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Halloween yuk

By Oz_Media ·
sorry Colin, this was emaild to me so I had to post it.
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A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss
there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little 'fun'.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.


She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

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OK one more- 50 fun things to do at WalMart

by Oz_Media In reply to Halloween yuk

Not Halloween but I thought some of the ideas (that I haven't yet tried) were good.


50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. (this one really IS fun)

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see whathappens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

*BONUS*

1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without getting kicked out.

2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make. (This on may not be such a good idea by today's standards!)

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okay..

by maecuff In reply to OK one more- 50 fun thing ...

This really isn't a joke, but it fits the theme. My husband goes to Walmart, and waits for a single, uptight, looking guy to walk by and puts tampons in his cart..or he waits for a little old blue haired lady to walk by and puts condoms in her cart. He waits at the end of the aisle to see their reaction. And all the while, I have to act normal, while whispering to him "I have to work in this town" (small conservative town in the middle of nowhere). This reminder, however, gets me no where.

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He's okay in my books

by Oz_Media In reply to okay..

And that may be scary as **** in itself, I know.

I actually think that's pretty damn funny, I found when I was younger I was always the class clown or the comedian at party's. I later realized I live for shock value, there is nothing better than doing or saying something so absurd that people are either embarassed or at a loss for words, I think lifes little embarrassments are an absolute scream.

I can laugh at myself when I stub a toe and fall to my knees in agony, so I have no problem doing it when someone else does it,as Larry The Cable Guy would say, "I don't care what you think, that's there's just FUNNY!"

Have a good weekend and don't eat too many treats!

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strange question

by tp205 In reply to okay..

morning evening or afternoon to you all,
I was just wondering what happened to the last YUK, was that pulled because of poor taste or because I gave my two pennys' shillings, and whatever you aussies and new zealanders use?

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Just genral bitching and whining

by Oz_Media In reply to strange question

As always,someone gets offended and feels it is neccessary to complain as they think everyone else SHOULD/IS offended too.

I think the issue was
1) 'Black' is STILL considered extremely racists in some parts of America
2) A black Box was just too racy for some people I supose.
3) Some of the other jokes were pushing it too, but who knows, one guy going nuts is all it takes, who cares though.

nothing new, that's for sure!

No matter what though, you can't offend me so 'gimme your worst!' and have at 'er, have a go at Brits and Canucks. (I know being a Brit that you can laugh at yourself as well as others too).

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shucks is that what it was

by tp205 In reply to Just genral bitching and ...

Heck, I feel really bad, so many users of TR are US citzens but, they just don't seem to get it. Since the inception of the Internet instead of a country, that is a community, it is a world that is one. I hate sounding off like that but, let me be one of those americans that has left this country and gone abroad and saw what kind of respect we deserve which is nothing! When I was in Europe, I saw how both business and "tourists" travelers expect everyone to know english and our customes but not the other way around. This happened in Asia and many other countries. I felt utterly ashamed, I am learned that maybe it would be good if some of the "Good Americans" left for a bit, and learned that we are all in this pot together.
Once again I am sorry for spouting but I needed to get this off my chest.

The Ugly American
Tp

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Venting is allowed

by Oz_Media In reply to shucks is that what it wa ...

that's what makes these forums intersting.

I have often said, people/societies need to see themselves from the outside in. Only to be told that I am a Canadian and simply don't understand America so I have no right to talk about it.

Oh well, to each his own I suppose. I would not wat to be so personally focused when there is a whole world out there to explore though.

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Thanks

by tp205 In reply to Venting is allowed

OZ sometimes I wonder what these forums would do without some of your posts. I have read a good share and considering that you don't live here, you have a pretty good grip on that p**p that is flying below your border. Keep up the good work.
TP

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i think I'll print that and put it on the fridge!

by Oz_Media In reply to Venting is allowed

Actually you wouldn't be able to make a needlepoint for my kitchen would you?

Inside joke, not fair sorry.

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sorry saw that one too

by tp205 In reply to Venting is allowed

I saw that thread...I don't post in those dangerous disscusions, but I do have to say it gave me quite a laugh to read that!!!!

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