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  • #2266792

    Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

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    by deadly ernest ·

    I was talking with my son about drive letter and names and their usage. we often use Drive D for Data. we looked at some that should just be what they are because they’re just right. It varies if you use the word disc or drive and the order you say it in.

    C-Drive because its the one you see
    D-Drive because it just is d drive
    E-Drive because ‘e does and ‘as a licence
    G-Drive for all the good stuff you go Gee about
    I-Drive because I got a licence
    O-Drive for the stuff that makes you go Oh
    U-Drive because you got a licence for it
    X-Drive well, I think you know what goes on that
    Y-Drive because you to lazy to walk it across
    Z-Drive because it’s zee drive

    And the alternatives being
    Drive-L is for the drivel or government stuff
    Drive-R is for the sys admin of course
    Drive-S is for system data of course

    F-Disc is for the system fixing software
    G-Disc see G-Drive above as per some others too
    I-Disc is for Macs only
    O-Disc is for Redding fans
    Q-Disc is clearly the best (say it quickly for the joke)

    Disc-E is for what you’re not sure of
    Disc-I as against dat one
    Disc-J can be known as DJ and used for music
    Disc-O is for the dance music naturally

    What can I say, it WAS late at night at the time.

    I particularly like Disc-O, D-Drive and Z-Drive

All Comments

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    Replies
    • #2579015

      Thanks for starting the Yuk

      by dadspad ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      I did not get the Q-Disc joke.

      Now I know I am slow today :d
      but would appreciate explaining.

      Dad

    • #2578951

      Bringing the sanity back to email

      by tig2 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      NOW EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME …

      “I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON’T forward an e-mail.

      I will NOT hear any music, see a taco dog, or see a cool pop up screen if DO forward an e-mail.

      Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria’s Secret doesn’t know anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me and Ford will not give me a 50% discount even if I have forwarded my e-mail to more than 50 people. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coke Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people who don’t know who the hell I am anyway.

      I will NEVER see a pop up window if I forward an e-mail … EVER!!!!

      My phone will not MYSTERIOUSLY ring after I forward an e-mail.

      There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people.

      There is no kid with cancer through the Make a Wish program in England collecting anything. He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANYMORE POST CARDS, CALLING CARDS or GET WELL CARDS!

      The government does not have a bill in congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that if passed will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every sent e-mail.

      There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flower, character, or program I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. People are just trying to talk me into doing it to make me look like a fool.

      The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never heard of before disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations, they don’t donate!

      And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things on to my friends for fear they will think I am not their friend … or by telling me I have no conscious or don’t believe in JESUS CHRIST!! If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it along … but even if it does come by e-mail, HE will send me one at which point I’m SURE I will know it will be from HIM. AND if He does, I’m sure He will care enough to delete all those annoying forwards inside it!”

      Now, repeat this 4 times to yourself until you’ve memorized it and then send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next 3 months and all of your hair will fall out!!!!

      • #2578903

        Amen

        by dadspad ·

        In reply to Bringing the sanity back to email

        :8} Sorry that might be a reference to God.

        I hope I do not get on the mailing list that sent you all those emails :^0

        Well said.

        Dad

      • #2578860

        LOL – you can’t kill chain mail!

        by locolobo ·

        In reply to Bringing the sanity back to email

        I never forward those either. Even in the “good old days” when it was by snail mail. I must have 1000 years of bad luck accrued.

        • #2590459

          :p But you can ‘unchain’ them

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to LOL – you can’t kill chain mail!

          Just do not forward them.

          Dad

        • #2590313

          Reply

          by gsg ·

          In reply to LOL – you can’t kill chain mail!

          I always reply to the sender with a little message that goes something like: Never send me one of these ever again. If you do, I will hunt you down and stick that keyboard so far up your @$$, that you’ll have to pick your nose to get it out. So far, I only have to do that once per person. I haven’t gotten one in about a year.

        • #2590279

          Sometimes I do that,

          by locolobo ·

          In reply to Reply

          but it seems like some of them come from friends and acquaintances. Most of those I ignore and delete. Sometimes one tickles me and I will reply back to a friend to say “Howdy, that made my day.” I still don’t forward them to x number of people though.

      • #2578747

        E-mail is for the masses; chain mail is for the messes

        by deadly ernest ·

        In reply to Bringing the sanity back to email

        and it’s called chain mail as it keeps them chained to their computers sending it on to everyone else.

    • #2578877

      Dir

      by tonythetiger ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Microsoft Windows XP [Version 5.1.2600]
      (C) Copyright 1985-2001 Microsoft Corp.

      C:\>dir
      Volume in drive C is TOO LOUD.
      Volume Serial Number is 5437-EA6B

      Directory of C:\

      • #2590482

        Not heard that one…

        by daveo2000 ·

        In reply to Dir

        I wish I had thought of that quite a few years ago! 😀

        I used to help a bunch of folks using DOS and would often ask them to tell me what they say after typing DIR in some given directory…

        Volume in drive C has no label

        was a frequent repsponse. To combat this, I used to set any blank label I found so that it would now say:

        Volume in drive C is NO LABEL.

    • #2590506

      If Coke were run like Microsoft

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Bill Gates recently compared the OS market with the soft drink market, explaining that Microsoft is hanging on for dear life in the ultracompetitive OS market while Coke enjoys a real monopoly, since they’ll be on top forever, but the DOJ doesn’t pick on them. Of course, Bill should be careful not to give Coke any ideas. We might end up with a scenario like the following:

      Joe: (walking into McDonalds) Hi, i’d like a Big Mac.

      Cashier: Okay, here’s your Big Mac and here’s your Coke. That’ll be $3.99.

      Joe: Uh, i don’t want a Coke.

      Cashier: Sorry, they’re bundled.

      Joe: What? I’m not paying for a Coke!

      Cashier: You don’t; the Coke is free.

      Joe: But wasn’t a Big Mac $2.49 last week?

      Cashier: Sure, but this latest Big Mac is far more innovative. It’s got integrated Coke!

      Joe: I already bought a Snapple across the street – i’m not going to drink the Coke.

      Cashier: Then you can’t have the burger.

      Joe: Okay, fine, i’ll pay the $3.99 and throw the Coke away.

      Cashier: Oh, you can’t do that. They’re seamlessly integrated. Totally inseparable.

      Joe: How can that be? They’re two totally separate things!

      Cashier: No, watch. (takes Big Mac, dunks it in a tank of Coke) See?

      Joe: Why did you just do that?!?!

      Cashier: It’s a benefit to the consumer. Otherwise you’d end up with two different, inconsistent tastes. This way you’re assured of a continuous taste across all your foods.

      Joe: Aaarrgh!

    • #2590505

      Microsoft is my Shepherd, I shall not stray.

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Microsoft is my Shepherd, I shall not stray.

      It maketh me plunk down green dollars;
      it leadeth me to Where I Want To Go Today.

      It restoreth my backup.
      It leadeth me in right data paths for its workgroup name’s sake.

      Yea, though I hit the Blue Screen of Death,
      I will fear no evil;
      for thou art with me; thy Service Packs —
      they comfort me.

      Thou preparest a table of mission-critical data in the presence of mine enemies: thou annointest my server with traffic; my buffers runneth over.

      Surely COMMAND.COM and BASIC shall follow me all the days of my life:
      and I will dwell in the house of Microsoft for ever.

    • #2590504

      Microsoft Renames C# Language

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Microsoft, today, announced that it will be renaming it’s new C# programming language. This renaming is aimed squarely to position its new language as a direct competitor to Java. Now named “Tea”, this new language will offer a full palette of development tools and technologies. The key components of the new “Tea” language are “Flavorlettes”, “Tea Bags”, and “Brew Objects”.

      “Flavorlettes” are similar to Java Servlets. Flavorlettes are unique, however, in that they are designed to allow code to be presented in several different “flavors” with little or no coding. They will also connect directly to several special sensory devices to enhance the overall user experience. Microsoft plans to have several flavorlette objects, include DarJeeling, Mocha, Cinnamon and the all-time favorite Billaberry.

      “Tea Bags” are similar to Java Beans, except that they offer special penetration capabilities that allows code to permeate throughout a web development environment, even into existing Java, C++ and VB technology. The permeation technology will automatically eliminate non-Microsoft technologies to ensure a pure development environment. “Tea bags” can take on two different characteristics: “Caffinated”, which are similar to EJBs and “Decaffinated”, which are general-purpose non-enterprise level objects.

      “Brew Objects” are special “tea” objects that allow different technologies to be easily meshed (or “brewed”) together. When combined with “Packets”, these objects can also be morphed to a developer’s personal taste. One Microsoft developer likened “Packets” to “Sugar Packets”. Microsoft is currently working with several different countries to ensure that a variety of brew objects are available for the first release. Microsoft currently has brews from Japan, China, England and India planned for the initial release.

      These new tools will be available in the upcoming “Visual Tea” development environment. Microsoft promises that the development environment will be jam-packed with Tea Wizards, Spouts and all of the common brewing capabilities that have become popular in the Java language. This new environment will also include a conversion architecture called “The Decaffeinator” which will convert all existing Java objects to Tea objects.

      Microsoft will release the new “Tea” toolset shortly. One developer said, “we’ll release it once it is properly brewed, not a moment sooner.”

      Visual Tea, “Write once, run anywhere… but non-Microsoft platforms”

    • #2590499

      Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Is this the real world?
      Is this just fantasy?
      Caught in a LAN-slide
      No ESC to reality.
      Open(2) your files,
      Look after your while()s in C;
      It’s just a cheap toy, but dearer than Symphony(tm)
      With it’s wheezy cough, noisy beep
      Address clash, little sleep
      Anything but Windows(tm),
      Nothing beats class lib’ries to me,
      To me.

      Mama,
      Just killed a RAM
      Got some static on its pins,
      Now I don’t see the dust bin,
      Mama,
      ‘Write’ had just been run,
      But now I’ve got to throw it all away
      Mama, ooooooh,
      Didn’t mean to make it fry
      If I’ve no stack to overflow tomorrow,
      Carry one, carry one,
      ‘Cause there’s nothing like class lib’ries.

