Tech & Work

Real-life resume blunders

How bad of a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real

life examples from

  • I am very detail-oreinted.
  • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
  • Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
  • Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
  • It's best for employers that I not work with people.
  • Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
  • I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
  • If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
  • My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.
  • I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
  • Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
  • Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
  • Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
  • Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
  • Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
  • Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
  • Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
  • I am a rabid typist.
  • I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
  • Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
  • Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
  • I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
  • Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job.
  • Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
  • Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis. Special skills: Thyping.
  • My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
  • I can play well with others.
  • Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
  • Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
  • Experience: Provided correct answers to customers' questions.
  • Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
  • Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
  • I have happily been a "kept man" for the past 10 years.
  • Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
  • I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
  • Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
  • While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
  • My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
  • Hire me and you won't regret it-I am funny, cute, smart and creative... really.
  • Referees available upon request.
  • Previous rank: Senior instigator.
  • I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
  • Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
  • Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
  • Personal achievements: Successfully played "Chop Sticks" on a toy piano with my big toes.
  • Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
  • Strengths: Impersonal skills.
  • Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
  • Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
  • Vocational plans: Sea World.

About Toni Bowers

Toni Bowers is the former Managing Editor of TechRepublic and is the award-winning blogger of the Career Management blog. She has edited newsletters, books, and web sites pertaining to software, IT career, and IT management issues.

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