here cling to any thread for the sake of argument.

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Absolutely

Are technical questions forbidden in off-topic threads, or merely not required?

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Tig2

Of technical questions that ended up in Off-Topic. Seemed like the best place to go with them at various times.

We tend to be pretty loose about that kind of thing. No rule, just guidelines.

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w2ktechman

ask that question here!!!

technical questions have their own place in other threads. However, technical items can be discussed here.

So there you go. Tech questions -- FORBIDDEN

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Absolutely

By the power vested in me as some dude using the alias 'absolutely', in the name of whatever arbitrary authority I whimsically pretend at this moment to wield, I command you, disagree with me!

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deepsand

By now I'd have thought that you were aware of the distinction here between "Discussions" and Technical "Questions."

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w2ktechman

so hmmm, maybe a Fake Abs???

Why not, we got a fake Steffi! :0

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Absolutely

I may have never read one or I may have forgotten it, in which case the answer to your question might be "yes".

In either case, I understand well that messages posted in the technical Questions section must be of a technical nature; but I request the URL containing any requirement that messages posted in the off-topic Discussions area must not be of a technical nature.

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Absolutely

I think you're just trying to start a rumor, or a disagreement between HAL9000 and somebody. Or, you could post the URL where he accused me of being fake or not myself. Whatever.

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Abs

w2ktechman

I never said messages of a technical nature were forbidden here. I said Questions of a technical nature.

Me thinks your old age be getting you confused :^0 :^0

P.S. -- Since it is posted on the Internet, it must be true. So here is the URL that you requested
http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2342903

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deepsand

(IF A = Technical Question, THEN B = Question" forum)

AND

(IF B = Question forum, THEN A = Technical Question)

= TRUE

Therefore,

IF A = Technical Question, THEN B NOT = Discussions forum.

Also,

IF B = Discussions forum, THEN A NOT = Technical Question.

Please print this and post on your monitor(s), so as to avoid future embarrassment.

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HAL 9000 Moderator

My exact words where Abs isn't feeling him self which is a lot different to he's not himself.

That is reading comprehension 101 Honestly. :^0

Col

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Absolutely

(IF A = Technical Question, THEN B = Question" forum)

AND

(IF B = Question forum, THEN A = Technical Question)

= TRUE

Therefore,

IF A = Technical Question, THEN B NOT = Discussions forum.

Also,

IF B = Discussions forum, THEN A NOT = Technical Question.

Please print this and post on your monitor(s), so as to
cause future embarrassment.

Oh, I almost forgot, my hard drive started making clicking sounds last week. Luckily that's stopped and it's making grinding noises. Can you recommend a good data recovery program?

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deepsand

Isn't that a Technical Question?

And, is this not a Discussion forum?

On a more serious note, fortunately, I've never had need for such, so I cannot make any personal recommendation. However, I do recall the subject having been here discussed within the past year or so, but a quick TR search fials to find it.

One that is highly regarded by others is SpinRite, from Gibson Research, founded & still operated by Steve Gibson, an indusrty pioneer & veritable wizard of disks & drives. See http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&aq=t&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4DMUS_enUS219US219&q=spinrite

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w2ktechman

asking a tech question here, in the YUK even...

Ok, your best bet is to save some money and get another HDD, then slave this drive and backup data before it goes bye bye.
That clicking sound is a HW failure inside the drive. You do not want a SW solution to fix the HW problem, as it is more likely going to make it harder to get your data.

If the data seems to be unrecoverable due to partition damage or something, try booting to a Linux live distro and copy the data to another drive. Often Win cannot recognise a damaged NTFS partition, but Linux can gather the data.

And stop using the drive, the more you use it, the less likely you can get the data from it.

If it is still working well (I have had drives that were used for months after clicking started), you can try to image the drive (less config needed afterwards).

In any event, PM me and I can help you out better. This is a YUK afterall...

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HAL 9000 Moderator

Of existing laws, just like the new Anti Smoking Law being Incompatible with Human Rights when applied to a smoker held under Section 19 of the Mental Health Act. Or whatever it's called there.

Though to call something the Mental Health Act is one of the biggest Misnomers on the face of the planet surely it must rate as as silly as Hi I'm from the Government & I'm here to help you. :^0

Now I'll just go and talk to myself for a long while.

Col ]:)

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w2ktechman

What is this, I cannot talk to myself, but you can???