      Too late,
      My time(2) has come
      Send lightning down my line
      Stop my make(1) before it’s time
      Goodbye, everybody,
      I’ve got to go,
      Gotta leave you all behind and read Knuth.

      Mama, ooooooh, (Anything but Windows(tm))
      I don’t want to *sigh*
      I sometimes wish I’d never known Bourne at all.
      I see a little silhouetto of a man(1),
      Scaramouche, Scaramouche,
      Did you run the test script yet?
      Thunderbolt and lightning,
      Blowing up my modem, me.
      Gone away now,
      Gone away now,
      Gone away now, Windows(tm) froze.
      Its worse than crap (oh oh oh oh)

      It’s just a cheap toy, ev’rybody has three
      It’s just a cheap toy from a cheap company
      Spare us our lives from this monstrosity!
      Wheezy cough, noisy beep, will you let us sleep?
      Drink Miller! Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
      Drink Miller! Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
      Drink Miller! Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
      Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
      Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
      GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU GNU!
      Oh Mama mia, mama mia,
      Mama mia, let us sleep!
      Be-el-ze-Gates has a widget put beside my tree,
      My tree,
      My tree!

      So you think you can force me to use ’95?
      So you think you can love me and leave me no drives?
      Oh, baby,
      Can’t do this to me baby,
      Just gotta c-out, just gotta get write(2) out of here.

      Nothing beats class lib’ries,
      Anything in C,
      Nothing beats class lib’ries,
      Nothing beats class lib’ries to me.

      Anything but Windows(tm).

      • #2590496

        OOH Shell!

        by steffi28 ·

        In reply to Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)

        Your on an anti-Windows roll!!

        Keep it up girl 😀

        • #2590494

          Thats

          by michael jay ·

          In reply to OOH Shell!

          2 days in a row Shell has had me rotflmao, cant stop the LAUGHING…

          Got to get to work …

        • #2590487

          its just been one of those weeks :)

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Thats

          my predicament today is how to hide 2 cats from the rental agency when they pop by at 4 today to take some measurements of the house..
          we’ve only been in the place a week and hate to be caught breaking the lease already 🙂

        • #2590485

          Hmmm

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to its just been one of those weeks :)

          Cant you like err put them in cupboard or under the bed?? or let them out and tell them to come back in an hour? Wouldnt that work??

        • #2590478

          i can tell

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Hmmm

          yer not a cat owner dear..

          🙂

          Problem is, the female is still nervous of the new area and doesn’t go out a lot..she sits on the window sill and cries to come back in 🙂

        • #2590476

          Lol nope

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to i can tell

          Not a cat owner! I had a cat for like 3 months but she ran away when she was about 6 months old and never came back, I never seem to have much luck with animals 🙁

        • #2590471

          But you are doing fine with us! :)

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to Lol nope

          We haven’t run away!

          Hey Shell. You should also get a non-cat-owner friend to stop by and see if the place “smells” like cats. I have met quite a few cat owners that were certain that the place had no “catty” smell. (And, yes, they were wrong!)

        • #2590444

          Are your neigbors cat haters and lease lovers :0

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to i can tell

          Or are the cat lovers and lease breakers too. :^0 Surely some are the latter and could help you.

          Dad

          ps follow Dave’s advise below.

          edited because I still can’t spell

        • #2590439

          Do you mean, “Dave’s advice [i]above[/i]”?

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to Are your neigbors cat haters and lease lovers :0

          ?:|

          Posted before yours but shows up after, thread-wise! :p

        • #2590429

          When I started he was below me :0 wait wait

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to Do you mean, “Dave’s advice [i]above[/i]”?

          I meant he was not on top of me :0 :0

          No no, I mean …. never mind

          Dad

          ]:)

        • #2590420

          :0 :0 :0 :0

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to When I started he was below me :0 wait wait

          What has been going on here?? Dave have you been taking advantage of Dad??

        • #2577951

          He is talking about planes! Yeah, that’s it.

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to :0 :0 :0 :0

          He was on one plane and I was on the other. He was flying above the clouds and I was walking the other way and he went down the stairs and I turned my bicycle around and he started running across the bridge and I …

          What were we talking about?
          ?:|

        • #2577943

          TUT TUT Dave

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to He is talking about planes! Yeah, that’s it.

          In your quest to make me innocent looks like you’ve gone and made yourself all impure!!
          😀

        • #2579594

          No, No, it was about planes

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to TUT TUT Dave

          Thanks Dave 😀

          Dad

          It is a man thing. ]:)

        • #2590438

          Shell, dear

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to i can tell

          The fix is simple. Put them in their carrier bags and set them just near the door. When the agency people pop in, simply explain that you are doing a friend a favour and taking them to be boarded while the friend is on holiday. Unfortunately timing worked out that you had to be in to show the agents about. May have the added extra benefit of getting them out quicker. The kitties won’t mind as they will be in their carriers.

          Good luck!

        • #2590430

          well..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to i can tell

          we’ve only been there a week, haven’t really met the neighbours..
          and i know there is a “cat smell” when ya have cats, but as i said, its only been a week so it can’t be that bad ( the tray gets cleaned daily and they do spend a good bit of time outside normally, and i’m pretty certain the cigarette smell will overpower it at this stage 🙂

          it will most liekly be months before anyone is in the palce again to do any inspections and the like. i think they do one once a year, and the owners live across the country…so no fear of them popping in.
          Plus they have to give a weeks notice before they come round..so plenty of time to de-smell..its just this one time that will be the problem.

        • #2590490

          its a good thing

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to OOH Shell!

          i actually like MS..or else they’d have been even worse 🙂

      • #2590473

        She came in through the bathroom window (coding style)

        by daveo2000 ·

        In reply to Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)

        She used to program just in Windows(tm)
        Protected by MSCP
        But now she found her knowledge dated
        With the move to Vista from XP

        Didn’t anybody tell her?
        Didn’t anybody see?
        18 months until the new one,
        Incompatibility.

        She said she’d thought ‘nix clones a cancer
        In spite of Blue Screen every day
        And though she thought “upgrade” the answer
        Well I knew what I had to say.

        And so I showed her my new servers
        Linux yields a steady job
        And though she tried her best to see that
        Linux gives, the “other one” will rob

        Didn’t anybody tell her?
        Didn’t anybody see?
        18 months until the new one,
        Incompatibility.
        Oh yeah.

      • #2590462

        I’ll cry instead (post head crash)

        by daveo2000 ·

        In reply to Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)

        I’ve got every reason on earth to be mad
        Cos I’ve just lost the data that I had
        And if I could get my way
        I’d get myself restored today
        But I can’t so I cry instead

        I’ve got shares on the network bigger than my thumb drive
        I’ve been entering data since I’ve been alive
        And if I could restore now
        I’d run and laugh and smile somehow
        But I can’t so I cry instead

        Don’t they backup the network share?
        I just looked and the thing is bare
        I’m gonna get a shovel from Mae
        And I’ll come back later today

        And when I do you’d better hide all the blades
        I’m gonna break apart all the RAIDs
        Yes, I’m gonna break them in two
        And show you what a mad user can do
        Until then I’ll cry instead

        Don’t they backup the network share?
        I just looked and the thing is bare
        I’m gonna get a shovel from Mae
        And I’ll come back later today

        And when I do you’d better hide all the blades
        I’m gonna break apart all the RAIDs
        Yes, I’m gonna break them in two
        And show you what a mad user can do
        Until then I’ll cry instead

        (edited because it ain’t “an user” 🙁 )

        • #2579326

          Hey!! I just saw this.

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I’ll cry instead (post head crash)

          Too cool. I have a song

        • #2579790

          You are one of my heroes :x

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to Hey!! I just saw this.

          😉

        • #2579568

          Well

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to You are one of my heroes :x

          that certainly makes my day. 🙂

        • #2578314

          Then I must say Ditto!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Well

          that way you can pull me off of your ‘kill later’ list!

        • #2578266

          No such list

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Then I must say Ditto!!!

          I live in the moment.

        • #2578234

          And ‘project’ your will on others!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to No such list

          Due to a shiny/bloody shovel and ice pick in hands…

          Ok, Ok, so there is no list, just memories and photo’s of the victims…

          You remember, the ones your better half saw (now he sleeps with 1 eye open)….

          But Wait!!! I forgot my disclaimer to make sure I do not get decapitated tonight

          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!

          I hope she hasnt read this far, cause I still have not convinced myself of the nice part… Naughty, Definately! 🙂

          But just think, the shoveled people are just ‘population control’ and ridding the world of dumba$$es with no sense to run…

        • #2578142

          Why wouldn’t I read the whole post?

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Then I must say Ditto!!!

          You’re hoping that Mae hasn’t ‘read this far’? Really? It’s not like it was overly long or too complicated for me to understand, now was it?

      • #2590454

        Here comes the Sun (for Solaris fans)

        by daveo2000 ·

        In reply to Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)

        Here comes the Sun, here comes the Sun,
        And I say it?s all right

        Little darling, it?s been a long time running Windows(tm)
        Little darling, rebooting daily is a drag
        Here comes the Sun, here comes the Sun
        And I say it?s all right

        Little darling, B.S.O.D. can be annoying
        Little darling, Solaris or Linux is fine
        Here comes the Sun, here comes the Sun
        And I say it?s all right

        Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
        Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
        Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
        Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
        Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…

        Little darling, the network seems to run much faster
        Little darling, the background traffic dropped I hear
        Here comes the Sun, here comes the Sun,
        And I say it?s all right
        It?s all right

      • #2590406

        Too funny!

        by jellimonsta ·

        In reply to Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)

        That is too funny Shell.
        I don’t have any jokes, but I do have a new son! 🙂

        http://www.meriter.com/babymail/baby_display2.asp?ID=4980wx

        • #2590405

          YEAH Jelli!!!

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Too funny!

          Many congratulations on the birth of the new Jelli-mini. Of course he is snuggled with a plush computer!

          Jelli 2.0. How does it feel to have a new version out when the “old” version is still useful???

