Believe it or not, there are techno geeks who also love football, but the question for these nerds of two worlds remains: How do I tailgate geek-style? The answer lies in the merchandise below.

Alas, the USB-powered electric grill remains but a ThinkGeek April Fool’s joke so, short of a dangerously unorthodox case mod, you’ll have to resort to good, old-fashioned combustion to char some mammal flesh in the stadium parking lot.

That doesn’t mean you can’t geekify your BBQ tool set. You can grill up some inconceivably good hot dogs and brats — and possibly avenge the death of your father at the hands of the six-fingered man — with the aid of this BBQ roasting sword (also handy when fans of the opposing team get a bit mouthy). If that strikes you as a bit aggressive, you can tone down the look with a nerdy apron, including the stealth-geek favorite The Spice Must Flow. Remember, fear is the mind-killer, but sodium is a close second, so go easy on the salt.

So what’s on the menu? You can reference any of several franchise-specific cookbooks to generate some inside-joke edibles — including Star Wars and Star Trek — but if you really want to set the muggles on high alert, just jot down your own homebrew specialties in the “To Serve Man” cooking journal. Bonus points if you actually code out a recipe for dry-rub pork ribs in Kanamit script.

When it comes time to serve your dork-roasted vittles, you have two options of utensils: old-school hand-forged fantasy forks, knives, and spoons, or the all-in-one futuristic simplicity of a Starfleet-issue titanium spork. To be most respectful of everyone’s unique dietary restrictions and fandom traditions, we suggest you offer both.

So what of dessert? Well, let’s see: you’ve got fire, you’ve got a roasting implement, all you need are some common graham crackers, and a bag or three of hyper-caffeinated chocolate marshmallows and you’ve got s’mores that pack more stimulant punch than a hadouken to the face.

Of course, tailgating often happens outside in winter, which is great for overclocking processors and lousy for retaining feeling in your typing fingers. Luckily, you can stay cozy-warm by the light of your laptop with the help of a USB heated blanket and, for those of you not actively using an input device, toast-shaped USB hand warmers. The latter may undermine the aggro-swagger of the BBQ sword, but it’s a small price to pay for being able to move your fingers enough to choose the perfect backup tight end in your points-per-touchdown money league.

Those are the best nerd-centric tailgate tech toys we could find. Know of any better or of ones you wish existed? Throw in the extra points in the comments section.

Photos are courtesy of ThinkGeek