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October 18, 2007 at 8:24 pm #2228616
Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Lockedby steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
It’s almost 4.30am here in the UK, I’ve just come home from the pub after a chinese and lots and lots of nasty cheap booze, and It’s the first time I’ve been out since the smoking ban and I hate it, its too cold to smoke outdoors!
Anyway I got home and thought the only way I’ll be able to beat anyone to the Yuk is to do it now, sorry im rambling a bit anyway heres some jokes….
First a lovely song, sang to the tune of golden brown
Gordon Brown, tax me, go on!
Take my money – almost all gone!
With New Labour in,
We’ll just never win.
Ever a frown, with Gordon Brown.Every new budget hurts like the last.
Mortgage relief ends very fast.
Fate? That’s one in The Eye,
Flush? I’m sunk…high and dry.
Interest rates never down, with Gordon Brown.Gordon Brown found a temptress,
Wed at last, she in a naff dress.
Shhhhhh! The damned tight-fisted git,
Even spent nowt on it.
Why, he’ll never go down, with Sarah Brown.………………………………………..
An executive at a prominent software development company learns that the quality of software solutions provided by the company is in question. The executive takes immediate action and calls a meeting of the managers.
executive – “Quality is the differentiator for our company. Poor quality is simply not acceptable. So…right now…each of you imagine that you are sitting on an airplace at the terminal awaiting take-off…and you learn that the software controlling the avionics of the plane were written by your team. By show of hands, which of you would exit the airplane?”
Slowly but surely hands start lifting until all but one of the managers has their hands in the air. Intrigued, the executive queries the lone manager about that team’s techniques that make the software so reliable. “What is it your team is doing to produce quality software so much that you will stay on the plane?”
manager – “Improve quality?!?! Heck…if my team wrote it, the plane wouldn’t even taxi down the runway!”
…………………………………………..
I liked this pic, so true!!
………………………………………..
And apparently Microsoft has a sense of humour
http://blogs.msdn.com/stevecla01/archive/2007/06/29/microsoft-has-a-sense-of-humour.aspxEdited cos the link had swearing in it and to warn that the xkcd site is probable nsfw as its heading contains a naughty word
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October 19, 2007 at 12:55 am #2470504
Smoking ban? That sucks.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Is this local or national?
Are there exceptions?
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October 19, 2007 at 1:05 am #2470501
here, it goes into effect
by jaqui · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Smoking ban? That sucks.
on January 1, for the city.
no smoking within 6 meters [ 22 feet ] of a door or window. no smoking in a shelter at a transit stop.the workers compensation board made it illegal to smoke in public places years ago here.. the health of employees by forcing them to be in a smoke filled environment.
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October 19, 2007 at 1:27 am #2470494
Hope you have a big apartment or house…
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to here, it goes into effect
6 meters from a door or window would be impossible in my apartment!
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October 19, 2007 at 6:22 am #2476325
Hey – this is a [i]TECH[/i] forum; or, so someone elsewhere insisted.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hope you have a big apartment or house…
Don’t suppose you recall who that was?
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October 19, 2007 at 6:52 am #2476292
However…
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hey – this is a [i]TECH[/i] forum; or, so someone elsewhere insisted.
as was pointed out by many people (and in the questions I asked at the time) if the tag says off-topic you can generally post what you like.
I know things may go too fast for you, but do try to learn to keep up with the current affairs!
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October 19, 2007 at 6:55 am #2476288
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October 19, 2007 at 7:13 am #2476270
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October 19, 2007 at 7:21 am #2476261
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October 19, 2007 at 7:26 am #2476254
Are you clueless by birth or by accident?
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
You’ve a lot of nerve, acting as if you don’t know that your decrying the subject of another Discussion as being inappropriate, and then participating here, is nothing but hypocrisy.
You don’t get to pick & chose what is and is not acceptable here; that’s for the community to decide.
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October 19, 2007 at 7:33 am #2476249
Sandy dear
by tig2 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
I do think he gets it. And to his credit, has been good.
He clearly said that he had not run into a forum like this one before so was a bit surprised by us. A number of people told him that this is how we are. Including me.
He’s trying. Let’s give him a break.
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October 19, 2007 at 7:33 am #2476248
But….
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
you don’t speak for the community. Who really cares what you think, please show me!
Following what I was told by many others over the last few days, nothing is incorrect about the above!
Think I will ignore your posts from now on. Not in the mood for the small minded today (or any day)!
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October 19, 2007 at 7:43 am #2476231
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October 19, 2007 at 7:45 am #2476228
Yes, TT, but [i]what[/i] is he trying?
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
Looks to me like he’s just trying to be a smart-ass.
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October 19, 2007 at 7:46 am #2476223
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October 19, 2007 at 7:49 am #2476218
Forum Tendencies
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
Seems to me like just another excuse to vent on a generic disliked forum troll. If its anything like other forums then I bet even if he were to drop to his knees and beg forgiveness nothing would change.
After all it is the internet.
(p.s I’m not popping at GN, just my observation)
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October 19, 2007 at 7:56 am #2476213
Doesn’t matter [i]what[/i] he’s on his knees for — he’s SOL.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
He’s a juvenile loser.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:33 am #2476167
you don’t speak for the community. Who really cares what you think, please
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
Actually most uf us care. As noted this is a peer community, not a closely moderated forum. It is up to us a members here to monitor and align the forums in everyone’s best interests.
While DeppSand obviously has a bone to pick, beig a forum member does actually offer you the ability to speak, in the case of deepsand, a longtim member, I think that speaking for teh community is acceptable. If you don’t feel that way, I’ll have to remember to say so myself next time.
I think you had the easy end this time.
EIther way, you f****d up and apologized, I can accept that. We do have endless reams of idiots here who start to slam threads for not being technical, while stating that THIER favorite forum wouldn’t allow as much.
It gets pretty tiring when it takes 30 people to tell someone to F-off. Thus we allow people to speak out on the behalf of other regular peers here, knowing very well we all feel the same way.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:38 am #2476158
Then Why
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
still go on about it after the incident?
Looking at the posts this sand person has put here, I have no reason to want to reply or take notice. Somthing that was again pointed out to me. If you don’t like somthing just ignore it and move on!
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October 19, 2007 at 8:46 am #2476149
Take note:
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
Sandy is generally a bit on the touchy side of things. Especially if one has already gotten on his bad side. If you dont like it, dont reply or read his posts.
But commenting about it is just trying to egg him on just for a longer, drawn out battle that you are trying to look ‘innocent’ about. But in reality, you dont look so innocent at this point, as it appears to be a subtle provocation.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:50 am #2476142
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October 19, 2007 at 8:52 am #2476140
Well, let’s not forget
by maecuff · about 16 years, 6 months ago
That it wasn’t just a difference of opinion that started this. Gen threatened to ‘tell’..
And if you ask around the school yard, this type of behavior isn’t easily forgiven.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:57 am #2476137
Honestly, I dont know what started it
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
but the continuance can be avoided and forgiven if appropriate action is taken.
I do enjoy many of Deeps posts, but sometimes I think he goes a bit far. But then again, I have been known to as well.
I remember a few times ripping into someone for a post, to find out later that that person was being humerous, and I failed to catch it, or that I took it out of context.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:59 am #2476136
there has to be some sort of joke here
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
I know
“Arguing on the internet is like competing in the special Olympics… even if you win your still retarded”
Too much?
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October 19, 2007 at 9:01 am #2476130
Tell
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
I was going to check if the contents of the forum were appropriate. Nothing incorrect about that.
As I was told that by using off-topic most things go, I left it.
No big deal here.
Now this sand character is back in the other forums commenting on things, sigh.
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October 19, 2007 at 9:04 am #2476126
“sand character”
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
I think if I were Sandy, I might start ripping into you for that comment!
Me thinks you be walking a thin line here
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October 19, 2007 at 9:08 am #2476116
My initial post [i]deliberately[/i] made no references by name.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
And, it was carefully worded so as to elicit a chastened reply, if any at all.
To receive an in-your-face reply was, and will continue to be, unacceptable, coming as it is from a newbie.
I long ago reached an age where I no longer suffer fools lightly.
Be advised, GN, you are on probation, not only with me, but others as well. Your fate here lies in your hands alone.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:02 pm #2625600
Sand characters
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
I for one am always going too far or over the top here, it’s what I do, people know it and accept, even if grudgingly. YOu litke to push the envelope too, but you are usually a little more eloquent about it than I am.
As for name calling and telling, well we all know whatplayground that belongs in and it isn’t here.
So, the Friday Yuk was screwed by this ongoing fued that I too willingly jumped into head firt. Nothing better to do today or something like that, I guess.
When I first came here, it was with an interest of studying online psychology. What makes people be who they are online, as I have always studied psyche and criminal minds.
Within a couple of days, I had goen toe to toe with Maxwell…one that lasted several years actually as many of you will groan to recall.
My first intrest was what made this guy tick and believe that everyone was on his side, when celarly very few were.
So I posted similar comments towards Max, “who is Maxwell Edison”. I too got into the sladering of his name in order to pull him into the thread, but it went nowhere and he thought it was a plot to get people to dislike him, which it never actually was.
So whilst GN thinks he’s made a fairly innocent comment, though he would not admit to having any fault for it, he has no idea where this can lead. Several years of toe to toe with someone you really couldn’t care less about.
Oh the fun, Max is gone now, guess he’s next.
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October 21, 2007 at 8:09 am #2624238
Response…
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
I do not suffer bully’s lightly. Just because some have been around longer gives them no right to judge or decide any probation times.
Tell me – what level of control do they have over this site, it’s members, ability to post, content and design?
Probably as much as me I guess. I’m sorry but I will not be put in to some place, by some guy who has some kind of grudge.
I will however continue to read & post for as long as I feel appropriate, ignoring a certain members posts and opinions along the way (because I can).
For those of you that have been helpful in explaining the situation here – thank you for your time and help. I hope that we can continue to converse in the future.
Had this been a place of work, do you really think other ‘staff members’ would get away with such, against the newbie???
Doubt it.
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October 21, 2007 at 12:22 pm #2624200
You still don’t get it, GN, do you?
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
It is [b]you[/b] who cannot walk into, for example, the neighborhood watering hole & expect that the regulars there should both tolerate & engage you on your terms, with no regard for their acceptable norms of comportment.
More than a few here have attempted to explain this to you; and still, you evidence no understanding of such.
You are not the first to here burst in, demanding that you be given the attention that you desire, and be soundly & roundly taken to task for such; nor will you be the last.
That you succeed or fail at becoming a respected member of this community is in your hands alone.
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October 22, 2007 at 11:25 am #2625114
Tell me – what level of control do they have…You’ll learn
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
Actually, the peers here ARE the moderators. Posts and peers that are unacceptable are reported by peers and followed up on by TR staff as requried.
As for sit econtent, payout etc. That is ALWAYS opened up for a select number of peers (known as “TR insiders”) to comment on before it is rolled out.
SO when it comes to the community which you ffel we have no control over, you couldn’t be more wrong, again just speaking out assumptions without qualification.
TR has editors and designers, the forums and postsing is pretty much up to us to report on, and yes they do actually listen to ideas.
On a lighter note, if you DO have ideas of how to make the forums more accessible, have better navigation etc., don’t hesitate to speak up, you will be heard.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:25 am #2476177
Not in your own home, YET
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hope you have a big apartment or house…
They have talked about smoking being banned in apartment buildings, where people standing on thier porch would ‘offend’ others as smoke wafts by thier windows (pshaw!). I believe that ban is already in effect in a city/state in the US as they refer to it when the subject comes up.
Here the ban is smoking near someone else’s door or window, as they have already done in Montreal. It is designed to stop people hanging out in front of restaurants, pubs etc. while smoking. You need to walk away from teh public building in order to smoke, yeah like that’s gonna every happen!