        • #2590254

          Thanks Tig…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to YEAH Jelli!!!

          though the “still useful” part is very speculative. :p

        • #2590224

          I do hope that you don’t expect a proper reply

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Thanks Tig…

          You are still very useful. Until Jelli-minor tells us otherwise.

          Then you’re screwed, mate.

        • #2590395

          Congrats! :^0

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to Too funny!

          My oldest is a girl too. Worked out great.

          Dad

        • #2590249

          Thanks DP…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Congrats! :^0

          Felt a bit funny abbreviating to Dad. 🙂

        • #2590381

          Awwe

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Too funny!

          He’s gorgeous!!
          (thank god he doesn’t take after his Pa)

          Congrats Jelli!!!!

        • #2590251

          Thanks Shell…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Awwe

          I think!?!?! 🙂

        • #2590317

          Congrats! Another US-Brummy hybrid… :D

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Too funny!

          Best wishes to the four of you!

          Neil 😀

          Hopefully, he’ll not be a Baggies fan else he’ll be a bit noisy for a while…

        • #2590252

          Wolves all the way…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Congrats! Another US-Brummy hybrid… :D

          I will not allow a Baggies fan to grow up in my house! 😀

        • #2577981

          I wasn’t sure. I’ll not insult you or yours again

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Wolves all the way…

          by suggesting you might be a Baggies fan.

          Neil 😀

          So..

        • #2577956

          Thanks Neil…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to I wasn’t sure. I’ll not insult you or yours again

          I was not insulted. I am enjoying 2 weeks paid paternity leave right now so nothing much is going to phase me!! 😀

        • #2577950

          Jelli, I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Too funny!

          but firstly congrats he’s absolutely gorgeous

          secondly i take from reading replies to a few of your posts that your an “old” TR member who aint been around for a bit, so I’m steffi pleased to meetcha! If you need to know what sort of personality I have, well I get on well with all the TR girls 😉 so I think that pretty much explains it all! Oh and dont believe anything any of the guys say about me! Its all lies

          But congrats again 😀

        • #2577891

          Thanks Steffi…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Jelli, I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced

          I have been a member of TR since 2000, and about 7-12 months ago was a ‘regular’. I have not been as regular for quite a while now, so I guess you can call me an irregular. 😀

          I have read a number of your posts, so I am drawing my own conclusion as to your persona though. :p Don’t worry though, it’s all good.

          Thanks for the well wishes! 🙂
          Jelli

        • #2577296

          Of Course It’s All Good!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Thanks Steffi…

          How could it not be 😉 I’m a very lovely (non-blonde) girl (cos I’m NO lady 😀 )

          Edited cos I almost called myself a lady then :0

        • #2578368

          Steffi, are you slipping?

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Of Course It’s All Good!

          almost called yourself a ‘lady’….
          and you seem to still be in denial about the blonde roots as well. :^0

          come on now, I thought you were a woman, not a girl (unless Shellbot’s math is used) :^0

        • #2579408

          I know I know :(

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Steffi, are you slipping?

          I shocked myself there almost calling me a lady! And I’m not blonde!!

          As for being a woman not a girl, well girls have more fun than woman, woman have responsibilities girls dont, so I’m being a girl!!

        • #2579783

          How many times must it be explained to you?

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to I know I know :(

          You keep denying being a blonde. Ok, here it is again.
          You freely admitted to being a blonde untul you were 10, right? Ok, that means about half of your life was as a blonde. The roots are still blonde. The blonde mentality has sealed in. You aer, in effect, a blonde…

          Now say it like you mean it now. You are a blonde…

        • #2578369

          Aaah, so another looking to join the impure!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Thanks Steffi…

          Not sure if its a good or bad thing! I guess Hal and Daveo arent going to be too happy.

        • #2578359

          No membership for me…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Aaah, so another looking to join the impure!

          I have been around the impure brigade for so long, I can’t even remember (I think it was just GG and Stargazer back when, with habitual taunting of Mambo). 🙂
          I get in enough trouble without signing myself up for such things. Besides, I don’t have the time for debauchery and pandemonium on that level. 😀

        • #2578349

          Ah, so the real master awakes

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to No membership for me…

          and came back to teach the children how to be impure again!!!
          Just about the time Steffi was turning pure too. Coincidense? I think not. The pureness level was getting too high, so you came back to set her right, right?

          Since you dont have hte time, you must be setting your minions on us all…. lol

        • #2578370

          What Lies???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Jelli, I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced

          Ok, there have been a few stretched truths, but lies???

        • #2579407

          It’s all lies!!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to What Lies???

          There have been no stretched truths! There has only been lies, lies and more lies!!

        • #2579332
          Avatar photo

          And the worst lie of them all is

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to It’s all lies!!

          Steffi is a lovely girl out looking for a fun time. :0

          What can I say I have to agree with you here Steffi? :^0

          Col ]:)

        • #2579359

          Congrats, Jelli!

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Too funny!

          To you and your expanding family!

        • #2579124

          Thanks mae…

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Congrats, Jelli!

          I was not sure what I was going to get in that there message.
          A ‘post from mae is like a box of chocolates’ an’ all… :p

        • #2579564

          Keep em guessing.. :)

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Thanks mae…

          I’d never offer anything but a sincere congrats when there’s a new baby involved.

          Speaking of which, my sister is in the hospital as we ‘speak’ having her second child. She’s having a boy. I’ll go down to Cincinnati tomorrow to see him. I can’t wait. My niece is excited about getting a baby brother, but she told me she’s more excited about seeing her cousin, Joey. (my son) when we get home tomorrow.

        • #2579328
          Avatar photo

          Commiserations Jelli

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Too funny!

          Now that you are suffering severe [b]Sleep Deprivation[/b] you have my complete sympathies. Of course you could always move out of the house to the garage or somewhere like that so you are not constantly getting in the way of the wife. 😉

          It will also give her time to forget that she’s mad at you for making her go through all of that as well so you are only doing it to help her as much as possible. :8}

          But no matter what you finally end up doing your are [b]Dammed if you do and Dammed if you don’t![/b] ?:|

          So the best thing to do is get all of your wifes friends to come over and say nice things about the baby and then she’ll forget to abuse you for inviting all these people over while she feels like Crap and the place is a mess but as they will be stroking her Ego you’ll get a quite life hopefully. 😐

          Col

        • #2579122

          LOL

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Commiserations Jelli

          Thanks for the words of wisdom Col. 🙂
          Actually, I have 2 weeks off work so I have managed to keep up with the housework while she recovers.
          Also, the baby is a gem and is already well behaved. He sleeps for 3-4 hour stretches at night in between nursing, so we are not especially sleep deprived. 🙂
          Overall, I cannot complain… at all!! 😀

      • #2590391
        Avatar photo

        OK for all you GEEKS this I think is suitable

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)

        Buy a litre of Fabulon
        Dare we spray down
        In the scorched trail
        of a Sunbream iron

        Paint your face with Revlon
        To hide your frown
        In the blue gloam glare
        Of your Rank Television

        Carry it away from Myers now
        Requiring of us a lon
        How can we live without these things
        in Templestowe

        Buy an electric toothbrush for your mouth
        Roche medication for your heart
        You’ll be comfortable locked uptight
        In your sauna

        Let the third world rabble on
        If dishwasher breaks down
        An eyeful of Visine
        A floral tissue to cry on

        In the valley of Silicon
        Where we may drown
        And there we leapt
        Into blind oblivion

        [b]Carry it away from Tandy now
        A computer of your own
        How can we live without a VDU
        And a life programme[/b]

        A bottle of Listerine for your mouth
        A pair of Adidas for your heard
        You’ll be comfortable locked uptight
        In your wardrobe

        Buy a litre of Fabulon
        Dare we spray down
        In the scorched trail
        of a Sunbream iron

        Now who does this suit? :0

        Col ]:)

        • #2577948

          Um… Have you been drinking? (or stopped?)

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to OK for all you GEEKS this I think is suitable

          Is this an original composition? Um… what is it in reference to?

          I’m confuzzed!

        • #2577942

          Dave, Col’s Gone Insane

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Um… Have you been drinking? (or stopped?)

          I think I finally tipped him over the edge by telling him I was going pure! I dunno I think he was that shocked at the idea that he has to post pure gibberish from now on!! :0

          But don’t let on that you know about it!!

        • #2577895

          That’s because he doesn’t understand the full meaning of pure

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to Dave, Col’s Gone Insane

          to get something in its pure state you purify it, and this often means to distill it down to its most concentrated pure form – that’s how they get many pure products. You process it to remove the other things that dilute it or make it impure. Now the most common thing used to dilute something is water – ipso facto when you wanted to get more pure, you stopped drinking water and took action to remove it from your system making you more concentrated so you can concentrate on your computer and posts – See simple, but he didn’t get that.

          So from now on we expect you to be much more Steffi like now that you’re more pure Steffi.

          edited to insert a forgotten, but important, n’t.

        • #2578366

          I think you are right

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Dave, Col’s Gone Insane

          🙂

          Going Pure??? Is this a plot just to make Col go insane?

        • #2579405

          Of course I’m right, I’m female aren’t I??

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to I think you are right

          But plot, err I dont have any idea what your talking about!!

        • #2579781

          I am sorry to ruin your delusions

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Of course I’m right, I’m female aren’t I??

          but being female does not make you right! We may ‘allow’ you to think hat you are right sometimes (and the others), but in truh, we really know the difference in saying you are right, and you actually being right!!! :^0

        • #2579779

          Bad Boy!

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to I am sorry to ruin your delusions

          Of course we’re right.

          I have Mae’s shovel right here to prove it, too!

          You’re being bad!

        • #2579758

          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Bad Boy!

          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
          TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!

          or so she thinks….

        • #2578267

          More like

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to TIG IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!

          TIG HAS TIRED FEET!!!
          TIG HAS TIRED FEET!!!
          TIG HAS TIRED FEET!!!

          And really good socks!