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HAL 9000 Moderator

You are welcome to talk to yourself but having an argument with yourself in a public forum makes others sit up & look. :0

If you continue to do that you can expect to find a short trip to one of GG's special Beds and a nice lovely white jacket which is just for you and you need not worry about the long arms we'll just tie them up behind you for your comfort. :^0

Col ]:)

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Absolutely

Actually, I don't get your punchline to all the posts about smoking. Is this the Section & Act you mean?

http://www.hyperguide.co.uk/mha/s19.htm

What's the joke, something about not knowing where the ashtrays are?

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Steffi28

A couple of weeks before the ban started hubby read a letter in work about the rules of the ban, apparently if you work for yourself from home your supposed to make your own house a no smoking zone as it is a workplace and that makes it illegal to smoke in your home! So if for example theres a guy who sits at home working he is supposed to give himself smoke breaks and not in his house, I find that laughable

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HAL 9000 Moderator

Steffi so recently deceased and you've moved in on her Hubby. :0

No wonder she was so insistent on getting home she was scared of what you would do with her being away in Germany. No wonder she was prepared to undergo that operation and add 300 Kilos to her chest so that you couldn't compare to her. :0

You Wicked Wanten Make Believe Woman you obviously have no shame at all. B-)

Personally I think that the real Steffi is better off dead with people like you around. :^0

Col ]:)

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Shellbot

we've had a smoking ban in ireland for a couple years now.

Only outside, or in yer own home. A good few pubs have set up beer gardens, but its getting cold now..so not a lot of use.

It sucks, but you get used to it i guess.

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0 Votes
heml0ck

for at least 6 years.

I'm a pack a dayer, and I really enjoy my pints at the pub. The only good thing about it (the ban that is) is that I don't smoke anywhere near what I used to in a night out.
Back in the day, I'd smoke two or more large packs in an evening. Now? If I'm on a patio, at most one.
I feel much better the next day

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0 Votes
deepsand

And, depending on your insurance company, you may also need a concuring opinion.

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0 Votes
Stangg

e-mail one
Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader

e-mail two
Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader

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0 Votes
gadgetgirl

cutnpasted, printed, and now on my notice board....

thanks, Stangg, I needed that!

GG

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w2ktechman

I liked it

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0 Votes
Stangg

Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.

Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

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Stangg

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Buddha:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Colonel Sanders:
Damn, I missed one!

Anderson Consulting:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Anderson Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Anderson helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Anderson Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

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gadgetgirl

you've obviously worked with them, too!

GG
]:)

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heml0ck

"poultry in motion"

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gadgetgirl

yyyeeeeuuuuccccchhhhh!

I should have known better than to open that post, really.......!

GG

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heml0ck

so I'm a little rusty

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deepsand

.

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heml0ck

Did i miss something?

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0 Votes
deepsand

Sorry for the interruption.

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0 Votes
Genera-nation

I am.

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0 Votes
deepsand

Ignoring me?

Liar.

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0 Votes
dryflies

the tag is friday yuk, not ***** and moan

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Absolutely

Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.

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Oz_Media

I can see that and you're not doing a very gfood job of it. You post a comment to say you are ingnoring posting to someone's comments?

What a maroon! Get a life and at least try sounding intelligent for a change. Your absence of logic in your posts coupled with your hypocrisy simply lowers your apparent level of intelligence.

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Oz_Media

What, now YOU are suggesting who is right and wrong? YOU feel that these threads do not follow YOUR ideals? Who the **** are YOU to start throwing your weight around, the new TR moderator?

Just looking for a more intelligent person to rant with.

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w2ktechman

really is that low. In which case he is just showing off how retarded (hindered) his brain function really is!

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0 Votes
Absolutely

If gg eats roadkill --

"yyyeeeeuuuuccccchhhhh!"

-- she has only herself to blame!

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Shellbot

Why did the condom cross the road?
Because it was p!ssed off

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Jaqui

because someone pissed you off like a condom? ]:)

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NaughtyMonkey

:^0

edit: it sucks when you make a spelling mstake and only wrote 6 words.

Dammit, I had to correct anoher in my edit.

I give up. Ah phuck it

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w2ktechman

and booted him across the road :^0

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w2ktechman

I guess the truth is out then :^0 :^0 :^0

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TonytheTiger

you spelled that right :)

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john3347

Actually, the chicken either crossed the road to get on the other side, or because the road was across its path. Only the chicken would know that for sure

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Absolutely

to prove to the opossum that it is possible.

