Discussions

Workplace Romances

+
0 Votes
Locked

Workplace Romances

cupcake
I think I tread into a very precipitous area starting this thread, but I really need others' opinions.

We're all adults right? Well most of us anyway. ;-)

What is your opinion of getting involved with someone you work with? A good friend with whom I share a good working relationship with has been recently dropping not-so-subtle hints that we should take things to another level.

We don't work on the same team, although we have to interact occasionally in meetings and on projects. I think we could keep work and personal lives separate, and if we couldn't (if things progressed to that point) neither of us would have any difficulty leaving this company or securing other employment - we're both contract employees.

Have you ever been involved in this situation? How did it turn out? What kind of advice would you give a friend?

BTW, we're not kids and are both pretty level headed. There is just some kind of attraction going on...
  • +
    0 Votes
    santeewelding

    Precipitous, as in edge with a steep drop.

    Also, "workplace" and "romance" are antithetical, like "snowball in ****". Comes to one or the other.

    +
    0 Votes
    cupcake

    Is this something you know of first hand? Or is your response based on something hypothetical?

    I've remained good friends with former boyfriends/lovers/ex-husband, don't know why one would assume the worst here.

    And I've known people who met at work and got married...

    ...and then again, known some who've had it turned into their worst nightmare.

    Yes, precipitous edge ;-)

    +
    0 Votes
    santeewelding

    I said nothing about "worst".

    And, yes to your first question. As to the second, a qualified "yes", in that your "if" of the original piece amounts to hypothesis, entailing both induction and deduction, all of which may lead to one choice or the other.

    Easy to see from here, though, that your level headedness takes on a pronounced lean.

    +
    0 Votes
    robo_dev

    Obviously we cannot predict the future...but.

    You asked if it was a 'good idea'.

    A lot depends on the organization. In small companies, obviously, this can be murder, sometimes literally.

    In large companies, the issues that I've seen happen to those who dabble in office romance has been more loss of respect and loss of credibility. It's all very high-schoolish, but that's life...

    If nothing else, dating/marrying a co-worker can save on gas (car-pooling) and can save the HR people money since both paychecks can use only one stamp :)

    +
    0 Votes
    boxfiddler Moderator

    was a huge strain on my first marriage. Hour and a half trip, one way. Not so bad in the am, but pm with rush hour made for a nightmare.
    By the time we got home, we were cranky and didn't do each other any help at all.
    Didn't help that we were both very young...

    +
    0 Votes
    Bizzo

    ... and possibly the company.

    I know some companies that frown upon office relationships and have moved one or the other person on. And I also know of some companies that don't care, so long as you keep it professional at work.

    Are there other people in the company that are married or in relationships with colleagues?

    I had a relationship years ago with a colleague. We occasionally had to meet on a professional level. My company didn't mind. The relationship ended, but it was amicable and we carried on working at the same company.

    If you can keep your professional head on in the office, and leave the romance and/or personal arguments at the front door (ie who left the toilet seat up/down), then go for it. But also on the flip side, when you both leave the office, pack your work head away with your laptop.

    As you said, you're both level headed adults and if you can keep both worlds apart, then there's no reason not to.

    Good luck.

    +
    0 Votes
    KSoniat

    Actually in both cases the couples got married. One couple is still together 25 years later. The other couple lasted about 7 years then divorced and now live in different states.

    The only issue really was the woman was the stronger of the pair and they teased the man about become Mr. "her last name". :)

    Depending on your office rules and environment I'd give it a go.

    I would have said in the past it is easier to find a good job than a good man, but now I'm not so sure anymore.

    Good Luck!

    +
    0 Votes
    NotSoChiGuy

    If you work long enough (both in terms of tenure and hours per day) and with enough people, you're bound to meet someone that you're interested in knowing on a more personal level.

    I've seen this handled rather well (at my last employer, there was a married couple on the same team...they always had lunch together...my hat is off to them), and handled rather poorly (both employees turned it into a daytime soap-ish drama...UGH).

    Personally, I have dated people at the office on numerous occasions. Not once did it ever interfere with my job. Actually, I had a boss once tell me (I was leaving the company, and he asked out of curiosity whether or not I was dating a certain person) he was impressed in the subtlety with which I carried on the relationship.

    That's the key. If you do have a relationship, conduct yourselves in the office as if you are not.

    I guess another way to look at it is this:
    Best case scenario = you find a life partner
    Worst case scenario = you lose the job/have to move on due to discomfort

    I leave it to you to judge whether or not the risk/reward ratio merits further exploration.

    +
    0 Votes
    The 'G-Man.'

    no fumbles in the broom cupboard or empty board room.

    No kissy-kissy around the office.