        • #2578245

          LOL — :)

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to More like

          Ok, I walked for you today. I walked to my truck, into work, back to my truck, back home. Geez I am tired….. 🙂

        • #2577842
          Avatar photo

          Sorry Dave I should have added

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Um… Have you been drinking? (or stopped?)

          Song & Lyrics by Redgum also know for a song called a [b]Walk In The Light Green[/b] or as it was known in the US [b]I was Only 19.[/b]

          I just liked the bit about needing a VDU and a Life Program as that is what many appear to need to help them make the decisions that are necessary every day. :p

          You can read that as every Blonde on the face of the planet and several others as well. :^0

          Col ]:0

    • #2590469
      Avatar photo

      Finally a CLEAN JOKE that I can post here. :^0

      by hal 9000 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      An Italian girl on the night before her wedding is housed with her soon to be husband, being the nervous type she confides in her mother that she is scared and doesn’t know what will happen.

      Her Mother reassures her and tells her that Gino will look after her and just go up there, meanwhile the mother continues to stir the Pasta.

      Several minutes latter the girl comes screaming down the stairs and says to her mother that Gino has taken off his shirt and he is really hairy. Her Mother replies Don’t worry he’ll look after you and sends her back while continuing to stir the pasta.

      Another few minutes latter the girl comes down again complaining to her mother that Gino has [b]Extremely Hairy Legs[/b] so much hair that she is unable to see the legs in fact, again her mother reassures her and sends her back up while she continues to stir the pasta.

      Then Gino takes off his shoes and socks and the girl sees that he has 3 toes missing on his right foot so goes running to her mother again in a real state saying that Gino only has a Foot & a Half to which her mother looks shocked instructs her to stir the pasta while she deals with Gino. 😀

      Col ]:)

    • #2590468

      Well..I think it’s time for some impurity.

      by maecuff ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      A timid accountant is sent to prison for embezzlement. His cellmate is a burly, scary man who looks at him and says “I want sex. Do you want to be the wife or the husband?” The accountant says “Well, if I get a choice, I guess I’d rather be the husband.” His cellmate replies “That’s fine. Now get over here and suck your wife’s d!ck”.

      • #2590450

        Not quite inpure

        by dspeacock ·

        In reply to Well..I think it’s time for some impurity.

        Why does an elephant have 4 feet?

        6″ wouldn’t satisfy his girlfriend

        • #2577964

          You know the difference between

          by tonythetiger ·

          In reply to Not quite inpure

          Milk and Elephants, don’t you?

          Milk comes by the quart, Elephants by the gallon.

      • #2578365

        So which one were you??? :^0

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Well..I think it’s time for some impurity.

        Wait, you were the Wife with the d!ck, right???

        • #2579401

          :0 :0 :0

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to So which one were you??? :^0

          I would start your ritual chant of mae is nice if I were you, before she decides to get her shovel on your ass!!

        • #2579358

          Nah..

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to So which one were you??? :^0

          No d!ck here. I don’t need one. I can kick ass without it.

        • #2579258

          Oops, forgot disclamer!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Nah..

          See what happens after a few days away from a computer!!!

          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!
          MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!!

    • #2590449

      Home Simpson favorite song (that’s “favourite” for the language challenged)

      by daveo2000 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      [b]Do[/b], the stuff that buys my beer
      [b]Re[/b], the guy that sells me beer
      [b]Me[/b], the guy that drinks the beer
      [b]Fa[/b], a long way to get beer
      [b]So[/b], I’ll have another beer
      [b]La[/b], I’ll have another beer
      [b]Ti[/b], no thanks, I’ll have a beer
      That will bring us back to [b]D’oh![/b]

      • #2590440

        New phrases for 2007…

        by older mycroft ·

        In reply to Home Simpson favorite song (that’s “favourite” for the language challenged)

        Aaah! …the Scottish sense of humour (humor for the verbally challenged)

        New Words for 2007

        * SALAD DODGER.
        An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

        * SWAMP-DONKEY
        A deeply unattractive person.

        * TESTICULATING.
        Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

        * BLAMESTORMING.
        Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
        Project failed, and who was responsible.

        * SEAGULL MANAGER.
        A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
        Then leaves.

        * ASSMOSIS.
        The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
        sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

        * SALMON DAY.
        The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
        screwed and die.

        * SITCOMs.
        Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn
        into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home
        with the kids or start a “home business”.

        * SINBAD.
        Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

        * AEROPLANE BLONDE.
        One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

        * ADMINISPHERE.
        The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and
        file. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly
        inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
        solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded “administrivia” – needless
        paperwork and processes.

        * GOING FOR A McSHIT.
        Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
        you’re just going to the bog.(Loo) If challenged by a pimply staff member,
        your declaration to them that you’ll buy their food afterwards is known
        as a McShit with Lies.

        * AUSSIE KISS.
        Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

        * GREYHOUND.
        A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

        * JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
        A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
        works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges
        displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show
        their level of training.

        * MILLENNIUM DOMES.
        The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
        The outside, but there’s actually naught in there worth seeing.

        * MYSTERY BUS.
        The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the
        Toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so
        the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

        * MYSTERY TAXI.
        The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
        up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your
        bed instead.

        * BEER COAT.
        The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
        At 3:00am.

        * BEER COMPASS.
        The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze
        cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how
        you got here, and where you’ve come from.

        * BREAKING THE SEAL.
        Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
        breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
        required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

        * PICASSO BUM.
        A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s
        Got 4 buttocks

    • #2590422

      Software Releases that … don’t

      by tig2 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).

      Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it’s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn’t ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.

      Some features I’d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0:

      1. A “Don’t remind me again” button.

      2. Minimize button.

      3. Shutdown feature – An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don’t lose cache and other objects).

      I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn’t have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.

      Another thing that sucks–in all versions of Girlfriend that I’ve used is that it is totally “object orientated” and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.

      Bug warning
      Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

    • #2590419

      Windows error codes- a complete guide

      by tig2 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      WinErr 001: Windows loaded – System in danger

      WinErr 002: No Error – Yet

      WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every file

      WinErr 004: Erroneous error – Nothing is wrong

      WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted – System confused

      WinErr 006: Malicious error – Desqview found on drive

      WinErr 007: System price error – Inadequate money spent on hardware

      WinErr 008: Broken window – Watch out for glass fragments

      WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered – God knows what happened

      WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow – Mailbox full

      WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space – Free at least 50MB

      WinErr 00C: Memory hog error – More Ram needed. More! More!

      WinErr 00D: Window closed – Do not look outside

      WinErr 00E: Window open – Do not look inside

      WinErr 00F: Unexplained error – Please tell us how this happened

      WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers

      WinErr 013: Unexpected error – Huh ?

      WinErr 014: Keyboard locked – Try anything you can think of.

      WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error – System destroyed. Buy new one.

      WinErr 019: User error – Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!

      WinErr 01A: OS overwritten – Please reinstall all software.

      WinErr 01B: Illegal error – You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that.

      WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error – Uncertainty may be inadequate.

      WinErr 01D: System crash – We are unable to figure out our own code.

      WinErr 01E: Timing error – Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

      WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.

      WinErr 020: Error recording error codes – Additional errors will be lost.

      WinErr 042: Virus error – A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.

      WinErr 079: Mouse not found – A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

      WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow – Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.

      WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

      WinErr 683: Time out error – Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.

      WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory – Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.

      WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has been deleted.

      • #2590383
        Avatar photo

        Tig that lot reminds me of an ISP that I was talking to

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Windows error codes- a complete guide

        When on a job installing a ADSL Connection. Apparently they had a batch of bad Install CD’s pressed so as I couldn’t get any Internet Access the Help Desk Person offered to E-Mail me the solution to the existing E-Mail account on the computer that I couldn’t get any Net access with.

        Apparently they couldn’t send the e-mail to me as I wasn’t their client so they had to send it to the client with a nonworking Net connection and the Help Desk Person couldn’t see any problem with this. X-(

        Or back in the [b]Good Old DOS Days Device 6 Missing![/b] Now that was a new one and I had no idea of what Device 6 actually was so a 3 hour phone call to M$ resulted in some third level tech sneering that I had failed to fit a CPU to the computer.

        My response to that was how can I get an Monitor Display telling me that there is a device missing without a CPU Fitted! ?:|

        There response was to turn it off and fit the CPU and all would be well. Thankfully I’ve only needed to ring M$ a couple of times since then and each time I’ve been asked to ring them back and tell them what the problem was. :_|

        Col ]:)

        • #2590339

          That’s a case of a NBToPaHD

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to Tig that lot reminds me of an ISP that I was talking to

          Null Brain Tech on Phone at Help Desk – that is – the fool knows nothing. I once rang Compaq to get some info on a model of theirs, for two days they insisted they had no such model, despite me standing their looking at the thing and had the flipping manual in my hand. After they finally admitted it existed and gave me the info I needed after I took the unit and manual into their local recognised dealer and had him ring them about it.

          After that, they proceeded to tell me I couldn’t install Win 98SE on the machine as it was only capable of running Win 95.

          They got upset when the dealer said I’d already installed Win 98SE and had it working properly. They insisted he had to wipe it before it left the shop as that model wasn’t approved to have Win 98 SE on it.

          No points for guessing what I did when I got it back to the client’s house – zap went their copy of Win 95B, he didn’t give me a disk so I couldn’t add any extra drivers or anything, and Win 98SE went back on.

    • #2590400

      Isn’t interesting how life is like a new database server

      by deadly ernest ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      bought by the boss on a salesperson’s recommendation.

      The hardware looks good and all up to spec, but the software fails to deliver immediately upon any input process.

      edited to correct a typo and memory loss

      • #2590379

        its friday..

        by shellbot ·

        In reply to Isn’t interesting how life is like a new database server

        so we forgive ya for the memory loss

        right-oh folks…the sun is shining, its friday and its almost 4.30
        i am sooooo outa here. going for pints down the pub.
        i’ll raise a glass to you lot over in the US..still at work for several more hours!!

        sucks to be you 🙂

        • #2590353

          Not Necessarily

          by texaskat ·

          In reply to its friday..

