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  • #2199686

    Laser that induces vomiting …

    Locked

    by older mycroft ·

    Laser Energetics of America had proudly announced its latest weapons. According to boss Robert Battis, they fire green rays just like in [i]Star Wars[/i] “to help the military, law enforcement, correctional facilities, security, border patrol, piracy control, homeland security, airport security and more.”

    And the good news is they don’t kill the bad guys – they just make them puke.

    This remarkable effect is caused by the green ray messing with the target’s vision and balance, generating the urge to throw up. The weapon comes in two useful sizes:

    #1 – A hand-held version, which is claimed to be effective up to a mile away

    #2 – A mini-torchlight model, which can reintroduce you to last night’s pizza from 100 metres

    The manufacturers assured Zygote that their weapons of mess extraction worked even with the target’s eyes shut, but they failed to respond to the obvious flaw in the system: what if the Terminator wears mirrored sunglasses ??

    [i]* Zygote, Computer Shopper, October 2009 edition.[/i]

All Comments

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    Replies
    • #3003947

      Great!!

      by cmiller5400 ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      Just what I want!! Another mess to clean up :_|

    • #3003941

      Cool…

      by ed woychowsky ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      Do they have a gift registry?

    • #3003940

      awesome

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      i can think of a lot of times that would come in handy!!

    • #3003935

      The manufacturer’s press release.

      by charliespencer ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      http://www.laserenergetics.com/pdf/LEI_22_LEI_Introduces_Dazer_Laser_Final_52709.pdf

      While this says the weapon is effective to 2400 meters, I question the ability to hit a target in the eyes at two and a half kilometers unless you’re a trained military sniper.

      What if I’m wearing my Oakley’s? Hell, what about cheap Ambervision shades? The yellow lenses have got to have some effect on a green wavelength.

      How effective is it as a crowd control tool once the tear gas or smoke canisters have fogged up the air?

      • #3003844

        A great fundraiser : The actual brochure.

        by oz_media ·

        In reply to The manufacturer’s press release.

        From the press release they link to their brochure on the product. They have cut the cost of maunfacturing plants a great deal, from 1.5 million to $150K, a bit fishy really. The finished tools shown, a gun and pointer style, don’t have stats that really stand up to the earlier designs.

        http://www.laserenergetics.com/foundersmessage/LEIFoundersMessage6_052709.pdf

        The more you read, the less effective it is. First of all, it doesn’ make you puke, having it targeted in the eyes, while on a concentrated short range beam, MAY result in the person becoming visually disabled which can then lead to balance issues and of course feelings of nausea.

        Not exactly, point-shoot-puke though, as they originally imply in their press release.

        I think it’s just a costly ‘what if’ to get more private funding for projects. they STUMBLED on this in true scientific fashion, but are taking a shot in the dark (no pun intended) as far as creating a non lethal weapon out of it, at least not yet anyway.

        They saw a small opportunity and patented a gun right away, great fundraiser to get big American corporations on board.

    • #3003934

      Perfect

      by maecuff ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      Wonder how long before it’s used as a tool for bulemics? Or for kids who want to go home from school.

      And what about the whole domino effect? You want to make ONE person puke and deter him from doing whatever crime he is committing and everyone around him starts puking. It could get very ugly.

      I’m feeling puny just thinking about it.

      • #3003928

        oops

        by shellbot ·

        In reply to Perfect

        i didn’t consider the knowk on effects..

        vomit-fest..err..ya..not good..

        • #3003925

          I see vomit, I smell vomit…

          by cmiller5400 ·

          In reply to oops

          I vomit. Yuck.

        • #3003902

          Seen one

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to oops

          Not the laser, a vomit-fest.
          A number of years ago my friend and I were at the fair. A young kid got off the Waltzers and puked on his sister. She in turn puked on her Mom, who then puked on the floor. A bystander puked on the floor too. That was when we booked it. It would have been fun to see any other carnage, but I don’t think my stomach could have handled it. :0

        • #3003884

          Possible survival reflex?

          by charliespencer ·

          In reply to Seen one

          Maybe when we were living in caves, the most common reason to blow chunks was because we ate bad food. We all ate off the same carcass, and if Crog ate some bad meat it’s likely the rest of us did too. Hence the reaction to sensory inputs.

        • #3003850

          ROFLMAO

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Seen one

          Ok..yes..i’m childish and immature..i admit it..

          that is the funniest thing ever..i laughed so hard i cried 😀

        • #3003848

          A family that pukes together stays together

          by netman1958 ·

          In reply to Seen one

      • #3003922

        Places this would be really effective

        by charliespencer ·

        In reply to Perfect

        Roller coasters, aimed going into a double-loop or corkscrew.

