Answer for:

How is it that I am?

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The nature of your queries are darker than that which our (potentially flawed) googletron is legally obliged to answer.

Or elsewhile.
They say 'Computers are only as smart as the man who built them'. It has taken me a good 12 months to be able to decipher your posts with minimal dictionary references (though I still have it on-hand at all times), so how, then, do you expect a machine which is as smart as a man who has never met you, to be able to decipher your queries?