          Well Shell, in Texas we have a saying… “It’s 5:00 somewhere”. Today, however, I have to work the whole 8 hours (sigh), but as soon as it’s over. I’ll be right there with ya.

          KAT…

        • #2590294

          Shell’s going for

          by dspeacock ·

          In reply to its friday..

          a 7 course dinner. a potato and a six pack.

          as I run for the hills

        • #2578364

          Is there a problem with that???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Shell’s going for

          Why Yes, the Potato has no right being part of that perfectly good meal…

        • #2579395

          hahaha

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Shell’s going for

          good one 🙂

          (as it turned out, i had to snack on the lemons they kept throwing in my vodka untill i got my dinner at 2 am…oh my that was a good session)

        • #2579393

          Oh Dear

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to hahaha

          I take it you were a bit worse for wear when your meal finally came?? I’m going out for a meal tommorrow night (hubbys arrives for the week) I hope I dont have to wait half as long as you did!!

        • #2579386

          oh..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Oh Dear

          didn’t have to wait that lng for my meal..
          i just couldn’t have been bothered to leave the pub till then 🙂

          was interesting night, my boss’s going away drinks, and me still with a sinus cold. So about 8.30 took a tablet with my vodka (shoulnd’t have done that) about 9 stood up and announced i was going home cause i was f*cked. So hopped on bus, headed for home. Hubby was at the local, so popped into him..as my head had cleared a bit decided to have another drink.
          so about 1.30 we left in search of a chippy, but upon finding it was closed, had to make do with a pizza 🙂

        • #2579382

          Hahaha

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to oh..

          Fair enough! I like it 😀 hubby isnt arriving until about half 11(pm) tommorrow so I think it will probably be pizza for us too, thursday is a bank holiday here so were going for a picnic in the mountains and then friday im working half day and we have a beer festival to go to, then sunday is our first wedding ann, so I got a fun packed week!!

    • #2590359

      Abort retry ignore (apologies to poe)

      by slappymcnasty ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      I actually contributed to this back in the early 90s and my brother emialed it to me about 10 years later…

      Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
      System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
      Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
      Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
      I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
      Only this and nothing more.
      Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond’ring, fearing,
      Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
      But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave not token.
      “Save!” I said, “You cursed mother! Save my data from before!”
      One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
      Just, “Abort, Retry, Ignore?”

      Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
      These were choices undesired, ones I’d never faced before.
      Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
      The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
      Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
      From “Abort, Retry, Ignore?”

      With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
      Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
      Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
      But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
      Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
      Saying “Abort, Retry, Ignore?”

      I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
      I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
      Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
      Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
      Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
      Reading, “Abort, Retry, Ignore?”

      There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
      Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
      And there I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
      A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
      The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
      Not even, “Abort, Retry, Ignore?”

      To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
      What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
      Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
      But sure as there’s C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
      You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
      Pleading, “Abort, Retry, Ignore?”

      • #2590346

        Quoth the Raven

        by tig2 ·

        In reply to Abort retry ignore (apologies to poe)

        Abort, Retry, Ignore?

        If only Edgar Allen lived in these times. Both “The Raven” and “Annabelle Lee”, not to mention “The Pit and the Pendulum” would be oh oh so very different.

        Kudos to you, my friend in the same questionable weather!

        Where in the Twin Cities?

        Edit- I mis-spelled again. My bad…

        • #2590332

          Tigger: off topic

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to Quoth the Raven

          You asked for my avatar url in TechRepublic.com.com. I replied there and also gave a cool url for a pink ribbon that has a moving lake effect. Thought that might be a good avatar for our pink leader.

          B-)

        • #2590318

          Ahh, but the flag for the front of my house

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Tigger: off topic

          I had a wonderful pink ribbon flag that has endured the expected ravages of time. And I can’t find another one easily. The American flag is doing well- but is reasonably new. My pink ribbon is in shards and I am bereft. Which is why I asked you where you found yours.

          In an effort to remember who I am this week, I keep the shoelace, which I adopted at the beginning of last year’s 3 Day. When I start the Pink Ribbon Brigade the week of the 3 Day walk this year, I will choose another pink ribbon and use THAT as, not only my avatar but on all my print media.

          As I use it for a graphic on everything from business cards to fund raiser posters, it has to be simple and easy to print- hence, so far, no photographs.

          I would love to track down the creator of your flag, however. The 3 Day has a couple available to me but what I want should be bigger than what they are offering.

          If you look at Neil or Absolutely’s ribbon, you will see what I was using last year.

          It will be hard to let go of my shoelace but I know that if I want to easily tell the difference between media I used in 07 and what I will use in 08, it is a necessity.

          I am thinking GG’s silky ribbon graphic for next year. Getting married, looks more romantic, somehow.

        • #2579572

          here is the contact website

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to Ahh, but the flag for the front of my house

          Here is the address on the website for contacts:

          http://www.mothersdaughters.com/ind.php?id=53_0_1_0

          Hope they can help.

        • #2590289

          Lovely Downtown Minneapolis

          by slappymcnasty ·

          In reply to Quoth the Raven

          What about yourself?

        • #2590277

          Ever hear of Hugo?

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Lovely Downtown Minneapolis

          Go north. For a LOOONG time. Ish.

          And when you get off the freeway, don’t turn left.

          Waiting for the rain again. I have to train all weekend and I will have some VERY soggy socks!

        • #2590262

          Better where your rain boots

          by slappymcnasty ·

          In reply to Ever hear of Hugo?

          I know where hugo is.

          Yeah we’ll be getting soaked again. Oh well, can’t fight mother nature

        • #2590253

          No rain boots

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Better where your rain boots

          I have 10 miles on Sa and 8 on Su to stay in training for the Breast Cancer 3 Day. I sense wet shoes, wet socks and wet Tigger this weekend.

          Well crap.

          Having a fundraiser in Hugo this month. Come on out and say HI!

        • #2578233

          Wet Tigger

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to No rain boots

          I wanna be there!

          Are you going to start with a wet t-shrt contest? Did you setup the web-cam? I am expecting that you will be hot and wet, mmmmmm. hot and wet Tiggers can be a good thing!!!

        • #2590233

          Used to live in…

          by gsg ·

          In reply to Lovely Downtown Minneapolis

          The giant Metropolis of Sandstone Minnesota out in the middle of nowhere. We had a hardware store, 1 grocery store, a restaurant called eats, 1 gas station, and 1 stop sign. I opened the back door one day to let the dog out, and there was a bear on my back porch. Luckily, I didn’t open the storm door and let the dog out, or she’d have been a nice snack for the bear.

        • #2577979

          Been there, done that

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Used to live in…

          While I don’t let cats out, I will say that I was on my way to the garage- lived near Annandale- and saw many deer in my back yard- likely come for a munch.

          I waited before backing out and hit nothing.

          Headed home I darned near made a formal acquaintance with a large, brown, furry, pointed… whatevery’allcallem.

          Now I just shoot ’em instead…

          The town I lived in had two gas stations, a liquor store, a pub, and a stop light on the highway. Just in case….

    • #2590324

      The Genie

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

      “Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!” she exclaims.

      “No,” said the genie, “You have been very bad in recent years, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.”

      “Let’s see,” says Monica, “I don’t need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don’t need money, because after I write my book, My TV show, and do all my interviews, I’ll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though…Yes, that’s it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed.”

      POOF!!!!

      And just like that… her ears were gone!

      • #2578458

        Another Genie

        by dryflies ·

        In reply to The Genie

        A man was walking along the beach when he noticed a bottle sticking out oif the sand. he picked it up and dusted it off and lop and behold, A genie popped out. We’ll skip the first and se3cond wish since most men know what those are;-). For his third wish, The man asked the genie to build a hiway between North america to Hawaii. The genie pondered for a few seconds and said “oh no, that is way to hard, You’ll have to think of something else.” So the man asked that he be able to understand women. The genie went into his bottle for a few minutes, came back out and said “Two lanes or Four?”

    • #2590304

      Male Mentality

      by gsg ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      OK, so I’m a traitor to the better half of the species, but I thought this was rather funny.

      How many men does it take to open a beer?
      None. It should be opened when she brings it.
      ??????????????????????-
      Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
      Because a woman who can?t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
      ???????????????????????
      Why do women have smaller feet than men?
      It?s one of those ?evolutionary things? that allows
      them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
      ??????????????????????-
      How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
      When she starts a sentence with ?A man once told me??
      ??????????????????????-
      How do you fix a woman?s watch?
      You don?t. There is a clock on the oven.
      ??????????????????????-
      Why do men fart more than women?
      Because women can?t shut up long enough to
      build up the required pressure.
      ??????????????????????-
      If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
      The dog, of course. He?ll shut up once you let him in.
      ??????????????????????-
      I married a Miss Right.
      I just didn?t know her first name was Always.
      ??????????????????????-
      Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
      a woman?s sex drive by 90%.
      It?s called a Wedding Cake.
      ??????????????????????-
      Why do men die before their wives?
      They want to.
      ??????????????????????-
      Women will never be equal to men?
      until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
      gut, and still think they are sexy.
      ??????????????????????-
      In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
      Then God created Man and rested.
      Then God created Woman.
      Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

      • #2590303

        And another one

        by gsg ·

        In reply to Male Mentality

        The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil??
        You don?t even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one:
        Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in
        Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.
        One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she
        was sleeping.
        ?Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe??
        When Mary Margaret didn?t stir, little Johnny who
        was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil
        and jabbed her in the rear.
        ?God Almighty!? shouted Mary Margaret.
        The Nun said, ?Very good? and continued teaching her class.
        A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, ?Who
        is our Lord and Savior??
        But Mary didn?t stir from her slumber. Once again,
        Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret
        in the butt.
        ?Jesus Christ!!!? shouted Mary Margaret and the
        Nun once again said,
        ?Very good,? and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
        The Nun asked her a third question??What did
        Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child??
        Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary
        Margaret jumped up and shouted, ?If you stick that
        thing in me one more time, I?ll break it in half!?
        The nun fainted???..

