Answer for:

How is it that I am?

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OH Smeg

The above assumes that you can actually get a Internet Connection to begin with. If you can not get a Browser Home Page to load it's all useless.

But as you didn't say any differently I'm assuming that you at the very least could get the Web Home Page.

If you can't I would suggest using Boot & Nuke to wipe the HDD to get rid of every trace of Windows 7 and reload XP which just works out of the box. :^0