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How do I COMPLETELY remove all spyware and set strongest security settings?

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I am very sorry that you and your daughter are going through this.
I have signed up just to answer your questions (as best that I can)
I know exactly what your going through as I am dealing with a very similar situation right now.

"How do I COMPLETELY remove all spyware and set strongest security settings?"

It really is up to you how seriously you take this whole affair. The combination of strategies that you could use to make yourself as secure as possible would likely be to much for one person to manage so a compromise needs to be reached. Unfortunately there's not certain security software that you can buy then set/forget and just expect to be secure.

b Security consists of multiple defensive layers combined with constant vigilance especially when your a target. /b

The methods I will go through although seemingly thorough are by no means exhaustive so you will need to exercise your judgement as to whether the below steps are a ???step to far??? or not enough.

My first advice to you is to (as much as possible) try and relax as whoever this is wants you to be in disarray not only to hurt you and your daughter, but in order to disrupt your ability to respond.
Please bear in mind that the psychological effects of a situation like this if prolonged can be horrific and last long after the danger has passed (C-PTSD, BPD etc) so dealing with it now and in the best way possible is imperative especially as a minor is involved and not to mention that it could also escalate. I am not saying these things to scare you but to try and make you aware of where a situation like this can very easily go so that you can be properly motivated to do whats necessary as it's a natural human reaction to go into denial to some degree, which also lessens the effectiveness of your responses.
Be ready mentally and physically to do ANYTHING as this guy by the sounds of it is not playing, so neither should you, so if you haven't already arm yourself and make sure that both you and you daughter are proficient in its use.

Secondly keep a (paper) diary of events along with photos, video etc. Keep all of this in a fire resistant/proof safe which is secured to a wall or floor preferably in your basement.
Once you build a cumulative argument regarding the threat this guy poses to your family you can then drag the police (lazy, inbred C*^~s that they tend to be) kicking and screaming into the situation, till then keep your gun close to hand.

In short "get your mind right" by any means as you have a lot to do (unless you want to not use the ever again) to get yourself in a position not only where this situation will become manageable but also where you will have a chance of getting whoever this is, depending on his skill of course.

This is going to be a long post and an even longer process for you to implement which as far as I can tel is going to consist of 5 stages:

1. Physical security - All other security is derived from this.

2. Preparation - Auditing the various OS versions, software, drivers, firmware, website usernames and passwords as well as identifying the data you want to backup in order to securely rebuild your various systems.

3. Implementation - Rebuilding your systems in a physically secure environment using trusted software sources as well as securing (changing then using a good password manager) your various emails and passwords for your online services.

4. Vigilance & Maintenance - Install and configure Antivirus, Antimalware, Firewall software, Encryption for both your network and HDD's along with a Monitoring solution. Although these measures are by no means a bullet proof vest they will form part of a strategy designed to frustrate this guys attempts to harass you whilst giving you a sense of control which is of course what this guy trying to take away in order to intimidate you.

5. Contingency Planning - Creating a simple system to return your virtual world to the secure state that you will have created using the first 4 steps when something goes wrong.

OK that's enough for now as I have to go out and you've more than enough to digest for now.
Also does anyone know if I'm ok to give this guy my Skype details here?