    • #2577969

      A Friendly Reminder from your IT Department

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      .
      .
      I think it might be time for those of you who work in the corporate environment to get a bit of a refresher on your IT departments unspoken rules. It seems a few of you have forgotten what it?s all about. This should provide as a reminder as to the inner workings of the corporate IT world.

      1.They are all my computers; I am only letting you borrow them. People constantly laugh at me when I say this, with no idea that I am absolutely serious. I have been given the responsibility of every computer in the office; they are all under my auspices, bar none. if I am gracious enough to give you access to one of my computers, then be nice to it. Talk to it kindly, call it a nice computer, and occasionally pat the monitor. Your computer ? and your IT guy ? will thank you for it. Also, this applies to printers, the network connection to the outside world, the videoconference system, and the phone system. Mine. All mine. Get it? Good.

      2. If you are going to use my stuff, then use it properly. This means LEARN ABOUT FOCKING SPYWARE. If you absolutely HAVE to go to some site during work hours (and we?ll talk about this in a minute), then make sure, when the popups start showing up, you click the little black X in the upper right hand corner. Don?t click the big flashing ?OK? in the middle. Don?t. Whatever it is you think you should do ? if it?s not that little grey X in the uppermost right corner, don?t do it. Don?t. Just. Flucking. Don?t.

      3. We know. Yeah, that?s right, we know. Every little site you?ve gone to. All the email that passes through your computers. All the instant message chats you have. We know. All of them. So the next time you decide you just HAVE to visit some idiotic website with a movie of two guys fuhcking a chicken, the next time you HAVE to spam emails to all your friends about the cute guy you hooked up with the other night and he gave you chlamydia, the next time you HAVE to talk to your ex-girlfriend about hooking up one more time behind your fiance?s back, think twice about who might be reading that shite, and if you?ve pissed your IT guys off. Because we know.

      4. Do not take advantage of us, or our toys. It?s awful nice of us to provide you with a boatload of network storage space for your own private use. Oh, and incidentally, that network storage space at work? IT?S FOR WORK PURPOSES. That means take the seventeen gigabytes of mp3s from some schitty hip-hop artist that you got from some peer-to-peer and GET THEM OFF MY FOCKING NETWORK. I won?t ask nicely again. And listen to some real music ? hip-hop sucks.

      5. Learn to share. Look, I realize that the computer came with Windows XP. I don?t like it any more than you do. But really ? that T1 we?ve got? It?s for everyone, so you can?t hog all our bandwidth by downloading the entire Fedora Core 3. Do it from home. If you want to bring it in to work and dual-boot your drive, I really don?t have a problem with it. But go back to kindergarden first and realize that hoarding is a bad thing, ok? Thanks.

      6. The computer I let you use is for your use alone. This is somewhat malleable, where if someone at work needs your machine for a minute, you can let them use it. When your fourteen year old son comes to the office with you on Saturday and you let him use one of MY computers, then bitch to me about spyware, well, I?m just gonna tell you to lick the crack of my ass and spit in a cup. Sure, I?ll fix your machine, but after that you?re gonna have two icons on your desktop; ?Go To Work? and ?Go Home?, and ?Go Home? won?t work until 5:30. Think I can?t do it? Try me.

      7. Are you a Program Manager? Then keep your focking hands off of my focking computers. This is non-negotiable. You people could fock up a free lunch. Get the fock away from them or I will stab you in the neck with a pencil.

      8. Are you in sales? Please see #7. You people are worse than Program Managers. Drink bleach.

      9. Are you in Engineering? I realize that most of you have forgotten more about hardware than I will ever know. This doesn?t really give you the right to attempt to overclock the PC I?ve let you use to Ludicrious Speed. Please use discretion. Attempting to eke out a few hundred more hertz is fine; requisitioning a Freon Cooling Unit because 3.06G just isn?t fast enough is a little overkill. Trust me.

      10. Oh, so you have a laptop of your own? Keep. It. Off. My. Network. If I catch an unknown machine anywhere on my net (please see #3), I will fuhck that machine up so badly your high-school TI calculator will be a Beowulf Cluster compared to your new paperweight. Also, I don’t fix home computers. Tough shite. I hope you get herpes.

      11. If you want something from your IT Department, email is your friend. This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but still ? if you need something from me, email it to me. Don?t blindly call me, don?t magically materialize next to my desk and sit there while I?m working on something, waiting for me to pay attention to you ? email it to me. I?m not doing shite for you until I have a paper trail originating from you about it. You can follow up with a phone call, that?s fine; you can come over and say, ?I just shot you an email, can we discuss?? ? that?s fine too. If you just come over and leer at me while I?m in the middle of something, I will ignore you, and mentally give you cancer with my mind.

      12. Anti-virus software. Look, people, it?s there for a fuhcking reason. Don?t try to shut it off, please? Can we at least agree on that? We spent a lot of money on that software so that it would be up and running all the time, and it?s not really my fault if you have fifty applications open and ?the anti-virus software is slowing my machine down!!? So I?ll make a deal with you; if you don?t shut my anti-virus software on my computers off, I won?t shove an abacus straight up your ass. Ok? Good.

      Following these 12 simple steps will make for a far more pleasing work environment. I guarantee it.

      Thanks for reading.

      • #2577697

        Dawg

        by tig2 ·

        In reply to A Friendly Reminder from your IT Department

        That was brilliant. What’s more is that I could picture you saying every bloody word.

        Excellent!

        • #2577570
          Avatar photo

          Tig Dawg is so much more DIPLOMATIC than me here

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Dawg

          Monday I’m going out on site to bash a company owner to death with his NB as he has somehow managed to run out of HDD space after transferring all his music for his I Pod to the HDD from a compressed 120 GIG External HDD and decided to copy the same data to different places on the NB because he couldn’t find it after the first copy.

          OH did I make any mention that this is the most expensive I Pod on the face of the planet as I’m there at least once a month to do some work on the NB so that the I Pod can connect to it. 🙁

          BTW hows the training for the [b]Wet T Shirt Competition[/b] going? :0

          Col ]:)

        • #2578360

          Did I miss the webcam offering on this?

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Tig Dawg is so much more DIPLOMATIC than me here

          Please add me to the viewing!

        • #2579320
          Avatar photo

          OH Woe is me it’s got worse :_| :_| :_| :_| :_| :_| :_|

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Did I miss the webcam offering on this?

          2 full days to first fix the I Pod problems apparently 40 GIG’s copied to 5 different files and somehow adding his Pictures and then inside that every document that he’s ever produced took ages to clean up. :_|

          Then on the second day I was handed a new cell phone with a camera and Web access point and he wanted that set up properly as apparently he couldn’t get it working. :_|

          When I opened the destruction manual I found that it automatically opened to [b]How To Play Music on your Samsung Phone![/b] :_|

          He stood around for 20 minutes and made sure that I created a New Play List in I Tunes and then walked out the door. When I needed him to setup the phone he had gone out so I got to sit there for hours waiting for him to return. One of the office staff suggested that they ring him but as I had his phone I didn’t see the point. :_|

          Now it takes pictures, video clips, e-mails them wherever you want to send them and plays music so he no longer needs to carry that [b]Bloody I Pod[/b] around. It even connects to the computer and transfers all the data on it across so that his NB is always up to date with everything. I just had to try to explain that you couldn’t fit 40 GIG of Music onto a 1 GIG Memory Stick and still use the camera. :_|

          I’m right over the edge now and there is no chance of returning ever again. :_|

          Col :_|

        • #2579637

          On the bright side Col

          by dspeacock ·

          In reply to OH Woe is me it’s got worse :_| :_| :_| :_| :_| :_| :_|

          There isn’t a jury OF YOUR PEERS anywhere that would convict you.

          Sounds perfectly justifiable to me.

    • #2577287

      Microsoft’s marketing algorithm in C:

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      /* Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): */
      #include
      #include #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
      #include /* For the court of law */
      #define say(x) lie(x)
      #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
      #define next_year soon
      #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
      void main()
      {
      if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
      {
      if (there_are_still_bugs)
      market(bugfix);
      if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
      raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
      }
      while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
      {
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
      lie.h */
      if (rumours_grow_wilder)
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
      if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
      {
      market_time=ripe;
      say(“It will be ready in one month);
      order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
      order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
      order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
      vapourware=TRUE;
      break;
      }
      }
      switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
      {
      case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
      say(“It will be ready in”, today+30_days,” we’re just testing”);
      break;
      case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
      say(“Yes it will work”);
      ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
      pretend(there_is_no_problem);
      break;
      case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
      say(“It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to”
      ” the 32 bit architecture”);
      inform(INTEL, “Pentium sales will rise skyhigh”);
      inform(SAMSUNG, “Start a new memorychip plant”
      “‘cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs”);
      inform(QUANTUM, “Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple”);
      get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
      break;
      case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
      say(“Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
      everyone”);
      register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
      when(time_is_ripe)
      {
      arrest(journalist);
      brainwash(journalist);
      when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
      {
      order(journalist, “write a nice objective article”);
      release (journalist);
      }
      }
      break;
      }
      while (vapourware)
      {
      introduction_date++; /* Delay */
      if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
      break;
      say(“It will be ready in”,today+ONE_MONTH);
      }
      release(beta_version)
      while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
      {
      bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
      release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
      introduce(more_memory_requirements);
      if (customers_report_installation_problems)
      {
      say(“that is a hardware problem, not a software problem”);
      if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
      {
      ignore(customer);
      order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, “Keep an eye on this
      bastard”);
      }
      }
      if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
      {
      divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
      wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
      marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
      devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
      if (boobies_start_to_hang)
      dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
      }
      if (there_is_another_company)
      {
      steal(their_ideas);
      accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
      hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
      wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
      buy_out(other_company);
      }
      }
      /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
      us */
      order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
      buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
      laugh_at(everyone,
      for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
      }
      void bugfix(void)
      {
      charge (a_lot_of_money)
      if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
      say(“It is not a bugfix but a new version”);
      if (still_complaints)
      {
      ignore(customer);
      register(customer, big_Bill_book);
      /* We’ll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
      }
      }

    • #2577286

      It’s too quiet here today

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      There havent been nearly enough posts to this yuk!! So I’m gonna try liven it up abit (plus I’m bored :p )

      Edited becuase I forgot to include the jokes 🙁

      Queen Elizabeth, George Bush and Slobodan Milosevic died and went straight to hell.
      Queen Elizabeth said “I miss England : I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there”.
      She called and talked for about 5 minutes, and then she asked “Well, Devil, how much do I owe you?”
      The devil says “Five million pounds”. She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

      George Bush was so jealous, he starts screaming, “My turn! I wanna call the United States ;
      I want to see how everybody is doing there too.” He called and talked for about 2 minutes, and then he asked “Well, Devil, how much do I owe you?” The devil says “Ten million dollars”.
      With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

      Slobo was even more jealous and starts screaming, “I want to call Serbia too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I want to talk to the ministers, to the deputy; I want to talk to Seselj, everybody…” He calls Serbia and he talks for about twenty hours, he talked and talked and talked, then he asked,
      “Well, Devil, how much do I owe you?” The devil says “One dollar”.
      Slobo is stunned and says “One dollar? Only one freaking dollar?”
      The Devil says “Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, its local”.