As Jaqui said, you haven’t been able to smoke in a bar for over a year now, I remember when you could smoke at work. Almost every desk in a sales office had an overflowing ashtray. I had one boss, high stress guy, who smoked at least three packs a day, just while at work!
In buildings is one thing. Outdoors? good luck with that.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:42 am #2476151
yeah, here in Ca
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Not in your own home, YET
it is something like 50 feet from an entrance for a building, business, etc..
Cannot smoke inside of a public place (such as restraunt, parks, etc.). But outside and away is OK. or in your own home/apt..However dumbasses keep trying to do more, like no smoking outside (was recently proposed)and no smoking indoors if you have anyone living with you.
basically, some people are just sooooo very bored, and think that they are doing the world a favor by blessing us with their presence, seem to just be f**king with us for no apparent reason.personally, I smoke outside, even though I live alone.
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October 19, 2007 at 12:20 pm #2625665
Missouri Rules
by gsg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to yeah, here in Ca
Here in Missouri there is no smoking, even outside, or in your car, on any property owned, leased, or rented by a hospital, clinic or other health care facility. If the facility does not enforce this, they could lose their licensure. I’ll just say that I’m a rabid non-smoker as I am highly sensitive to even the smell lingering on other’s clothes, and don’t go anyplace where I might be exposed to smoke, but this is ridiculous. I don’t want to have to walk through a cloud of it to get into the hospital, but if you are in the old smoking sections, it wasn’t hurting anyone other than the person who chose to smoke, and they were all adults with the ability to chose.
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October 19, 2007 at 1:06 pm #2625636
That sounds ridiculous
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Missouri Rules
Ok, the hospital I can agree with. But, I still think that having a location outside should be fine. Keep the section away from non smokers and away from the doors.
Smoking outside, even if I am chain smoking, is doing less that an automobile. So whats next, forcing everyone off the road and fining them?
Ok that was extreme. But, it has gotten out of hand a bit, just like taxing tobacco and alcohol. I wonder how many politicians got elected because they were ‘for’ a tax increase on these items? -
October 19, 2007 at 2:12 pm #2625593
Exactly,
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Missouri Rules
And I assume that if you see a group of people smoking in public, outdoors, that you would not go and stand beside them and scowl at them for polluting your air. YOu would simply find a more suitable place to stand, away from eth smokers.
And that is to be respected equally.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:16 pm #2625591
W2K
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Missouri Rules
That’s not far fetched at all. In fact cars do cough up FAR more toxic smoke than a cigarrette does. The problem is, CO, the toxic gas that lingers at street level and doesn’t dissipate, is colourless and odourless. Out of sight, out of mind, unfortunately.
You are 100% right and not exagerating at all, smoking outside is nothing compared to vehicle emissions, even new, well tuned cars.
Why not ban them too? -
October 19, 2007 at 2:06 pm #2625597
I smoke cigars
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to yeah, here in Ca
I smoke them where I want and when I want, end of story…sue me a$$hole.
In my defense, I also have common courtesy in public or anywhere else.
I know cigars stink, though any girls seem to like the smell, maybe it is a reminder of daddy or something.
I wouldn’t go and stand beside someone in publc and light up. In the same sense, don’t stand beside me when I’m smoking and then scowl about it. F-off if you don’t like it! I’d cut your throat rather than put it out at that point.
I show courtesy whenI should, I simply expect people not to overplay the “eeeeeew, smoking” BS when near me. Especially if I’m tucked under an awning trying to stay dry while freezing my balls off because some whiner complained about smoke in the strip bars. I agree that it is a hazard to nonsmokers in an office, I accept that it is not right to force people to inhale second hand smoke while they work. In Vancouver, the big noise was made by waitresses at bars compleining to workers compensation board about thier health risks at work.
That’s like complaining that the food at MacDonald’s is unhealthy and they should serve veggies only because you are a vegitarian.
If you CHOOSE to work at a bar, strip club, then you would also be choosing the environment. What’s next, waitresses at strip bars saying they shouldn’t have to look at strippers all day and that it is sexual descrimination? Don’t like it? MacDonalds is always hiring….carnivores that is.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:30 pm #2625581
Fully agree
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I smoke cigars
When smoking outside, I try various techniques to keep away from non smokers. If I am near a walkway, I will try to get out of the way a bit. I understand that they may not smoke, or even like it.
I may blow the smoke straight up to try to avoid them, or even try to find a better location. But sometimes, that A-hole comes right near me, this is not my fault, and if they do, they should have the mind to shut the F**k up! -
October 20, 2007 at 8:47 am #2624412
Oz, thats logical crap
by jamesrl · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I smoke cigars
No one forces the people at Macdonalds to eat there.
Similarly your strip club waitress analogy, scond hand smoke is like asking the waitress to occasionally strip.
Second hand smoke is exposing others to noxious chemicals that are cancer causing. Its one thing in the open air, its another in an enclosed environment.
There is a recent movement to ban smoking in cars where there is a child in a car. Makes sense to me – studies show because its an enclosed environment kids will get a much higher dose than if they were in a house (and yes even if you keep your window open and blow the smoke out, a fair amount stays in the car).
I’m not suggesting you don’t have a right to smoke, but you don’t have a right to force me to inhale either.
James
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October 20, 2007 at 9:54 am #2624395
Smokers in bars
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I smoke cigars
Strip bars have always been known as smokey, dark places with loud music and rowdy behaviour. Even people who don’t frequent a strip bar, know exactly what they are in for, atmosphere wise anyway.
Waitreses for decades have worked in these known smokey environments, now all of a suddent they lobby WCB about it bothering thier throat or making them sick.
When they applied for the job, they knew it was going to be like that.
I have a freind inthe carpenters union, a while back a new hire was brought on and he stared to complain that the 2X4’s carried mould spores and it was effecting his health.
It’s ridiculous, if you are allergic to WOOD then don’t become a f-in carpenter! Not exactl;y a headwrecker.
If you are allergic to smoke, then don’t apply for a job in a smoky bar.
If you don’t think MacDonalds is healthy, then don’t go flip burgers.
When will people start taking responsibility for their own actions, instead of blaming the actions of others?
As for you not liking smikers, fine, then if i am smoking don’t walk up and complain. If you are doing something, I wouldn’t walk up and smoke in your face.
Your cars exhaust is toxic, if I don’t want to breath it, it stinks and the CO gives me a headache. Therefore I would not even thonk of applying for a job as a traffic cop, roadworker or streetside vendor. I don’t stand around whining that pollution is killing me and it is unfair that I can’t work near the street. Should I lobby against cars on the street next so I can safely go outside?
P.S. Most strip bar waitresses in Vancouver do dance, they take the stage between regular scheduled dancers to keep the place lively and boost tips.
It’s kinda cool actually, one minutes she’s yanking off her drawers and then she’s bringing you a beer while the regular act takes the stage. They should have classes to teach women this ultimate skill.
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October 22, 2007 at 7:03 pm #2624938
You’ve completely missed the point JamesRL
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I smoke cigars
Those who work in places where patrons smoke are [b]not forced to work there[/b]; that they do is of their own free will.
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October 21, 2007 at 4:21 pm #2624815
Wait – its coming I’m sure
by av . · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Not in your own home, YET
I know smoking is bad, but if they try to ban smoking in my own home I’m gonna have to get out the guns. I’m a considerate smoker, and YES, I know smoking is bad for you, but I don’t need to hear it from the righteous passerbys that obviously have a chocolate cake fetish.
In New Jersey, you can’t smoke in any restaurant or bar and they actually have smoker’s areas on the beach! Is that the most ridiculousness that you have ever heard? I mean, you’re OUTDOORS!
Its ok for that stinky-ass garbage truck and diesel fume spewing tractor trailor truck to spew more chemicals into the air than I’ll ever do in my lifetime, but I can’t smoke my one little stinking cigarette outside away from people without looks and lectures.
If I’m a considerate person, leave me alone. I chose to smoke. Just like they chose to eat that extra cookie. I don’t call them fatty. We all have vices of some kind and no one is freaking perfect.
AV
AV
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October 21, 2007 at 11:27 pm #2624735
smoking
by half9 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Wait – its coming I’m sure
Here in NZ we have a smoking ban in pubs restaurants and most buildings, the way the pubs get around it is to have a covered smoking area outside. sort of partition off part of the garden bar ect. And cover it either with a wooden roof or kite type roof and a wood or concrete deck type floor some even have a real bar in this area, and a brazier fire in winter or lpg heaters, the tall ones. Its all about drinks in glasses and profits, so cater to the custom
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October 22, 2007 at 11:31 am #2625108
As always the US goes ot the extreme
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Wait – its coming I’m sure
I was at a racetrack in Seattle, standing OUTDOORS, smokng [b]downwind[/b] of the general admisison bleachers. My smoke was heading stright over the fence and out into teh parkign lot. A security guard comes up and tells me I can’t smoke, he was grinning so I just laughed and read my program. “can’t smoke” wonder what he meant by that, it’s not funnny or anything?!
He came back a few minutes later and said it again, he was SERIOUS! I couldn’t smoke OUTSIDE!
I had never heard of such a retarded rule, they actually have an outdoor section at the end of the homestretch where you can smoke. Funny enough, it’s about 3′ from the adjoining outdoor benches and childrens play area, where you CAN’T smoke.
The wind was blowing that way, so when you smoke, you are upwind of all the nonsmoking areas and children.
What a brain cell these guys must have! I wonder if they share it?
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October 23, 2007 at 8:02 am #2623338
The only problem…
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Wait – its coming I’m sure
with smoking on the beach, and this may be the reason their is a smoking section, is all of the inconsiderate smokers who look at the beach as one big ashtray. I would like to set my baby on the beach and have her not pick up a cigarette butt.
What should be done for that? Provide smoking sections at the top of the beach every 100 ft. with an ashtray? Charge to go on the beach so they can hire security to enforce the no littering or to pick up the butts?
Most of the time t is the inconsiderate smokers that cause the problems making these laws necessary. Smoke all you want, but be considerate. That is how I was the 15 years I smoked. I was a considerate smoker and I felt the same way about smoking. I realized some laws and ordinances were necessary to keep those inconsiderate people from being inconsiderate.
Maybe we should just shoot them since they are most likely the stupid people or just plain a$$holes who care about no one but themselves.
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October 23, 2007 at 5:18 pm #2625291
I’m sure thats part of the reason
by av . · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The only problem…
The other part is that NJ loves to legislate your fun. Here’s some of the don’ts that you’ll find at the Jersey shore. Some seem ridiculous, but they’re true. http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/280-05252007-1352704.html
Now we have to take all of our trash with us when we leave the beach. I’m ok with that.
The problem is that inconsiderate stupid people don’t care about the rules. Shooting them would work, but it would make a mess.
AV :^0
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October 24, 2007 at 6:54 am #2468436
How about…
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The only problem…
telling them we have established a colony on the sun. Load them up in a rocket and send ’em off.
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October 19, 2007 at 5:23 am #2476378
about the same here….
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to here, it goes into effect
Funny thing is that it was part of a revitalization of downtown. Since the ban, 2 restaurants and 4 bars have closed because they lost too much business. Others are looking at moving outside the city limits.
It is against city ordinance to smoke on the sidewalks as well but none of the police enforce it. They have better things to do.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:25 am #2470479
more info Sandy….
by gadgetgirl · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Smoking ban? That sucks.
and
The only LEGAL exception is where the area is classed as someones’ place of residence, but even that isn’t working properly.
There are *some* hotels who will actually have designated smoking rooms to book in advance. (Voluntary basis to have smoking rooms though……)
Even the Old Peoples’ Homes here have voluntarily gone smoke free despite it being classed as a persons’ residence.
We’re having great fun. In a Mental Health Trust, the last thing you want is to demand that a patient doesn’t smoke when he’s being retained under Section 19 of the Mental Health Act…..