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Stangg

ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES
1 - Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2 - Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time -.
3 - Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4 - Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5 - To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head
6 - When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
7 - Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8 - Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9 - While riding an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open


THREE-POINTS DARES
1 - Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2 - Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask,"Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3 - Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice -.
4 - Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight -.
5 - Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1 - At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself -.
2 - Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3 - For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4 - Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5 - After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent - As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one
hour.
6 - While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7 - In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".
8 - At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce,"As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9 - In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10 - Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".
11 - Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12 - Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why,say, "I can't talk about it".
13 - Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14 - Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig,etc - during a very important conference call.
15 - Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16 - Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17 - Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18 - During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19 - Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

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TonytheTiger

starts down, grasp at the walls like it's falling and say "Oh ****!".

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Absolutely

To receive 5 points, you need to add an equal or greater number of thumb tacks, toothpicks or the like.

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Genera-nation

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidently left out one letter in her email address, and, without realising his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Huston, a widow had just returned home from her husband?s funeral. He was a minister who had a heart attack and died. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from family and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow?s son rushed into the room, and saw the computer screen. The message read:


?I know you?re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I?ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!?

QSNDDTAQ

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HAL 9000 Moderator

The real Steffi would never get home at 4.30 AM from any pub she would continue to drink till the Kegs where empty and all the bottles behind the bar where empty and thrown out.

Even if she was forcibly returned home at 4.30 AM she would never consider it acceptable to jump onto TR at that time because there is no one that she could ***** to. :0

You have proven that you are not the real Steffi and I'm going to ask Beth to remove you from here as you are lowering the tone of the place.

Now let the Real Steffi RIP at the bottom of the ocean where she is currently. It's Poor Form to continue to try to make out that you are her. I'm betting that instead of a 14 year old girl you are actually a balding fat old man attempting to get your jollies by impersonating the Poor Steffi who couldn't be told anything. This is what lead directly to her early death.

She was a perfect example of another young girl who couldn't be told anything for her own good and she paid the price for acting that way. :^0

It's no good attempting to cover your A$$ after being caught out earlier today. You have shown your True Self Fake Steffi and have been caught out. [/maniacal Laughter]

Col ]:)

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Steffi28

I did stay until the bottles were empty I started on the beer but it was not as good as the german stuff so I went home very upset.

And I told you I come home and went on TR as I wanted to be the first to post the yuk and hubby was in work so I had nothing better to do!!

The real Steffi is still alive and kicking Col, stop letting the fact that your upset about your plan failing make it sound like I died! I'm still here and theres nothing you can do about it!

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w2ktechman

we believe you?

The only time(s) you seem to post recently are at such odd hours for your time zone. This suggests that either you are a troll whom walks around all night, a vampire or that you are truly in a different time zone than specified.

Next time, before hijacking someones account, make it harder for us to figure you out. At least log on at the appropriate time for where you are supposed to be. :^0 :^0

Also, typing while drunk... Hmmm, I dont know too many people that could stare at the monitor and read, let alone type almost flawlessly. Therefore you truly were not drunk, just posing AGAIN!!! :0

Poser, Poser, Poser

Now, what are we going to do about this??? If you truly want us to think that you are Steffi, I think that you need to prove it.
But since the webcams are off, and the pole is in Germany, I guess there is no way to prove it. : ^0

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Steffi28

It really is me! Nobody pretends to be me better than I do so therefore I am me and look Im posting at 2.30pm now thats a normal time right??

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w2ktechman

then nope!

Besides the REAL Steffi showed up, so you better stop the charade now... :^0

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HAL 9000 Moderator

I E-Mailed them all Steffi's Body well the original E-Mail went to GG but it was CC'd to the rest. :^0

So there are now multiple clones of Steffi's body floating around the Internet. Remember that since Steffi's Death is appearing on the Internet and has had numerous posts to confirm Steffi's Demise it must be correct. You are just trying to stop all the sadness of those who knew and liked Steffi and take her place. Or more likely you are trying to stop the party that is continuing about her recent death. No you are not going to be invited either. You have failed miserably :^0

Col ]:)

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Steffi28

I'm not dead and I'm not an imposter I'm just me, c'mon how can I prove it??

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HAL 9000 Moderator

That's the beauty of it. :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0

Well actually if you really want to prove that you are The Real Steffi I suppose you could [Maniacal Laughter]



Edited to add An edict from her Majestic Majesty that must be followed

http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2344118

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Absolutely

I don't even know what started this 'fake Steffi' crap, but I'm sure it's a load of horse crap. Just consider the source!

Yea, sure, Col, you and your imaginary airlock really scare us!

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Steffi28

Col said he stole the UK and got a team of miners to move it and that in attempting to return to the UK from Germany I died, but its all lies!!

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w2ktechman

so therefore it must be true???

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Absolutely

You were going to university, and as I recall, he made up an exceedingly complicated story about moving the entire island so you would find nowere to land in Britain, and he invented a lot of other boring details that I don't remember, except that they where misspleeld.

