Answer for:

How is it that I am?

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OH Smeg

You are asking the wrong questions of Google and you need to enter the Search Parameters in the rest correctly.

As for RTFM you also need to correctly enter the details to actually find the Manual as it's hidden in a Locked Filing Cabinet in the subbasement down blocked stairs with no lift and the lights have been removed.

Fairly Typical Bureaucratic steps actually they hide what they don't want you finding and then ask why you didn't look there for the correct directions.