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Friday Yuk (May 18)

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Friday Yuk (May 18)

Slayer_
I got a bad one today


A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.

The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the women grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day and they allowed him to have Sundays off.

One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.

The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in the boat. As he got out the first guy said : "Oh my God buddy, am I ever glad to see YOU..."
To which the second guy responded "Well alright sweetie! It's been a long time for me too."

The first man exclaimed "Oh ****, there go my Sundays!"
  • +
    0 Votes
    jfuller05

    .

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    0 Votes
    jfuller05

    what???s the best time to go to the dentist?

    tooth-hurty!

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    0 Votes
    robo_dev

    Those Who Understand Binary, and those who do not

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    1 Votes
    scndtnr

    ...when you cross a pit-bull with Lassie?

    A dog that will chew your arm off, then go for help.

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    0 Votes
    AV .

    I'm gonna have to repent for you so here ya go

    http://epicoldman.com/?epic-old-man-dancing-at-bus-stop,36

    Rated PG

    AV

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    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    4 Bored Guys at an Airport

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFpnYW_cQuE

    Rated PG

    Though I'm not really sure what PG actually means. Pretty Good?

    Col

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    3 Votes
    PurpleSkys Moderator

    (not really a joke, but I thought it needed sharing. How many of you can remember doing some or all of the things mentioned in this one? )

    Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

    The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

    The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

    She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

    Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

    But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

    But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.

    We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

    But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

    Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

    But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

    But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

    We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

    But we didn't have the green thing back then.

    Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

    But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

    Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person...

    We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off.

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    0 Votes
    NickNielsen Moderator

    Thanks, Lee.

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    0 Votes

    PurpleSkys Moderator

    Nt

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    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    Not mine it was in the Sunday Newspaper here so I'm plagiarizing it.

    A bloke is out for his evening walk when he approaches a Jewelry Store a Truck pulls up and an elephant gets out the back walks over to the jewelry Shop and smashed the front window with it's trunk and then proceeds to scoop up everything in the window. The elephant walks back tot he truck gets in and it drives off.

    He waits for the police and gives the following description of the elephant. It was Big Grey and Bloody Big.

    The officer asks was it a African or Indian Elephant? The bloke replies what's the difference? The officer goes on to explain that African Elephant have big floppy ears and Indian Elephants don't.

    The bloke replies I don't know it was wearing a stocking over it's face.

    +
    1 Votes
    hippiekarl

    A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can't get it open.
    Just then another man flies by him, going UP. The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes? The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?

  • +
    0 Votes
    jfuller05

    .

    +
    0 Votes
    jfuller05

    what???s the best time to go to the dentist?

    tooth-hurty!

    +
    0 Votes
    robo_dev

    Those Who Understand Binary, and those who do not

    +
    1 Votes
    scndtnr

    ...when you cross a pit-bull with Lassie?

    A dog that will chew your arm off, then go for help.

    +
    0 Votes
    AV .

    I'm gonna have to repent for you so here ya go

    http://epicoldman.com/?epic-old-man-dancing-at-bus-stop,36

    Rated PG

    AV

    +
    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    4 Bored Guys at an Airport

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFpnYW_cQuE

    Rated PG

    Though I'm not really sure what PG actually means. Pretty Good?

    Col

    +
    3 Votes
    PurpleSkys Moderator

    (not really a joke, but I thought it needed sharing. How many of you can remember doing some or all of the things mentioned in this one? )

    Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

    The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

    The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

    She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

    Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

    But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

    But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.

    We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

    But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

    Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

    But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

    But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

    We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

    But we didn't have the green thing back then.

    Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

    But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

    Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person...

    We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off.

    +
    0 Votes
    NickNielsen Moderator

    Thanks, Lee.

    +
    0 Votes

    PurpleSkys Moderator

    Nt

    +
    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    Not mine it was in the Sunday Newspaper here so I'm plagiarizing it.

    A bloke is out for his evening walk when he approaches a Jewelry Store a Truck pulls up and an elephant gets out the back walks over to the jewelry Shop and smashed the front window with it's trunk and then proceeds to scoop up everything in the window. The elephant walks back tot he truck gets in and it drives off.

    He waits for the police and gives the following description of the elephant. It was Big Grey and Bloody Big.

    The officer asks was it a African or Indian Elephant? The bloke replies what's the difference? The officer goes on to explain that African Elephant have big floppy ears and Indian Elephants don't.

    The bloke replies I don't know it was wearing a stocking over it's face.

    +
    1 Votes
    hippiekarl

    A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can't get it open.
    Just then another man flies by him, going UP. The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes? The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?