Leadership

Favorite IT jokes submitted by the TR community

On October 7, 2010, Senior Editor Sonja Thompson posted the following question on TechRepublic's Facebook page: "What's your favorite IT joke? Please keep it clean, folks."

This joke was submitted by Eddie Hackett.

Illustration by John Lee

About

Sonja Thompson has worked for TechRepublic since October of 1999. She is currently a Senior Editor and the host of the Smartphones and Tablets blogs.

65 comments
doshapir
doshapir

Ok... so when does the actual biting, satirical, intellectual humor begin to roll in?

Oz_Media
Oz_Media

REEEEEEALLY? Ok, the Java joke was [i]almost[/i] nearing amusing but the rest are so devoid of any actual humour that they must be made by techs.

walkingcross
walkingcross

I have been playing - tinkering - fixing and building computers since 1978 and this is the sorriest bunch of would be toons I have seen yet

bastokyg
bastokyg

These are favorite jokes, huh, as opposed to being funny? They're totally stupid. I know IT people have a better sense of humor than this. Try again.

tschneider
tschneider

That Java joke is freaking hilarious. As a NetAdmin I HATE telling people "Don't worry, it takes a minute to load; it's running Java..."

bill
bill

Most of these are not jokes, but simply geekified insults. Kind of "You're momma so fat..." jokes done in geekish. Cute, but sadly illustrates the self-important "We're cool cuz we're smarter" smarmy attitude we geeks tend to fall back on. Yes, we're smarter, and yes, we did NOT get to sit at the "cool kids table" in school. Support crews know the old standbys, of course - "I see, your problem falls under our "eye-dee-ten-tee" category." "We'll get right on your PEBCAK problem right away, ma'am."

learn4ever
learn4ever

Wow... that was a lame bunch of jokes. Sorry, but callin' 'em as I see 'em. I didn't get a laugh from more than one.

rhuston
rhuston

Select * from users where Clue > 0; 0 rows selected

unhappyuser
unhappyuser

Two rams were walking past a restaurant and one asked the other, "care for a byte?" EMD

tadair
tadair

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have friends.

twistednav
twistednav

Your motherboard is so FAT32, she beeps when she is backing up!

CharlieSpencer
CharlieSpencer

An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables, and asks, "Can I join you?" Stolen from 'BBT': Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. I can't remember any others. I've got 64K of on-board organic RAM. It takes me 56K to run Heart-Lung OS 1.0, leaving 8K for apps. 6K of that is sports and porn. That leaves 2K for, For, Uh, what were we talking about?

BroadcastArashi
BroadcastArashi

I liked the joke about Java and a software engineer changing a light bulb. There's a few I don't get though.

Steve.Irvine
Steve.Irvine

I have to agree with the majority here, the 'official' toons and accompanying jokes are not very funny. BUT, the jokes that people have contributed with their comments so far have been much funnier :)

Animal13
Animal13

Lets complain about everything and make ourselves look important... Walking on the Beach A project manager, software engineer, and hardware engineer are in Miami Beach for a two-week period helping out on a project. On their lunch hours, they often chose to walk up and down the beach. During one of these walks, they stumble upon a lamp. The hardware engineer picks up the lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says "Normally I would grant 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish." Since he was holding the lamp, the hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch," replied the project manager.

GSG
GSG moderator

you should have contributed a joke. I'm sure that it would be so hilarious that we'd insist that you become a stand-up comedian at which time you'd be more famous than the late George Carlin.

flhtc
flhtc

Tell me the cool / jock / burnout / dorky / whatever groups didn't have a "brand" of their own humor. It may be sad that some think it that way rather than a group of people engaged in as similar form of jocularity. Just Norml. < No, it's not misspelled. ;)

Realvdude
Realvdude

I didn't laugh at any of them either, but they were amusing. By the way, the prompt is for you to input your laughable joke on the command line.

paultkeen
paultkeen

A guys is taking a helicopter ride from Portland to Seattle and there is a really really thick fog. The pilot is trying, but having a hard time finding Sea-Tac Airport. He spots a building with an open window. Flies up next to it and asks a guy sitting at a desk "Excuse me. Where am I?" The guy replies "You're in a helicopter!" The pilot says "Thank you!" He flies the helicopter straight to Sea-Tac Airport without any problem. When he lands the passenger asks him "How did you know where the airport was?" He said "Well, that was Microsoft's HQ." The passenger says "How did you know that?" The pilot says "Well, the support information he gave me was technically correct, but not really very specific or useful."

glgruver
glgruver

Dilbert is usually pretty good. Every once in a while Scott Adams slips in a good one that has me LMAO or ROFL while others around me are wondering what's so darned funny. Must be a geek thing.

Kim SJ
Kim SJ

Every engineer should have a wife and a mistress... Then his wife will think he's with his mistress, and his mistress will think he's with his wife. This leaves him free to get on with some work.

learn4ever
learn4ever

... not laughing much here either. :-/

wizardzip1
wizardzip1

#1 ignorant calls to complaint dept: "My Styrofoam coffee cup was eaten by the electrified drink holder on the front of my computer!"

Oz_Media
Oz_Media

Just flip the cassette tape, have someone check for an eject button beside a counter on your back.

chaz15
chaz15

There's no joke like starting one and then forgetting it (IT!). I did think the IRon joke was quite funny, but the others? No wonder IT folk are considered too serious and engrossed in their work!

