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Friday Yuk (we need to start this back up)

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Friday Yuk (we need to start this back up)

Slayer_
Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

One of the old Grandmas yelled out,'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'

The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess that, you old slappers.'

One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and underpants & we can tell your exact age.'

Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times & then jump up & down several times.

Determined to prove them wrong, he did it. Then they all piped up & said,'You're 87 years old!'

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked,

'How in the world did you guess my age?'

Slapping their knees & pissing themselves laughing, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison - - -

'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'


------
I hope that helped.
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    0 Votes
    JamesRL

    But I applaud the effort.

    It used to be called the Friday Yuk.

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    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    :)

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    0 Votes
    NickNielsen Moderator

    A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

    "With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.

    "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

    "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."

    "Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!

    He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

    "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."

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    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

    "My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

    The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

    "My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

    Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

    With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?! I'm trying to take a ****!"

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    0 Votes
    JamesRL

    Only it was a Porsche, a newspaper ad, and the man had run off to Vegas with his mistress. The proceeds of the sale were to go to his gambling.....

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    HAL 9000 Moderator

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSPMZ1QzzFc

    It will at the very least bring a smile to your face.

    Col

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    0 Votes
    PurpleSkys Moderator

    i needed that

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    0 Votes
    AV .

    A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
    The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
    The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

    AV :^0

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    0 Votes
    AV .

    When I heard that music, I thought what song is it? I can't remember the name, but I know I used to see acts like this one played to that music.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhoos1oY404

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    2 Votes
    PurpleSkys Moderator

    One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

    His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

    The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.


    'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'


    She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!

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    0 Votes
    suzannebraun

    An healthy old man is celebrating his 109th birthday. A TV crew is interviewing him. The reporter asks "What did you do to stay so healthy and live so long?"

    The old man says, " well I eat right, I exercise and I have *** often."

    Amused, the reporter asks, "Really! When did you hast have ***?"

    The old man answers, "1945."

    "1945?" says the reporter, "but that was a long time ago!"

    "Not really," says the old man looking at his watch, "it's only twenty-fifteen right now!"

  • +
    0 Votes
    JamesRL

    But I applaud the effort.

    It used to be called the Friday Yuk.

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    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    :)

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    0 Votes
    NickNielsen Moderator

    A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

    "With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.

    "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

    "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."

    "Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!

    He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

    "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."

    +
    0 Votes
    Slayer_

    Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

    "My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

    The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

    "My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

    Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

    With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?! I'm trying to take a ****!"

    +
    0 Votes
    JamesRL

    Only it was a Porsche, a newspaper ad, and the man had run off to Vegas with his mistress. The proceeds of the sale were to go to his gambling.....

    +
    0 Votes
    HAL 9000 Moderator

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSPMZ1QzzFc

    It will at the very least bring a smile to your face.

    Col

    +
    0 Votes
    PurpleSkys Moderator

    i needed that

    +
    0 Votes
    AV .

    A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
    The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
    The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

    AV :^0

    +
    0 Votes
    AV .

    When I heard that music, I thought what song is it? I can't remember the name, but I know I used to see acts like this one played to that music.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhoos1oY404

    +
    2 Votes
    PurpleSkys Moderator

    One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

    His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

    The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.


    'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'


    She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!

    +
    0 Votes
    suzannebraun

    An healthy old man is celebrating his 109th birthday. A TV crew is interviewing him. The reporter asks "What did you do to stay so healthy and live so long?"

    The old man says, " well I eat right, I exercise and I have *** often."

    Amused, the reporter asks, "Really! When did you hast have ***?"

    The old man answers, "1945."

    "1945?" says the reporter, "but that was a long time ago!"

    "Not really," says the old man looking at his watch, "it's only twenty-fifteen right now!"