Here’s just a few out of context quotes from the post-Turkey D&D sessions this past weekend at my home.  In way of explanation, the “Shifter” is a 16th level Druid/Shifter, “the Hobo of Doom” is the nickname for a 16th level Paladin who has taken a Vow of Obedience and a Vow of Poverty (Book of Exalted Deeds), leaving him with NO items except a (plain) sword engraved with his Holy Symbol (he looks like a Hobo, except for his Holy Aura, but he’s VERY powerful in combat, hence, the Doom part).  Engie is a 16th level Rogue/Magic User/Contemplative (House Rules to make a Magic User/Contemplative hybrid, for those nerdy enough to realize Contemplatives should be Cleric based).  Andy is a 16th level Ranger, and Silver is a 15th level Cleric/Exorcist.  We pick up the dialog in action….

“I shift into a Bullette to block the Hydras while everyone gets out of the Portable Hole.”

“You can’t see well enough to do more than that; you would have to have dark vision.  Engie is the only one with Dark Vision.  You’ll need some light.”

“Engie casts Continual Flame on the Shifter so that we can see in the Cavern, and it’ll stay with us, until I dispel it.”

“Ok, but he’s currently shifted into a Bullette… you’ll only get half of him.”

“Better get the rear, then.  Don’t want to blind him by casting in his face.”

“Ok, there’s a Bullette with a flaming butt.”

“I could have just turned on my Holy Radiance!  That would give us the same effective light.”

“It’s too late.  You had to have the Holy Radiance off before, and your rolled low on the initiative.  They went first.  You only had your Nimbus of Light active.”

“Flaming Bullette, eh?  Hey Shifter, does that make you a flamer?”

“Quiet, you.”

Some Time Later….

“Ok, I cast Wind Walk on the party.  That will also make us Gaseous.”

“Are you sure?  Your Shifter still has his flaming rear.”

“Yep.  It’ll allow us to go through the barriers.”

“Ok, then we have a Gaseous Bullette with flames coming off it’s butt.”

“Oh Man… you know I’m going to have to write that on the GeekEnd, don’t you?”

“Hey, dibbs!  I’m the DM!”

“He called it first, Mom.  How are you going to describe it?”

“Straight… I just want to know what color of flame is shooting out of your Gassy rear?”

“Um… blue, I think.”

“The Bullette won’t fit through the exit tunnel anyway; it’s only a 10 foot wide circular shaft.  You’ll have to shift again.”

“Ok, I need Regen, so I’ll go Troll.”

“<coughing>You’ve turned into a Gassy Troll with Blue Flame shooting out your rear?  A rocket propelled Troll?”

“Hey, YOU cast the Continual Flame.”

“And the Hobo of Doom could have used his Holy Radiance instead.”

“But this is one of those moments we’ll never forget about the Shifter.”


“But it’s my butt!  By the way, is the chili done yet?  I’m hungry!”

“Hey, watch that Troll-boy.  Shouldn’t you be sweating the flames with your Troll?”

“Nah, it doesn’t actually BURN me, so no.”

“Yeah, but does the SHIFTER know that?”

“He does now….”

Some time later….

“Andy fires arrows again; when they leave my bow, they become solid again, so I don’t have the incorporeal miss chance.  My lowest hits AC 26.”

“Fine, you hit with all arrows.  How much damage?”

“Um… 64 points.  But his Damage Reduction-Good will kick in; it’s 5 shots.  Hmmm. 21 points will soak through; he totally negated a few shots.”

“Ok, Demon goes next.  He uses an innate ability.  He has encased the Shifter in a Circle of Protection Against Good.  It’s a 10 foot cube, taking up the whole tunnel.  That should expel you from trying to overshadow him.”

“I’m trapped in the circle?  And he’s not in it?”


“Then I just need to be bigger than the circle to break it.”

“But it’s as wide as the tunnel.”

“That’s ok… let me think. I’ll shift into a Black Pudding… no, wait, a Gray Ooze.”

“<coughing and sputtering>Oh, so now your a gassy, oozing something with blue flame shooting out your… um… well, at least as an ooze, you don’t have a rump.”

“Ooh, that’s SO disgusting sounding.”

“Hey, you were the one who casts the Continual Flame on me!  Pass the peanuts.”

“I think Silver is just going to cast Dispel Magic on the Flame…”

“No, please… I just can’t wait to see what he shifts into next.”

“<making Cow sound>Moo?”

<much laughter>

Hope your D&D went as funny!