GG
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October 19, 2007 at 2:32 am #2470477
St Nicholas’ Hospital?
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to more info Sandy….
.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:37 am #2470475
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October 19, 2007 at 6:46 am #2476299
That would leave….
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Wrong area
St Georges Hospital
Newcastle General Hospital
North Tyneside General Hospital -
October 19, 2007 at 7:06 am #2476274
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October 19, 2007 at 7:10 am #2476272
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October 19, 2007 at 2:29 pm #2625582
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October 19, 2007 at 5:31 am #2476371
This is not a technical discussion
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to St Nicholas’ Hospital?
Did you lose your way again?
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October 19, 2007 at 6:25 am #2476323
Slowly killing yourself with nicotine is fine.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to This is not a technical discussion
Pleasures of the flesh, however, are to be avoided at all cost.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:31 pm #2625578
not quite there sandy..
by jaqui · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Slowly killing yourself with nicotine is fine.
me not smoking is hazardous to everyone else’s health ]:)
and pleasures of the flesh are the third most important thing in life, right after coffee and smoking. 😀
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October 20, 2007 at 5:03 am #2624460
It’s good to see someone else who has their priorities straight.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to not quite there sandy..
Why so many can’t see & understand the obvious is one of life’s small (great?) mysteries.
In any case, all we can do is try to enlighten the masses.
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October 19, 2007 at 6:34 am #2476308
No
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to This is not a technical discussion
but thanks for asking!
Have a nice day now.
Ding, Doing
Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t come to the door right now. I’m afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further TR absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
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October 19, 2007 at 6:45 am #2476300
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October 19, 2007 at 8:59 am #2476134
But you make no mention of swallowing
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Sure
:^0
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October 19, 2007 at 9:12 am #2476110
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October 19, 2007 at 9:15 am #2476105
again with the swallowing w2k…
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Sure
you make it very apparent you have no shame.
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October 19, 2007 at 9:19 am #2476098
no shame
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Sure
but just an overlooked observation.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:18 pm #2625588
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October 19, 2007 at 7:22 am #2476260
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October 19, 2007 at 7:37 am #2476243
You looking for a job again?
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hire the handicapped — they’re fun to watch.
.
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October 19, 2007 at 7:39 am #2476238
Why don’t you take the kids and go back to the clubhouse.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hire the handicapped — they’re fun to watch.
.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:24 pm #2625584
GN
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hire the handicapped — they’re fun to watch.
Don’t bother posting titles with the
, if you have nothing to say, don’t say anything. A title without content is as mindless and absurd as your calling this a technical forum. Take ur halfwitted, moronic attempts at humour or clever retort here instead.
http://tinyurl.com/ytb2zRemember to choose links on the right side of the signpost. When you’re done colouring and joining dots, visit here for a personality test: http://tinyurl.com/6wbv
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October 19, 2007 at 2:33 pm #2625577
Oz — That was hilarious
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hire the handicapped — they’re fun to watch.
I was expecting the second, but the first was a great addition.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:37 pm #2625574
LOL
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hire the handicapped — they’re fun to watch.
Max didn’t laugh when I posted it for him one day. Then again, I got the ‘idiot’ flash from him and thought it was rather funny, one of those touche’ moments.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:59 pm #2625569
ditto 2 w2ktechman — Good one, O_M!
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hire the handicapped — they’re fun to watch.
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October 19, 2007 at 7:30 am #2476251
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October 19, 2007 at 7:36 am #2476244
There is always time!
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Having a Ferris Bueller moment
Neuwwl, Buww, Buwwwww!
Ch-ch-ch-chikkka chi ka!
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October 19, 2007 at 7:59 am #2476207
Now I know what I will do with my Friday night….
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Having a Ferris Bueller moment
get drunk and watch the greatest non-sci-fi movie ever.
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October 19, 2007 at 7:37 am #2476242
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October 19, 2007 at 7:57 am #2476210
Bueller!!! :D
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to No
Some here cling to any thread for the sake of argument.
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October 19, 2007 at 11:37 am #2625702
Point of order:
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to This is not a technical discussion
Are technical questions [u]forbidden[/u] in off-topic threads, or merely [u]not required[/u]?
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October 19, 2007 at 11:58 am #2625681
We’ve had a number
by tig2 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Point of order:
Of technical questions that ended up in Off-Topic. Seemed like the best place to go with them at various times.
We tend to be pretty loose about that kind of thing. No rule, just guidelines.
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October 19, 2007 at 12:09 pm #2625673
How Dare You!
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Point of order:
ask that question here!!!
technical questions have their own place in other threads. However, technical items can be discussed here.
So there you go. Tech questions — FORBIDDEN
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October 19, 2007 at 3:01 pm #2625568
“FORBIDDEN” — Thanks, that clarifies much.
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
By the power vested in me as some dude using the alias ‘absolutely’, in the name of whatever arbitrary authority I whimsically pretend at this moment to wield, I command you, disagree with me!
:p
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October 21, 2007 at 12:27 pm #2624198
Having an Alzheimer’s moment, Absolutely?
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
By now I’d have thought that you were aware of the distinction here between “Discussions” and [i]Technical[/i] “Questions.”
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October 21, 2007 at 6:20 pm #2624793
Hal said that Abs wasnt himself
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
so hmmm, maybe a Fake Abs???
Why not, we got a fake Steffi! :0
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October 21, 2007 at 7:27 pm #2624779
deepsand: I do not recall forgetting any such rule
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
I may have never read one or I may have forgotten it, in which case the answer to your question might be “yes”.
In either case, I understand well that messages posted in the technical Questions section [u]must be[/u] of a technical nature; but I request the URL containing any requirement that messages posted in the off-topic Discussions area [u]must [b]not[/b] be[/u] of a technical nature.
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October 21, 2007 at 7:34 pm #2624777
w2k: Was that before or after I took Steffi28’s side against HAL?
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
I think you’re just trying to start a rumor, or a disagreement between HAL9000 and somebody. Or, you could post the URL where he accused me of being fake or not myself. Whatever.
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October 21, 2007 at 10:38 pm #2624741
Abs
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
I never said messages of a technical nature were forbidden here. I said Questions of a technical nature.
Me thinks your old age be getting you confused :^0 :^0
P.S. — Since it is posted on the Internet, it must be true. So here is the URL that you requested
http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2342903 -
October 21, 2007 at 10:40 pm #2624740
Abs part 2
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
Ok, for not being yourself
http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2343275
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October 21, 2007 at 10:58 pm #2624737
Absolutely: Stated plainly, …
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
([b]IF[/b] A = [u]Technical Question[/u], [b]THEN[/b] B = [u]Question” forum[/u])
[b]AND[/b]
([b]IF[/b] B = [u]Question forum[/u], [b]THEN[/b] A = [u]Technical Question[/u])
= [b]TRUE[/b]
Therefore,
[b]IF[/b] A = [u]Technical Question[/u], [b]THEN[/b] B [b]NOT[/b] = [u]Discussions forum[/u].
Also,
[b]IF[/b] B = [u]Discussions forum[/u], [b]THEN[/b] A [b]NOT[/b] = [u]Technical Question[/u].
Please print this and post on your monitor(s), so as to avoid future embarrassment.
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October 22, 2007 at 6:22 am #2624629
OK W2k lesson 1 :p
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
My exact words where Abs isn’t feeling him self which is a lot different to he’s not himself. 😀
That is reading comprehension 101 Honestly. :^0
Col
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October 22, 2007 at 9:19 am #2624521
That would cause more, not prevent or avoid.
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
[i](IF A = Technical Question, THEN B = Question” forum)
AND
(IF B = Question forum, THEN A = Technical Question)
= TRUE
Therefore,
IF A = Technical Question, THEN B NOT = Discussions forum.
Also,
IF B = Discussions forum, THEN A NOT = Technical Question.
Please print this and post on your monitor(s), so as to[/i] [b]cause[/b] [i]future embarrassment.[/i]
Oh, I almost forgot, my hard drive started making clicking sounds last week. Luckily that’s stopped and it’s making grinding noises. Can you recommend a good data recovery program?
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October 22, 2007 at 6:51 pm #2624941
Re. “data recovery program”
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
Isn’t that a Technical Question?
And, is this not a Discussion forum?
On a more serious note, fortunately, I’ve never had need for such, so I cannot make any personal recommendation. However, I do recall the subject having been here discussed within the past year or so, but a quick TR search fials to find it.
One that is highly regarded by others is SpinRite, from Gibson Research, founded & still operated by Steve Gibson, an indusrty pioneer & veritable wizard of disks & drives. See http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&aq=t&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4DMUS_enUS219US219&q=spinrite
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October 22, 2007 at 10:17 pm #2624909
Abs, you’re pushing it now :^0
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare You!
asking a tech question here, in the YUK even…
Ok, your best bet is to save some money and get another HDD, then slave this drive and backup data before it goes bye bye.
That clicking sound is a HW failure inside the drive. You do not want a SW solution to fix the HW problem, as it is more likely going to make it harder to get your data.If the data seems to be unrecoverable due to partition damage or something, try booting to a Linux live distro and copy the data to another drive. Often Win cannot recognise a damaged NTFS partition, but Linux can gather the data.
And stop using the drive, the more you use it, the less likely you can get the data from it.
If it is still working well (I have had drives that were used for months after clicking started), you can try to image the drive (less config needed afterwards).
In any event, PM me and I can help you out better. This is a YUK afterall…
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October 19, 2007 at 3:17 am #2476420
GG great to see well thought out new laws destroying the effectiveness
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to more info Sandy….
Of existing laws, just like the new Anti Smoking Law being Incompatible with Human Rights when applied to a smoker held under Section 19 of the Mental Health Act. Or whatever it’s called there. 😀
Though to call something the Mental Health Act is one of the biggest Misnomers on the face of the planet surely it must rate as as silly as [i]Hi I’m from the Government & I’m here to help you.[/i] :^0
Now I’ll just go and talk to myself for a long while. :p
Col ]:)
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October 19, 2007 at 9:02 am #2476129
OH, and you got all over me for that!
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to GG great to see well thought out new laws destroying the effectiveness
What is this, I cannot talk to myself, but you can???
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October 19, 2007 at 9:01 pm #2625511
No not at all. :p
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to OH, and you got all over me for that!
You are welcome to talk to yourself but having an argument with yourself in a public forum makes others sit up & look. :0
If you continue to do that you can expect to find a short trip to one of GG’s special Beds and a nice lovely white jacket which is just for you and you need not worry about the long arms we’ll just tie them up behind you for your comfort. :^0
Col ]:)
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October 19, 2007 at 11:35 am #2625706
Go, go, gadget-joke-machine!
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to more info Sandy….
Actually, I don’t get your punchline to all the posts about smoking. Is this the Section & Act you mean?
http://www.hyperguide.co.uk/mha/s19.htm
What’s the joke, something about not knowing where the ashtrays are?
:p
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October 19, 2007 at 6:30 pm #2625535
What made me laugh was
by steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to more info Sandy….
A couple of weeks before the ban started hubby read a letter in work about the rules of the ban, apparently if you work for yourself from home your supposed to make your own house a no smoking zone as it is a workplace and that makes it illegal to smoke in your home! So if for example theres a guy who sits at home working he is supposed to give himself smoke breaks and not in his house, I find that laughable
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October 19, 2007 at 9:11 pm #2625506
That really is sad :(
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to What made me laugh was
🙁
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October 19, 2007 at 9:17 pm #2625505
SHAME SHAME SHAME!