        Movie theaters showing the latest gore-fest.

        Replace the ‘stop light’ cameras at busy intersections.

        Mount one on the back of ambulances, aimed about fifteen feet back. See how many injury lawyers you can put out of business.

        Reception offices for Congressmen; use it for the lobbyists.

      • #3003854

        Could be worse

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to Perfect

        “Explosive diarrhea”

        • #3003852

          That generally doesn’t take out innocent bystanders

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Could be worse

          like projectile vomiting would.

          Unless your definition of “explosive” is truly awesome.

          🙂

        • #3003849

          Ouch..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to That generally doesn’t take out innocent bystanders

          Painful comes to mind… :0

        • #3003845

          Hahaha…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to That generally doesn’t take out innocent bystanders

          “Unless your definition of “explosive” is truly awesome.”

          LMAO!!! 😀 :^0

        • #3003829

          Innocent by standers?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Hahaha…

        • #3003823

          Damn! But that laser is good! {nt}

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Innocent by standers?

          !

        • #3003819

          Aahhh!! :0

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Innocent by standers?

          That would not be much fun. :p
          I am sure she was just trying to squeak one out being as she was in a hot tub with preexisting bubbles. ;\ :^0

        • #3003816

          ahhhh JD

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Innocent by standers?

          man..thats gross…

          why do i click on these links??? :0

        • #3003815

          Oh sure

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to ahhhh JD

          act surprised. You knew the topic being discussed…. :p

          No one to blame but yourself! ;\

        • #3003814

          I know…

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to ahhhh JD

          I just don’t think sometimes 🙂

        • #3003800

          Maybe Scummy had it right

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to ahhhh JD

          about blond hair? :p

        • #3003797

          I confess

          by ganyssa ·

          In reply to ahhhh JD

          it was not JD’s link, but Shell’s reaction, that made me have to go look. We have severely blocked internet, but as many of you know, I have an iPhone, so I just had to go see.

          My eyes :O And I had to show three other people because I couldn’t stop laughing, and now they think I’m real sick.

        • #3003782

          Can I assume from the conversation

          by charliespencer ·

          In reply to ahhhh JD

          that someone got more than they bargained for?

        • #3003760

          Christie, tell me about it….

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to ahhhh JD

          that one has been making me laugh for over a year now, and yes, I had already sent it along the email forward list long ago…… 😀

          The current topic reminded me so I had to share with the class….. ;\

        • #3003741

          dunno

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to ahhhh JD

          Scummy has some sort of weird blonde fantasy I think… :0

        • #3004376

          “One ping or two, Captain ?” …

          by older mycroft ·

          In reply to Innocent by standers?

          I wonder if anyone ‘heard’ it ? :^0

        • #3004343

          Having a sh|tty day

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Hahaha…

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EutJyPNCUbk

          worse than the last link, but twice as funny….. 😀

          Consider yourself warned! :p

        • #3004323
          Avatar photo

          BAD BAD JD

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Having a sh|tty day

          I’m still laughing. :^0

          Col 0:-)

        • #3004321

          I laugh

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to BAD BAD JD

          every time.

          ThingOne reminded me to post it after I mentioned I had linked to the hot tub. 😀

        • #3004420

          OMG

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Having a sh|tty day

          hahaha..phecking hilarious!!!!!!!!!

        • #3001283

          I believe…

          by —tk— ·

          In reply to Could be worse

          you’re refering to the “Brown note”… Unfortunatly I dont think that its ever been truely proved to be effective…

          Such a shame… it would be a very effective RIOT control weapon… 🙂

    • #3003917

      Can you imagine

      by the scummy one ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      border patrol having shlts and grins while drinking, playing with this toy :^0

      • #3003913

        Exactly why

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Can you imagine

        I should never own one. I could honestly see myself using it on people.

        Be funny, though.

        • #3003910

          At a party, it’d be a riot

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to Exactly why

          “watch this, I bet I can make Fred puke on key” — :^0

        • #3003908

          There’s an idea for

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to At a party, it’d be a riot

          supplementing your income. Winning bets by making people puke.

          I like it.

        • #3003907

          :^0 :^0

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to There’s an idea for

          ya sure ya dont wanna join the church of scum ?:|
          you are a natural :^0

        • #3003903

          I avoid

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to :^0 :^0

          all religion.

          I went to Catholic school and went to church 6 days a week for years. I don’t go anymore. I went already..I did it all in advance.

        • #3003901

          Not about…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to I avoid

          religion Mae… it’s about relationship. 😉

        • #3003890

          I know, Jelli..

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I avoid

          Just being my normal smart@ss self.

        • #3003888

          Are you sure Jelli

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to I avoid

          Is it about releationship … ???

