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How do I COMPLETELY remove all spyware and set strongest security settings?

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Interstellar Towel

I'm not an expert by any means, but I was wondering whether you have remote management or remote login enabled on your Mac? If so, you'll want to disable both right away, before you reconnect it to your network, whether wired or wireless. By the way, wired connections, as mentioned above, are capable of being hacked, but they're still much more secure than wireless, IMO. And it is likely that your stalker is taking paths of least resistance -- particularly since you mentioned that at one point your router had no security at all. After your systems are confirmed clean, you might consider (as suggested above) using ONLY a wired network in your home for the time being.