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to What made me laugh was
Steffi so recently deceased and you’ve moved in on her Hubby. :0
No wonder she was so insistent on getting home she was scared of what you would do with her being away in Germany. No wonder she was prepared to undergo that operation and add 300 Kilos to her chest so that you couldn’t compare to her. :0
You [b]Wicked Wanten [i]Make Believe[/i] Woman[/b] you obviously have no shame at all. B-)
Personally I think that the real Steffi is better off dead with people like you around. :^0
Col ]:)
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October 19, 2007 at 3:30 am #2476419
sucks
by shellbot · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Smoking ban? That sucks.
we’ve had a smoking ban in ireland for a couple years now.
Only outside, or in yer own home. A good few pubs have set up beer gardens, but its getting cold now..so not a lot of use.
It sucks, but you get used to it i guess.
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October 19, 2007 at 9:06 am #2476122
We’ve had a ban here
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to sucks
for at least 6 years.
I’m a pack a dayer, and I really enjoy my pints at the pub. The only good thing about it (the ban that is) is that I don’t smoke anywhere near what I used to in a night out.
Back in the day, I’d smoke two or more large packs in an evening. Now? If I’m on a patio, at most one.
I feel much better the next day 😉
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October 25, 2007 at 5:50 am #2469277
The One Exception to the Smoking Ban
by joestuffsda · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Smoking ban? That sucks.
Death.
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October 28, 2007 at 8:09 pm #2467173
But, only with a physican’s recommendation.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to The One Exception to the Smoking Ban
And, depending on your insurance company, you may also need a concuring opinion.
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October 19, 2007 at 1:48 am #2470486
Thought Id actually post in one of these
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
e-mail one
Attention: Human ResourcesJoe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leadere-mail two
Attention: Human ResourcesJoe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader-
October 19, 2007 at 3:16 am #2476421
Woohoo!
by gadgetgirl · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Thought Id actually post in one of these
cutnpasted, printed, and now on my notice board….
thanks, Stangg, I needed that! :p
GG
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October 19, 2007 at 9:07 am #2476120
Excellent Work
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Thought Id actually post in one of these
I liked it
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October 19, 2007 at 2:12 am #2470481
TOP TEN TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the ‘real’ reason this meeting has been called.
Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, “Well, here’s the way I see it, J.B…” (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss’s.)
Complain loudly that your neighbour won’t stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say “uh-huh, uh-huh!”
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October 19, 2007 at 2:42 am #2476430
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Buddha:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.Colonel Sanders:
Damn, I missed one!Anderson Consulting:
Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Anderson Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Anderson helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Anderson Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.-
October 19, 2007 at 3:13 am #2476422
Great! :p
by gadgetgirl · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road
you’ve obviously worked with them, too! 😀
GG
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October 19, 2007 at 5:36 am #2476368
what do you call a chicken crossing the road?
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road
“poultry in motion”
😀
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October 19, 2007 at 5:48 am #2476360
that’s not a “yuk” that’s a
by gadgetgirl · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to what do you call a chicken crossing the road?
yyyeeeeuuuuccccchhhhh!
I should have known better than to open that post, really…….!
GG
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October 19, 2007 at 5:52 am #2476357
well it’s been a while..
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to that’s not a “yuk” that’s a
so I’m a little rusty 😉
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October 19, 2007 at 7:10 am #2476273
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October 19, 2007 at 7:42 am #2476232
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October 19, 2007 at 7:49 am #2476219
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October 19, 2007 at 7:52 am #2476217
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October 19, 2007 at 7:57 am #2476211
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October 19, 2007 at 10:25 am #2625762
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October 19, 2007 at 12:33 pm #2625653
I dunno, dryflies, I think it’s as amusing as any 3 Stooges skit
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to huh?
Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:31 pm #2625579
Re: Just Ignore – I am
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to huh?
I can see that and you’re not doing a very gfood job of it. You post a comment to say you are ingnoring posting to someone’s comments?
What a maroon! Get a life and at least try sounding intelligent for a change. Your absence of logic in your posts coupled with your hypocrisy simply lowers your apparent level of intelligence.
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October 19, 2007 at 2:34 pm #2625576
Dryflies
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to huh?
What, now YOU are suggesting who is right and wrong? YOU feel that these threads do not follow YOUR ideals? Who the hell are YOU to start throwing your weight around, the new TR moderator?
Just looking for a more intelligent person to rant with. 😉
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October 19, 2007 at 2:35 pm #2625575
But maybe his intelligence
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to huh?
really is that low. In which case he is just showing off how retarded (hindered) his brain function really is!
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October 19, 2007 at 11:46 am #2625689
I like it.
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to well it’s been a while..
If gg eats roadkill —
“yyyeeeeuuuuccccchhhhh!”
— she has only herself to blame!
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October 19, 2007 at 6:08 am #2476340
My fav “crossing the road” joke
by shellbot · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because it was p!ssed off-
October 19, 2007 at 6:17 am #2476330
Hey that happened to me last night.
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to My fav “crossing the road” joke
😀
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October 19, 2007 at 8:14 am #2476193
what?!?! you crossed the road
by jaqui · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hey that happened to me last night.
because someone pissed you off like a condom? ]:)
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October 19, 2007 at 8:19 am #2476189
Yeah, and I’m still pissed off…
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to what?!?! you crossed the road
:^0
edit: it sucks when you make a spelling mstake and only wrote 6 words.
Dammit, I had to correct anoher in my edit.
I give up. Ah phuck it
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October 19, 2007 at 9:11 am #2476115
I think that someone pissed on him
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to what?!?! you crossed the road
and booted him across the road :^0
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October 19, 2007 at 9:17 am #2476100
you bastard
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I think that someone pissed on him
😀
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October 19, 2007 at 9:29 am #2625800
no shame
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to you bastard
I guess the truth is out then :^0 :^0 :^0
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October 19, 2007 at 12:03 pm #2625678
At least
by tonythetiger · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to you bastard
you spelled that right 🙂
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October 25, 2007 at 9:25 am #2467776
Did it make it all the way across?
by john3347 · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road
Actually, the chicken either crossed the road to get on the other side, or because the road was across its path. Only the chicken would know that for sure
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October 25, 2007 at 9:52 am #2467751
Or …
by absolutely · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to Did it make it all the way across?
to prove to the opossum that it is possible.
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October 19, 2007 at 3:07 am #2476425
Office Dares
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES
1 – Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2 – Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other ‘non-player’ must be in the toilet at the time -.
3 – Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
4 – Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,”Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
5 – To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head
6 – When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,”Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!”.
7 – Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,”Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
8 – Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9 – While riding an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors openTHREE-POINTS DARES
1 – Say to your boss, “I like your style” and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2 – Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask,”Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it”.
3 – Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice -.
4 – Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight -.
5 – Shout random numbers while someone is counting.FIVE POINT DARES
1 – At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself -.
2 – Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3 – For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Bob”.
4 – Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
5 – After every sentence, say ‘mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent – As in “the report’s on your desk, mon”. Keep this up for one
hour.
6 – While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7 – In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”.
8 – At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce,”As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”
9 – In a colleague’s diary, write in 10am: “See how I look in tights”.
10 – Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask “You wanna trade?”.
11 – Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now”.
12 – Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why,say, “I can’t talk about it”.
13 – Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14 – Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig,etc – during a very important conference call.
15 – Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16 – Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17 – Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18 – During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19 – Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.-
October 19, 2007 at 12:06 pm #2625675
When the elevator
by tonythetiger · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Office Dares
starts down, grasp at the walls like it’s falling and say “Oh sh!t!”.
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October 19, 2007 at 3:10 pm #2625565
#19: Only 3 points
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to When the elevator
To receive 5 points, you need to add an equal or greater number of thumb tacks, toothpicks or the like.
-
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October 19, 2007 at 3:32 am #2476417
Holidays!!!!
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidently left out one letter in her email address, and, without realising his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Huston, a widow had just returned home from her husband?s funeral. He was a minister who had a heart attack and died. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from family and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow?s son rushed into the room, and saw the computer screen. The message read:
?I know you?re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I?ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!?QSNDDTAQ
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October 19, 2007 at 3:35 am #2476415
IMPOSSIBLE you are a FRAUD attempting to steal another Peers Account!
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
The real Steffi would never get home at 4.30 AM from any pub she would continue to drink till the Kegs where empty and all the bottles behind the bar where empty and thrown out. :p
Even if she was forcibly returned home at 4.30 AM she would never consider it acceptable to jump onto TR at that time because there is no one that she could BITCH to. :0
You have proven that you are not the real Steffi and I’m going to ask Beth to remove you from here as you are lowering the tone of the place. 😀
Now let the Real Steffi RIP at the bottom of the ocean where she is currently. It’s Poor Form to continue to try to make out that you are her. I’m betting that instead of a 14 year old girl you are actually a balding fat old man attempting to get your jollies by impersonating the Poor Steffi who couldn’t be told anything. This is what lead directly to her early death. :p
She was a perfect example of another young girl who couldn’t be told anything for her own good and she paid the price for acting that way. :^0
It’s no good attempting to cover your A$$ after being caught out earlier today. You have shown your [b]True Self[/b] Fake Steffi and have been caught out. [/maniacal Laughter]
Col ]:)
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October 19, 2007 at 6:57 pm #2625533
Col, When Will You Admit, I’m alive and well!
by steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to IMPOSSIBLE you are a FRAUD attempting to steal another Peers Account!
I did stay until the bottles were empty I started on the beer but it was not as good as the german stuff so I went home very upset.
And I told you I come home and went on TR as I wanted to be the first to post the yuk and hubby was in work so I had nothing better to do!!
The real Steffi is still alive and kicking Col, stop letting the fact that your upset about your plan failing make it sound like I died! I’m still here and theres nothing you can do about it! :p
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October 19, 2007 at 9:24 pm #2625504
Ok, do you really think that
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Col, When Will You Admit, I’m alive and well!
we believe you?
The only time(s) you seem to post recently are at such odd hours for your time zone. This suggests that either you are a troll whom walks around all night, a vampire or that you are truly in a different time zone than specified.
Next time, before hijacking someones account, make it harder for us to figure you out. At least log on at the appropriate time for where you are supposed to be. :^0 :^0
Also, typing while drunk… Hmmm, I dont know too many people that could stare at the monitor and read, let alone type almost flawlessly. Therefore you truly were not drunk, just posing AGAIN!!! :0
Poser, Poser, Poser
Now, what are we going to do about this??? If you truly want us to think that you are Steffi, I think that you need to prove it.
But since the webcams are off, and the pole is in Germany, I guess there is no way to prove it. : ^0 -
October 22, 2007 at 6:33 am #2624624
But But But
by steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Ok, do you really think that
It really is me! Nobody pretends to be me better than I do so therefore I am me and look Im posting at 2.30pm now thats a normal time right??
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October 22, 2007 at 7:17 pm #2624934
If you have to ask,
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to But But But
then nope!
Besides the REAL Steffi showed up, so you better stop the charade now… :^0
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October 19, 2007 at 9:26 pm #2625503
Really pity that the other members of the Impure Brigade don’t think so. :D
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Col, When Will You Admit, I’m alive and well!
I E-Mailed them all Steffi’s Body well the original E-Mail went to GG but it was CC’d to the rest. :^0
So there are now multiple clones of Steffi’s body floating around the Internet. Remember that since [b]Steffi’s Death[/b] is appearing on the Internet and has had numerous posts to confirm [b]Steffi’s Demise[/b] it must be correct. You are just trying to stop all the sadness of those who knew and liked Steffi and take her place. [i]Or more likely you are trying to stop the party that is continuing about her recent death. No you are not going to be invited either.[/i] You have failed miserably :^0
Col ]:)
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October 22, 2007 at 6:51 am #2624613
Col Seriously
by steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Really pity that the other members of the Impure Brigade don’t think so. :D
I’m not dead and I’m not an imposter I’m just me, c’mon how can I prove it??