    +
    0 Votes
    CharlieSpencer

    "...neither of us would have any difficulty leaving this company or securing other employment..."

    In that case, I recommend one of you do so, then pursue the relationship.

    +
    0 Votes
    PSer

    I was the Network admin, she was in a different dept. The companies policy was "to notify supervisor up to and including the CEO" for "approval". It was kind of funny, us talking to the CEO about our relationship!

    We became friends rather quickly. Started hanging out sometimes with, sometimes without co-workers (HH). When we both started having those "feelings" I would have walked away from that job in a heart beat for her and she for me.

    Neither one of us were "looking" for love but we ran smack dab in to it ... at work! That was nine years ago (married 7) and we're expecting our first child (son) on Sept. 7

    I did leave the company shortly after we married for a better job but she is still there. I often miss working with her being right down the hall ...

    Bottom line ... A job is a job, love is SO much harder to find! Take it slow but follow your heart. Whatever happens IS what's supposed to happen. Good or bad, right or wrong ...

    Much Luck!!!

    +
    0 Votes
    KSoniat

    Congrats on the little one too!!

    +
    0 Votes
    JamesRL

    I did date someone at one of my first computer jobs, but not since.

    At some companies it was alright as long as the two individuals were not in the same reporting structure(until very high levels). And there were some frowning upon people in situations where one was in senior management - thats a CYA liability issue in case the relationship goes south.

    One of my former bosses had a successful in house romance that led to a successful marriage. He left the company (on good terms) but not for that reason, and she stayed.

    James

    +
    0 Votes
    road-dog

    A sweetie of a Secretary in my department had a marriage **** up in her face within a 10 days of mine. We were always close, sometimes uncomfortably so. Anyway we had a 6 month relationship that went well and ended well. We both knew it was two people getting through some rough times, neither of had any illusions of permanence.

    I figure you get one of these per career, a hot romance just when needed that ends without any collateral damage.

    Yup, I had my one, not trying it again.

    Your situation is slightly different. Both Contractors means either of you could bolt cleanly if things go ugly.

    +
    0 Votes
    Wild Card

    Everyone workplace romance I have ever seen, turned out to be an absolute trainwreck. From an outsider's vantage point they are fun to watch. A lot of them play out like mini soap operas. Betrayal, jealousy, spying, revenge.

    Once I almost got dragged into one. A woman came to my office and asked me to watch the emails of her guy, just too see if he was sending any emails to another woman. People are level headed, but when it comes to love, all bets are off.

    +
    0 Votes
    Jaqui

    it is a rare couple indeed that can successfully share over 50% of their time.

    Which really only means that our differences, in work or play, are what gives us something to communicate with each other about. this communication is how we grow our relationships. a couple just starting out in a relationship that doesn't need the time apart is very rare.

  • +
    0 Votes
    santeewelding

    Precipitous, as in edge with a steep drop.

    Also, "workplace" and "romance" are antithetical, like "snowball in ****". Comes to one or the other.

    +
    0 Votes
    cupcake

    Is this something you know of first hand? Or is your response based on something hypothetical?

    I've remained good friends with former boyfriends/lovers/ex-husband, don't know why one would assume the worst here.

    And I've known people who met at work and got married...

    ...and then again, known some who've had it turned into their worst nightmare.

    Yes, precipitous edge ;-)

    +
    0 Votes
    santeewelding

    I said nothing about "worst".

    And, yes to your first question. As to the second, a qualified "yes", in that your "if" of the original piece amounts to hypothesis, entailing both induction and deduction, all of which may lead to one choice or the other.

    Easy to see from here, though, that your level headedness takes on a pronounced lean.

    +
    0 Votes
    robo_dev

    Obviously we cannot predict the future...but.

    You asked if it was a 'good idea'.

    A lot depends on the organization. In small companies, obviously, this can be murder, sometimes literally.

    In large companies, the issues that I've seen happen to those who dabble in office romance has been more loss of respect and loss of credibility. It's all very high-schoolish, but that's life...

    If nothing else, dating/marrying a co-worker can save on gas (car-pooling) and can save the HR people money since both paychecks can use only one stamp :)

    +
    0 Votes
    boxfiddler Moderator

    was a huge strain on my first marriage. Hour and a half trip, one way. Not so bad in the am, but pm with rush hour made for a nightmare.
    By the time we got home, we were cranky and didn't do each other any help at all.
    Didn't help that we were both very young...

    +
    0 Votes
    Bizzo

    ... and possibly the company.

    I know some companies that frown upon office relationships and have moved one or the other person on. And I also know of some companies that don't care, so long as you keep it professional at work.

    Are there other people in the company that are married or in relationships with colleagues?