      ——————————————-

      On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together FOREVER?” After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes,” he informs the couple, “you CAN get married in Heaven.” “Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouts, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take me to find a LAWYER?”

    • #2577283

      The Programmers Oath!

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Never write a line of code that someone else can understand. Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counterintuitive names. Don’t ever code “a=b”, rather do something like

      AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));

      Type fast, think slow.

      Never use direct references to anything, ever. Bury everything in macros. Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference those include files.

      Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your code. If they understand it, they don’t need you.

      Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary in the world should be generated from the same sources.

      Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always hide them on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don’t need you.

      Never code a function to return a value. All functions must return a pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.

      Never discuss things in concrete terms. Always speak in abstract. If they can understand you, they don’t need you.

      Never complete a project on time. If you do they will think it was easy and anyone can do it, and that they don’t need you.

      When someone stops by your office to ask a question, talk forever but don’t answer the question. If they get their questions answered, they don’t need you.

      Never clean your office. Absolutely never throw away an old listing.

      Never say hello to someone in a hallway. Absolutely never address someone by name. If you must address someone by name, mumble or use the wrong name. Always maintain the mystique of being spaced out from concentrating on complex logic.

      Never wear a shirt that matches your pants. Wear a wrinkled shirt whenever possible. Your shirt should never be tucked in completely. Button the top button without wearing a tie. This will maximize your “nerd” mystique.

      • #2578372

        Interesting

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to The Programmers Oath!

        now I know why programmers are a$$holes???

        LOL, JK

        The programs often piss me off, but I get along fine with the programmers tha I work with.

    • #2578674

      Ok So That Didn’t Work

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      I’m trying to make it a lively monday (yes I’m still bored) where is everybody??

      Ok Here’s some new stories found in British Newspapers 🙂

      Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.” –London Daily Telegraph

      Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. –Manchester Evening News

      Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. –Manchester Guardian

      A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, “This sort of thing is all too common”. –London Times

      At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. –Aberdeen Evening Express

      Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. “He’d always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out ‘Heil Hitler.'” –Bournemouth Evening Echo

      • #2578553

        ‘Where is everybody” — Yosemite

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Ok So That Didn’t Work

        I just got back, yesterday, from a trip to Yosemite. I spent a few days there and had an awesome time. This is the second time I have visited the place (funny cause I am only a few hours away).
        Anyway, I have some good stories from this adventure.
        First day, I got off of the shuttle to see a bear across the field. I traversed the field partially to find my path blocked, so I had to back track and take the long way around. When I got there, the rangers had just scared the bear into the woods, and all I saw was it running away. If I had gotten there just a minute before, I would have had some awesome shots.
        Next was a trip to a waterfall. The path was ‘too easy’ for me (lower Yosemite falls). So, I decided to look around for a better view (one that very few would have taken pics of). The visitor area was pretty full, so I found a bunch of big rocks off of the trail and created my own trail from this rocky mess. It was an interesting light challenge. But I got to a head on view of the waterfall, and even an alternate angle view after continuing. Although it was in quite a bit of mist by that time. I took lots of photos with my new digicam (Canon S3 IS, 6MP, 12x optical zoom).
        Did a few more things, and later took a moonlight tour of the valley. Here the ranger emboldened me by telling me stories about black bears.
        Next day, I was on the Mirror Lake trail. By the way, do not take the dirt trail, as I have dubbed it the horse sh*t trail. Anyway, the views were awesome, but Mirror Lake was mostly dry due to a dry winter. Oh well, still had some great shots of the mountains around. On the way back I ran into a Black Bear. It was just eating and mostly ignoring me. I could not get a good angle on it to get the right picture. So I got closer and moved around trees, etc. until it was in good view. For the most part (I moved slow to not scare it), it was ignoring me while it ate. Periodically, it would look at me for a few seconds and then start eating again. These shots that I took were from about 15 feet away from the bear (how bold of me). I hadnt realized that I was that close until after I came out of the trees.

        Day 2 I ran into another bear, but this time it was 25 feet away at closest. It kept going away and coming back. It found me fascinating because it kept hiding in the brush, and then standing up to stare at me to see what I was doing. Then it would hide again, walk away, look back, and come back again repeating the process a few times.
        Then the young deer, I followed it for about 20 minutes from the side of a cliff that fell 4000 feet. Ok, I was not actually on the side, but close. I had an almost unhindered view of the valley floor from there.

        Ahh, what a vacation. I really want to go back now, and I mean right now!

        • #2579403

          Wow

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to ‘Where is everybody” — Yosemite

          Sounds like you had a great time! Now you need to show us the photos!!

        • #2579259

          Been too busy to go through them properly.

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Wow

          So far all I did was download them from the cameras and put them on cd.
          Havent pulled the ‘bad ones’ yet.

          One of my complaints on the photos though (when I set it up you wil see), my new camera, the Canon seems to have an issue. At high res, and high quality, I can see the damned pixels at 25% of total size. This pissed me off and I am working with Canon support now. All of the bear photos were on this camera.

          However, there were 2 other cameras that we used and we got some truly awesome shots.

        • #2579130

          Just for you Steffi

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Wow

          http://www1.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=161173824/a=97032828_97032828/t_=97032828

          I am unsure as I have not used snapfish before, but I think this should get you there. I added a few of the photos, including the bears and deer.

          If you have problems viewing, shoot me a peer mail and I will add your email address to the ‘share’ option in snapfish.

    • #2578665

      Very clever blondes :)

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      You should be sure the person is Blonde when she:

      * puts lipstick on the forehead because she wants to makeup her mind.
      * gets stabbed in a shoot-out
      * sends a fax with a postage stamp on it
      * tries to drown a fish in waters
      * thinks socialism means partying
      * trips over a cordless phone
      * takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept
      * At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here” he puts “Sagittarius.”
      * studies for a blood test and fails
      * sells the car for gas money
      * misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
      * drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, “Airport left”, she turns around and goes home
      * gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor

      Q: “Have you ever read Shakespeare?”
      Blonde: “No, who wrote it?”_

      A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. _”Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”_

      Why did 18 Blondes go to a movie?
      Because below 18 was not allowed.

      How do you measure a Blonde’s intelligence?
      Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear

      What do you do when a Blonde throws a pin at you?
      Run like Hell….she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

      How do you make a Blonde laugh on Saturday?
      Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

      What is the Blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
      Trying to hold on to a thought.

      Why can’t Blonde’s make ice cubes?
      They always forget the recipe.

      How did the Blonde try to kill the bird?
      She threw it off a cliff.

      What do you call 10 Blonde’s standing ear to ear?
      A wind tunnel

      What do you see when you look into a Blonde’s eyes?
      The back of her head.

      Why do Blondes smile during lightning storms?
      They think their picture is being taken.

      Why do Blondes have “TGIF” written on their shoes?
      Toes Go In First.

      How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
      It has a stamp on it.

      Why can’t a Blonde dial 911?
      They can not find the eleven on the phone

      How do you get a Blonde on the roof?
      Tell him the drinks are on the house.

      What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
      You always hear about them but you never see them.

      Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
      You have to hollow out the head.

      How can you confuse a Blonde?
      By asking her to find the corner of a circle!

      How will she confuse you?
      By finding one!

      *TO LOOSE WEIGHT…*

      The doctor told a blonde that if she ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, she would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the blonde called the doctor to report she had lost the weight, but she had a problem. “What’s the problem?”asked the doctor. “I’m 2400 kms from home.”

      *ANOTHER COUNT!*

      A blonde is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling “86, 86, 86”. She asks the man, “Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling ’86, 86, 86′?” The man says, “Well, I can’t tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and findout. She thinks for a moment, then her curiosity gets the better of her, and she says, “Okay.” The man lifts the manhole cover, she steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling “87, 87, 87″…

      *EMPLOYMENT?*

      A blonde was filling up an application form for a job. she promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then she came to the column Salary Expected : she was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought she wrote : Yes

      A blonde is buying a TV. “Do you have color TVs?” “Sure.” “Give me a green one, please.”

      • #2578632

        Are those Personal Experiences???

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Very clever blondes :)

        :^0

        • #2578612

          If I didnt love you so much

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Are those Personal Experiences???

          I would never ever speak to you again!!!

        • #2578348

          But typing is still ok, right?

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to If I didnt love you so much

          🙂

          Hmmm. A non speaking Steffi! Isnt that called being subdued?
          Col will like that, he can sell you off again and not have to do a refund….

          lol…JK

        • #2579316
          Avatar photo

          W2K I’ve already listed her on E-Bay! :^0

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to But typing is still ok, right?

          The moment that I saw that post of Steffi’s I just had to rush in and list her on a 3 Day Buy It Now for 1 cent + postage. I’m getting desperate to get rid of this one as she a bad influence on everyone here. Even the Pure Jelli is showing signs of going over to the [b]Dark Side![/b] :0

          Col ]:)

        • #2578317

          That must be why she is absent today!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to W2K I’ve already listed her on E-Bay! :^0

          a quick shipper you are!!! Did she go quietly???