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October 23, 2007 at 6:41 am #2623415
You can’t. :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Col Seriously
That’s the beauty of it. :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0
Well actually if you really want to prove that you are [b]The Real[/b] Steffi I suppose you could [Maniacal Laughter]
:p
[i]Edited to add[/i] An edict from her Majestic Majesty that must be followed
http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2344118
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October 19, 2007 at 10:07 pm #2625490
I know you’re you Steffi
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Col, When Will You Admit, I’m alive and well!
I don’t even know what started this ‘fake Steffi’ crap, but I’m sure it’s a load of horse crap. Just consider the source!
Yea, sure, Col, you and your imaginary airlock really scare us!
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October 22, 2007 at 6:53 am #2624611
Well, basically
by steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I know you’re you Steffi
Col said he stole the UK and got a team of miners to move it and that in attempting to return to the UK from Germany I died, but its all lies!!
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October 22, 2007 at 9:24 am #2624516
It was posted on the Internet
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Well, basically
so therefore it must be true???
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October 22, 2007 at 9:25 am #2624514
I vaguely recall some of that story.
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Well, basically
You were going to university, and as I recall, he made up an exceedingly complicated story about moving the entire island so you would find nowere to land in Britain, and he invented a lot of other boring details that I don’t remember, except that they where misspleeld.
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October 23, 2007 at 6:49 am #2623409
FAKE FAKE every one look see the FAKE! B-) B-) B-)
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Well, basically
The real Steffi would know the story but as you don’t you are obviously a [b]FAKE![/b] :^0
If you insist on attempting to steal a [b]Valued Peers Account[/b] you should have the courtesy not to treat us all like [b]Idiots![/b] You need to do your homework and look up what the [b]Real Steffi[/b] was doing and not parody badly the banter between peers. :p
Perhaps one of the [b]Impure Brigade[/b] will E-Mail you Steffi’s Body but you’ll need to ask very nicely. :^0 😀 :^0 😀 :^0 😀
Col
[i]Edited to add[/i] An edict from her Majestic Majesty that must be followed
http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2344118
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October 19, 2007 at 10:13 pm #2625487
Actually, RealSteffi, HAL has proven that he can do one thing about it.
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Col, When Will You Admit, I’m alive and well!
“I’m still here and theres nothing you can do about it! :p ”
He can keep crying like a WATB!
:^0
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October 19, 2007 at 11:20 pm #2625477
I may have started it
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Actually, RealSteffi, HAL has proven that he can do one thing about it.
but only cause Col sent me photos…..
Now I see right through it all!
:^0
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October 20, 2007 at 7:02 am #2624432
How Dare you say such things W2K. :D
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I may have started it
I E-Mailed you the body so you could perform unspeakable acts upon it not just photos. :^0
As for [b]Abs’s[/b] I’m leaving him alone for the time being as [b]He Hasn’t been Feeling Himself At All Recently.[/b] 😀
In the mean time I’ll allow him to think that Steffi is still alive and that he is communicating with her. With a bit of luck [b]Fake Steffi[/b] will give him the [b]Come On[/b] and then I’ll be laughing even harder when he shells out the funds for a Airline Ticket to the UK and finds out that he’s been propositioned by a 85 year old Bald Fat Pervert impersonating Steffi. 😀 :^0 😀 :^0
I’ll leave him alone for the time being and just sit back laughing as he digs himself in deeper. :^0
[Maniacal Laughter]
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October 20, 2007 at 10:12 pm #2624296
LOL
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How Dare you say such things W2K. :D
I must sit back and watch too. I did not realize that the impersonator was an 85 yr. old Bald Fat Pervert… I started busting up at the thought of Abs and — Fake Steffi…
:^0
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October 21, 2007 at 8:39 pm #2624765
Do you wonder how HAL9000 knows so much about impersonators?
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to LOL
[i]I did not realize that the impersonator was an 85 yr. old Bald Fat Pervert[/i]
What, you guessed HAL9000 was 86?
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October 21, 2007 at 10:43 pm #2624739
Hal knows because
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to LOL
he hired the impersonater last time. When he had sent Steffi to the desert.
So It was my assumption that this time was the same.
Never question the HAL9000, never. Well, Ok, just on minor things…. -
October 22, 2007 at 6:59 am #2624606
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October 22, 2007 at 9:25 am #2624515
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October 22, 2007 at 6:54 am #2624609
True True
by steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Actually, RealSteffi, HAL has proven that he can do one thing about it.
He’s just upset that his plan didnt go as he expected it to and that im still here 😀
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October 22, 2007 at 9:27 am #2624511
I see that you have developed
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to True True
a syndrome of some sort as well, must be the alzheimers kicking in!
You seem to be typing the same word 2-3 times in the title of your posts. Now if it were on 1 post, that would be fine. But several, there is a problem….. :0
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October 24, 2007 at 10:28 am #2468299
How disappointing! I thought that message was going to be about …
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I see that you have developed
a recently-completed piece of software!
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October 24, 2007 at 10:54 am #2468287
Sorry, I didnt even think about
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How disappointing! I thought that message was going to be about …
developed in a title and all of the developers that visit the site…
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October 24, 2007 at 3:10 pm #2468184
Is that because your mind is too Pure?
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How disappointing! I thought that message was going to be about …
Or too Impure? I’m still trying to figure out that bit of off-topic jargon.
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October 24, 2007 at 8:29 pm #2469432
If you dont listen to Daveo
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to How disappointing! I thought that message was going to be about …
it all makes sense. But Daveo has a ‘Special’ version of Pure and Impure, that only he understands. In this version, he is Pure and aside from his idol, nobody else comes close. And, he can do Impure things, but it does not make him Impure or less Pure…… :^0 I think its almost hospital time for that one! :^0
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October 19, 2007 at 3:47 am #2476412
Oh happy day, its friday
by shellbot · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Brave Soldiers
An army Major visiting sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks “What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front, Sir”“Good man.” says the Major. He goes to the next bad. “What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic piles, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front, Sir.”“Good man.” says the Major. He goes to the next bed. “What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir.”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir.”****************
Wrong Expression
“Doc,” says Steve, “I want to be castrated.”“What on earth for?” asks the doctor in amazement.
“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done” replies Steve.
“But have you thought it through properly?” asks the doctor, “It’s a very serious operation and once it’s done, there’s no going back. It will change your life forever!”
“I’m aware of that and you’re not going to change my mind — either you book me in to be castrated or I’ll simply go to another doctor.”
“Well, OK.”, says the doctor, “But it’s against my better judgment!”
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
“Hi there,” says Steve,”It looks as if you’ve just had the same operation as me.”
“Well,” said the patient, “I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised.”
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, “Sh!t! THAT’S the word!?
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October 19, 2007 at 3:49 am #2476411
Ozzie-rules ? . . .
by older mycroft · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
An Australian guy is travelling round the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of the shift, he asks her if she wants to go back to his hotel. Although she is attracted to him, she declines. He then offers her $200 to sleep with him. As she is also travelling round the world and is short of funds, she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again. He orders his Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him, again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to oblige. This goes on for a total of five nights. On the sixth night the guy comes in again, orders a Fosters, but this time goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention, then maybe she can shake some more money out of him. She goes over and sits down beside him. She asks what part of Australia he is from. “Melbourne,” he tells her. “So am I – what suburb?” she enquires. “Glen Iris,” he replies. “That is amazing,” she says excitedly, “so am I – what street?”. “Cameo Street,” he replies. “This is unbelievable,” she says, her voice quivering. “And what number?”. “Number 20,” he replies. She is totally astonished. “You are not going to believe this,” she screams, “but I’m from Number 22! My parents still live there!” “I know,” he says, “your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you!”
[b]HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN!!!![/b]
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October 19, 2007 at 3:53 am #2476409
Slightly more impure
by shellbot · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds
of breasts.
In her twenties, a women’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mum,
how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man also goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”*******************
He said . . .. I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said .. . You wear pants don’t you?
**
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
**
He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn side ways and look in the mirror!
**
On a wall in a ladies room . .. “My husband follows me everywhere”
Written just below it . ” I do not”
**
Q.How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A.Both of them.
**
Q.How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A.He buys two cases of beer.
**
Q.What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A.The bonds mature.
**
Q..Why are blonde jokes so short?
A.So men can remember them.
**
Q.How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A.We don’t know; it has never happened.
**Q.What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.
**Q.Why are married women heavier than single women?
A.Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.**
Q.What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A.They’re married.
**
Man says to God: “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God says: “So you would love her.”
But God,” the man says, “why did you make her so dumb?” God says: “So she would love you.” -
October 19, 2007 at 4:34 am #2476400
Come on South Africa!
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
get it right up them!
Ten reasons the Boks must win
Him win twice? Please, NO! South Africa and defending champions England go head-to-head in the World Cup Final in Paris on Saturday and rugby365.com’s John Dobson tells us why the Springboks must and will triumph!
1. Lawrence Dallaglio. He cannot, must not, get two World Cup winning medals. It’s amusing watching him strain every sinew for his belting out of the God Save The Queen and at the Annual Awards for Most Emotional Anthem he would certainly be a nominee with Vasco Uva of Portugal and the Argentinian front row. Thing is, Lawrence , it actually is more convincing if you actually made the starting team. No use in going through all that passion to go and take your seat in the stands next to the masseuse and the exercise bike.
2. These confounded English have lured the pride of Hilton, Michaelhouse, St Stithians and Bishops etc to glorious London and made them do things like queue, grocery shop and use public transport. Errggggh. Can you imagine? Making them do what most South Africans have to do every day. It’s virtually a crime against humanity.
3. It’s so funny – the England soccer team are not going to even make Euro 2008 – well, if you draw with Israel and don’t put eight goals past Andorra and have a striker who, if he was 6kg heavier should be playing at lock for the Griffons and another striker who likes ageing hookers and looks like the Webb Ellis trophy – then what do you expect? So the Rugby World Cup is all they have, so make sure you take that away. Remember RWC 2003 took the crowing through to the Ashes which in turn took them through until the Aussies sorted that out last year. There is nothing we can do about Lewis Hamilton, but it doesn’t really count if you copy other people’s cars.
4. They put glass in our grandmother’s sugar in the Boer war. Ask Bok van Blerk. He knows.
5. Kevin Pietersen. Mike Catt has been playing for England , with aplomb, for 15 years and he still sounds like he’s the barman at Toby Joes on the PE Beachfront – KP, with his England tattoos tries so hard with his pommy accent, it’s laughable. Deprive KP, a victim of such cruelty and deprivation in this cruel, evil, land, of another reason to gloat at SA.
6. Stuart Barnes, Brian Moore and every other insufferable English commentator. If we lose, having won 36-0 earlier, they and their papers will be crowing and filled with all the clich?’s about the greatest comeback since Lazarus. And we will have to see the bus trip down Oxford Street , the trip to the Queen for the OBE and Sir Rob Andrew. Don’t forget, as they come down here for their holidays this summer with their sandals and pink shirts, to drink elegant Constantia whites and desperate search for Nivea After Sun, that they will be here as rugby world champions. Absolutely impossible.
7. The French! The Poor old French. Not only did they have to lose the semi-final to the old enemy against whom they have probably fought wars for 150 years, in their great stadium during their own party, imagine if they have to hand them the William Webb Ellis Trophy to take back across the channel on the Eurostar. It is like having Eugene Terreblanche or Jeremy Clarkson walk into your lounge and seduce your daughter in front of you. The French will be supporting us, desperately. Let’s not let them down after laying on such a great World Cup.
8. Mark Regan. The thought of the most average, obnoxious hooker in world rugby being a world champion is too much to bear. To see him and Lawrence screaming and shouting Eng-er-land at the cameras at the final whistle will be life-altering. Love to see if this tubby little invertebrate would be so brave were he not hanging between Phil Vickery and Andrew Sheridan.