          Vo-mitting in a relationship
          shouldn’t you better step out of that one :^0 😉

        • #3004386
          Avatar photo

          Or better still

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to At a party, it’d be a riot

          Instead of aiming laser Pointers at Aircraft coming in to land or Take off point this at them and see what happens. 😀

          [b]Bad Bad Scummy[/b] look what you made me do. :^0

          Col 😉

    • #3003915

      Wonder if this will lead…

      by notsochiguy ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      …to street lamps that are designed to disperse crowds on corners?? Much like that ‘Mosquito’ siren meant to disperse teens.

      They could have used these in Chino over the weekend!!

      • #3003912

        Think of the potential here

        by the scummy one ·

        In reply to Wonder if this will lead…

        you are thinking small scale.
        Mount them under every overpass, all of the traffic below will get hit 😀
        Then there will be thousands of insurance claims from the accidents, lots of 911 calls keeping the ER units staffed. Lots of repairs to vehicles, keeping employment up, and most of all, lots of new car purchases helping the auto industry 😀
        See, its a win-win-win situation, the only downside is possible fatalities and injuries to people

      • #3003904

        Mount them outside prisons.

        by charliespencer ·

        In reply to Wonder if this will lead…

        Aim them at the top of the wall.

        Actually, almost nobody goes over the walls, but they could be mounted in front of military positions, facing toward the enemy.

        • #3003882

          Definitely lots of practicle use

          by notsochiguy ·

          In reply to Mount them outside prisons.

          At the least, it would be easier to use something like this than to ship in loud speakers and subject enemies to hours of loud pop music. Probably more humane, too! 😉

        • #3003813

          Goodyear blimp

          by ed woychowsky ·

          In reply to Mount them outside prisons.

          Sporting events will never be the same.

        • #3003809

          If I were an Eagles fan…

          by notsochiguy ·

          In reply to Goodyear blimp

          ..I’d be wondering how far back the first trials on this product were conducted:

          http://eagleschronicles.blogspot.com/2007/05/mcnabb-has-been-throwing-up-for-years.html

          :p

        • #3003781

          Detroit Lions

          by charliespencer ·

          In reply to If I were an Eagles fan…

          are mounting them outside the stadium, facing inward. If you try to leave before the fourth quarter…

        • #3003776

          Hmmmmmm

          by notsochiguy ·

          In reply to Detroit Lions

          I’d still take my chances, I think!!! 😉

          Of course, as a Bears fan, I have no worries this year. JC has literally descended from the heavens to be the savior to our franchise.

          On the first day, He passed to Hester, and said “This is good”.

          So sayeth Da Coach. BEARS!!

        • #3003772

          Of course you’d take your chances.

          by charliespencer ·

          In reply to Hmmmmmm

          As a fan of a visiting team, you’d have no reason to leave early!

        • #3003770

          Touche :) (nt)

          by notsochiguy ·

          In reply to Hmmmmmm

          .

        • #3004379

          Eagles? That would be Crystal Palace FC, then?

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to If I were an Eagles fan…

          But we don’t have any one called McNabb playing for us.

          Ah well. TI suppose it’s your “American Football”?

        • #3004200

          I dunno

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to Mount them outside prisons.

          They’d all be coaxing each other into escaping so they can throw on some Pink Floyd and enjoy the show.

    • #3003896

      How long have they been working on these?

      by tink! ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      Was it before or after Minority Report? lol.

      Interesting concept. I’m sure there’ll be exceptions – people who aren’t affected by these at all (and like you stated, ways around it), I suspect these won’t be an absolute replacement for law enforcement weapons.

    • #3003881

      This is what happens when you let REMFs

      by tony hopkinson ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      come up with stuff to work in real life. Multi million pound weapon system defeated by pocket mirror.

    • #3003858

      Hmmmm. I think that the first time

      by neilb@uk ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      that some poor epilepsy-prone’s head explodes, there’s going to be a bit more fallout than just brains.

      Neil 🙂

      Is it one of these things that has level settings?

      Mild nausea, delicate suppressed regurgitation, controlled barf into the gutter, projectile vomiting…

      Oh, I can see this becoming a spectator sport!

      • #3003759

        Oh sure..

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Hmmmm. I think that the first time

        bring epileptics into it. You’re just ruining all the puky fun.

        A friend of mine is getting married soon. I should get him one as a wedding gift. That would be a useful tool in any marriage.

        You want me to wash the dishes? How about I make you vomit instead?

        If I had one, my boss would never keep another lunch down.

    • #3003851

      Huh?

      by oz_media ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      I’ve been hammered heavy in the face by green lasers at show rehearsals and never felt like I was gonna puke. Perhaps theres som eeffect after a while but who the hell is going to look at a laser for a while? Green doesn’t really penetrate so just closing your eyes seems to do the trick.

