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It's now 2 minutes into Friday here. It's YUK TIME'

By sleepin'dawg ·
Tags: Off Topic
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the
The meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard these terms :
Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

I became confused about the word "service." This is
not what I thought "service" meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of
them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows.

BAM! It all fell into perspective.
Now I understand what all those "service" agencies
are doing to us.

I hope now you are as enlightened as I am.

Dawg ]:)

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What Does PMS Stand For?

by sleepin'dawg In reply to It's now 2 minutes into ...

A handy guide for men, PMS Stands For 13 Things:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

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My wifes definition

by OnTheRopes In reply to What Does PMS Stand For?

Putting up with Mens Shlt!<br><br>
I don't argue with her about it.

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Are you a man or a mouse??? Squeak up!!! :^0

by sleepin'dawg In reply to My wifes definition
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I'm pleading a Fifth

by OnTheRopes In reply to Are you a man or a mouse? ...

Well... Maybe just a 40 ouncer. <br>

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1000 words

by OnTheRopes In reply to What Does PMS Stand For?

<img src="" border="0" </a>

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What Happens in Vegas...

by sleepin'dawg In reply to It's now 2 minutes into ...

What Happens in Vegas...

After the tourist had been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned
the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady;
can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ***?"
"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl.

Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice
lookin' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away
up to my room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table
and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just
did for me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in
Tennessee we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'all for a
piece uh *** for mah drink."

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Three Rabbits

by Steffi28 In reply to It's now 2 minutes into ...

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.

"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.

"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

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In the beginning!

by Steffi28 In reply to It's now 2 minutes into ...

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big. And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6. And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmers that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who said you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmer's help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.


If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting.
IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Xerox made toasters...
You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
The toaster would jam your bread for you.

If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it.
Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Oracle made toasters...
They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

If Sun made toasters...
The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java.

Does DEC still make toasters?...
They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?

If Tandem made toasters...
You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.

If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.

If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world.

If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.

If the NSA made toasters...
Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.

If Sony made toasters...
The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If Timex made toasters...
They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.

If Fisher Price made toasters...
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.

If CostCo made toasters...
They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.

If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

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Until the day ....

by Shellbot In reply to In the beginning!

Until the day he would send his only son LINUX to save the Users and Programmers from their folly, and LINUX would build the Church of Free Software, which for a small consulting fee would offer salvation
and freedom from WINDOWS.

But Bill was smarter, and created the TCO, which the heretical Redmondites used to comdemn LINUX and tear down his church of Free Software

And the Redmondites, under Steve, rejoiced and gave thanks to Bill.
And soon it came to pass that even God saw that WINDOWS was cheaper, and installed it in Data Center, and made Bill CEO.
And Bill had a revelation, and he introduced all of the people, Redmondites, Programmers and Users alike to his
new dream, a startling new Vista that was to change the landscape forever.
And Bill foresaw that one day the Penguin would lie down with the Paperclip, and all would be at peace.
And so it was that the Vista was installed in Data Center, and all was still, for ever and ever and ever...

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Nothing like

by Steffi28 In reply to Until the day ....

a happy ending eh? :)

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