9. The Pride of the South. Listening to the English podcasts at the start of the World Cup, there was much angst and wailing about how woeful the northern hemisphere was. Now that has all changed. The Tri-Nations, Bledisloe Cup (7th and 8th place play off joke and all that) and the Super 14 lie disgraced as the very ugly also rans of rugby competitions. The North has risen, the Heineken Cup is a great tournament, French and English domestic leagues the best etc etc. As Jeremy Guscott said on one podcast after the quarters and the exit of our SANZAR partners “Goodbye and good riddance.” As much as we like to beat them, and as much as Graham Henry and the up-itself All Black management gives us the needle, Australia and new Zealand will be supporting us over England . The South is where we live and play. Let’s show them it is still the top of the rugby pile.
10. Those poor young gap year South Africans who go ‘overseas’ in their droves with romantic notions of freedom and life’s experiences, and end up living in Southfields and working as security guards at Sainsbury’s. Don’t let them have to hide their accents on the tube on Monday and let them stand near the frozen chicken counter with some pride as they look for hooded shop lifters. Do it for them.
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October 19, 2007 at 4:36 am #2476399
Wabbit joke . . .
by older mycroft · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
A little girl goes into her local pet shop and says, “Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?” The shopkeeper’s heart melts …he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft fluffy black wabbit, or a widdle bwown one?” The little girl blushes, puts her hands on her knees, leans forwards and whispers, “I don’t weally think that my pyfon gives a phuck!”
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October 19, 2007 at 5:14 am #2476381
a few…
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, “You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much.”
The woman says, “Okay. Give me a nice house.”
The genie replies, “You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two.”
The the lady says, “Give me a gorgeous man.”
The genie replies, “You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two.”
The lady says, “For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it.”
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Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.“So,” Peter asks the first guy, “how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“None. I had a perfect marriage.”
“Great,” says Peter. “You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.
“Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.
“Okay,” says Peter. “You get a rusty Ford.”
Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just saw my wife.”
“So?”
“She was riding a skateboard.”
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Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.”
And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?”
The male statue looked at the female and asked, “Do you want to do it again?”
Smiling, the female statue said, “Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on its head!”
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October 19, 2007 at 6:25 am #2476321
“When Insults had Class”
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
?He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.?
?Winston Churchill
?I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.?
?Clarence Darrow
?He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.?
?William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
?Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
?I?ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn?t it.?
?Groucho Marx
?I didn?t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.?
?Mark Twain
?He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.?
?Oscar Wilde
?I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.?
?George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
?Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.?
?Winston Churchill?s response to George Bernard Shaw
?I feel so miserable without you; it?s almost like having you here.?
?Stephen Bishop
?He is a self-made man and worships his creator.?
?John Bright
?I?ve just learned about his illness. Let?s hope it?s nothing trivial.?
?Irvin S. Cobb
?He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.?
?Samuel Johnson
?He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.?
?Paul Keating
?He had delusions of adequacy.?
?Walter Kerr
?Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it??
?Mark Twain
?His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.?
?Mae West
?Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!?
?Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
?Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!?
?Winston Churchill?s response to Lady Astor
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
?Moses Hadas
“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
?Jack E. Leonard
“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”
?Robert Redford
“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
?Thomas Brackett Reed
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ? for support rather than illumination.”
?Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
?Billy Wilder
?Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.?
?Oscar Wilde
“You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows.”
?The Earl of Sandwich
“That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles.”
?John Wilkes’s response to The Earl of Sandwich
“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
?Winston Churchill
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October 19, 2007 at 8:02 am #2476204
Excellent.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to “When Insults had Class”
Some of these are well known to me; it’s a delight to see others of a like nature.
Thanks.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:27 am #2476175
my alltime favourite is …
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Excellent.
the exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor 🙂
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October 19, 2007 at 9:20 am #2476096
A favorite related quote
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to my alltime favourite is …
“A gentleman is one who never [b]unintentionally[/b] insults another.” Oscar Wilde
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October 19, 2007 at 6:27 am #2476319
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October 19, 2007 at 8:22 am #2476184
And, on my day off; yippee!
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Breaking news
I’ll be on the turnpike shortly.
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October 19, 2007 at 9:33 am #2625793
I’ll be out there, pick me up :D
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to And, on my day off; yippee!
I conquered the munchies back in the 70’s so I’ll be alright.
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October 19, 2007 at 10:41 am #2625746
Uh, wrong direction, friend.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I’ll be out there, pick me up :D
I’m between you & NYC; you can pick me up.
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October 19, 2007 at 11:06 am #2625730
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October 19, 2007 at 9:32 pm #2625501
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October 20, 2007 at 7:25 am #2624426
I’ve got two manners
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Bad Boy OTR
Unfortunately they’re both bad. :0
I wonder how many calories are in smoked greens ?:| Not many I’ll bet. I know that I’ve made an ash out of myself from them before. I think I remember something like that. -
October 20, 2007 at 5:18 am #2624458
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October 20, 2007 at 7:19 am #2624428
Alright!!
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It;s ok, Col; I’ve plenty of greens at my place.
What were we just talking about?
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October 21, 2007 at 12:31 pm #2624197
What were we talking about? I think it was …
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It;s ok, Col; I’ve plenty of greens at my place.
purple haze.
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October 21, 2007 at 2:32 pm #2624168
Seen it.
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It;s ok, Col; I’ve plenty of greens at my place.
Looked like it was dipped in powdered sugar. Sticky too. Those were the daze.
Since we’re already off-topic… Not to get too serious but I never arrested anyone for stuff I used to do before I was a Deputy. To this day I think marijuana should be legalized. There are a lot of law-enforcement officers that feel the same way.
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October 21, 2007 at 4:38 pm #2624812
Contrary to the opinions of many, members of Law Enforcement are …
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It;s ok, Col; I’ve plenty of greens at my place.
as varied as the rest of the population; some are great guys/gals, while other are hypocritical a$$holes. Ditto for members of the Armed Forces.
As for legalization of recreational drugs, I hold that, at the least, no one should be barred from ingesting or otherwise partaking of any natural substance, which of course includes a number of hallucinogenics. To hold that one has freedom of thought, freedom of speech, etc., but [u]not[/u] freedom to control ones own body & mind in a self-chosen manner strikes me as being contradictory of the other claimed freedoms to the point of being hypocritical.
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October 21, 2007 at 6:41 pm #2624788
As usual, very well said.
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It;s ok, Col; I’ve plenty of greens at my place.
I lost a lot of friends when I became a cop but I never turned them in for anything. Two of them went to prison all on their own. Both of them went down for cocaine.
First time small marijuana busts around here usually receive a large fine and community service. The “price” for repeat offenders goes up drastically. After getting busted once people are stupid and carry one or two doobs in their cars. For crying out loud leave it at home behind the barn or something. What are they going to do? Get stoned someplace and drive home. Really bad idea. The cops know who they are and staying under the “radar” is what it’s all about
I’ve always said, if it’s not natural don’t do it. That’s why I like beer. As long as I’m home and keep my head together beer has never caused me a problem. NO drinking and driving. Period. Treat all recreational drugs the same way and there should be no huge issues, A few spoil it for everyone.
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October 21, 2007 at 11:35 pm #2624732
Common sense: Some have it; some don’t.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It;s ok, Col; I’ve plenty of greens at my place.
Sitting a home, getting blitzed, stoned, whatever, is one thing. It’s quite another to terrorize creatures great and small by driving in such a condition.
Come to think of it, though, there are plenty who do the latter while straight and sober.
Perhaps both problems could be solved by making it legal for them to do recreational drugs under the conditions that they 10 do them at home only [u]and[/u] 2) use only public transportation! Probably won’t happen though, as the DVMs would bitch about the lost revenues, without a compensatory increase in taxes.
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October 19, 2007 at 6:29 am #2476316
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October 19, 2007 at 8:24 am #2476179
Now you’re making me nostalgic.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Things change
🙁
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October 19, 2007 at 6:30 am #2476314
It’s my wedding anniversary today
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
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October 19, 2007 at 6:32 am #2476311
One for Neil (Wrong level-Sue me)
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It’s my wedding anniversary today
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October 19, 2007 at 7:29 am #2476252
Please pass my apologies to your…
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It’s my wedding anniversary today
I’m afraid I cant make it tonight. Have to ferry some of my managers in the black chopper.
Same place / time next week however!
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October 19, 2007 at 7:41 am #2476234
Just for you
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Please pass my apologies to your…
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October 19, 2007 at 7:46 am #2476225
What was it then
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Just for you
prawn cocktail crisps or salt ‘n’ vinegar?
I assume you checked… -
October 19, 2007 at 7:53 am #2476215
Thanks for the invite; we’ll see you & yours then.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Please pass my apologies to your…
This time though, try to have the little lady sober & cleaned up before we get there.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:26 am #2476176
What, no Scotch?
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It’s my wedding anniversary today
?:|
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October 19, 2007 at 9:41 am #2625783
I checked into prices on that single malt Scotch
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to What, no Scotch?
That stuff is like liquid gold. I really would like to try it but I’m going to have to pass on it for awhile. I remembered Devil’s Lake Wine and Cheese Shop close to home. They have hundreds of beers in stock. I can get 2 mixed six-packs for less than what a bottle of Macallan costs. It’s a budget thing.
So many beverages, too little time.
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October 19, 2007 at 10:45 am #2625743
It’ll seem like a longer time after a few shots!
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to I checked into prices on that single malt Scotch
Been up all night; time to crash.
Do have a pleasant Anniversary.
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October 19, 2007 at 11:07 am #2625728
Thank you
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It’ll seem like a longer time after a few shots!
.
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October 19, 2007 at 12:11 pm #2625672
Congratulations!
by tig2 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It’s my wedding anniversary today
Have a most wonderful day- both of you!
🙂
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October 19, 2007 at 3:43 pm #2625560
Thanks Tigger
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Congratulations!
We did the dinner thing and now my wife is managing her three online stores and I’m just chilling out here. A nice relaxing day today. We had a great time.
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October 21, 2007 at 4:46 pm #2624810
Re. online stores
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Thanks Tigger
For what it’s worth, your wive and/or you may find the site WebProWorld, “The World’s Forum for eBusiness Professionals,” at http://www.webproworld.com/ , useful.
Non-members can freely browse the forums & read posts. Membership, which is free, is needed in order to post. Additionally, they offer a wide array of free e-newsletters as well.
You’ll find me there under the same handle as here.
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October 19, 2007 at 12:19 pm #2625667
Congratulantions, how many have you celebrated?
by dadspad · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to It’s my wedding anniversary today
And have many more beers!!
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October 19, 2007 at 3:56 pm #2625557
Thanks
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Congratulantions, how many have you celebrated?
We’ve been together forever but we’ve been married six years. I was a hard one to drag to the altar. It was finally a good idea when it was my idea and then I was surprised that she took me up on it. I’ll never figure it out.
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October 20, 2007 at 5:21 am #2624457
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October 19, 2007 at 6:36 am #2476307
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October 19, 2007 at 6:50 am #2476296
WORK Virus
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.
This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected…
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October 19, 2007 at 6:50 am #2476295
A long trip…
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Two sperms are swimming. One looks over at the other and says, “I’m exhausted! Are we almost there?”
The other sperm looks back at him and says, “Are you kidding? We just passed the esophagus!”
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October 19, 2007 at 6:52 am #2476291
$40.00
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to A long trip…
George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get faced. After about three hours of guzzling liquor, George threw up all over his shirt.
“CRAP!” he said. “The old lady is going to throw my a$$ out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!”
Bill, George’s best pal, gave George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife. “All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door,” Bill said. “Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned.”
When George got home, his wife was waiting for him in the living room. “I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!” she said.
George replied, “Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned.” His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
“Is that so?” she said. “Then where did the other $20 bill come from?”
“Oh, that’s from the guy who crapped in my pants,” George said.
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October 19, 2007 at 6:53 am #2476290
Always be specific…
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to $40.00
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.
“Well,” says the man, “I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife’s golf ball.”
“And?” asked the doctor.