      There must be more to it than the laser itself, perhaps speed or oscillation or something, but the green laser itself is purposely used as it is safe for use in public spaces, it can flash your eyes without harming vision and won’t burn anything of course.

      There are a million types of green laser as green is teh only tunable laser we have yet. It’s used on medical (surgery) military (extended sight line scopes)and many other areas.

      Obviously this must be some system that INCORPORATES the green, tunable laser that makes people sick, but the laser itself is used as it is known to be fine on the eyes, cannot penetrate the eyelids etc.

      Green laser itself making people sick? I call bullsh*t.
      More proof please, I haven’t found any myself.

      • #3003758

        I came up dry looking for independent corroboration

        by charliespencer ·

        In reply to Huh?

        Although I didn’t try long; ten minutes, maybe.

        • #3004380

          Ad I posted to your press release post

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to I came up dry looking for independent corroboration

          The actual ad/brochure they use is in PDF form, posted right after where you posted a link to the press release.

          As expected, teh title here is misleading. It’s not a laser that makes you puke, its one that when shone in the eyes CAN cause one to be disoriented, being disoriented to some people causes them to feel off balance, that feeling can then lead to nausea.

          It’s not ‘point and puke’, as the title of teh thread implies.

          It’s just a laser used to disorient people, sorta like the old method of shining a high powered flashlight down the barrel of a gun so the other person can’t see you and becomes disoriented as you shoot them. deer in headlights routine, except maybe a little mroe intense. I think watching the Blair Witch Project on a big screen would have a similar effect.

        • #3004374

          Hang on !! – How can the word “induce” IMPLY anything?..

          by older mycroft ·

          In reply to Ad I posted to your press release post

          If you check the body copy of my original post you’ll see I quoted: “[b]This remarkable effect is caused by the green ray messing with the target’s vision and balance, generating the urge to throw up.[/b]”

          If that implied ‘[i]point & puke[/i]’ then POINT & PROVE IT.

          [i]Maybe someone’s been shinin’ one of these things in your eyes, Oz ol’ mate.[/i] 😉

        • #3004339

          Laser that induces vomiting.

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to Hang on !! – How can the word “induce” IMPLY anything?..

          Its the same thing the press release is focused on, making the ssailant sick, it’s th image drawn by the marketing. So much of an image, with only a 4 word title, it was a key word you used.

          Obviously you, just a sother posts here seem to believe it will make people sick and render them useless when pointed at them.

          To be as petty as yourself:
          INDUCE does not mean potentially lead up to. It means to cause.

          This does not cause vomiting, it is proven to disorient, thay may lead to balance issues and then lead ot vomiting.

          That’s like saying eating a hamurger induces heart attacks. It may lead up to heart disease or arterial cloging that leads to a heart attack.

      • #3004382
        Avatar photo

        It would have to be the Frequency of flashing

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Huh?

        Gust the same as a white light is considered as Safe one strobing at the right frequency can induce Epileptic Fits.

        Here I would imagine that they use the Green Laser for safety and then set the speed of it’s strobe for the effect. 😉

        Col

        • #3004378

          It’s a green laser

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to It would have to be the Frequency of flashing

          The speed is what determines th intensity and colour. Green is that broad laser that is used for live shows as it is the safest.

          You’ll notice that a band like Pink floyd uses a mix of lasers, but only green is projected forward.

          In this specific ‘military’ case, as noted in their brochure, they shoot a wide band 2′ high and several feet wide.

          Apparently it is juts an intense light that when focused on the face, MAY cause disorientation, that in turn MAY cause one to feel dizzy and MAY cause them to lose balance and feel nauseous.

          They sre sell it well though! 😀

          The OP even comes across with the opinion that when shot in your face you will puke. 🙂

    • #3003785

      Worlds lamest TM…

      by the ‘g-man.’ ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      “Advancing Laser technology at the Speed of Light”

      Home

      Bet that took years to come up with!

      • #3003764

        Mind boggling

        by oz_media ·

        In reply to Worlds lamest TM…

        I’ve been writing ad copy for years and that’s one of those you just wish you had got to first.

        Kinda like their great company name/URL. 😀

    • #3004363

      No! Please, no! :0

      by boxfiddler ·

      In reply to Laser that induces vomiting …

      Ack! I’m hit! :-&

      • #3004322
        Avatar photo

        Yep Boxy

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to No! Please, no! :0

        You had better Strip Search all of the students before allowing them into the class room. :^0

        [i]edited to add[/i] surely Teachers are the Ideal Subject to test these on. After all if they weren’t they wouldn’t have students would they? 😀

        Col 0:-)

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