        • #2578108
          Avatar photo

          Yes I like to Keep the Customer Happy

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to That must be why she is absent today!!!

          Not to mention that the neighbours where complaining so she just had to go ASAP. :^0

          Col ]:)

        • #2578491
          Avatar photo

          Of course they are!!

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Are those Personal Experiences???

          Silly boy how do you think a Blonde from Liverpool ended up in Germany after following her Doctors Orders? Then because she was 2,400 Kilometres away from home she insisted that she had lost the desired weight so was staying put because Liverpool was the cause of her putting the weight on and after 2 years in Germany she was loosing weight so it was healthier for her to stay put. What she neglected to consider was that being homeless and not being able to eat anything may have been a contributing factor as to why she was still loosing weight. :^0

          OH Steffi Thanks for that recent Fax but did you really need to put 150.00 Pounds UK of stamps on it as it blocked out most of the text and I couldn’t read it. 🙁

          OH have a look at your In Box but remember [b]No Cheating and wait till you get home before listening to the attachment.[/b] :0

          Col ]:)

        • #2579738

          Ok then, we know that she

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Of course they are!!

          put stamps on a fax
          tried to drown a fish
          thinks socialism means partying
          trips over a cordless phone
          takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept
          misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead
          went to a movie with 17 friends
          laughed on Saturday, from a Wed joke
          Often holds hands over her ears
          forgets how to make ice
          has TGIF on her shoes, but keeps forgetting what it stands for
          found a corner in a circle

          painted her tv so it would be a ‘color tv’

          So, I think it would be an easy guess that the rest must be true as well.

          And do not forget, she calles this blonde ‘Very Clever’ so she must be thinking of herself…..

          nad she tries to convince us that she is not really a blonde. About half her life (the ‘learning’ half) was as a blonde. It couldnt get beaten out of her at this point. :^0

        • #2579652
          Avatar photo

          You’ve got it completely correct

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Ok then, we know that she

          That is why she is unsalable as she drives the buyers nuts and they demand refunds. 🙁

          I even tried bleaching her hair Blonde and selling her to the Japanese where anything Blonde is acceptable or so I thought till she was let loose in Japan they deported her after only 10 minutes. 🙁

          Thankfully as the Japanese Government Deported her I didn’t have to pay the return freight, only good thing about that potential sale. :^0

          Col ]:)

      • #2578485
        Avatar photo

        Steffi are you attempting to revive the Oxymoron thread

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Very clever blondes :)

        From several Weeks Ago?

        Really the title of your post [b]Very clever blondes[/b] is at least several Oxymoron’s together. What where you attempting to do see just how many you could squeeze in with the smallest number of words? 😀

        Col ]:)

    • #2579391

      B.S.O.D!

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      Data Recovery Software Needed

      • #2579368

        That’s good

        by michael jay ·

        In reply to B.S.O.D!

        I think it has happened to me several times.
        LOL

        • #2579365

          Yup When I Saw It

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to That’s good

          I thought, typical male responce, probably somehting my husband would try to get out of clothes shopping!

        • #2579757

          I guess it depnds on the male

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Yup When I Saw It

          as I hear that there are girlie men out there (Arnold says so). And somethin called a metro-sexual (even the name sends chills up my spine).

          I am sure that they can go shopping with you, and you can leave the real men at home!!! Or the bar!!!

    • #2579364

      What is it?

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Ok, it’s Friday Yuk time as it’s Friday here. Starting with Disk names

      is item is in the range of 6-8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.

      It is usually found hung, dangling ready but loosley for instant action. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again, many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

      Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements.

      When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, white sticky substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft.

      After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready yet for another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.

      What is it?











      ..
      ..
      ..
      ..
      ..
      .
      .
      .

      A toothbrush.
      What were you thinking, pervert!?

      • #2579333

        and

        by shellbot ·

        In reply to What is it?

        like you weren’t thinking the same thoughts girl!!!!!!!!!!

        ughh..i have to go do a bit of work now..frikk anyways..

        • #2579315

          Shhhhhhhh!!!!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to and

          Don’t you know I’m trying to pretend purity! I’m hoping it will drive Col insane slwly and he will stop trying to sell us!!

        • #2579310
          Avatar photo

          BAD NEWS Steffi

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Shhhhhhhh!!!!

          The leader of Libya has just bought you on E-Bay where I advertised you earlier when you claimed that you where no longer speaking. :p

          He insists that he can train you to behave properly so there is no refunds on any second hand goods that I sell there so I’m finally rid of one of the worst of the [b]Impure Brigade![/b] :^0

          Now all I have to do is con him into taking the rest of you and TR will return to the [b]Pure Levels[/b] that it used to be at. :0

          [b]BTW[/b] don’t tell Dave anything but just 16 more and the [b]Beast Comes out to Play![/b] 😀

          Col ]:)

        • #2579302

          Col

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to BAD NEWS Steffi

          That last sentence was wrong on so many different levels!

        • #2579756

          But, it sounds like

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Col

          you like it anyways, no matter how wrong it sounds.

        • #2579789

          I agree with Steffi. That is just soooo wrong :0

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to BAD NEWS Steffi

          How can you talk about returning Purity to TR and, in the same post, talk about playing with your beast?

        • #2579766
          Avatar photo

          Well it’s now 15 :p

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to I agree with Steffi. That is just soooo wrong :0

          And I was thinking more along the lines of killing off all of the members of the [b]Impure Brigade[/b] and sending them to [b]My Domain[/b] where they belong and prevent them from corrupting any more of the [b]Pure Ones.[/b] :0

          But with that comment Dave you have proved yourself a [b]Full Time Member of the Impure Brigade[/b] so you name has been added to the list to keep the truly pure ones untarnished. :^0

          Now where was that Air Lock control located and I’ll just test every one to make sure that they have not become [b]Space Welded[/b] shut during the flight. 😀

          Col ]:)

        • #2579303

          ahh..i c

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Shhhhhhhh!!!!

          ok..
          ah, is he trying to offload us again??

          hey hang on..weren’t we sold a couple weeks ago..??? how can he sell us again????

          something freaky going on here…

        • #2579300

          Apparently Shell

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to ahh..i c

          We were sold to someone in America but customs wouldn’t accept us so we were returned meaning he had to try to resell us. Apparently thats the story, he says I’ve just be resold though, dunno whats gonna happen this time!

      • #2579307

        Interestingly enough – I was thinking of

        by deadly ernest ·

        In reply to What is it?

        a home milk shake blender – some people call them bar tools.

        On a similar vein (pun intended) What goes in long and stiff and comes out wet and limp?

        Spaghetti – what else.

        • #2579299

          Or

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Interestingly enough – I was thinking of

          What goes in long and stiff and comes out wet and limp?

          Chewing gum 😀

        • #2579091

          Chewing gum don’t work as so many people swallow it

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to Or

          thus it doesn’t always come out – ouch :p

        • #2579788

          So, what is

          by daveo2000 ·

          In reply to Or

          round, sticks out of a man’s pajamas and you can hang a hat on it?

          JD, wanna answer this one?

        • #2579752

          Ok, my turn

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Or

          what looks like a stick,
          grows when needed,
          gets placed (when properly done, JD this is not for you) in a warm wet body part.
          and most women prefer them?

          A Tampon!

        • #2579649

          If we’re taking turns, here…….

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to Ok, my turn

          what is:

          long, thin, covered in skin

          red in parts and used in tarts?
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .

          :p
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .

          😀
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .

          😉
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .

          ;\
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .
          .

          rhubarb…….

          ]:) [b] GOTCHA!! [/b]

          GG

        • #2579631

          I’ll take turns with you!!! :^0

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to If we’re taking turns, here…….

          what is big and round
          full of juice which holds the seeds of life
          is put in a warm, moist orifice to make it wetter and cause pleasure

          🙂

          :^0

          A Watermelon

        • #2579624

          Another one to water your mouth!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to If we’re taking turns, here…….

          So,
          what is long and hard
          wrapped for protection
          Comes in different sizes from 4 inches long to 2 feet long, and 1 inch round to 3 inches round
          often found hanging, often found laying about showing off
          A delight for many
          gets inserted into a warm, moist or wet opening where it is enjoyed immensely.

          Keep going

          A Salami

        • #2579621

          ah yes, just what I wanted….a sausage…..

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to Another one to water your mouth!

          I’m getting fed up with practicing on bananas……

          ]:)

          GG

        • #2579606

          Isnt there a saying that

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to ah yes, just what I wanted….a sausage…..

          Sausage is a girls best friend?

          Or as an Italian would say
          Italian Sausage is a girls best friend :^0

          I am surprised you have bee only playing with Bananas!!!

        • #2579599

          yummers

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Another one to water your mouth!

          i like sausage(s) ]:)

          in fact having salami for my dinner tonight 😀

        • #2579503

          I’ve got a Salame for you too!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to yummers

          🙂

        • #2579598

          Who says?

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to Another one to water your mouth!

          It’s just a bit obvious coming into work with a whole cucumber in your handbag…..

          Oh – and it’s all because no-one is playing with my watermelons…..

          ]:)

          GG

        • #2579499

          :0

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Who says?

          Well, well, nobody is playing with your Melons recently???
          Maybe I need to take another trip and visit. I can play with Melons 2 at a time!!!

          Hmmm… Melons….YUM!!! 🙂

        • #2578179

          i bet ya do

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Another one to water your mouth!

          it better be a nice one..some types are just nasty..

          ok..how in the **** does one post to any posts??? i can’t reply to yours which is under mine and..
          oh **** it…ya know what i mean!!!!!!

        • #2578139

          W2k…..

          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to Another one to water your mouth!

          Recently? Recently???

          You seem to have some Geordie knack of understatement in you somewhere….

          Hmm. What defines the difference between “recently” and “can’t bloody remember anymore” ???

          🙁

          GG

        • #2585724

          Hmmm, Yup

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to W2k…..

          it looks like I need to get on a plane!

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