“Well,” the man said, “that’s when I lifted the cow’s tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, ‘Hey, honey?this one here looks like yours!'”
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October 19, 2007 at 6:54 am #2476289
Best name in the world
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Always be specific…
A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks, he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Carmen,” she replied.
“That’s a nice name,” he said. “Did your mother or father name you that?”
“Neither,” she said. “I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen.”
“Why did you do that?” he asked.
“Well,” she explained, “I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What’s your name?”
“Beertits,” the man replied.
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October 19, 2007 at 6:55 am #2476287
Life after death
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Best name in the world
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. After many years, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact with his wife in a dream.
“Mary?Mary?” he called.
“Is that you, Fred?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“What’s it like?” Mary asked.
“Well, I get up in the morning. I have sex. I have breakfast. I run around the golf course. I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again, and sex again,” he said.
“Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven!” Mary exclaimed.
“Not exactly,” Fred said. “I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.”
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October 19, 2007 at 6:56 am #2476286
Rx
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Life after death
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license. They’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not?you cannot have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
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October 19, 2007 at 6:57 am #2476285
Sounds about right…
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Rx
In a small cathedral, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest.
The priest asked the janitor, “Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on and on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she’s done, just give her 10 Hail Marys. I’ll be right back.”
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected, Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession.
“Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable,” she said. “I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex.”
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation?surely 10 Hail Marys would not do. So in a moment of desperation, the janitor peeked his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, “Son, what does the priest give for oral sex?”
The altar boy replied, “Two Snickers bars and a Coke.”
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October 19, 2007 at 8:08 am #2476200
That is hillarious…
by naughtymonkey · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Always be specific…
rotflmfao :^0 :^0 :^0
Okay, now I’m better 😀
edit: ate spaces between laughs
have now regurgitated
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October 19, 2007 at 6:59 am #2476282
Anybody a dentist?
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to A long trip…
Little Sarah came home from school one day, ran straight to the bathroom, and started to cry. Her mother went in and asked what was wrong.
“Well,” replied Sarah, “we just learned in health class that the baby comes out where the boy’s member goes in. Is that true?”
“Sure, honey, but that’s nothing to cry about,” said her mother. Sarah replied, “But when I have Johnny’s baby, I’m afraid it’ll knock out my teeth!”
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October 19, 2007 at 7:00 am #2476281
Blonde carpenters
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Anybody a dentist?
Two blondes are working on a house. One of them, who?s nailing down siding, has been reaching into her pouch, pulling out a nail, and either tossing it over her shoulder or nailing it in. The second blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asks, “Hey?how come you?re throwing half the nails over your shoulder?”
The first blonde explains, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it?s pointed toward me, I throw it away because it?s defective. If it?s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in.”
“You moron!” the second blonde yells. “The nails pointed toward you aren?t defective. They?re for the other side of the house.”
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October 19, 2007 at 7:00 am #2476280
1, 2, 3, 4
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Blonde carpenters
A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, ?I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say ?one, two, three? and you?ll get the largest erection you?ve ever had. After your wife?s been satisfied, simply say ?one, two, three, four? and it will disappear for 12 months.?
Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, ?Watch this! One, two, three!? His schlong becomes larger and stiffer than ever before.
His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, ?That?s great! But what did you say ?one, two, three? for??
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October 19, 2007 at 7:01 am #2476278
Heidi Klum
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to 1, 2, 3, 4
A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.
Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other?s needs. Heidi was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began.
After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, ?I have a problem?It?s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.? Heidi replied, ?Okay,? to which he asked, ?Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil??
Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.
The guy then asked, ?Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?? Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.
Then the guy said, ?Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.? Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.
Finally, the guy said to Heidi, ?Do you mind if I call you Phil?? Heidi had now become very dejected, and said ?No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.?
So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted ?Phil, you won?t believe who I have been sleeping with!?
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October 19, 2007 at 7:03 am #2476277
Door foreplay
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Heidi Klum
One night, a man and his lady friend were about to enter his apartment, when, before he could open the door, she said, ?Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door.?
The man says, ?Well, give me some examples.?
The lady explains, ?Well, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn’t for me. If a man fumbles around and can?t seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced, and that isn?t for me either.? Then she said, ?How do you unlock your door??
The man answered, ?Well, before I do anything else, I lick the lock??
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October 19, 2007 at 7:04 am #2476276
Leftovers?
by bubba69 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Door foreplay
A most distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo parlor, and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated woman in his seedy tattoo shop, goes over to the woman immediately and asks if he can help her. To his shock, and utter delight, she lifts her designer dress, and points to her left inner thigh?very high up. ?Right here,? she says, ?I want you to tattoo a turkey with the word ?Thanksgiving? under it.?
Then she points to her right inner thigh?just as high up?and says, ?On this side, I want you to tattoo a Christmas tree, with lights and tinsel, and an angel on top. And underneath the tree I want the word ?Christmas.??The tattoo artist looks at her, puzzled. He says, ?Lady, it?s none of my business, but that is the most unusual request I have ever had. Why in the world would you want that??
?Well,? the lady said, ?I?m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there is never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.?
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October 19, 2007 at 9:48 am #2625779
Thanks, Bubba69 for taking up the slack
by dadspad · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Anybody a dentist?
Great to have another posting a lot of jokes. I haven’t been able to post much lately and without you giving these great funny posts the YUK would be much poorer.
Very funny 😀
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October 19, 2007 at 7:31 am #2476250
Getting married saps your testosterone
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
[b]Getting married saps your testosterone[/b]
18 October 2007
NewScientist.com news serviceTESTOSTERONE gradually declines with age, right? Not for the Ariaal – subsistence pastoralists living in northern Kenya. They experience a decline in levels of the male hormone only when they get married. The finding provides a social and evolutionary explanation for the decrease in testosterone, rather than an age-related one.
Ariaal men remain single “warriors” until they are around 30, at which time they marry one or more women. Peter Gray of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and colleagues measured testosterone in 205 Ariaal men and found that those with one wife had lower levels of the hormone than unmarried men, and men with more than one wife had the lowest levels of all (Current Anthropology, DOI: 10.1086/522061). “Testosterone levels are lower among married men probably because they are investing less in mating effort,” he says. Or to put it another way, they no longer have to compete for mates.
That link between mating effort and testosterone is made clearer by the fact that the Ariaal have an “aloof” marital system: apart from sex, husbands and wives have very little to do with each other, and men are minimally involved in childcare. In a separate study of 203 married Ariaal men, only three participants cited their wife or wives as a source of emotional support.
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October 19, 2007 at 7:43 am #2476229
The best Friday Yuk Joke Ever!!!!!
by genera-nation · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
deepsand!
From my brief encounter anyway!
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October 19, 2007 at 7:47 am #2476222
Silly rabbit.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The best Friday Yuk Joke Ever!!!!!
Juveniles are a dime a dozen.
Grow up.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:37 am #2476160
C’mon deepsand
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Silly rabbit.
Do you really expect a battle of wits from this one, as opposed to a “I know I am but what are you” retort?
Do you argue with your children? What’s the point, let it go, we all see the light on this one I think.
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October 19, 2007 at 9:30 am #2625797
Hopefully GN [i]now[/i] sees the light.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to C’mon deepsand
It seems that it was only because of my [i]not[/i] turning the other cheek & walking away that he quite recently became engaged by others, such that he might now understand that it is he who must conform to our community standards, such as they are, rather than our converting to his.
And, my post at http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=241568&messageID=2342653 makes it quite clear that I did in fact first give him an opportunity to demonstrate a changed behavior prior to my taking him to the woodshed.
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October 19, 2007 at 1:32 pm #2625613
ahh, the woodshed
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hopefully GN [i]now[/i] sees the light.
well, I dont remember the shed, but I used to get painfully hit by a big wooden stick, and a big wooden spoon (my behind broke the spoon and it was replaced with a stick).
Oh, the painful memories. I am guessing the shed is similar, but with many more wooden accessories to torture with???
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October 19, 2007 at 9:46 pm #2625496
And after all the Wooden Accessories are broken
by hal 9000 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to ahh, the woodshed
The Belt will come out. 😀
We had never seen [b]The Belt[/b] but we had heard all about it, It was 18 Foot long 6 Feet wide and it had [b]Bloody Big Hocks[/b] on it to rip the meat off your bones. If you ever saw the Belt that was the last anyone saw of you. :p
When I’m not opening Air Locks and allowing the ones that [b]Pi$$ Me Off[/b] to leave the ship I wear a [b]Black Hood[/b] and wield [b]The Belt[/b] on the naughty little ones and the [b]Fake Steffi.[/b] 😀
Col ]:)
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October 21, 2007 at 12:07 pm #2624202
Woodsheds provided privacy, convenience & plausible deniability.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to ahh, the woodshed
In many families, corporal punishment involved being whipped or spanked on ones bare buttocks, and was therefore carried out in private.
While the barn was eminently suited for such in fair weather, its distance from the house made it less than ideal in foul. As the woodshed was either attached to, or very near to, the house, it was the better suited. Additionally, it had the advantage of affording the condemned far less opportunity for escape while en-route to his doom.
In addition to private punishement affording the participants escape from the judgement and/or intervention of others, it also allowed each to convey to others his own personal telling of the tale without fear of being proved wrong.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:35 am #2476165
Relax
by oz_media · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The best Friday Yuk Joke Ever!!!!!
That’ll get you nowhere fast. Believe me, I have seen a thousand JUST LIKE YOU before, and so has everyone else.
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October 19, 2007 at 6:46 pm #2625534
I feel sorry for Palmetto
by steffi28 · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The best Friday Yuk Joke Ever!!!!!
He’s gonna get some B!tch slaps after this weeks yuk! Any volunteers girls??
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October 19, 2007 at 7:54 am #2476214
Beautiful Girl
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong. “Well,” replies Paul, “You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?” “Yes,” replies Jeff with a laugh.
“Well,” says Paul, straightening up, “I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.” “That’s great!” says Jeff, “When are you going out?”
“I went to meet her this evening,” continues Paul, “but I was worried I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped “it” to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show”. “Sensible” says Jeff.
“So I get to her door,” says Paul, “and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw.” “And what happened then?”
“I kicked her in the face.”
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October 19, 2007 at 12:30 pm #2625657
g.g. I think we have one more for the impure brigade!!
by dadspad · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Beautiful Girl
😀
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October 22, 2007 at 7:11 am #2624598
:o
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to g.g. I think we have one more for the impure brigade!!
Finally something of value I can put on my CV? 😛
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October 22, 2007 at 8:17 am #2624553
At the very top of it,
by gadgetgirl · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to :o
at least!
I think you’ll enjoy the Impure Brigade.
Membership is free, but you get fined if you miss any opportunities to take threads/posts into the gutter, or any opportunities for a DE.
The Muckier the Better!
(Brigade Motto! :p :p );\
GG
]:)
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October 19, 2007 at 7:57 am #2476212
Just Hold Me…
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on Several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to Compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….
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October 19, 2007 at 12:24 pm #2625661
Not with HER anyway.
by tonythetiger · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Just Hold Me…
🙂
Sheesh! Hookers are cheaper…. AND they go away after the important part 🙂
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October 19, 2007 at 8:05 am #2476201
I ‘think’ this is a male joke
by older mycroft · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
A sex-starved wife is fed up with her boozy husband.
Every night he comes in drunk and falls asleep straight away.
It comes to a point where she hasn’t had good sex for over a year and is
considering divorce.
After another night in the pub, she decides to confront him when he gets
home.
When he staggers through the front door, before she can have a go at
him,
He says ‘Baby, get upstairs to the bedroom’.
She can’t believe it; at last he’s going to pay her a bit of attention.
They get to the bedroom and he rips off her clothes. ‘Now darling do a
hand-stand against the full length mirror on the wall’.
