Watercooler

Friday Yuk-August 24, 2012

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Friday Yuk-August 24, 2012

With the upcoming release of Microsoft's Windows 8,
I thought a little humor would be appropriate!
www.funnypart.com/funny/windows.shtml

:)
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    0 Votes
    OH Smeg

    But I'm using 7 at the moment so you'll have to wait till I restart XP and find a Suitable Joke.

    OH and did you realize that you posts are not supposed to be blocked so you are supposed to be able to post links without problems.

    Col

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    0 Votes

    well, guess I got in the habit of not including the leadoff protocol!!
    Besides, I don't want to appear to be "special" or anything.

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    1 Votes
    Deadly Ernest

    a few like Col and I who are on the 'Special Ed' attendees list.

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    0 Votes
    Deadly Ernest

    and yes, I did check out and click on everything that I could, that's how come I know it's a standard Microsoft Windows installation.

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    2 Votes
    Slayer_

    A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

    "What are those knives doing in your car?" Asked the officer.

    "I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler.

    "Oh yeah?" "Let's see you do it." Says the policeman.

    So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.

    A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I stopped

    Drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

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    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three 10c coins to play with to keep him occupied.

    Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....the father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back....

    The boy coughs up 2 of the 10c's but is still choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

    A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
    At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

    Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.... tighter and tighter!!

    After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10c's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand....

    Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

    'No,' the woman replied.
    I'm with the Australian Tax Office....'

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    1 Votes

    or a recently divorced woman, with the technique fresh on her mind!! :)

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    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    Transgenders.... Isn't that a serious consideration in Australia?

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    PurpleSkys Moderator

    Subject: The Hotel Bill


    A married couple is traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . Being
    Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to
    continue, and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for
    four hours and then get back on the road.

    When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth 350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

    The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. "But we didn't use them," the husband said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

    The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

    "But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
    "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
    No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"

    The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.

    The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is
    only made out for $50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
    "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

    Don't mess with senior citizens. They didn't get there by being stupid!

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    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    I wonder if I can use that one on business trips to save some money.

  • +
    0 Votes
    OH Smeg

    But I'm using 7 at the moment so you'll have to wait till I restart XP and find a Suitable Joke.

    OH and did you realize that you posts are not supposed to be blocked so you are supposed to be able to post links without problems.

    Col

    +
    0 Votes

    well, guess I got in the habit of not including the leadoff protocol!!
    Besides, I don't want to appear to be "special" or anything.

    +
    1 Votes
    Deadly Ernest

    a few like Col and I who are on the 'Special Ed' attendees list.

    +
    0 Votes
    Deadly Ernest

    and yes, I did check out and click on everything that I could, that's how come I know it's a standard Microsoft Windows installation.

    +
    2 Votes
    Slayer_

    A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

    "What are those knives doing in your car?" Asked the officer.

    "I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler.

    "Oh yeah?" "Let's see you do it." Says the policeman.

    So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.

    A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I stopped

    Drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

    +
    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three 10c coins to play with to keep him occupied.

    Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....the father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back....

    The boy coughs up 2 of the 10c's but is still choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

    A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
    At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

    Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.... tighter and tighter!!

    After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10c's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand....

    Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

    'No,' the woman replied.
    I'm with the Australian Tax Office....'

    +
    1 Votes

    or a recently divorced woman, with the technique fresh on her mind!! :)

    +
    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    Transgenders.... Isn't that a serious consideration in Australia?

    +
    0 Votes
    PurpleSkys Moderator

    Subject: The Hotel Bill


    A married couple is traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . Being
    Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to
    continue, and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for
    four hours and then get back on the road.

    When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth 350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

    The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. "But we didn't use them," the husband said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

    The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

    "But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
    "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
    No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"

    The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.

    The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is
    only made out for $50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
    "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

    Don't mess with senior citizens. They didn't get there by being stupid!

    +
    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    I wonder if I can use that one on business trips to save some money.