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Friday Yuk (Sept 7)

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Friday Yuk (Sept 7)

Slayer_
Wife vs Girlfriend


Wife is like a TV
Girlfriend is like a mobile

At home you watch TV
but when you go out you take your mobile

No money, you keep your old TV
got money, you change your mobile

Sometimes you enjoy TV
but most of the time you play with your mobile

TV is free for life
but for the mobile, if you don't pay, services will be terminated

TV is big and bulky
mobile is cute, slim, curvy and very portable

Operational costs for TV is minimal
but for the mobile it is often high and demanding

Most importantly, mobile is a two-way communication ( you talk and listen )
but with the TV you must only listen ( whether you like it or not )

but always remember.....


TV’s don't have viruses
mobiles often do...
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    Slayer_

    As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

    As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the earse was nowhere in sight.

    I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, stepped to the side of the open grave and saw that the vault lid was already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory"! I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before, from Genesis all the way to Revelations.

    I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.!

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    Slayer_

    A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

    "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor", he said.

    "Boys", said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.

    Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong".

    "My name is George", said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

    "My name is Pete", said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

    "My name is Mike", said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

    "My name is Peanuts", said the fourth boy.

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    HAL 9000 Moderator

    It's just that I have not got anything recently to post here.

    I get a lot of Jokes but lately they are a series of Pictures or just plain Unsuitable.

    Col

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    shellbot2

    Hopefully I can chime in now and then, but as I've just started a new job I trying to lay low for a bit :)

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    Deadly Ernest

    has platoon sergeant made him pop his head up and shoot at the enemy.

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    Slayer_

    As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

    As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the earse was nowhere in sight.

    I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, stepped to the side of the open grave and saw that the vault lid was already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory"! I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before, from Genesis all the way to Revelations.

    I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.!

    +
    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

    "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor", he said.

    "Boys", said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.

    Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong".

    "My name is George", said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

    "My name is Pete", said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

    "My name is Mike", said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

    "My name is Peanuts", said the fourth boy.

    +
    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    It's just that I have not got anything recently to post here.

    I get a lot of Jokes but lately they are a series of Pictures or just plain Unsuitable.

    Col

    +
    0 Votes
    shellbot2

    Hopefully I can chime in now and then, but as I've just started a new job I trying to lay low for a bit :)

    +
    0 Votes
    Deadly Ernest

    has platoon sergeant made him pop his head up and shoot at the enemy.