‘Hmmm,’ she thinks ‘KINKY… I like it.’
She does the hand-stand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his
chin on her privates.
‘The boys down the pub were right,’ he says,’a Goatee WOULD suit me!’ -
October 19, 2007 at 8:14 am #2476195
A (nearly) Final Thought of the day
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Handle every situation like a dog.
If you can’t eat it or hump it. Pi$$ on it and walk away.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:18 am #2476190
The BOOK
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
New Built-in Orderly Organized Knowlege Device Hits The Market
Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device (BOOK). The BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: No wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover!
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere — even sitting in an armchair by the fire — yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc. Here’s how it works…
Each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information.
These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs in half. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now BOOKs with more information simply use more pages. This makes them thicker and harder to carry, and has drawn some criticism from the mobile computing crowd.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The BOOK may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The BOOK never crashes and never needs rebooting, though like other display devices it can become unusable if dropped overboard. The “browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session — even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Conversely, numerous BOOKmarks can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.
You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Notation Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS) or the Permanent Entry Notation System (PENS).
Portable, durable, and affordable, the BOOK is being hailed as the entertainment wave of the future. The BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform. Look for a flood of new titles soon.
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October 19, 2007 at 8:20 am #2476186
by stangg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.”
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.-
October 19, 2007 at 1:28 pm #2625617
Yes, an unfortunate truth
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
but as with all truth’s, I am surprised that you have not made it to someones ‘hit list’ yet!
Wait, I will wait for a response from you to make sure you arent buried yet :^0
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October 19, 2007 at 8:54 am #2476139
Hollywood Squares?
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his
tail. What will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
long enough.Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you
detect light?
A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.Q: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be
at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.Q: True or false…a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes…Q: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably
a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly
and ask him if he’s married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you
get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to
say “I love you”?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and
a twenty.Q: What are “Do It,” “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?
A: George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next
apartment.Q: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you
going to get any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy.
growing strawberries!Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body
– what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t
neglected!Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than
150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it’s sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in
them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What
are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.-
October 19, 2007 at 9:00 am #2476131
famous quotes…..
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Hollywood Squares?
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
* Tom Clancy“You know “that look” women get when they want sex?…… Me neither.”
* Steve Martin“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
* Woody Allen“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
* Rodney Dangerfield“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL.”
* Lynn Lavner“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
* George Burns“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
* Sharon Stone“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
* Jack Nicholson“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
* Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor!)“Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
* Robin Williams“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
* Roseanne“Women need a reason to have sex. ! Men just need a place.”
* Billy Crystal“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
* Dustin Hoffman“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
* Rod Stewart“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
* Robin Williams-
October 19, 2007 at 9:12 am #2476111
from craigslist…
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to famous quotes…..
To the girl who flashed me while I was driving-
You were on the sidewalk with a gaggle of your friends and you were all rushing toward the curb. I hit my brakes, afraid that you were going to run into the street, but you flashed me instead.
Never before have I believed in love at first sight. They were shapely and round and oh-so-generously proportioned, with smooth creamy skin, and they were proudly standing up with the resilience of youth. I immediately began thinking of all the things I could do with your breasts — we could go for long walks together on misty mornings, have dinner in romantic restaurants, go for bike rides around the lake. I began to imagine a lifetime of waking up with your breasts in my face, continuing to love them as age and gravity inevitably take their toll.
I could write poems for your pom-poms, ditties for your titties. Eat your heart out Keats — who needs a Grecian urn when I’ve got a pair of ice cream sundaes with cherries on top?
I’m almost certainly too old for you, but I think I could still have a meaningful relationship with your boobs.
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October 19, 2007 at 9:13 am #2476108
have a great weekend everyone…
by heml0ck · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to from craigslist…
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
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October 19, 2007 at 12:58 pm #2625643
Death of the Yuk
by gsg · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
I don’t post much in the Yuk, but usually enjoy and look forward to coming here every friday after a long week at work to get my fix of some nice funny jokes, and good natured mouthing between Col, Steffi, and the gang. However, today I’ve had enough. I’m sick of all the whining, bad-mouthing, and general b*tchiness between a couple of people that is happening here today. If I want to hear that, I’ll just go back to work. I skipped a lot of it, but it keeps creeping in unexpectedly. You two need to take this elsewhere. We’re here for fun not playground antics. So, if you really need to prove who’s is bigger, go behind the woodshed, drop ’em, and whoever has the bigger one wins. Until then, if you two feel the need to flame each other, start a new thread, and leave this one.
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October 19, 2007 at 1:08 pm #2625634
STOP WHINING!!!!!!!!!!! Geez
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Death of the Yuk
Ok, I hear ya, but you know, you are whining about it now too!!!
:^0
Happy Friday
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October 19, 2007 at 2:43 pm #2625573
as a frequent reader of the yuk
by langlier · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to STOP WHINING!!!!!!!!!!! Geez
But seldom time poster… I’d have to agree… virtually no funny and all lame today… Thanks to those who get the point of the yuk and post things humor related…
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October 19, 2007 at 4:03 pm #2625556
Most of it was
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to as a frequent reader of the yuk
at least up near the top.
Although, to avoid the non-yuk parts take this into consideration. If Genera-nation is up the chain, skip that section -
October 19, 2007 at 4:36 pm #2625550
figured that out…
by langlier · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Most of it was
but percentage wise… this yuk is less then 10% joke posts to crap… waaaay down from past yuks…
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October 19, 2007 at 9:27 pm #2625502
But, But, But
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to figured that out…
I rarely post many jokes, but I think I add humour to the Yuk.
Oh, come on now. Some of these little spats were quite amusing (I thought).
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October 23, 2007 at 9:50 am #2623222
GSG, why don’t you post some funny jokes :)
by dadspad · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Death of the Yuk
I have posted my little heart out in the past, but do not have the time this week, so far. Stangg has picked up the slack somewhat, but you would be most welcome to pick back up the jokes. 😀
Many have sent posts on how they read and enjoy the jokes, posters are much rarer though. Come on, help us out!
😀 😀
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October 19, 2007 at 1:31 pm #2625614
Sometimes More True than other Times.
by jester james · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
We’ve all heared that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true.
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October 23, 2007 at 9:51 am #2623221
Never thought of it that way, but
by dadspad · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Sometimes More True than other Times.
😀 Might be true!!
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October 19, 2007 at 5:38 pm #2625539
Since “the press” equate all “hackers” with computer criminals …
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
In a recently-posted article about a crime that was committed using a computer, the word “hacker” was used to describe the perpetrator — as usual. On the pcworld forums, user “LiquidWave22” called the author on this, and I got an idea.
http://forums.pcworld.com/message/67063#67063
Since “the press” refers to all computer criminals as “hackers”, why don’t we all call them “tabloids” & “paparazzi”? I know, this isn’t the uproarious laugh some other members contribute, but it is recyclable and can be personalized as much as any computer desktop. Please use responsibly, and direct it only at irresponsible journalists. I mean paparazzi. Crap, new habits are hard to start.
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October 19, 2007 at 9:39 pm #2625498
New Habits?
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Since “the press” equate all “hackers” with computer criminals …
I rarely watch the news (or weather for that matter) because its all crap. Journalism has become a crappy career, and these fools would gladly kill each other for a story.
As for weather, I knew they had no idea when a few years ago they said it was going to be a clear day, in the 80’s to 90’s all day. Less than 2 hours later it was raining and in the 50’s.They are all quaks, and the reporting in many cases is sub-par and usually has a bias.
So, yes, they are all paparazzi-
October 19, 2007 at 10:17 pm #2625485
jet stream
by absolutely · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to New Habits?
I actually cut the weather forecasters the tiniest bit of slack, at least the ones on the West Coast, because the water/land interface, closely followed by the coastal mountain ranges, make for some genuinely challenging problems in meteorology. If I was in New York, on the other hand, and they consistently got the weather that wrong after it had been strolling across 1000 miles of corn fields without anything to change the air masses’ momentum, then I’d think they were seriously deficient.
More importantly, they don’t generally opine on computer techs, so I don’t have any axe to grind with them. That I know of. Yet.
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October 22, 2007 at 11:55 am #2625090
Motherly Love
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
and the Un-loved as well
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October 22, 2007 at 8:14 pm #2624927
See; I was right. Mom always [u]did[/u] like you best.
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Motherly Love
:_|
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October 22, 2007 at 10:22 pm #2624905
When I saw the pic, my first thought was
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to See; I was right. Mom always [u]did[/u] like you best.
Genera-nation being stepped on by you…
I think I have been spending too much time here :^0 -
October 22, 2007 at 11:36 pm #2624879
Sometimes I think many of us spend too much time …
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to When I saw the pic, my first thought was
here, rather than with those we can see, hear & touch. 🙁
But, I soon get over that. 😀
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October 23, 2007 at 2:13 am #2624861
tough choice
by shellbot · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Sometimes I think many of us spend too much time …
work..TR…?
work..TR..?which shall i do today 🙂
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October 23, 2007 at 8:25 am #2623317
If that were the only choices
by w2ktechman · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to tough choice
then I dont see the tough part of it…
Oops, I forgot things like rent and other bills….
Hmmm… Well, it would be easy without those to think about! -
October 23, 2007 at 4:56 pm #2625304
The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
by deepsand · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to tough choice
having all the TR regulars – [i]ir[/i]regulars? – join in starting our own business!
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October 23, 2007 at 5:20 pm #2625288
I’m up for it.
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
What are we going to do?
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October 24, 2007 at 2:43 am #2625197
I’m in too, Sandy!
by gadgetgirl · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
like ‘Ropes said, whatwedoin? whatwedoin?
😀
GG
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October 25, 2007 at 6:02 am #2469265
COOL!
by shellbot · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
can we all become independant international spies??
please? pleeeeease????be way cool..
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October 25, 2007 at 9:15 am #2467783
James & Jill Bonds Inc.
by dadspad · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
Verry Coool!! 😀
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October 25, 2007 at 10:00 am #2467749
Uh, right Dad: “Bonds, Savings Bonds.” I think you meant “Bond”.
by absolutely · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
🙂
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October 25, 2007 at 11:34 am #2467701
If we do it Absolutely would be good for Quality Control
by ontheropes · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
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October 25, 2007 at 11:44 am #2467692
I’ve always wanted to be…
by oz_media · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
…a w h o r e ( they won’t let me say it without spaces). You can be my pimp if you wish.
Having someone else responsible for getting me laid and then getting paid for it sure doesn’t seem too bad. At my age, I promise not to get into stripping too, ick! Even I am grossed out at the thought or seeing me trying to dance naked!
The TR pimp brigade!
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October 25, 2007 at 2:36 pm #2467625
Great, OTR, as long as the business isn’t humour.
by absolutely · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
absolutely: “Nope, can’t let that joke out the factory, it is erroneous.”
OnTheRopes: “It is a joke. It depends on irony for its existence.”
absolutely: “TS.”
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October 28, 2007 at 8:22 pm #2467171
A duly constituted quorum being present, and the vote having been called ..
by deepsand · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to The obvious solution is to not have to choose, which can be had by …
& recorded, the measure is passed.
Now, as we’re going to need coins for the jukebox & other toys, I suggest that we go after a State Dept. contract or two, just like those boys at Blackwater got for post-Katrina in New Orleans, the kind that allows us to carry both badges & sidearms stateside.
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October 23, 2007 at 5:14 am #2624824
Steffi knows
by canuckster · about 16 years, 6 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
… that she should quit smoking. Now, an appetite for chinese food and alcohol, that’s different! Too bad she’s so far away or I might ask her to share a hot and sour.
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October 25, 2007 at 12:06 pm #2467681
Isn’t it time
by absolutely · about 16 years, 5 months ago
In reply to Friday’s Very Early Yuk!
for somebody in Australia to start tomorrow’s Yuk?
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