    I had a relationship years ago with a colleague. We occasionally had to meet on a professional level. My company didn't mind. The relationship ended, but it was amicable and we carried on working at the same company.

    If you can keep your professional head on in the office, and leave the romance and/or personal arguments at the front door (ie who left the toilet seat up/down), then go for it. But also on the flip side, when you both leave the office, pack your work head away with your laptop.

    As you said, you're both level headed adults and if you can keep both worlds apart, then there's no reason not to.

    Good luck.

    +
    0 Votes
    KSoniat

    Actually in both cases the couples got married. One couple is still together 25 years later. The other couple lasted about 7 years then divorced and now live in different states.

    The only issue really was the woman was the stronger of the pair and they teased the man about become Mr. "her last name". :)

    Depending on your office rules and environment I'd give it a go.

    I would have said in the past it is easier to find a good job than a good man, but now I'm not so sure anymore.

    Good Luck!

    +
    0 Votes
    NotSoChiGuy

    If you work long enough (both in terms of tenure and hours per day) and with enough people, you're bound to meet someone that you're interested in knowing on a more personal level.

    I've seen this handled rather well (at my last employer, there was a married couple on the same team...they always had lunch together...my hat is off to them), and handled rather poorly (both employees turned it into a daytime soap-ish drama...UGH).

    Personally, I have dated people at the office on numerous occasions. Not once did it ever interfere with my job. Actually, I had a boss once tell me (I was leaving the company, and he asked out of curiosity whether or not I was dating a certain person) he was impressed in the subtlety with which I carried on the relationship.

    That's the key. If you do have a relationship, conduct yourselves in the office as if you are not.

    I guess another way to look at it is this:
    Best case scenario = you find a life partner
    Worst case scenario = you lose the job/have to move on due to discomfort

    I leave it to you to judge whether or not the risk/reward ratio merits further exploration.

    +
    0 Votes
    The 'G-Man.'

    no fumbles in the broom cupboard or empty board room.

    No kissy-kissy around the office.

    +
    0 Votes
    CharlieSpencer

    "...neither of us would have any difficulty leaving this company or securing other employment..."

    In that case, I recommend one of you do so, then pursue the relationship.

    +
    0 Votes
    PSer

    I was the Network admin, she was in a different dept. The companies policy was "to notify supervisor up to and including the CEO" for "approval". It was kind of funny, us talking to the CEO about our relationship!

    We became friends rather quickly. Started hanging out sometimes with, sometimes without co-workers (HH). When we both started having those "feelings" I would have walked away from that job in a heart beat for her and she for me.

    Neither one of us were "looking" for love but we ran smack dab in to it ... at work! That was nine years ago (married 7) and we're expecting our first child (son) on Sept. 7

    I did leave the company shortly after we married for a better job but she is still there. I often miss working with her being right down the hall ...

    Bottom line ... A job is a job, love is SO much harder to find! Take it slow but follow your heart. Whatever happens IS what's supposed to happen. Good or bad, right or wrong ...

    Much Luck!!!

    +
    0 Votes
    KSoniat

    Congrats on the little one too!!

    +
    0 Votes
    JamesRL

    I did date someone at one of my first computer jobs, but not since.

    At some companies it was alright as long as the two individuals were not in the same reporting structure(until very high levels). And there were some frowning upon people in situations where one was in senior management - thats a CYA liability issue in case the relationship goes south.

    One of my former bosses had a successful in house romance that led to a successful marriage. He left the company (on good terms) but not for that reason, and she stayed.

    James

    +
    0 Votes
    road-dog

    A sweetie of a Secretary in my department had a marriage **** up in her face within a 10 days of mine. We were always close, sometimes uncomfortably so. Anyway we had a 6 month relationship that went well and ended well. We both knew it was two people getting through some rough times, neither of had any illusions of permanence.

    I figure you get one of these per career, a hot romance just when needed that ends without any collateral damage.

    Yup, I had my one, not trying it again.

    Your situation is slightly different. Both Contractors means either of you could bolt cleanly if things go ugly.

    +
    0 Votes
    Wild Card

    Everyone workplace romance I have ever seen, turned out to be an absolute trainwreck. From an outsider's vantage point they are fun to watch. A lot of them play out like mini soap operas. Betrayal, jealousy, spying, revenge.

    Once I almost got dragged into one. A woman came to my office and asked me to watch the emails of her guy, just too see if he was sending any emails to another woman. People are level headed, but when it comes to love, all bets are off.

    +
    0 Votes
    Jaqui

    it is a rare couple indeed that can successfully share over 50% of their time.

    Which really only means that our differences, in work or play, are what gives us something to communicate with each other about. this communication is how we grow our relationships. a couple just starting out in a relationship that doesn't need the time apart is very rare.