# Tuesday tee-hee

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### Tuesday tee-hee

Two packets walk into a bar
One of the packets asks the bartender for a drink, and gets no response
The other packet tries and the bartender shrugs him off
One packet leans to the other and says "The quality of service here is terrible!"

An int, a char and a string walk into a bar and order some drinks. A short while later, the int and char start hitting on the waitress who gets very uncomfortable and walks away. The string walks up to the waitress and says “You’ll have to forgive them, they’re primitive types.”

Come on people .. spread some chuckles!!

### Pascal

Once all the scientists die and go to
heaven............ They decide
to play hide-n-seek.........Unfortunately Einstein is
the one who has
the den...........He is supposed to count upto
100...and then start
searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it
right in front
of Einstein...........
Einstein's counting
1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his
eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims that he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that
he is not Newton..........
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m
squared..... That
makes me Newton per meter squared...... since one
Newton per meter
squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is
OUT.....!

### OK then Shelly I saw this in my Local Sunday Paper and liked it a lot.

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when he noticed another man knelling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to Die?"

The first man approached him and said "Excuse me I don't wish to intrude but you seem upset. For whom do you morn so Deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife’s first husband."

OK so it must be good because I didn't really see it till after SWMBO read it to me. :^0

Col

### one liner

I’m a dyslexic agnostic with insomnia??? I lie awake at night wondering if there really is a dog!

### Microsoft motto...

no GNUs is good GNUs!

okay I'm not responsible for the creation of this:

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonkey

I can't believe I just posted that in public!

### yup

I can't believe half the things I do in public.. so I wouldn't worry :)

### a little more cutting edge

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs \$10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the \$10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he had a **** into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the \$10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.

### Pascal

Once all the scientists die and go to
heaven............ They decide
to play hide-n-seek.........Unfortunately Einstein is
the one who has
the den...........He is supposed to count upto
100...and then start
searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it
right in front
of Einstein...........
Einstein's counting
1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his
eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims that he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that
he is not Newton..........
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m
squared..... That
makes me Newton per meter squared...... since one
Newton per meter
squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is
OUT.....!

### OK then Shelly I saw this in my Local Sunday Paper and liked it a lot.

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when he noticed another man knelling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to Die?"

The first man approached him and said "Excuse me I don't wish to intrude but you seem upset. For whom do you morn so Deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife’s first husband."

OK so it must be good because I didn't really see it till after SWMBO read it to me. :^0

Col

### one liner

I’m a dyslexic agnostic with insomnia??? I lie awake at night wondering if there really is a dog!

### Microsoft motto...

no GNUs is good GNUs!

okay I'm not responsible for the creation of this:

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonkey

I can't believe I just posted that in public!