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HAL 9000 Moderator

The real Steffi would know the story but as you don't you are obviously a FAKE! :^0

If you insist on attempting to steal a Valued Peers Account you should have the courtesy not to treat us all like Idiots! You need to do your homework and look up what the Real Steffi was doing and not parody badly the banter between peers.

Perhaps one of the Impure Brigade will E-Mail you Steffi's Body but you'll need to ask very nicely. :^0 :^0 :^0

Col

Edited to add An edict from her Majestic Majesty that must be followed

http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2344118

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0 Votes
Absolutely

"I'm still here and theres nothing you can do about it! "

He can keep crying like a WATB!

:^0

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w2ktechman

but only cause Col sent me photos.....

Now I see right through it all!

:^0

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HAL 9000 Moderator

I E-Mailed you the body so you could perform unspeakable acts upon it not just photos. :^0

As for Abs's I'm leaving him alone for the time being as He Hasn't been Feeling Himself At All Recently.

In the mean time I'll allow him to think that Steffi is still alive and that he is communicating with her. With a bit of luck Fake Steffi will give him the Come On and then I'll be laughing even harder when he shells out the funds for a Airline Ticket to the UK and finds out that he's been propositioned by a 85 year old Bald Fat Pervert impersonating Steffi. :^0 :^0

I'll leave him alone for the time being and just sit back laughing as he digs himself in deeper. :^0

[Maniacal Laughter]

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0 Votes

LOL

w2ktechman

I must sit back and watch too. I did not realize that the impersonator was an 85 yr. old Bald Fat Pervert... I started busting up at the thought of Abs and -- Fake Steffi...

:^0

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Absolutely

I did not realize that the impersonator was an 85 yr. old Bald Fat Pervert

What, you guessed HAL9000 was 86?

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w2ktechman

he hired the impersonater last time. When he had sent Steffi to the desert.

So It was my assumption that this time was the same.
Never question the HAL9000, never. Well, Ok, just on minor things....

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Steffi28

Col is definitely wrong on this matter!

Ask Shell n GG they'll tell you

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Steffi28

He's just upset that his plan didnt go as he expected it to and that im still here

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w2ktechman

a syndrome of some sort as well, must be the alzheimers kicking in!

You seem to be typing the same word 2-3 times in the title of your posts. Now if it were on 1 post, that would be fine. But several, there is a problem..... :0

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Absolutely

a recently-completed piece of software!

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w2ktechman

developed in a title and all of the developers that visit the site...

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0 Votes
Absolutely

Or too Impure? I'm still trying to figure out that bit of off-topic jargon.

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w2ktechman

it all makes sense. But Daveo has a 'Special' version of Pure and Impure, that only he understands. In this version, he is Pure and aside from his idol, nobody else comes close. And, he can do Impure things, but it does not make him Impure or less Pure...... :^0 I think its almost hospital time for that one! :^0

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Shellbot

Brave Soldiers
An army Major visiting sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir"

"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bad. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."

"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir."

****************

Wrong Expression
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "****! THAT'S the word!?

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OldER Mycroft

An Australian guy is travelling round the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of the shift, he asks her if she wants to go back to his hotel. Although she is attracted to him, she declines. He then offers her $200 to sleep with him. As she is also travelling round the world and is short of funds, she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again. He orders his Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him, again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to oblige. This goes on for a total of five nights. On the sixth night the guy comes in again, orders a Fosters, but this time goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention, then maybe she can shake some more money out of him. She goes over and sits down beside him. She asks what part of Australia he is from. "Melbourne," he tells her. "So am I - what suburb?" she enquires. "Glen Iris," he replies. "That is amazing," she says excitedly, "so am I - what street?". "Cameo Street," he replies. "This is unbelievable," she says, her voice quivering. "And what number?". "Number 20," he replies. She is totally astonished. "You are not going to believe this," she screams, "but I'm from Number 22! My parents still live there!" "I know," he says, "your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you!"

HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN!!!!

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Shellbot

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds
of breasts.
In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum,
how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man also goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

*******************


He said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said .. . You wear pants don't you?
**
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
**
He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn side ways and look in the mirror!
**
On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . " I do not"
**
Q.How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A.Both of them.
**
Q.How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A.He buys two cases of beer.
**
Q.What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A.The bonds mature.
**
Q..Why are blonde jokes so short?
A.So men can remember them.
**
Q.How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A.We don't know; it has never happened.
**

Q.What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.
**

Q.Why are married women heavier than single women?
A.Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

**
Q.What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A.They're married.
**
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."