Johnj4269
Johnj4269

oooO ( ) Oooo \ ( ( ) \__) ) / (__/ Many people will walk in and out of your life but only a true friend will leave footprints on your computer! Forward this message to 8 other people....... and you will get...... Bugger all! That's right Bugger all. You won't get good luck or a nice surprise, 5 grand or a bloody holiday in Jamaica , just Bugger all..... it's true...... it works.....! I sent it and I got........ Bugger all. Yes that?s right. Absolutely BUGGER ALL. J Don't break the chain! It's the only one of these things that actually works! So send it and get Bugger all. It's brilliant!

Niall Baird
Niall Baird

C:\ C:\Windows C:\Windows run (and for those who don't get it, I don't suppose you have kids either - primary readers - See, See Spot, See Spot Run)

joevoigt
joevoigt

The funniest cartoon I remember is one that shows a widow and kids at a funeral gravesite and it is raining and a man with an overcoat is standing by her holding an umbrella over them and a briefcase in the other hand. He is saying "I know this is a difficult time, but do you remember him saying anything about source code?"

Realvdude
Realvdude

Is not quite right. How many engineers does it take to unscrew the light bulb? Answer - All of them, otherwise there is too much light in the office.

Tink!
Tink!

but I got the jokes in the comments more than I did the cartoons. Maybe I'm not geek enough?

NickNielsen
NickNielsen moderator

I can laugh at myself as well as at other people...

dcwhitworth
dcwhitworth

A woman is in a hot air balloon and is lost. She spots a man down below and shouts out "Where am I ?" He replies "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 100 feet up at longitude 119 west and latitude 45 degrees north" "You must be in IT" she says "Your answer is detailed, accurate and absolutely useless to me" "You must be a manager" he replies "You've set off on a journey badly equipped, you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going and yet now somehow it's all my fault."

Paymeister
Paymeister

While working intently on a project at the kitchen table, my wife observed, "I'll bet I could take off my clothes and dance naked and you wouldn't notice." About five minutes later I said, "Huh?" Not sure if she did or not. Sigh.

jasondlnd
jasondlnd

Just make sure you're not too far from your stack of tapes :)

orgdocent1
orgdocent1

2 bad Critic don no Too is /\ fm to & ant laug-able. "These are our sharpest minds?" Now that is laughable! okIam Razor

mcarr
mcarr

... instead of anachronistic, rehashed jokes that were only half funny the first time around. If you're laughing at those jokes, you really are a geek...

night.lancer
night.lancer

The version of that I always knew was "how many software technicians does it tale to change a lightbulb? None, they say its a hardware problem. How many hardware technicians does it take to change a lightbulb then? None, they say it's a software problem"

Snak
Snak

is, as you say, wrong. The proper punchline should read (and is far funnier because of it): It cannot be done, as it's a hardware problem.

chaz15
chaz15

I started a joke then forgetted IT!

Arcturus909
Arcturus909

I don't get the Java one. Or maybe it just wan't that funny for me (because Java was involved there was a delay in response?) I definitely could be more geekified. The light bulb one was my favorite.

dcwhitworth
dcwhitworth

Heard this one many years ago. C:\DOS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRAWL C:\OS2\FLY

Schuylkill
Schuylkill

I have a t-shirt that has a DOS version of that: C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN IMHO, I think my shirt is funnier than the Windows one.

mcarr
mcarr

> Why should it be ours? Why should what be whose? > Do your farts not stink? Ah good, a meaningless question followed by a rhetorical one. Nice post.

NickNielsen
NickNielsen moderator

[i]The inflictor of misery is whomever decided that those jokes were funny enough to publish again. [/i] Why should it be ours? Do your farts not stink?

mcarr
mcarr

Not finding the geek version of a "Knock, knock" joke funny doesn't mean that I'm miserable, any more than you thinking they're funny makes you a delightful dinner guest. The inflictor of misery is whomever decided that those jokes were funny enough to publish again.

BlueCollarCritic
BlueCollarCritic

"Show me something funny then... ... instead of anachronistic, rehashed jokes that were only half funny the first time around. If you're laughing at those jokes, you really are a geek... Posted: 11/05/2010 @ 03:49 PM (PDT) " That is very sad. Someopne who isn;t conetnt with being miserable by themselves and so they have to try and make everyone else miserable.

Arcturus909
Arcturus909

Now if we could get some guys who could draw we could collect all the jokes from this thread and have some really good stuff.

lalablabla
lalablabla

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. The lightbulb works in MY cubicle!

Arcturus909
Arcturus909

It just wasn't that funny for me. I haven't experienced a lot of Java Lag in my business.

sysop-dr
sysop-dr

I know the java one some people think isn't funny but here speed java up some. Java is such a huge number of files that get read everytime it starts that what happens is that(at least in my experiance) the AV software is scanning everything all the time. SO, set your AV to only scan your java directories and any java library directory on write, not on read. I found that for loading things like IBM Rational Developer (eclipse) it sped the load up by an order of magnitude. I hope that helps, and then maybe this will be funny for more of us as those of us who now don't have Java speed problems can laugh at those who do.

Oz_Media
Oz_Media

It is [i]supposed[/i] to be funny that Java is slow to reply/start.